Disclaimer: This song was not written by me, it is from the musical "Chicago". I do not own the characters of Harry Potter. Without JK this fic would not be possible. I love you JK Rowling!
Summary: What if Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was a musical? Surely Lockhart would at least have one big number! So here he is, telling Ron and Harry, much to their horror, the secret to his success, singing "Razzle Dazzle" from the "Chicago" sound track.
Rating: G
A/N: Warning! This one is very off center. But I love it dearly!
RAZZLE DAZZLE (SONG FIC)
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise!
"So you see, I'm nothing but a phony! But you'd never guess would you? You gotta give 'em what they want, and plenty of it! Once you've got them on their feet they're with you! But be careful not to loose them!" Harry and Ron stared at their professor in disbelief. Had he really broken into song and dance?
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give them something so splendiferous
Row after row will crow vociferous.
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em
How can they hear above the roar? T
hrow 'em a fake and a finagle
They'll never know you're just a bagel
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg for more!
"Be someone else and they'll never see you! You can be anything you want! Just make 'em believe you. And best of all they'll never know you've pulled the wool over their eyes! Don't worry! What they don't know won't hurt them." No, this can't be real. Harry thought desperately. Please tell me I'm imagining this! He looked over at Ron who was staring at Lockhart with a slack expression. No, he sees it too.
Give 'em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy 'em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz- a- ler
Give 'em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble, go into your dance
Though you're stiffer than a girder
They'll let you get a way with murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you've got a romance
"You've gotta be overbearing! Pile on extra personality! Be over the big top! They love it! Once you've won them over, you can get away with anything no matter how big! They'll never doubt you! Once they've extended their belief it'll keep on extending!" Harry and Ron were paralyzed in horror. They didn't care that he had lied to them. But this, this nonsense, was just unacceptable. Either they were off their nut or he was. They couldn't leave him on his own; he might do himself a mischief.
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you've got no talent?
Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em, razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll make you a star!