Lily Chapter 45: Aftermath, a harry potter fanfic

Lily

Chapter 45

Lily jumped and looked across the room, in the direction from which the voice was coming. Sirius sat, curled up in an old blue armchair and staring into the fire. From the intensity of his gaze, it was apparent that he hadn't even looked at Lily when he had spoken to her. Lily wasn't sure what to say. After all, what DO you say to someone whose family is dead because of you?

He spoke again. "Did James tell you what I did this afternoon?"

"Er...no," she rasped, her throat dry.

"Good." Sirius didn't take his eyes from the fire. "That's...I'm just really glad he didn't tell anyone."

Lily remained silent. She didn't want to push the subject, but she was certain that she wouldn't get to sleep with Sirius in the room.

"So, I told you that I did something. I bet you figured that it was something drastic. Why don't you want to know what it was?"

Lily raised and lowered one shoulder in a shrug, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Dunno."

Still looking at the fire, Sirius shook his head. "This doesn't check out, Lily. Usually, you're the first one to want to know what's going on. The first one to rush into something, even if it's dangerous. What's stopping you now? Are you trying to spare my feelings, is that it?"

"I..." It was obvious, Sirius was asking her to tell the truth and to abandon tact. "I guess I do want to know what happened."

"Now, that's more like you. Please don't change just because something horrible happened. That just makes it worse, if everyone changes and walks on eggshells around me. It just changes more things than have already changed." He took a deep breath. "Would you believe that I was about to jump out of the dormitory window this afternoon?"

Lily's jaw dropped open. "What?"

"You heard me. I was about to jump out of the dormitory window. Do you know why I didn't? And don't tell me you don't want to know."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because James talked me out of it. I couldn't sleep because I was wondering whether or not he did me a favor. What do you think? He said that you'd feel awful if I went through with it."

"Well, I guess he was right." Lily was still shocked.

"Amelia...Voldemort went after her because she hung around with you, didn't he?"

"He was always going after me, and she just got too close, I guess. He missed me and hit her." She hoped that her words didn't sound too cold.
A tear ran unchecked down Sirius's cheek, tinted gold in the firelight. "Right." His voice was full of bitterness. "But that isn't all, is it?"

The stupid curse! "What do you mean?"

"Why would he go after my parents, too? Why didn't he kill me, too? There's a lot missing here! It doesn't check out!" Finally, he broke his eye contact with the fire and turned to look at Lily. His eyes were like twin caverns set into his face, empty and mirthless. "I just wish I knew what was going on." There was an urgent hunger in his voice, something that was pushing Lily to say something, anything that would lead him to know the real reason why Amelia and his parents had been killed.

Lily took a step backwards and started towards the girl's dormitory steps. "I do, too," she whispered, leaving Sirius alone as she ran into her bed and lay there, shivering.

"Lily? C'mon, wake up. It's late, and we've got class!" It was the first day back, and Lily awoke to find Juno, fully dressed in her Hogwarts uniform, trying to persuade her out of bed.

Lily opened her eyes. With a groan, she pulled herself out of the bed and looked around. "About time!" Juno said impatiently. "I already ate breakfast!"

"Go ahead, I'll catch up."

"All right. You're kind of lazy, Lil." She swept out of the room and down the stairs.

Lily slowly dressed and picked up her schoolbooks. It was Monday, so the first class was Transfiguration. Well, at least it wasn't too far from the common room to the Great Hall to the Transfiguration room. She quickened her pace walking down the corridor and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Only a few people were there, and not many people who she knew very well. She grabbed two slices of toast, stuffed a fried egg and some breakfast sausage between them, and made her way to Transfiguration, swallowing the last bite as she arrived.

Professor McGonagall shot a glance her way. "You're late, Miss Evans. Five points from Gryffindor, one for each minute."

Lily nodded. "Sorry, Professor." She took her seat and opened her book. After taking lots of complicated notes, McGonagall paired everyone up and handed each pair a candlestick that they had to turn into a quill. Despite the fact that it sounded so simple, it was actually a complex spell. Lily was lucky, she got paired with James. James was always great at Transfiguration, and everyone knew it.

She looked around. There was Remus, Peter, Juno, James, and..."Where's Sirius?" she whispered.

"He went up to the Hospital Wing this morning. He wasn't feeling good, and I can't blame him." James shook his head. "Man. I just can't believe it." He pointed his wand at the candlestick, said the spell, and succeeded only in making one end of the candlestick a little flatter than the other. He frowned.

"Me neither." Lily consulted the Transfiguration book, then tried her hand at the spell. The wick of the candlestick fell off, but she wasn't sure if that was the fault of the spell or just gravity. "Hmm...not that I expected to do much better."

"I mean, what's Sirius going to do? He isn't going to go back to his house, is he? Where's he going to stay?" He was obviously stuck on the subject.

"I don't know, James. What I do know is that right now, your concentration is so far away that you can't even perform in your best subject. Please don't think I'm being insensitive, but can't this wait until later?"

James gaped. "Is turning this stupid candlestick into a quill more important to you than Sirius?"

Immediately, Lily regretted her choice of words. "No, wait, I-"

"That's what it sounds like to me." He pointed his wand angrily at the candlestick and said the spell again, but this time through gritted teeth. Of course, the spell sounded wrong, so instead of turning into a quill, the candlestick broke into two pieces that crawled off in opposite directions. James threw down his wand with a sound of frustration. "Why don't you think about something other than school for a while?"

"Is there a problem, Potter?" McGonagall, holding the two candlestick halves in one hand, was standing over Lily and James, one foot tapping impatiently.

"No, Professor. We were just having some trouble with transfiguring the candlestick." James picked his wand back up hurriedly.

McGonagall deposited the broken candle in front of James. "It would probably help if you concentrated a little harder." With that, she walked away.

Lily chose this time to get a word in. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't care. I do care, I really do. It's just...I don't think we should change any more than things have already been changed." Sirius had been right about that, she thought.

"I guess you're right," he admitted grudgingly. "But there are things that we've got to think about because they changed. Let's get on with this stupid candle...reparo." The halves melded together, but the wick didn't re-attatch itself.

Lily smiled a little. "I guess I didn't make that fall off, then."

"I guess not. Okay, let's say the spell at the same time. 1...2...3..."

"Fracto Colbinus!" They both said. For a moment, the candle remained as it was. Then, with a small pop, it was replaced by a black quill.

Lily looked up, smiling at James. "Good idea."

"Yeah. At least it worked."