Chapter Three

5/18
I feel as cold inside, as the winter air around me...It's about 7:35 right now, so school starts in 10 minutes. I kinda just decided to pull this out, cuz I don't have anything else to do. First period (orchestra) and sixth period (Japanese) are the only classes I see Keiji in...Sometimes I see him in the halls during passing time. I love him so much, but I hardly know why...I think I'm just desperate to be loved, because I've been hurt so many times. Last time, I was deceived...He tricked me. And it hurt...But this time...

"Ohmigawd, he said yes!" a voice squeaks out in delight.

Hoshiko looks up.

"Who? Huh?" asks another person, catching up from behind to talk to the squealing girl.

"Keiji! He said he'd go out with me!"

"No way, are you serious?" The voices faded as they turned the corner.

Tears well up in Hoshiko's eyes. Why does everything turn out like this? With a trembling hand, she returns to her diary.

(diary)
This time...Isn't much different. Seeing now, he told some other girl he would go out with her...

The first bell interrupts her entry. She closes the book and slips it into her messenger bag, getting up and walking to her orchestra class in complete misery.

Half-sobbing, Hoshiko just tries to make it through the class without making eye contact with Keiji.

Just a few more seconds...

"Okay, class, don't forget, we have a concert next Tuesday!" Mrs. Christie smiled, as she held open the door for the students.

In the orchestra, no one seems to push or shove to get into the halls...Hoshiko makes sure her teacher doesn't see her crying, as she's always been the kind of person to ask what was wrong. Half way out the door...

...And into the halls. She was safe.

"Hoshiko, is something wrong?"

She flinches. Oh...shit... She thinks to herself, as she turns to face Keiji.

"No, I'm fine," she lies. "I just...I got a bit of dust in my eyes before I reached the orchestra room."

"And it was bothering you the whole period?" he says, seeing past the lie.

"YES!" Hoshiko screams, and runs to the protection of her next class.

Hoshiko is dreading her sixth period class...She knows he cares enough about her to at least ask what's wrong when she's upset, and she wont be able to escape this next time. Not even after school. She doesn't ride the bus home, so she'll have to walk pretty fast to get away, if she can.

Two more minutes of passing time...Don't end it, don't end it, please, she begs to no one.

The bell rings, and she steps inside.

Mrs. Kohler watches the clock, as the last few seconds of school tick away slowly...

"Class dismissed. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!"

Hoshiko walks quickly out of the classroom.

My parents hate each other, I have no friends, everyone is mean to me, people don't accept me, Keiji...You have a girlfriend now, don't make it worse, please don't talk...to...

"Hoshiko!"

She quickens her pace into a run, but Keiji grabs Hoshiko by her wrist. Her baggy sleeves fly up in her attempt to run, and he stares, almost in horror, at her forearm until the sleeves fall back down. He pulls her into his arms for a second, then releases her. They sit down on the grass outside.

"I'm sorry if I upset you after first period...I'll quit prying...But...I have a question," he tells her.

"Yeah...?"

"Do you have someone you like?"

Hoshiko's insides freeze up. "Y...yes, I do..." She looks at the ground.

"How...does he make you feel when you see him?"

"I feel really happy...and with stuff that goes on in life, I feel like...his gaze warms my heart. But...if he has someone else he loves...it'll hurt a lot, because I'll do anything for him, to the point of death."

Your gaze...your gaze...

"Oh..." he says, completely oblivious to what she was trying to imply.

Keiji suddenly seems far away, deep in thought.

"...Keiji?"

"I'm sorry to have kept you. Will your parents be angry?"

She cringes. "It's fine. I don't think so."

"'Kay, then...See you tomorrow."

"Bye..."

Sinking back, deep into his mind, Keiji returns to the distant look as he walks away.