Lily Chapter 63: Sirius and the Ujis, a harry potter fanfic

A/N: It took a long time, but we finally got up a list of most of the characters we own….so far. More to come, of course, and we've probably missed some. Let us know if you know of any who aren't on the list.

MONDO DISCLAIMER THINGY: JKR owns the setting and MWPP/L. We own the plot, Chantel Merceles, Chrissy Johnson, Professor Lollio, Perry Mifflebey, Vanessa, Juno Frese, Eurydice Ramsey, Professor McBride, Amelia Black, Jessica, Anna, Kipper, Lily Junior (cat)*, Pamela Vancouver, Eva Sinclair, Quinn Baker, Michael Daehn, Ella Bourassa, Lena Riley, Tommy Rillton, Irene Hamilton, Brittany Morrison, Brendan Christenson, Harvey Locksmire, Sarah Abbot, Robert Achy, Orpheus Berry, Lotus Bone, Eva Ingsa, Robert Marley, Miriam Forsythe, and all the odd quirks you notice in the story that aren't featured in JKR's Harry Potter book series.

*Teeeechnically…*glares at Ariana* We listed this one twice. Do ya get it???

A/N: One more little bitty thing – We have heard the rumors that book 5 (OotP) is coming out before the end of this year. *cough that sounds like "yeah, right."* Also, we have heard the rumors that book 5 has information on Lily and James. Seeing as we don't know WHAT that information is yet, we're not to be held accountable for any inconsistencies that might arise with the publication of book 5. Toodles! 3 ya!

Lily

Chapter 63

The next day at dinner, Lily, James, Harvey, and Eva sat at the Gryffindor table, picking at their respective meals as the tension mounted to a tangible level. James had submitted his decision about Quidditch team placement to Professor McGonagall, and everyone was listening for it in Dumbledore's welcome-back announcements. Lily twisted her detention notice guiltily under the table. When it came right down to it, she had still only gotten detention once in her whole life…and she didn't feel like cleaning owl poop again.

"And also, it is my unpleasant duty to inform Divination students that Professor McBride has chosen to resign. She has asked me to tell you that you all have been the vermin to her Saint Patrick…end quote…and while I'm not too sure what she meant by that, I can assure you that it was a pleasure to have her as a Hogwarts professor. However, her sudden resignation has left us in a bit of a quandary. Divination classes are cancelled until a replacement for Professor McBride may be found. If no replacement is found by the end of the year, then we will have no choice but to cancel the exam as well."

Juno looked like she could have cried for joy.

"Regarding the Gryffindor Quidditch team…" every Gryffindor student's eyes focused on Dumbledore as he paused to create the appropriate anticipation. He may have been a bit barmy, but he still knew how to deliver a speech. "I think that you will all join me in welcoming Harvey Locksmire back from his period of healing. He and Eva Sinclair are now the primary Gryffindor Beaters, and Lily Evans is the reserve."

Harvey and Eva grinned at each other as though satisfied that their 'dream team' was once again intact. Lily understood James's choice, and was certainly grateful that she could stay a member of the team, but she couldn't help but feel disappointed. But that was nothing compared with what came next.

"There is one last announcement, also concerning the Gryffindors…an incident which occurred over the Christmas holidays has caused a re-assignment of Gryffindor Prefects. The new Prefects will be chosen within the next week and notified by owl, and their names will be posted with the House Points."

Lily concentrated on her mashed potatoes and pretended not to notice that the whole of Gryffindor House – in addition to most of the other students – were staring at her and James. But there was no way to block out their whispering, and Lily's eyes started to fill with tears. She blinked and tried to wipe them away, then felt James take her hand under the table. When she looked over at him, he was smiling and shrugging in an obvious show that it wasn't a big deal. But there was something behind the smile, behind the glasses, behind the eyes that made it clear – his pride was hurt every bit as much as hers. Lily pushed her chair back from the table. "Have any of you got detention with me?" Everyone shook their heads no. "Great…I've got to go meet Madam Pomfrey for a rousing spree of potion-alphebetizing. See you tomorrow."

At the end of dinner, Peter slipped away unnoticed into the Forbidden Forest.

"Now?"

"No."

"When?"

"Never!"

"But master, please…"

"You, Wormtail, have fallen from grace. You'll be lucky if I ever give you so much as a Muggle-torture assignment…when you're eighty-seven."

"It was so long ago, though, and we did take care of it, didn't we?"

"I took care of it!" he raged. "Try to get it through your thick skull that your little escapades around the school are too conspicuous! If you were seen once, you can be seen again, and by someone far more significant. That girl was expendable, not to mention easy to kill. However…" There was a pause, and Peter found himself straining to hear through the silence.

"Master? Where are you?" A bony hand lashed out and slapped him across the face.

"Take my word as law," Voldemort hissed, "For it is the only law that holds mercy for the likes of you."

Lily's detention with Madam Pomfrey wasn't as horrible as she had thought it would be. True, it was rather dull, but it seemed like a piece of cake compared with James's. He didn't say exactly what he'd done, but he did mention something about two crazy fourth-year girls, a blue notebook, and a hedgehog.

Her second detention, though, was a bit more interesting.

She and Sirius received the same notes, both instructing them to meet Professor Lollio in the Entrance Hall at noon on Saturday. Professor Lollio led them out the huge double doors, across the grounds, and into Greenhouse Three.

"Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaand baaaaaaaack now, kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiids," she trilled. Lily and Sirius backed up against the trestle bench. "Try theeeeeeeeese on for siiiiiiiiize." She handed them each a pair of gloves, which they pulled on quickly, and indicated the umbrella-like blossoms hanging from the ceiling. "Seeeeeeeee theeeeeeese? They're Flesh-Eeeeeeeating Ujiiiiiiiiiis. Newly impooooooooooooorted from Japaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. You'll be feeeeeeeeeeeeeding them."

For a split second, Lily was terrified that Professor Lollio had meant that they would be the plant's food, but when she produced two buckets of raw Cornish game hens, cherries, and other 'surprises', Lily knew what she meant. "I'll be baaaaaaaaack to cheeeeeeeeeeck on yoooooouuuuuuu every soooooooooo ofteeeeeeen untiiiiiiiiiil you're dooooooooooone." With a tiny smirk, Professor Lollio strode out of the greenhouse, smacking an unruly Creeping Wallamiah that tried to creep up her leg.

"Hmm…" Lily picked one of Hagrid's stoat sandwiches up out of her bucket, then was rather confused to find a bottle of Grey Poupon mustard. "Sirius, d'you think these things like mustard?"

Sirius's voice came from the other end of the greenhouse entirely. "I dunno, but they sure like fireworks!" Before she could fully process what he meant, there was a giant burp and a few small explosions, and a pinwheel sparkler almost took her head off.

"Sirius! What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, come on! You really think that these poor babies want to eat nasty chicken scraps and rotten cherries? They may be vicious carnivorous plants, but they're classy vicious carnivorous plants. Isn't that right, Foofie?"

Lily had walked to the other end of the greenhouse by now, and gaped at Sirius, who was stroking and nuzzling one of the huge, salmon-colored plants. "Foofie? You named it Foofie? You named it anything??"

"They deserve some tender loving care, don't you think?"

"Ummmm……no."

"Well, I think so. His name's Foofie because he likes Filibuster Fireworks, and the Filibuster company was founded by Foof Filibuster in 1486."

Lily threw a Cornish game hen up to the next one in line. "If only you knew as much about History of Magic as you do about those stupid things…you'd be an absolute genius."

"How nice of you to say. If only you were as not-scared of heights as you are of Charms exams…you'd be the greatest Beater of all time."

Even though it was meant to be a joke, Lily got the message and felt a little embarrassed, to say the least, for yet again dogging Sirius about his less-than-perfect academic record. She blushed, squirted some mustard on a stoat sandwich, and tried to change the subject. "Er…how's Anna doing?"

"I wouldn't know…aww, you like Dungbombs, doncha, Smelly? Here, have some more." He proceeded to feed it a pocketful of its 'favorite food', then turned his attention back to Lily. "I tried to ask her out again, and she said – direct quote – 'I'd rather slowly decapitate myself with a butterknife.'"

Lily bit back a laugh. "Why would she say something like that? I thought she had fun at the Christmas dance."

"Probably because her boyfriend was sitting right there."

Lily was so surprised that she missed the plant and hit Sirius right in the face with a handful of cherries.

"Okay, that's it!" He set down the Chocolate Frog that he was about to feed 'Vivica' and glared at Lily. "Give me your shoes."

"What?"

"Your shoes! I'm running out of good things to feed them."

"You're mental."

"Yes, but I also have cherries all over my face, and it's your fault."

Lily looked down at her feet. They were, after all, her rattiest old pair of hand-me-down sneakers from Petunia. "Fine." She unlaced them and handed them to Sirius. "Whatever. Just don't feed them to Foofie. I think he has a gas problem."

"Shhh! Foofie's very sensitive about his gas, as a matter of fact, so I'd prefer it if you didn't mention it. Besides," he said, now taking off his own shoes, "These are for Harry."

"Harry?" Lily snorted. "Why would you name a plant Harry?"

"Why would you name anything Harry? At least the plant doesn't know what's being done to it."

Lily shrugged. "I actually kind of like the name Harry."

"Yeah?" Sirius fed Lily's left shoe to Harry. "Well, James doesn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, somewhere between amused and impatient.

"Oh, nothing…nothing at all." While Lily fed 'Smelly' some real food, Sirius scribbled something down on a broad red leaf he plucked off of a Morte D'Arthur vine, then put it in his robe pocket. Finding a stapler there, he fed that to another Flesh-Eating Uji, this one called 'Rover.' "Hey, Lily, do you have a hat?"

"No…why?"

"Never mind, I do." He pulled it out of his pocket and let Rover gobble it down.

"Howwwww's everything gooooooooooooooing?" Professor Lollio's voice rippled through the greenhouse.

Sirius grabbed a half-eaten ham from the bucket and tossed it up to Foofie. "Things are going great, Professor!"

"Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's goooooooooooooooooood." She stood behind them and surveyed their work. "Miiiiiiiiiss Evaaaaaaaaans?"

"Yes, Professor?" Lily strained, trying to hold off an amorous Cupid Flower's advances while she fed Vivica a stoat sandwich.

"Wooooooooord on the streeeeeeeeeeet is that yoooooooooouuuu and Mr. Pooooooooootter are quiiiiiiiiiiiite the little paaaaaaaaaaiiiiir. No, dooooooooooon't saaaaaaaaay anythiiiiiiiing…juuuuuuuuust knooooowww that Iiiii knew it. Aaaaaaaaall the tiiiiiiiiime." And with that, Professor Lollio swept out of the greenhouse, humming merrily to herself.

"Bonkers," Sirius muttered, petting 'Baxter' and giving it a few cucumbers that he'd been storing in his pocket.

"Sirius…exactly how many pockets do you have?"

"Just four." He picked up a potted Kilimanjaro Crysanthemum (very expensive) and fed it to Baxter. "I used an Expansion Charm; they could hold a tuba. That reminds me…" He started to pull something big, shiny, and brassy out of one of his pockets.

Lily looked away, laughing. Leave it to Sirius to break the rules while he's in detention.

January faded into February with a gentle cascade of snow, finding Lily, Juno, and the four Marauders crowded around a table at the Three Broomsticks during the first Hogsmeade weekend of the new year. There had almost not been enough seats, so they had 'borrowed' a bench from outside, and Lily and James were squished into the corner of it by Sirius and Peter (Sirius's idea, of course). After rolling his eyes quite a bit, James had grinned and put his arm around Lily's shoulders, muttering, "We are going out, after all."

Working around some furious parchment-scribbling by Sirius, the six friends talked about teachers, Quidditch, the Slytherins, Lily and James, and just about everything else for almost two hours. They had just concluded plans for a grand prank to play on Evan Rosier when the Marauders, seemingly thinking with one mind, all got up at once.

"Where are you all going?" Lily asked, a little startled.

"Er, nowhere," James said abruptly, heading towards the door with Sirius and Peter.

Remus glanced at them, then leaned down and whispered to Lily and Juno, "If you really want to know, James is being a sentimental git and making us help him find a Valentine's day gift for you, Lily. He's gone soft on us…" Shaking his head in mock disappointment, Remus followed the other three out into the light snow.

Lily shrugged a bit and pulled on her cloak, even though the brightly crackling fire behind the bar was radiating an almost uncomfortable heat. She had inadvertently grown accustomed to having James's arm around her shoulders, keeping her warm. She hoped Juno didn't notice her blushing.

Juno groaned. "What're you putting on your cloak for? Don't tell me you're going to drag me through this weather just to get a present for your boyfriend."

"Yes! Yes, I am!" Lily sprang from her seat, glad of an excuse to look flustered.

"Fine." Juno put on her own cloak. "I know Hogsmeade better than you, anyway." Immediately, her eyes widened and her mouth clamped shut as though she'd just made a huge verbal mistake.

Lily picked up on it instantly. "You do? How did you learn so much about Hogsmeade, pray tell?"

"Nothing! I…I used to come here when I was really little. My dad used to take me."

"You live almost as far away as I do, and you told me that your dad wasn't a wizard. Come on, what've you been doing?" She could only imagine Juno stealing the Marauder's Map and using it to sneak into Hogsmeade, or perhaps swiping James's Invisibility Cloak on the odd weekend just for a laugh. Lily stood in front of the door with her arms crossed like a bodyguard. "I'm not letting you through until you tell me why you said that."

"Okay! Just promise you won't say anything to anyone."

"I promise. Now tell me!"

Juno looked from side to side as though someone might have been listening in. "I've sort of been secretly dating Remus."

"What?!?!" Lily squawked.

"Shhh! Not so loud! It's only been for about two weeks now. Besides, it's not that big a deal."

They started out onto the street. "Are you kidding? Of course it's that big a deal! Who else knows?"

"Sirius." Juno rolled her eyes. "Sirius knows everything, as per usual."

Lily couldn't stop laughing. "Please tell me Professor Lollio doesn't know. She'd have a coronary."

"To my knowledge, she's as clueless as ever. Let's get a card first, over here at Gilde's Gifts."

While they looked over the racks and racks of brightly colored cards, it suddenly occurred to Lily that she was finding a card for her boyfriend, who was also her best friend, and enlisting the help of her second best friend, who happened to be secretly dating another friend of hers, who was also her boyfriend/best friend's friend, and everyone was friends with Sirius, who was friends with absolutely everybody.

And all of a sudden, she felt lucky to have so many friends.