The Language of Madness Chapter 5: Mind Games
Abby cradled the wine glass in her hand and took a sip. There was nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with her dinner. It didn't mean she was having a relapse. It didn't mean she wouldn't be able to stop. She wasn't preparing to go on a drunken rampage through the city. All it meant was that she'd had a really long day, and she wanted a glass of wine with her dinner. Nothing more earth-shattering than that.
She buzzed the delivery guy up, but he wasn't the one who appeared at her door a moment later. It was Brian.
She unlatched the door, because she had to in order to get her food. When she saw Brian walk into her apartment, she felt an inkling of dread. She didn't want him here. She wanted him to stay as far away from her as possible.
"...I want my wife back," Brian was saying. "I want to make up for everything that's happened."
"And how are you going to do that?" Abby asked. "Are you going to leave her barefoot and freezing on the stoop again? Are you going to beat the left side of her face so it matches the right?"
"I made a mistake," Brian said as he set her food on the coffee table. "Everyone deserves to have a chance to make up for their mistakes."
"What about all the other times you beat her? Are you going to make up for those, too?"
"You know, she's no saint. She makes mistakes too. She hits me, too."
"Tell me you're not blaming this on her." Abby shook her head in disgust. She set her wine glass down and picked up the phone. "I'm not going to listen to any more of this. If you don't leave right now I'm going to call the cops."
Brian's eyes went cold and hard. He advanced until he had backed her against the wall. He grabbed the phone away from her and tossed it behind him. "You are not going to take my wife away from me."
"Step back and get out of my apartment. Now." She tried to step around him, but he countered her move and kept her against the wall.
"You're not a saint," he breathed, his face only inches from hers. "You're not..."
"...You're not that pretty, you're not that special."
Suddenly it wasn't Brian standing over her, but Luka. His eyes held the same angry, accusatory light they had on the street that night. Abby reeled from the change.
"Luka? What are you doing here?"
"You were always miserable. I don't know what I ever saw in you."
Abby's heart plummeted in her chest. Why was Luka here? Why was he acting this way? They'd broken up months ago. They'd had time to adjust to being apart. He'd actually seemed happy to see her this afternoon. So why was he so angry now?
"I don't understand what's happening," she said.
"Come on, Abby," Luka said. "Stop playing games and grow up. You know this is your fault."
"What's my fault? What are you talking about?"
"You should have minded your own business. You should have let them work out their own problems."
"I was trying to help Joyce," she said, her voice shaking a little. This wasn't the Luka she knew. He was starting to scare her. "Somebody needed to help her."
"You stuck your nose where it didn't belong."
"Luka, stop this. Why are you acting like this?"
"You need to learn to mind your own business."
Abby pushed her way past him. If he wouldn't stop this, she'd walk away. "Luka, I want you to leave." But when she turned back to face him, it was Brian glaring back at her.
"I'm going to teach you not to butt into other people's business."
Before she could react, his fist shot out, pain bursting behind her eye as he connected. She landed hard on the floor, crying out as she tried to scramble back. But her foot caught the hem of her silky robe and she slid back to the ground. Brian advanced on her, anger flaring deep in his eyes. He bent down and drew his fist again.
Abby held her arm out in front of her. "No!"
..........
Abby's eyes flew open. It was dark. She was alone. Brian wasn't there.
She was in Luka's apartment, lying on his couch. She sat up slowly, pushing away the blanket he must have draped over her at some point. The last thing she remembered was sitting beside him, stubbornly insisting she wasn't helpless.
She touched her hand to her eye but pulled it back when the pain registered. That part was real. It was a shame the whole day hadn't been a nightmare. She didn't want to think about Brian in her apartment, his fist coming at her. She didn't want to remember waking up on the floor, her nose broken and her face covered in blood. She'd been so terrified in those first moments, not sure if Brian was still there or not. She wanted it all to go away.
She stood up and walked over to the window. Light filtered in from across the street and cast shadows over the sidewalks. The street was quiet and empty, as she supposed was normal for three in the morning.
Her eyes darted back and forth. She told herself it was normal to imagine seeing movement in the shadows. She wasn't going crazy. It was simply a reaction to the stress she'd been under. Brian had assaulted her, and the police hadn't caught him yet. It was natural for her to worry about him coming after her.
She shivered, turning away from the window. Brian couldn't be out there. He had no way of knowing where Luka lived, or that she was with him. And even if he was out there, she was safe. Luka's door was locked. Brian couldn't get in.
She looked toward the back of the apartment, where Luka's bedroom was located. She hadn't spent much time here before they broke up, but she liked it. He'd purchased a big, comfortable bed that filled the center of his bedroom. She could picture him stretched out on the mattress, his head buried in the pillow. Right now, she envied him his sleep. She wanted nothing more than to be able to sleep, to forget for a few hours everything that had happened today.
She took a step toward his bedroom, then shook her head and went back to the couch. She wasn't going to bother him. Just because she couldn't sleep didn't mean he shouldn't be able to.
She lay back down and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Luka should be waking up in a few hours. All she had to do was make it until then. Once it was a decent hour, they could call the police and see if they'd been able to catch Brian during the night. She closed her eyes and tried to picture anything except Brian and the scene in her apartment.
..........
She was in the bar again, the one she and Luka had gone to the night they broke up. She sat alone at the small table, tapping her fingers on the scarred wood and waiting for the waitress to bring her food. All she'd ordered was nachos and a Coke, but it was taking forever. She started to think about leaving. She wasn't sure why she'd come here in the first place. Maybe because she'd already had such a shitty day that she'd figured coming here and reliving her break-up with Luka would top it all off?
She could feel the bar's other patrons glance at her occasionally. Her face wasn't a pretty sight. Her eye was swollen almost completely shut and it had darkened to a mix of deep red and purple in the hours since Brian had hit her. She wondered what they all thought of her. Did they think she'd gotten into an abusive relationship and been hit by her boyfriend? Or did they think maybe she was a hooker who'd been beaten by a john? And what did it matter what they thought, anyway?
A glass of Coke was plunked down on her table. She looked up and saw Nicole looking down at her, a frown on her face. "What's wrong?" Abby asked.
Nicole opened her mouth as if to answer, frowned a little harder, then finally said, "Your nachos are almost ready."
Abby frowned and watched as she walked back across the bar toward the counter. That was strange. She'd never been friends with Nicole, but she didn't think she'd ever given her a reason to be rude.
Nicole came back a moment later and dropped a tray of nachos onto the table in front of her. Abby rolled her eyes. "Okay, what's the problem?" she asked wearily.
"You need to leave Luka alone."
Abby almost choked on the sip of soda she'd just taken. "Excuse me?"
"He deserves better than you. Stay away from him."
"Okay, number one, my relationship with Luka is none of your business. And number two, it's been a really long day and I only came in here to get something to eat. Is it all right if I do that?"
"You make Luka miserable," Nicole insisted. "I make him happy. I want you to leave him alone."
The fuse on Abby's temper was running very short. "The only reason Luka was with you," she said tightly, "is because he felt sorry for you."
"That's a lie. All you tell are lies. Luka loves me. We are going to be together."
Abby looked down at the nachos and Coke and decided they weren't worth having to deal with this. She stood up and dug a five-dollar bill out of her coat pocket. "I hope all of the waitresses here are as friendly as you."
"I'm moving to Montreal," Nicole said, "and I'm going to ask Luka to come with me."
"Luka is not going to leave Chicago."
Nicole folded her arms and raised her chin. "He will if I tell him I'm pregnant."
Abby's eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you so desperate for attention that you'd lie about that just to spend some time with him?"
"Maybe I'm not lying. Maybe I am pregnant."
"Not by Luka."
"Does that matter?"
"Yes. It does."
"I deserve him," Nicole insisted stubbornly. "You don't. Leave him alone."
Abby cast a short, disbelieving glance at her, then walked away without responding. She walked out of the bar and shivered when a gust of wind hit her. It was February in Chicago, and it was frigid. She hurried along the sidewalk. That was the most bizarre conversation she'd had in quite some time. It left a sour taste in her mouth. Nicole hadn't been in Luka's life for months, but there she was, working at the bar again and claiming that Luka loved her. Maybe Abby should have referred her to a psychiatrist.
Suddenly she stopped walking. Was it her imagination, or had she heard footsteps behind her? She looked in every direction, but there was nobody on the street. She hugged her arms close to her body. Wait a minute. Over there. Was that a man hiding in the shadows beside that building across the street?
Her heart suddenly pounding, she turned and hurried along the sidewalk. There was nobody behind her. Brian hadn't found her. He wasn't following her, looking for a chance to continue what he'd started back at her apartment. She was fine. She was safe. The El station was only a block away.
When she turned around to check again, she saw a man several yards back. His head was down, so she couldn't see his face, but he looked like Brian. Not caring if she attracted attention, or maybe hoping she would, she ran flat-out for the El station. She tripped her way up the stairs, but the train hadn't pulled in yet. She looked up the track but couldn't see it. There were no other people on the track.
She backed against the railing and folded her arms close to her body. That's when she heard footsteps on the stairs...
..........
Abby woke up when she fell off the couch, banging her knee on the coffee table. "Damn it," she muttered, fighting her way free of the blanket. She planted her hand on the couch cushion and hoisted herself back up. She sat on the edge of the cushion and pulled the blanket around her shoulders. She was giving up on sleep. That's all there was to it. She wasn't going to take a chance on another haunting, bizarre dream. She didn't even dare to look out the window again for fear she'd see Brian looking up at her.
She blew out a breath and lay back, staring at the ceiling. She could feel Luka's presence from clear out here in the living room. At least one of them was getting some decent sleep, she thought. He wasn't plagued by nightmares.
She sat up and looked toward the back of the apartment. Her eye was starting to throb again. Maybe Luka had some Tylenol in his bathroom. She tossed the blanket away and quietly made her way to the bathroom. She glanced toward his bedroom but didn't knock on the door. She wasn't going to wake him up. She was just going to get some Tylenol, then go back to the couch.
She opened the cupboard and saw the outlines of a few different bottles, but it was too dark to tell what any of them were. She grabbed one at random, but in the process accidentally knocked over two more. She grabbed for them and missed. They banged on the counter; one fell into the sink, the other dropped to the ground and rolled against the wall. Wincing, she bent down and picked them up.
"Abby?"
She looked up as Luka emerged from his bedroom, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm okay," she said. "I'm just looking for some Tylenol."
Luka stepped into the bathroom and reached for a bottle still on the shelf. "Does your head hurt?"
"My eye's throbbing a little, but I'm all right. Sorry I woke you up."
"Don't worry about it. Are you sleeping okay?"
She paused, trying to come up with an acceptable answer, but she couldn't find one. She sighed. Why should she lie to him anyway? He'd gone out of his way to help her tonight. He deserved the truth. "I keep waking up. Bad dreams."
"Do you want to talk about them?" he asked as they both walked out of the bathroom. Abby popped open the bottle and shook out a couple of pills while Luka went into the kitchen and poured her a glass of water.
She thought of the dream where Luka had yelled at her. She shuddered. "No. I just want to forget them."
She swallowed the pills, then set the glass on the counter. She looked up at him, but could only see the outline of his features in the dim light. She opened her mouth, but couldn't find the words to express what she was feeling, what she needed. She'd never been good at expressing her feelings. Luka though seemed to sense what she couldn't say. He reached out and gently pulled her into his arms. He didn't say anything, just rested his head on hers and held her. Eventually she sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist. This was just what she needed. Comfort, support, without judgment. She needed to be held by Luka, to know that he was here, that she was safe.
The next time she woke up, she was again stretched out on the couch. But this time it was light outside, and her head was resting on Luka's chest. His arm was wrapped around her, holding her close. She smiled a little and closed her eyes again.