DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. The character of Edmund Blackadder belongs to Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis, Ben Elton and the BBC. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Best Laid Plans
"And what exactly, is your plan?" Blackadder enquired.
"Plan?" Harry asked in confusion.
"Yes, plan. Stratagem, tactic, a sequence of carefully choreographed events which you anticipate will vanquish You Know Who and allow the wizarding world to live in peace and harmony ever after."
"Erm," said Harry.
"Who the hell are you?" Ron asked the stranger.
"Edmund Blackadder, newly appointed tactician to the Order of the Phoenix," the man answered smoothly. "Now Mr. Potter, please enlighten us with the details of your strategy."
"Um, we were planning to rush in, and attack on the count of three..." Harry offered uncertainly.
Blackadder rolled his eyes, "Even Baldrick had more cunning plans than that."
"Who's Baldrick?" Ron demanded.
"My unwashed servant who has an unhealthy obsession with turnips," Blackadder answered shortly. "Now Mr. Potter, allow me to explain. Building a giant wooden horse so that your enemies will admit you into the heart of their stronghold is a plan. Raising an army of Mongol warriors to ride like the wind and conquer cities by using hostages as human shields is a plan. 'One, two, three' is a versatile skipping rhyme, it is not however, a sound battle plan."
"You know Harry, he does have a very good point," Hermione interjected, "we should think this through more thoroughly."
"But rushing into things has always worked before!"
"But that's no reason to challenge Voldemort again without adequate preparation!" Hermione countered with new determination in her voice. "Before you do anything, I think we should research past magical battles and campaigns, consult all the members of the Order, review the list of all known Death Eaters and factions sympathetic to Voldemort's cause..."
"But Hermione, that'll take ages! Besides, my scar's starting to prickle," Harry complained. At a glare from Hermione however, however, he sat down reluctantly and pulled out a quill and a piece of parchment.
"Excellent!" Blackadder announced as he stood up. "Fifty feet of parchment should be sufficient for a preliminary outline your strategies. Please have it ready for my perusal in two months' time. Good day." Turning his back on Harry's sullen glare and Hermione's endless stream of suggestions, Blackadder sauntered out of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place to meet with his new master.
Lord Voldemort's red eyes glittered with amusement as his servant approached. "Well done Blackadder, perhaps there shall be a place for certain talented squibs among the Death Eaters."
The End