A/N: Here's a little secret, everybody…we've had this written since the day chapter 68 was posted! Hahahahaha, witness the POWER of the authoresses! Anyway, this is the one where Clara's fluff drive gets to go into fifth gear. GOLLY GEE, it was fun. *mmuah* lots o' love!
After a vast amount of guesses from you lovely readers, we've finally come to the last word of our fic and of course a winner! Yay! Congratulations to Cool Like Ice for her guess of Peter. Wonderful job everyone! Thank you.
No disclaimer. They suck. :o)
Lily
Chapter 69
Lily was sick. She and Petunia had been lying in their beds, flu-ridden, for three days. Petunia spent most of the time sleeping, or whining at the top of her voice for her mum to bring her chicken soup or a magazine. She insisted that she wouldn't be well enough to go back to school for at least two weeks. Mrs. Evans just sat on the edge of the bed, folded down the sheets, and said, "We'll see how you feel."
As it happened, the next day found Petunia up and about, jumping and heckling Lily. Their parents made an executive decision that Petunia was going to school, much to her chagrin. As she whined and pulled on her Mary Janes, Lily pulled the covers up around her own chin. "You're so lucky," Petunia said. "They always buy it when you fake sick."
"But I'm not faking!" she yelled, teeth chattering with fever.
"Of course you are. You just had to beat me, just had to get one more day off! You're such a little Miss Perfect, it makes me sick just to look at you!" With an over exaggerated flounce of her hair, she shut her eyes tight and walked out of the room. Lily felt horrible – what if her parents thought she was faking it too? She heard her father say, "Petunia, did you say good-bye to Lily?"
"I never want to see her again!"
Then the door slammed and the bus pulled away, but Mrs. Evans walked in to find Lily, hiding under the blankets with tears smudged all over her cheeks. "Lily, love, you know Petty didn't mean it."
"Yes she did! She hates me!"
"Shh…" a cool washcloth appeared in her hand, stroking Lily's burning face. "Shh…you're all right…you'll be fine…"
The fuzzy consciousness of her dream slipped away, but there was still that cool washcloth tracing the edges of her hairline. "Lil? Lil, wake up. C'mon."
She opened her eyes to a searing sunlight in an empty reception hall with floor-to-ceiling windows. Squinting painfully, she saw that it was Kipper, in bartender form, looking genuinely worried. She was suddenly filled with anger. "You!" She swatted his hand away and jumped up with the intention of running away.
He turned into a blue hand and took her shoulder, gently putting her back down in the chair. "If you'd just let me explain…"
"What is there to explain?? You followed me to my sister's wedding, put something in my drink, and let me make a complete fool of myself…right?"
"Is that actually a question, or do you know the answer?" he cringed, which was strange, since he was now a blue flag.
She paused for a second, then put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. "I remember Petunia yelling at me, and I remember that the people at my table were all really mad…what did I do to make them so mad, Kipper?" No response. "Kipper?" she looked up, and saw only a blue telephone.
"Kipper, due to intense fear of dismemberment, cannot answer your question at this time. If you'd like to leave a message, dial #6 – beeeeeep!"
"Come on, I'm serious," she said, her voice trembling.
He turned back into the bartender, but younger this time – about her age. "Please don't get mad at me."
"I'm already mad at you. I promise not to hate you forever, though."
"Ah, good enough." He leaned forward in the chair and took a deep breath. "You flirted with me. You flirted with Paul. You told everyone about your boyfriend. You then proceeded to kiss Paul for approximately fifteen seconds. You climbed on the chair. You yelled at Marge. You called Jess a bony sack of snob. You told Julie that she should punch her in the jaw. You…" he swallowed and pushed his chair back a little bit. "You told everyone at the table – and I'm sure several others heard you – that you were a witch and that you went to Hogsmart's Fool of Witchgrift and Wizardcraft. Then Petunia pulled you off the chair, said she never wanted to see you again, and I felt really guilty, so I carried you in here to sober up…then to hide because I thought I saw a few Ministry wizards in the lobby."
Her face was a mask of shock, frozen with her mouth half-open and her teary eyes bulging out of their sockets. "And now…"
"I don't know where they went."
"But why…"
"You did stuff me in that old wizard's suitcase." He ran his fingers through the dirty-blonde hair that he'd Shifted into. "I know it's no excuse. Especially since all that happened."
She got up, wordless, and walked unsteadily to the window. A few tears fell out when she blinked, but she didn't bother to wipe them away.
"I'm sorry."
No response, still.
"Hey, I promise I won't tell anyone."
She moaned. "God, what am I going to tell everyone?"
"Just tell 'em the truth."
"No!" she turned and faced him, jaw set angrily. "I mean, how would you feel if there was some other…other…perificator in the world, and she was a girl, and she went to a party or whatever without you, and when she came back, she had to explain to you that she'd kissed some random tub of lard who was poking her???"
He stood quietly. "I got a few things outta that. A, you have the capacity to construct impossibly long sentences. B, you're really angry at me, because you know perfectly well that "perificator" is a derogatory term. C, you are really crazy about James if that's the first problem that's come to your mind. D, you need to be filled in on a few details." He whistled, sending a cacophony of bells through Lily's aching head, and with an apologetic smile and a wave of his arm, gestured towards a large, neon-pink piece of broccoli that was walking out of the pink-patterned wall (which promptly reverted to its natural tan). "This is Kippette, Lily." The broccoli changed into a pink UFO, then a girl wearing a tight pink dress, pink sandals, pink sunglasses, and pink nail polish.
"Hi." She extended a hand to Lily, and Lily was almost too shocked to shake it. "I'm sorry about what Kipper did. It was my idea…"
"It turns out I'm not the only Shape-Shifter left," Kipper said, and put an arm lovingly around Kippette's shoulders.
"And you two are…"
"Married, I guess," said Kippette, holding out her left hand, where a bright blue wedding band stood out on her third finger. "He's got a pink one."
"Yep. We hightailed it to Las Vegas and got hitched the night before last! In human form, of course…it's fun to be a person!"
"It's always worked for me," Lily muttered dazedly. "But I still can't believe you did that to me. Did you intend to keep pouring that…that tainted soda down my throat until I died?"
"No, just until you'd…amused me…sufficiently…" he sounded so guilty that Lily almost wanted to forgive him.
She walked over and stood right in front of him. "Look me in the eyes," she commanded, and when he did, she pulled back her Beater's arm and cracked him across the face with all the fury that was in her. And apparently, that was a formidable amount of fury, because he hit the floor like a ton of bricks – very like a ton of bricks. Exactly like a ton of bricks, because that's precisely what he Shifted into as he fell.
Kippette just stood there, laughing so hard that Lily thought she might faint. And for a second, Lily forgot that there was so much to explain when she got back to Hogwarts. She even forgot about the Ministry wizards who might be hunting for her right at that moment. She just smiled and watched Kippette laugh at Kipper, and realized that maybe it was true that there was one perfect person for everybody.
"Has anyone here ever heard of chrysanthemums?"
Most of the hands shot up, but Lily's was delayed for a moment as she pulled away from reassuring herself that there were no Ministry wizards on her trail. After all, if they had wanted to find her by now, they most certainly would have.
"Good, good. Has anyone ever used chrysanthemums for any purpose other than as a pretty flower?" Professor Trombley, clad enigmatically in a Muggle tuxedo and eating a styrofoam container of Chinese food with his feet up on the desk, surveyed the few sarcastic hands raised around the room. "I mean Divination, sickoes." The hands dropped. "That's what I thought. Well, when I was working for an Apothecary in London, I learned all about different kinds of flowers and what they foretell. Then I forgot all of it. But I've been talking with…er…a friend of mine lately, and I'm re-learning. Again." He grinned, and Lily heard a few of the silly girls in the front row giggle. Lynn Hartwith had said on several occasions that Professor Trombley had 'raw charisma,' whatever that meant, and that he was 'reasonably young.' Nobody ever wondered what that meant.
"You will find a vase – vahze? – I prefer vase, really – of chrysanthemums on your table." All the students looked to the center of their tables and saw nothing there. "Oh, yeah." He put down the chopsticks and picked up his wand. A muttered incantation later, and there was indeed a vase of chrysanthemums on each and every table. "So here's what you do: rip the head off one of the little things, hold it in your cupped hand like so," he demonstrated with a piece of Hunan Bean Curd, "and repeat over it, Luminax Amorus, thinking hard about that special someone. Capice? Good. Now be quiet about it while I go get some saki or something to wash down this Oriental glop. Freezie, you're in charge," he said, calling Juno by her 'Teacher's Assistant' nickname.
Lily took off a chrysanthemum blossom and looked at it for a second. "I wonder what it's supposed to do."
"Probably in the textbook," Juno said. "Lazy git…"
"Excuse me?" said Lynn Hartwith, rising as though her personal dignity had been challenged.
"I mean charming lazy git," Juno spat. "Sit down, you hormone sponge."
"Hmmph!" Lynn sat haughtily down and continued to whisper Luminax Amorus, Luminax Amorus, and nobody doubted what 'special someone' she was thinking hard about.
"Eurgh. This is the third class in a row when we've been doing love prophecies. They only take up a page and a half in the book!" Juno took the chrysanthemum head viciously and cursed when it was smashed in her hand. "It's like Professor Lollio gone entertaining."
Lily giggled and set down her chrysanthemum. "Something wrong with that?"
"Well, not all of us want to think about romance all the time," she said, with a scornful look towards Lynn. "And not all of us are so consistently lucky in love."
"Mind if I ignore that last part, O Biting One?"
"Fine by me."
"Good. What's going on? Is Remus being an idiot?"
"Shh!" Juno looked fearful, like the last thing she wanted was for Lynn and all her friends to know that she was a lovesick fool herself. "If he is, I'm not about to tell anyone about it. No offense, Lil, I just don't want to turn you against him or anything. I'm just very jealous, that's all."
"Jealous of what?"
"Nothing. Do the chrysanthemum thingy." After about ten seconds, she pounded the table. "Vanessa."
"Vanessa, Ravenclaw Vanessa?"
"What other Vanessas do you know? Remus insists on still flirting with her, and it drives me insane! I've told him time and time again how jealous it makes me, but he just says that if he didn't flirt with other girls, it would be obvious that we were going out, and the secret would just be completely blown. I don't want that, of course…"
There was something in Juno's tone that told Lily that she did want that. "Of course," she said dubiously.
"But still."
"Yeah."
Juno growled. "He is the most imperceptive, insensitive, brainless, presumptuous, un-caring, idiotic, hopeless, impossible, stubborn clod that ever lived!" Lily was quiet, watching Juno crush another chrysanthemum to smithereens, then pluck another, smiling. "And he's all mine!"
A Hogsmeade weekend came along, though for Lily and the Marauders, it was a terribly uneventful sort of thing: they had been sneaking off to Hogsmeade practically every weekend anyway. Sirius yawned as they walked in with the rest of the herd. "Well, another Saturday, another trip to Honeyduke's and all that rot, eh, gang?"
"Quite…" Remus used a fake yawn to accidentally-on-purpose stretch his arm across Juno's shoulders for a second.
Juno was apparently in a good mood. "Hogsmeade is always nice, though, no matter how often I come here. Or who I come here with." A discreet smile passed between her and Remus while she accidentally-on-purpose trod on Vanessa's toes.
"I dunno, it's raining today anyway," said Peter.
"Stop being such a pessimist," Lily laughed, shoving him playfully with the hand that wasn't holding James's. She silently thanked God that the curse let her chide him at least to that level.
"Yeah, Peter, it's just a little drizzle. Sun's probably going to come out by lunchtime." James handed him a Sunny Honey Drop with that fantastic lopsided grin of his, and a dropping feeling in Lily's stomach made her rethink her decision to not tell him about what had gone on at Petunia's wedding. She wondered if she was going to be able to keep her mouth shut.
"You'll have no problems with that, dear," said a tiny voice in her ear. Lily knew it was Kippette, since aside from being a Shape-Shifter, Kipper's bride was partially psychic. Suddenly, a pink piece of duct tape had fastened itself over Lily's mouth. "Mum's the word while I'm around!" And then the duct tape ripped off and flew away to be a pink cloud on the horizon.
"Ow!" Lily stopped in her tracks.
James reached over and traced her lips softly with his fingers. "Awww, did Kipper's girlfriend give Lily a boo-boo?" He kissed her gently, causing a stab of guilt to jab through her guts with a pain much more acute than that of the duct tape. "Aaaall better. C'mon, I've pulled duct tape offa Sirius's mouth dozens of times, and he only yelled when it was superglue-reinforced. Which is of course quite the story…"
"And which can of course wait 'til later!" Juno cried, grabbing Lily's arm. "My ruddy useless owl's broken a wing and I've got tons of post to send out. We'll meet you boys at Zonko's in twenty minutes!" They stopped right outside the post office door. "What was that?" Juno said suspiciously.
"What was what?"
"That look on your face when James kissed you."
"What look?"
"That look like you didn't deserve it."
"I don't know what you're talking about. Let's mail your letters."
Juno grabbed her arm again as she made for the front door. "Hey. We're the girls. We've got to stick together, all right? I told you all my Remus problems, didn't I? It's your turn to spill it, sister."
"There's nothing to spill!" Lily insisted.
"What, are you afraid I'm going to tell someone? Cross my heart, hope to die, blah blah blah, whatever. Now spill it."
Lily looked longingly towards the sky to see if perhaps Kippette could save her, but all she saw was a blue cloud and a pink cloud zipping around in a coquettish game of tag. "Okay…at Petunia's wedding, Kipper turned into a bartender and put something in my soda, and I got blind drunk and kissed another guy. Among other things."
"Right, and I'm the ruddy Queen. Now what's really going on?" the mocking smile faded under Lily's sincere gaze. "Are you serious, Lily?"
"Why would I make something like that up? I would have literally never thought about it if it hadn't happened. I smacked Kipper so hard he didn't really get up for about five minutes. He and Kippette are the only ones who know. And now you. I'm telling too many people!!" She started into the post office, then turned around abruptly and took Juno by the shoulders. "You absolutely cannot tell anyone, understand? I am not going to tell James. He would freak out. Okay?"
"Okay," said Juno quietly.
"Okay! Now, come on."
The post office was decorated for no reason that Lily could see. It was the end of May, nowhere near any big-deal holiday, and she didn't think anyone who worked there had a birthday at that time. "What's with all the balloons and flowers?" Juno said to the witch behind the counter as she slid the letters over with six Knuts.
"It's a good-bye party," said the grumpy old woman, tugging uncomfortably at the elastic on her party hat. "One of our younger whippersnapper's got himself a better job with the Ministry. Finally passed his exam. Good riddance, I say, that lazy, sarcastic little – oh, hello, Nicky, do be a dear an' mail these for ol' Elsie, eh?"
"Sure thing, Else," said the tall, blonde-haired boy walking around the counter. He picked up the letters with a smile, blew a kiss to Elsie, and started towards the owls lining the walls. He stopped, though, and stared at Lily with a small grin on his face. "You're…extremely familiar…"
"So are you," she said, grinning right back. Would it be too forward to say it? "Your eyes," she said, almost apologetically. "They remind me of someone. A lot."
"Really? Well, I've got my mother's eyes." He took a step towards her and, in true too-good-to-be-true charlatan fashion, kissed her hand. "Nicholas Johnson. Pleased to make your acquaintance, I'm sure."
"Nicholas – Johnson? Nicky! It's me! Lily!" She jumped back and looked Chrissy's brother up and down, wondering why she hadn't taken any notice of him when she was a first year.
"Lily…who?" He looked puzzled, and then an almost embarrassed look came over him. "Not Lily Something. You can't be Chrissy's little friend…" his smile had disappeared.
"What's wrong?"
"I just…you look so…not like a little girl. Like I remembered you." He managed a little laugh, more sad than amused, as he started to tie the letters to the owls' talons. "Like I remember Chrissy."
Juno was looking at Lily in total confusion, but Lily barely saw her. She was concentrating on finding something to say that would be all right. "I…"
"I dunno," Nicky said. "That was a real shock. I just realized that by now, she'd only be a couple years away from graduating. There's so much that's happened between then and now that she's missed, you know? It's impossible to think what she'd be like, because anything could have happened." He finished with the owls and turned around, apparently completely refreshed after that catharsis. "Lily. You're in fifth year now, aren't you?"
"Well, sixth."
"I do the math wrong?" He pretended comically to count on his fingers.
Lily laughed and put out her hand to stop the incessant finger-wiggling. What ended up happening, though, was that he sort of ended up holding her hand, which she instantly pulled away from. "No, no, no, I skipped a year," she said, cheeks going even pinker.
"Ah-hah. So you're a double-threat sort of girl, is that right?"
Lily glanced at Juno, wondering if she knew what he was talking about. "What's that?"
He smiled and leaned against the counter. "Looks and brains."
"Hey, Lily!" Juno said, a little bit too loudly. "Didn't we tell our boyfriends that we were meeting them at Zonko's about now?"
"No, it's not for another fifteen-"
"Come on!" Juno grabbed Lily's wrist and pulled her to the door.
"Say, Lily Something, I'll send you an owl from the Ministry!"
"Okay!" and she let Juno drag her back to reality with the unreal blue of Nicky's eyes swimming in the back of her mind.
They stopped in the middle of town, right near a large stone fountain with a chorus of magically trained birds singing "Sweet Adeline" perched on it. Juno sat down on the edge and indicated that Lily do the same. "I know you've just been irresistible lately, Lil, but you need to keep yourself in check, got it?"
"What are you talking about?"
Juno rolled her eyes and imitated her friend, "Ohh, Random Guy at Petunia's Wedding, I think I'll kiss you and not tell James about it! Hey, Way-Too-Old-For-Me Post-Office Worker Who I Have No Real Connection With, let me flirt shamelessly with you while my boyfriend waits across town!"
"That was definitely too cruel, Juno!" Lily exclaimed indignantly. Then she sat there for a moment and looked sheepishly down at her hands. "Was I really flirting with Nicky that bad?"
Juno splashed Lily in the face with the shockingly cold fountain water. "Did that just occur to you?"
"I'm serious, Juno!"
"So am I! Lily, hon, you were creating enough electricity in there to short-circuit your average Muggle car. Now, need I remind you that you are no longer 'on the market,' if you don't mind me being so crude, and I know that you don't."
"Thanks. I think. Since you seem to be the law keeper of relationships, I suppose I should ask your permission to owl Nicky back when he sends me a letter."
"When he sends you a letter? If he sends you a letter, Lily. If."
Lily was in the Entrance Hall, walking back from dinner late. She was a little angry with herself, in fact, for staying in there so late, since there was really not any reason to do so. Her friends all left before her, and she had a truckload of homework to tackle when she got to the common room, but she had just sat there, picking at a dish of pudding and contemplating why she was being so inconstant.
Still without an answer, she had set out, walking slowly and having in-depth conversations with the portraits. After about seven pictures, a page boy in a silver frame pointed with a scroll and said, "I'm quite sorry, milady, but there be a teacher coming down the main stair, and while I should never tire of thy company, 'tis far too late to be up and about without penalty."
"Oh! Thank you," she said, and didn't quite pull off a curtsey – or an escape – as Professor Trombley walked into the entrance hall. He swung around the lion at the bottom of the stairs and stood expectantly facing the railing with his arms open. Lily stepped forward. "Professor Trombley?"
"Miss Evans! What are you doing-"
He was cut off by a shrill "Geronimooooooooooooo!!!" and Professor Lollio sliding down the banister and somersaulting off into his arms, kissing him square on the mouth. "Mmmmmm, juuuuust liiiiike cinnamoooon! I've got myyyyy baaaaaag waiting on the frooooont laaaawwwn so we can make a quiiiiiiick escaaaaape, sweeeeeeeet thiiiiiiing."
Professor Trombley set her down, a little embarrassed. "Your timing's off, Theosphania. There's a – er – a student."
"Oh." Professor Lollio still had one hand protectively on Professor Trombley's chest, as though Lily's eyes could hurt him.
And in an instant, Lily understood what was going on. "You two are…running off together, aren't you?"
"No!"
"Of coooouurse nooot!"
"How dare you suggest such a thing?"
"The neeeerve!"
Then, a pause, and Professor Trombley shrugged, pulling two pieces of parchment from his pocket. "I don't suppose you'd mind bringing these two weeks' notices to Headmaster Dumbledore for us?"
"Aren't you supposed to give those two weeks in advance?"
He threw the papers into the air. "I've always rather sucked at deadlines. But I'm good at setting dates, aren't I, Theosphania?"
"Thaaaaaat youuuu aaaaaaaare, Aaron. Thaaaat yoooouuu aaaaare."
And right in front of Lily's eyes, Hogwarts lost a Divination teacher and a Herbology teacher…to love.