Hey all. Thanks for the reviews. I made this story based on a down time in my own life so… yeah. ANYWAY, read and review!
XOXO Jules
Chapter 2: "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"
Peyton sat in history class, Haley and Nathan were flirting behind her as usual, and that strange kid whose name nobody knew sat in the corner picking his nose. The only thing that she wanted was to be home with a razor.
"Hey Peyton." Jake said coming and sitting next to her. "What's up?"
She shrugged.
"Nothing. Still haven't heard from Nikki?"
She knew that Jake had responded in some way or another and yet she didn't hear a word that he said. Sometimes it was like that, you sit down looking out the window, and then the next thing you know the sun is no longer in the sky and you have wasted six hours.
Peyton drove home much slower than usual. Now a days there seemed to be nothing really important to rush to. She checked her mail on the way in.
"Oh great." She said fingering her second quarter report card. She had gotten 3 C's, 3 D's, an E. She tossed the piece of paper out when she got inside and headed up to her room. Unsure of what to do she sat down at her computer. Her web cam wasn't on. She no longer bothered with the device. There just didn't seem to be any point.
How she stumbled across a site called psychotic teen she didn't know, but at the time it seemed to be just what she needed.
On the site were testimonials from people all over the place about the beauty of eating disorders and self-mutilation. For the first time Peyton felt as if she wasn't alone. People in Tree Hill weren't like her… She was alone in this.
The site actually gave her a lot of ideas. What to mix with what in the event that one cared to end their life so on and so forth. She read the stories of the members. She knew how hers would go if she posted it.
"Peyton Sawyer,
I never thought that I would find a calm from anything, a peace, a security, but I just have. The release is what makes it beautiful, how all of your pain is there right before your eyes spilling down your wrists. Nothing has ever felt so good to me, …so real. People are so caught up in their own shit. Nothing means anything to them accept their own selfish wants. They come to me for it all. Of course I don't need anything. I am strong. Better that I take out all my pain on myself then them right? I look at myself in the mirror and know that it is all that I have, and that's okay with me. My razor can't leave me like Parents do, or friends, or money. It is my constant, and wouldn't have it any other way."
"My thigh", Peyton said pulling up the leg of her shorts to reveal her now bare thigh.
"CONSTANT", She carved deeply into her inner thigh. She drug it across her flesh getting a deeper more satisfying feeling of pain each time. The sight of blood was something that she craved. Of course her thigh didn't bleed as much as her wrists, but if you pushed down far enough it could satisfy you.
The door bell ran.
"What the hell?" Peyton said putting a towel against her leg to try to control the bleeding a little without much success. "COMING!" She yelled out of her window so whoever was there could hear her. She tossed on a long sleeved shirt, and big black sweatpants.
She almost tripped coming down the stairs. She had to hold onto the railing for support. Her arm ached as she grabbed hold of the banister.
"COMING!" She yelled again. She swung the door open to find Brooke standing in front of her.
"Hey." Brooke said smiling. "I just figured that I would stop by."
Peyton gave her a fake smile.
"It's all good." They went into her living room. She didn't want Brooke to see the bloody towels in her room. "So what's up?" Peyton asked Brooke as she sat on the couch.
"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I have been hanging a lot with Lucas lately. I just wanted to make sure that you are cool with it."
Sometimes all that seemed to matter to everyone was their relationships, who was dating who, what was cheating on who. Finally Peyton was able to see through the naivety of it all. There is more to everything than high school.
"I don't care." Peyton said honestly. "Whatever floats your boat."
"Good. You are so understanding." Brooke said hugging her best friend tightly. She brushed her arm against her best friends. The moisture of Peytons wrist went unnoticed, but that was to be expected.