Waiting

by Diane Klepper

Tom's mother is waiting as Voyager returns home.

Waiting

By Diane Klepper

(Author's Note: Tom Paris's mother waits for word about her son after Voyager returns

to Earth. Set right after Endgames. According to canon Tom's grandmother was an

Admiral. The name Eugenia is my creation. If you want to read more about Eugenia Paris

please send feedback.)

It has been over three hours since my husband had commed me and the news still

hasn't sunk in. I still had trouble believing it, but it was true. My Tommy was back. At

last my son was home but I couldn't be certain until I saw him with my own eyes. Owen

asked me to come with him knowing Starfleet would bend the rules for me. I knew they

needed this time alone. I told Owen to bring our boy home to me and I saw fear in his

eyes. He was scared…Owen Paris the man who over the course of his forty-seven year

Starfleet career has faced Romulans, Cardissians and the Borg without showing any fear

was scared to see his son again. Owen smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He

said in his best commanding voice, "Yes ma'am."

I hugged him and watched him leave the house. When Tommy was about eight,

he started answering all my questions with the same reply. Owen and Tom are more alike

then either of them would ever admit. They only saw their differences, which got worse

as Tommy grew up and he didn't always agree with all of Owen's plans for him.

Right now I wonder if I made the right decision. I know my son is safe and home

but part of me will not be convinced until I touch him. The last nine years has put a strain

on my marriage. When Owen told Tom that he was no longer his son, a part of me died

that day. I was angry that Tom lied about the accident but how could Owen disown his

son…his own flesh and blood. After Tom was forced to resign from Starfleet he just

wandered around for months. I was so worried about him. He commed me occasionally

to tell me he was okay but every time I saw him on the comm. screen all l noticed was

how thin and tired he looked. Every time I mentioned Tom's name, Owen would just

leave the room. I knew he was hurting too…but he just kept everything so bottled up. He

buried himself in his work to hide the pain but I could see the hurt in his eyes.

I remember I week before our wedding Owen's mother, Admiral Eugenia Paris

invited me to lunch. She told me that all Paris men had a tendency to keep everything

bottled up but they were very loyal and passionate about their careers and their families.

She smiled at me and said, "Honey…I think you will be a good match for my Owen…but

it's not easy marrying into a Starfleet family. There will be times when you won't know

if Owen is alive or dead…but I think the hardest part of being the one who stays home is

the waiting…especially when you are waiting to know if he is ever coming home

again…I just wish the both of you will have a long and happy marriage."

As I think about Eugenia's words…I realize how right she was. I love Owen with

all my heart but spending all those years waiting for him wasn't easy. It became harder

when Tom joined Starfleet…worrying about the both of them. I think I secretly resented

Owen for pushing Tommy to join Starfleet when he knew Tom would have been much

happier joining the Federation Naval Patrol. I was secretly happy that neither of my

daughters, Kathleen and Moira wanted to join Starfleet. I don't think I could have

handled it if my husband and all my children were put in dangerous situations on a daily

basis.

Tommy always loved the ocean. I remember the first time we took him sailing.

Tommy was about two in a half and Owen was on leave from the Al Batani. Owen

borrowed this little sailboat from a friend of his and the minute Tom saw the boat he was

hooked. Owen had recently started reading Tom the Jules Verne novel Twenty Thousand

Leagues Under the Sea and he was looking forward to actually going sailing. As I put the

little life preserver on him he was jumping up and down from excitement. The sail was

pleasant and every time a big boat sailed by Tom would wave frantically with a huge grin

on his little face.

As Owen and I put our son to bed that night Tom said, "Mommy when I grow up

I want to be a sailor on a big boat."

Owen frowned at his small son. "Tom …don't you want to go into Starfleet like

Daddy?"

Tom looked at his father with confusion in his blue eyes. "But Daddy…sailing is

fun."

Owen tucked Tom into bed. "Tom when you are old enough you will go into

Starfleet…sailing is fun for a hobby but it not a practical career."

"But Daddy…"

Angrily Owen said, "Thomas that's enough of this foolishness…you are going to

Starfleet Academy. End of discussion…Now go to sleep."

Owen then walked out of the room. I bent down to kiss Tom and he said,

"Mommy…I really want to be a sailor."

Not knowing what to say I jus I gave a little smile and said, "Tommy you have a

long time to decide on a career. Now…go to sleep. It's late."

I walked over to the mirror by the front door and straighten out my blue dress. I

have always loved the color of blue. It always reminded me of Tom's eyes. Even though

Tommy learned to perfect the Paris mask at an early age I could always tell how he was

feeling by looking into his eyes.

Straightening out my long hair, I noticed it was more gray than blonde, I also

realized that I had a lot more wrinkles on my face then I did the last time I saw Tom.

When Tom was little he used to watch me get ready for some sort of Starfleet function

that Owen and I often attended. Tommy would tell me, "Mommy you look beautiful."

Wondering what my boy would think of me now. I straightened out an unseen

wrinkle in my dress and I decided to head to the garden. As I passed the comm. system in

the living room I wondered if I should call Kathleen and Moira and tell them Tommy is

home, but it was late and I knew they would both be asleep I decided to call them in the

morning with the good news.

The backdoor opened and I felt the cool San Francisco breeze on my face. It was

a cool night and I felt a little chilled as I wrapped my arms around my body. I took a deep

breath and smelled the flowers and smiled. I remembered when Tom was little he use to

play in the garden with his toy shuttles as I pruned the roses. He use to get his clothes all

muddy and he use to track mud into the house…I use to get so mad at him…but after

Voyager was lost and Tom was presumed dead I would of done anything to see him track

mud into the house again.

I walked over to the big Oak tree in the backyard. When Tom was little he use to

love to climb that tree. Owen and I use to be so worried that Tom would fall out of the

tree and hurt himself. I can't remember the number of times Owen restricted Tom to the

house after he was caught climbing that tree. But no matter how many times he was

punished, Tom always tried to climb it. I think part of the attraction was that Owen didn't

want him to do it and I think deep down Tom felt empowered whenever he disobeyed his

father.

The tiredness in my bones made me yearn for coffee. Walking back into the house

I replicated myself a cup of coffee. The steam of the coffee warmed up my slightly

chilled hands. I sipped the coffee slowly and it felt soothing going down my throat. I

walked over to the side-table where I kept all of the family photographs. I put the cup

down on the side table not caring that it would leave a mark and I picked up a photograph

of Tommy and Owen. I took it on the day Tom graduated from Starfleet Academy. I

looked at the smiling faces in the photograph and I noticed that Tom's smile was slightly

strained and Owen's smile was forced. I wondered why I never noticed that before. I

must of looked at that photograph hundreds of times throughout the years and I wondered

if I just ignored their strained expressions like I tried to ignore all the fighting and yelling

that thundered throughout the house during Tom's teenage years. I often wondered if I

could of done more to help their relationship, but they were both so stubborn and they

kept everything so bottled up.

Throughout my son's childhood I tried repeatedly to get Tom to open up to me,

but he would always come up with some sort of stupid joke and tell me he was fine. Both

Tom and his father are strong, loyal, and passionate men. They are just passionate about

different things. Owen always had a blind spot when it came to Starfleet. He always felt

that Tom should of spent his entire adolescence preparing himself for it. He thought Tom

wasted too much of his time on unimportant things like rock and roll music and old cars.

I picked up my coffee cup and tasted the lukewarm drink. I walked back into the

kitchen and recycled the coffee. I then walk upstairs and entered the first bedroom on the

right. It was Tom's old room. I opened the door and looked into the room. I kept it the

same way it was when Tom left for Starfleet Academy. After Tom was forced to resign

from Starfleet, Owen wanted to pack up all of Tom's things and stick them in the attic. I

guess he felt if Tom's things were out of sight, then he wouldn't have to think about him.

I refused to let him. I told Owen that Tom was my son as much as he was his and that as

long as I was living in this house Tom would always have a home there. I felt that if we

still had some of Tom's things in his old room, that maybe one -day Tom would come

back for them.

After Voyager was officially declared lost and the crew was declared dead I spent

a lot of time attending Voyager family gatherings. I got to know many of the families of

the Voyager crew. Starfleet may have decided that the Voyager crew was dead, but the

families got together on a bi-monthly basis to remember our lost loved ones. I became

quite friendly with John and Mary Kim. Their son Harry, who was an only child, was on

his first mission out of the Academy and they took it particularly hard when Harry and

his crewmates were declared dead. I was thankful that I still had my girls. I still missed

my boy greatly but I don't know what I would of done without Kathleen and Moira. They

gave me a reason to get out of bed when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry for my

lost baby.

I also became close again to Gretchen Janeway. Owen and her late husband

Edward were friends. Whenever the Janeways were in San Francisco we always had

dinner together. Her daughter Kathryn was Captain of Voyager. When Voyager was first

lost I hated Kathryn Janeway. She was the one who got my Tommy out of the Penal

colony to help find the Maquis. It hurt when Tom was in prison but at least in New

Zealand, I knew my son was alive and he only had about six months left on his sentence.

I always felt that Owen and Tom could have reconciled their differences when Tom was

released from prison but I felt that Kathryn Janeway stole that opportunity from them.

But after speaking to Gretchen again I knew my anger was misplaced, I was just another

grieving family member of the lost Voyager crew. I knew that Kathryn Janeway was one

of Owen's protégés and that Owen only picked the best cadets to take under his wing. In

fact, it was Owen who convinced Kathryn to go into command training. I sometimes

wondered if Gretchen resented Owen because maybe if her daughter stayed in the

sciences she might not of been on Voyager.

When the holographic doctor appeared on that experimental Starship and told

Starfleet that Voyager was in the Delta Quadrant part of me thought I was dreaming. Not

only was my Tom still alive…he was the chief helmsman of Voyager and also was

working as a medic. I laughed at that remembering how angry Owen was when he found

out Tom took some biochemistry courses at the Academy instead of taking the command

training courses he wanted Tom to take. Part of me was happy that my son was still

alive…but I was also sad knowing that Voyager probably would not make it home in my

lifetime.

I walked to the bookshelf that was filled with Tom's old book pads and old-

fashioned hardcover books that Tom had collected throughout his childhood and early

adulthood. I picked up a book that had a very worn cover. In black letters on the cover

were the words Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea by Jules Verne. Tom loved

this book and I know he read it many times. Tom use to hide it in between his study pads

whenever Owen walked into the room. I carefully put the book back on the shelf and left

the room.

Slowly going down the steps I walked into the spacious dinning room. I

remembered all the dinner parties we had there. I frowned at the memory of how Owen

always made Tom go to these parties. Owen always told Tom that he could make good

contacts at these parties for his career. Tom always acted like a perfect gentleman, but he

spend most of his time hiding in the corner until Owen would let him escape to the safety

of his room.

My stomach was growling a little so I decided to replicate myself something in

the kitchen. I ordered myself a bowl of tomato soup. I remember all those winter nights

when my children were little and Owen was away. We use to sit in the living room

eating tomato soup and watched old holo-videos. Tom use to love the old horror ones

while the girls liked the romantic videos. I gave my children turns on who got to pick the

holo-video. I never really liked the horror videos Tom picked but I use to watch them

because it was our special time together. By the time Tom was a teenager both Kathleen

and Moira were out of the house and he was too busy for video night. Between his flight

training and schoolwork he barely had any free time. When Tom did have some free time

he wanted to spend it with his friends…not his mother.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch eating my soup. I thought back

to the message we received from Tom only a few weeks ago, when it was his turn to use

the array and have a three- minute conversation with his family back on Earth. I don't

know who looked more nervous him or Owen. But I was so happy to see my Tommy

again I didn't care. He introduced us to his wife B'Elanna Torres. From looking at my

new daughter-in-law I could tell they had a baby on the way. I often heard that it was

difficult for two species to conceive but they found out that they were expecting a little

girl a few weeks after they were married.

Tom looked so happy and healthy. He looked so different from the lost boy I

watched being taken away to the Auckland Penal Colony so many years ago. His time on

Voyager has given him the confidence he so lacked on Earth.

I finished my bowl of soup and put it down on the table by the couch. I was very

tired so I decided to lie down on the couch and close my eyes for a few minutes. I kicked

off my shoes and stretched out on the couch. I must of fell asleep, because I woke up to

the noise of the front door opening. I slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

Then I saw him. He stood in front of me dressed in his Starfleet dress uniform with a big

smile on his face. "Hi Mom…I'm home."

At first I thought I was dreaming. In a bare whisper I asked, "Tommy is that really

you?"

He sat down next to me and took my left hand in his and said. "Yeah Mom…it's

me."

I was too shocked to speak. I gently touched his cheek with my right hand and

then I smiled. "Tommy…it's really you."

He gave me a big smile. "Yeah Mom…I missed you."

I had tears in my eyes as I felt him take me in his arms. I was too shocked to say

anything as he just held me. He then gently pulled away from me and stood up. "Mom…

I would like you to meet in person my wife B'Elanna Torres…and your granddaughter

Miral Kathryn Paris."

For the first time I noticed we weren't alone in the room. Next to Tom stood the

half-Klingon woman I saw for the first time only a few weeks ago on a view screen. Next

to her stood Owen who had a small bundle in his arms. He bent down and put the bundle

in my arms. He smiled at me. "Miral this is your grandma."

As I stared at my tiny granddaughter I felt tears slide down my cheeks. Miral

opened her eyes and I saw that they were blue just like her father's. I touched the tiny

ridges on her forehead and smiled. "She's beautiful."

Owen kissed me on the forehead. "I also think she will be very spoiled by a

certain grandmother."

I laughed, "And you are not going to spoil her?"

"Of course I will… That's the job of a grandfather." He then turned to Tom and

gave a little frown. "I wasn't always the best father…Tom I know I made a lot of

mistakes with you…"

I watched Tom walk over to his father and smile. "Dad…I made a lot of mistakes

too… But I would like Miral to get to know her grandparents."

I stood up and walked over to B'Elanna and placed Miral in her arms. I smiled at

her and said, "B'Elanna… welcome to the family."

B'Elanna gave me a faint smile. "Thank you Mrs. Paris."

I smiled at her. "It's Maggie dear…we're family."

Owen then came up to me and placed his right arm around my back and then

said. "Tom, B'Elanna…I know that Starfleet has set aside apartments for the Voyager

crew but we would be happy if you would stay with us for a while."

Tom gave a small smirk, "Dad…Mom …we don't want to impose…"

I walked up to Tom and touched his cheek and smiled. "Nonsense…we have

plenty of room…I know how tiring a new born can be…I'm sure you two won't mind

two extras pairs of hands…besides Tom your old crib is still in the attic."

Owen just smiled, "Son you better just give in…you know how you mother is

when she makes her mind up about something."

Tom turned to B'Elanna and asked, "Is that okay with you?"

B'Elanna smiled. "As long as someone else does the three a.m. feeding it's fine

with me."

I smiled and turned to Owen and hugged him tightly. For the first time in nine

years I felt like I had my whole family back. I thought back to all those years ago when

Eugenia Paris told me how hard it was marrying into a Starfleet family…she was right

about the waiting being hard…but right now looking at my son and my new

granddaughter, I think it was worth the wait.