Hey. New chapter. Read, review, and request!

xoxo Jules

Chapter 5: "All your life"

Everyone was more than a little on edge the next day at Haley and Nathan's place. They were waiting for Peyton to arrive. Nobody spoke. They went over the speeches time and time again, all of the "We love you, but you need help" but somewhere it really didn't seem to matter. They all knew that it was going to come down to more than a couple of encouraging words.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"That must be her." Lucas said. 'Oh god what am I going to say? I never thought that I was going to be the one who had to help PEYTON! Maybe I was wrong to move on to Brooke so quickly. Maybe I should have asked her how she felt… god this is all my fault…'

"Thank you captain obvious." Brooke retorted 'What was not so obvious was when she got all… cuttish and stuff,' Brooke thought, 'duh she has to be a little depressed because she is an artist and stuff but… why didn't she tell me? I would have been there for her! Had I not been wrapped up in my relationship with Lucas… this is my fault.'

"I'll get it." Haley said standing up and walking to the door. She cast a glance over her shoulder to her friends that sat on the couch in an awkward silence. She turned back to the door and then pulled it open. "Hey Peyton." Haley said giving her a small smile.

Peyton immediately looked around the living room.

"Is there a change of plans?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah there is." Haley said closing the door, taking away Peyton's one and only escape. 'Oh my god what is she going to think of me?' Haley thought as she led the girl inside. 'We're friends right? Yeah we are, I just hope that this doesn't piss her off anymore than she already is. God where did she go wrong? Where did we go wrong as her friends? We should have been able to prevent this right? This is so my fault. Coming to her about all of the problems with Nathan and I about sex and other dumb stuff. I talked, I never listened, Maybe I pushed her to this…'

Peyton felt her stomach fall. It was as though she was on a roller coaster and they had just gone down a huge drop.

"What is going on?" She asked already she pretty much already knew. Ah the beauty in attempting to delay the inevitable.

"Come sit down." Haley said

"No. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" Peyton yelled.

Nobody spoke up.

"Well then I am heading out!" Peyton said grabbing hold of the door knob. Jake was the first to act. He jetted off of the couch and grabbed her wrist. Peyton winced in pain.

"I'm not letting you go." Jake said through clenched teeth. He released her wrist to find his hand moist from the blood below her shirt sleeve. 'Oh god, oh god, oh god. My best friend in the world… what the hell has she done? It's my fault. Oh Jake how could you be so dumb. I asked her to babysit Jenny all of the time. What was I thinking? A girl doesn't need the burden of a child with them 24-7, I should know. And Jaggar! I should have never allowed him back in the house. I should have begged my parents to keep him away. It was bad enough that he was near Jenny but PEYTON… and all of the stuff they were do-… No Jake, don't think of that… this is totally my fault.'

"Why can't you all just leave me the hell alone!" Peyton yelled. "I don't need your help!"

"Yes you do." Nathan said 'I bet all of us are running the reasons through our head of why this is our fault, but it is really mine. I KNEW about this since last year, but no, I was too worried about getting laid to actually care what she was doing to herself. I saw the cuts on her thighs and I did nothing. This is more my fault than anyone else's.'

"Oh shut up Nathan, what the fuck do you know!" Peyton said staring holes through him.

"We know you're not okay." Nathan said

"I don't even know you anymore." Brooke said through tears

"You don't know me anymore." Peyton said letting out a laugh. "You NEVER knew me Brooke. You were too worked up in your childish love games to get the chance to know me. But I know you! I know every single one of you. I know how Nathan has a secret fear of becoming his father and he doesn't feel worthy about Haley. I know how Haley thinks that you're gonna get tired of her… in the bedroom at least. Little tutor girl could never stack up to all of the other girls in the sack." Peyton said

Nathan and Haley's head sunk.

"You don't know what the hell you are talking about Peyton." Lucas said calmly

"Don't I?" She responded

"Look, we know that something has been going on with you recently but cutting yourself and doing whatever the hell you do with Jaggar is not going to help!" Jake said evenly

"Oh, and so what, this is? All of my friends telling me how screwed up I am. NEWSFLASH! I already know! I have to live with my own conscience so why the hell should I have to live with yours!" She yelled

"Peyton, we all love you. We want to help." Haley said stepping towards her. Peyton stepped back.

"You don't love me." She said backing up against the wall.

"Yes we do." Lucas said

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Peyton yelled near tears.

"Yeah Peyton, we do. That is why we want you to get better. We want to help you get help. You are better than this. All of this." Jake said grabbing hold of she shoulders

"No…" Peyton said tears beginning to shed, "no…" and as each tear fell her wall slowly began to crumble. She pushed against Jake as he pulled her into his strong chest

"You are better than this." He whispered again in her ear

"No, no, no… Than why do I feel like this?" Peyton asked sinking into Jakes chest sobbing.

At that moment there was not a dry eye, yes the Scott brothers included.

"I should, um… go." Brooke said heading out of the apartment. It hurt her to see her best friend this way but what she said was right. She hadn't been there for her.

"Brooke!" Lucas called out chasing after her.

Jake looked up at Nathan and Haley.

"I'll give her a ride back to her place."

They nodded.

"Thanks man." Nathan said as Jake helped Peyton to his car.

Jake helped her inside of her house. The place was dark and empty. No wonder she felt so alone, … she was. Jake led an unsteady Peyton up the stairs. Neither could believe what had just happened.

Jake led her to her bed and laid her down. Peyton fit in her bed like a butterfly in a cocoon, the blankets protectively wrapped around her. The room was tainted by the metallic smell of a mixture of blood and alcohol. Jake looked around the room, her knew what he had to do, and quickly got to work.

He got a huge trash bag and everything sharp, bloody, medical or alcoholic went inside. Next he cleaned up her art area that was under the biggest window in her room. It seemed to have been abandoned long ago, and thirdly he set up her web cam. His idea was to exhibit positive forms of release. How therapist does that sound?

He fell asleep late that night on the floor next to Peytons bed, after having checked that Jenny was situated with his mother.

Peyton awoke the next morning. Suddenly the night before flash before her eyes. Had that all really happened or was it just a dream? No… she realized when she looked down on the floor and saw Jake. Peyton smiled a little bit as she went downstairs to fix something to eat… Only she entered the kitchen to find Jaggar standing at the fridge eating…

"Hey babe." He said grinning

Hum, I really wanted to stay away from couples with this but at anything I think that it may be a Jayton relationship/friendshup, just because Lucas bothers me. I look at him and think of lone ranger, or Tristan from gilmore girls, or that guy from Dawsons creek or Freaky friday... hum... just don't know...

xoxo Jules