Author's Note: Well hello there, dear reader. Thank you so much for checking this story…saga…thing out. I hope you stick around and enjoy what you find.

Just before we start, I want to make a few disclaimers, starting with the obvious. No, I do not own Doctor Who, or any characters, stories, titles, etc. that originated in the 50+ year old show. Also, any and all songs or tv/movies/games/books etc. that I reference or use as part of this story, I do not own.

Second disclaimer: Yes, this is a rewrite of "The Last Time Lord and the Impossible Girl", and the "Classic/Modern Edition" that is added into the titles is just a play on words of the series' two distinct eras. Mostly, this is a rewrite for the sake of improving the quality of the writing and less of changing characters, story arcs, etc. The original will not be updated any further, however it will be left up for your own reading pleasure, as well as seeing all the different similarities and changes that will occur in the rewrite.

Third and final disclaimer: When it comes to the "Canon" of this story, regarding any Doctor Who materials that take place in this story's timeline but do not get addressed or changed at all, the list goes as follows:

Classic Who Era (From William Hartnell's first season to Paul McGann's TV Movie).

The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Class.

Torchwood (Seasons 1 & 2. Season 3, also known as "Children of Earth" is included). Miracle Day is not canon mostly because of a confliction regarding Jack's immortality and how I intend to use Captain Jack as a character in this story. I have given a more in-depth reason in the original version of this story, but I will not be bringing it into this version for a while, purely for the sake of spoilers for anybody who has not read this story before in either form.

So, sit back, relax, and please enjoy. :)

Prologue

The Contemplation of Etiquette and Appalling Human Attitudes
By Madame Vastra

(Disclaimer Notes by Jenny Flint)

(Novelized Transcript by an Unknown Source)

Disclaimer Note by Jenny Flint

A quick disclaimer regarding Madame Vastra's own attitudes towards Humans. Madame Vastra is a Silurian, a reptilian race that roamed planet Earth before Humans did. Think of her as a walking, talking lizard that has an affinity for swords and loves to eat Human flesh when she gets a bit downtrodden. The only present issue is that the Silurian race, Madame Vastra included, developed a…disgust for Humans, quite similar to rich folk looking down upon the homeless and the poor. Whilst Madame Vastra's Human disgust has lessened since her integration into common life, she still has a loose tongue with these insults, so please, do not take it personally.

Truth be told, I've never thought of apes as having appalling attitudes before, certainly not as a subject to linger over. However, as one ponders the question, "Are Human attitudes appalling?", the answer becomes clear: Yes. Yes, they are. Now, this may not apply to every single one, and I can already think of a few…or more specifically one, but there are a few to give credit where credit is due. The rest may not be quite so fortunate in my deductions. The sudden contemplation of this topic comes from a task I had to set for my friend, and butler, Strax. A task on learning about the intricacies of etiquette.

Disclaimer Note by Jenny Flint

Like Madame Vastra, Strax is not a Human, and has also developed a disgust for Humans. Unlike Madame Vastra, Strax is a Sontaran, a race of warrior clones that revels in combat and war, and his disgust for Humans is more…complicated. Think of it like a common worker whose ego became overinflated, and he lives in a fantasy that he is rich and above everyone else. Only he is not rich but is instead a 5-foot-tall armored potato who loves blowing things up, eating horses and melting people with acid.

Unfortunately, the results were a resounding failure. The task was simple: To let Strax, in his own terms, study Human behavior and social etiquette. The purest reason for this was that Strax's own understanding of etiquette lacks something to be desired and the easiest example for this was etiquette in a library, but a couple of things went wrong. Firstly: Strax formed a delusion about the importance of the task, of which it had none to begin with. Secondly: Strax was only supposed to observe Human behavior from a distance, not abduct them against their will. Unfortunately, as of the time of this writing, neither I nor my wife, Jenny Flint, have managed to convince Strax to give up the location of their whereabouts.

But Strax has given up one thing in particular: An audio recording of what exactly he is using the "Prisoners" for. Rest assured, nothing dreadful of any kind has been done to these monkeys, despite what Strax seems to imply. Thus, attached to this short, misguided ramble, is a novelized transcript of his recording. Quite possibly, dear reader, you might be able to learn something from this. Or at least, you might learn something about Sontaran behavior, if that is any comfort.

Earth
Unknown Time and Location

There was a click of a door lock, followed by the sharp snap of the lock giving way and the door opening. Beyond the door was a single dark room, not exactly pitch dark for the open doorway released some sunlight into the room, silhouetting a figure who was stocky in weight but also small in height. More sunlight was trying to fight its way into the room, but only through the drawn curtains. The mysterious figure closed the door, the sunlight disappeared, except for the small gaps around the door, or in the veiled fabric of the curtains. The footsteps of the stranger crossed through the dark room and stopped at a wooden desk, where upon it stood a large microphone, pointed directly towards the intruder. The stranger raised a large, gloved hand, one that curiously had only two fingers and one thumb. One of the fingers poked at the microphone, causing a loud whining feedback, before the stranger leaned in.

"Testing? Testing?" A voice came from the figure, but it was muffled by a helmet of sorts. A small grunt of irritation came out as the figure stepped back and removed the helmet. A hiss came from the parting of the helmet from the armor as the figure placed the helmet down and moved back to the microphone. "Is this on?" It tried again, it's voice distinctly male but the source distinctly NOT Human. Then, he cleared his throat and retooled his posture to stand tall and proud. "Greetings, puny Humans. You shall all bow down and serve before the indomitable might of…" The figure halted in his passionate rambling only to clear his throat and speak again.

"You shall all refer to me from now on until the end of this recording as "Commander Strax"." Strax greeted, his voice radiating with what could only be called, "Egotistical pride". "This recording is for all of those that are about to begin reading…whatever this is." Strax dismissed, his wave of a hand not picked up, because he was being recorded by a microphone. "You might be asking, "Why am I recording?" The reason is quite simple. I, Commander Strax, have been entrusted by the Doctor and Clara Oswald with the highly honorable duty of briefing you all with etiquette!" Strax proclaimed in what can only be described as, "The proudest of proud boasts". "Or in a better terminology, since you are going to be reading, I shall be briefing you about etiquette…in a library." Strax chuckled aloud, not out of humor, but out of self-pleasure…in a manner of speaking. "A wise choice." Strax purred. "If you are not familiar with the soldiers of the glorious Sontaran Empire," Strax proudly proclaimed…again, "one of our most basic training regiments is to show exemplary levels of rapt attention. We have all been drilled in basic concentration as long as any of us can remember. The best of us, including me," Strax added in a not-so-subtle boast, "only take about a week to complete this monumental task."

Silence fell for a moment as Strax leaned into the microphone, his tone of voice growing low, almost becoming an intimidating growl. "But it has become noticeably clear to me that your feeble Human minds are not so disciplined. So in response to this…fairly insubordinate catastrophe, I shall present to you…the prisoners." Strax added in a growling purr. "Those that did not adhere to all library etiquette." The microphone rattled as Strax took it, quickly finding it to be wireless, and brought it to the opposite wall in the bare, plain room, where two Humans, male and female, had been cuffed to raised, black metal prisoner beds. "Two prisoners. One boy and one girl. On my left, we have the singular female." The man stuttered in confusion and tried to protest but Strax pointed a warning finger at him. "Within the pure silence of a library, THIS INSURBORDINATE FOOL," Strax enunciated with a threatening snarl, "attempted to open a communications channel to her command post, codenamed: Fury1."

"Fiona!" The man exclaimed at a loud, protesting volume once Strax reached a moment's pause. "Her name is-"

"Quiet, scum!" Strax barked, and the man fell silent. "All phones, tablets, computers, radios, and other devices capable of making noise are not allowed to make any noise! That includes those disgusting Morse code…" Strax paused for a moment, "things." Strax shook his head at that before continuing. "All devices capable of creating any noises through communication, media, gaming, or advertisements must be switched to silence!" Strax took a moment to breathe, if only to avoid overwhelming the microphone with his shouting. "Now, on my right, we have the singular male." The woman furrowed her eyebrows at Strax, but he ignored her. "This feeble specimen has proven that while cloning Sontarans is a magnificent duty," Strax started, thrusting his chest out in a moment of pride before returning to glare down at the girl, "attempting to clone the contents of a library with recording equipment for personal monetary gain is the greatest of all war crimes!" Strax glared down at the girl as he pulled a camera out into view, his action making the girl's eyes widen. Then, he furrowed his eyebrows, smiled for a moment and let out an uncharacteristic giggle, before shaking his head and finally glaring back at the girl with a pointed finger of warning. "But that's still no excuse!" He spluttered, before he let the camera drop the floor and smashed it to pieces under his armored boot. Then, watching with glee as the girl's expression turned to despair, he exited the room and moved down a corridor that was lit with sunlight, his destination being a door at the opposite end of the corridor. "Talking inside of a library is also a crime, unless you are speaking to an official librarian staff member." He opened the door and moved inside a much cleaner room than before, where a weakened man lay upon a hospital bed with bandages over his eyes.

"Mr. Strax, sir…" The man spoke, his voice hoarse from all the pain, but Strax was already at his side.

"It will only be one more day." Strax said simply, his tone softer than his treatment of the prisoners before he spoke back into the microphone. "And here is a victim who grew too obsessed with a story he discovered at a "Digital Only" library, and found his retinas burned out, due to sitting for too long in front of a screen. An unfortunate mess. For a primitive." He added in a mutter as he left the room to stand in the hallway, relaxing his shoulders for a short pause. "If you are a visitor to one of these libraries, or reads stories through any kind of screen, I, as a formerly disgraced Sontaran that had to serve as a nurse, will give you…doctor's advice." Strax furrowed his eyebrows for a moment as his own wording before shaking his head and continuing on. "One: Always make sure your library or current sitting room is well lit and your device's screen brightness is turned down to an acceptable dullness. Two: No matter how invested you are in any story, good or bad, always make sure to take regular breaks from this digital form of reading, if only to avoid burning out your retinas into a lovely river of crimson soup." Strax smiled before he shook his head again. "But thus, we come to the end of this broadcast. I have only one last message, and this goes to all my Sontaran warrior brothers." At that, his eyes widened in terror and his voice picked up. "If you are going to be reading the following story, then we must undergo an emergency drill!" Strax ordered, and for effect, he smashed a fire alarm in the wall. "All troops prepare for a visual assault, featuring as many Doctor's as possible, in all their fleshy pink horror, and irredeemable acts of mercy and kindness!" Strax shivered as he tried desperately to look for an exit before he looked back to the microphone. "For the glory of the Sontaran empire, end the recording!"

Author's Note: So…this is…a three parter…in a sense. This first part was based upon the "Day of the Doctor Strax Cinema Intro" but obviously changed to fit the written form, just as a fun sort of opener for the entire saga. The intro with Madame Vastra is partly inspired by "Good Omens", but that inspiration only went so far, since Madame Vastra has a different tone and voice compared to God in "Good Omens", but I digress. For those that did read the original, you might be able to guess as to what the next two parts are before we get into our first (Proper?) chapter.

Soundtrack for this chapter:

Psychotic Potato Dwarf – Doctor Who: The Snowmen/The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe, by Murray Gold.

Admittedly with the original, I fell off when it came to having a regular schedule with the chapters, some taking a few weeks others taking too long, which I hope to improve. I can't guarantee that I will be consistent every time, but I will at least try to be.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you stick around for the rest of this story. Feel free to post a review off your thoughts, and if you have any questions regarding this story, do please ask and I will try my best to respond. I will try to do an overall response regarding questions of the story's arc and characters (So on and so forth) in my author's note at the start of every chapter.

Okay, that does it for me, at least for now, and I hope to see you next time. Until then, farewell for now. :)