The next day at the Griffin's...
Everyone is sitting at the table, finishing their breakfast.
Meg stands up to get her backpack. Peter does the same, grabbing a StarWars backpack and matching lunchbox with a picture of Jaba the Hut on them.
Lois looks at Peter awkwardly. "Peter, what are you doing?"
"I'm gonna try out for the girl's team, Lois. Your gonna drive me, right?" He says, picking up his fork and prodding her with it.
"Ow.. Yes, Peter I'll- Dammit Peter, would you stop doing that?!" She says as he continuously prods her with the fork.
"Ok." Peter says, putting the fork back on the table.
"Like I was saying.. Yes, Peter I'll drive you to school. But I don't think you'll need a backpack."
Peter looks disappointed. He looks at his backpack and sighs. "Sorry, Jaba. Lois says I can't bring you."
Suddenly a miniature Jaba the Hut appears from the inside of his backpack. "It's alright, Peter. I get this a lot."
"I was gonna feed some kids to you at school, but uh.. you know." Peter says.
"No, really. It's alright." Jaba says, sighing.
Later, in the car...
Lois is driving towards Meg's school, with Meg and Peter in the backseat.
Peter licks his finger and slowly moves it towards Meg.
Meg notices and screams. "Mom, Dad's licking his finger and touching me with it!"
Peter quickly stops. "No I wasn't! She was...And- And girls have cooties."
"Peter, girls do not have cooties." Lois says.
"Whatever you say, Lois." Peter says suspiciously.
Peter has a flashback...
Peter is in the hospital with Lois slung over his shoulder. She is kicking and screaming.
"Put me down! What the hell are you doing?!" She screams.
Peter goes to the hospital desk and the nurse at the desk looks at him awkwardly.
After a long silence, Peter talks. "She's got cooties."
"What?" The nurse asks.
"Look- I really don't like touching her." Peter looks suspiciously from left to right and leans up to the nurse. "She's a carrier."
The flashback ends.
Peter licks his finger again and slowly moves it toward's Meg's face.
Meg screams and Peter laughs.
At Peter's volleyball tryouts...
Peter walks into the gym, where girls are doing there stretches on one side of the gym and boys are beating up Kenny on the other side.
Peter shudders at the sight of Kenny.
He looks at the girl's team and sees Meg. He waves. Meg is distracted for a moment by him and is hit in the face with a volleyball, even though they aren't even practicing.
"I'm here to try out for the team." Peter says, walking up to the coach and ignoring Meg.
"Are you- Are you serious?" The coach says, which is a man.
"Yea."
"But you're- You're.. You're fat.." The coach says. "Oh- And you're a man." He adds.
"How dare you judge me you... You feminist!"
"Don't you mean sexist?"
"Ok.. Whatever floats your boat." Peter begins to pull down his pants.
"Oh, god! Please no! Stop!" The coach begs.
Peter stops.
"Fine. You can try out. But you can't go in the girl's dressing room. You gotta change with the boys."
"Look, buddy, I wouldn't dare see my daughter naked." Peter begins to walk away. "Incest freak." He mutters.
Later, at the tryouts...
"Peter, you're up against.. Megan." The coachs says.
"Oh sweet!" Peter says as he stands parallel to Meg, both far from the net.
"I am going to kick your butt!" Peter says as the coach hands Peter the ball. "No, I'm serious.. There's gonna be a footprint."
Peter serves the ball to Meg, and she bumps it back.
Peter leaps to get it, but he leaps to high and the ball hits his stomach. The volleyball gets sucked into his fat.
"Oh, god.. This is just like before." Peter says.
Peter has a flashback...
Peter is sitting on the beach with a girl cuddling up to him.
"I really like you, Stacy." Peter says.
"Me too." She leans her head agianst his stomach and is instantly sucked in, her legs briefly kicking before they are sucked in too.
Peter stands up. "Don't panick! I just need some oil and a pick and you'll be out in no time.." Peter says, running off.
The flashback ends.
"Look, I'm gonna need some oil and a pick." Peter says to the coach, who rushed over to Peter.
"The mountain climbing team is using them." The coach says.
Cuts to the mountain climbing team..
A boy is climbing a wall with footholes, though it is slicked with oil and he is only using a pick.
The coach is below him. "C'mon Tim, you big wuss!! Go faster!!" The coach screams.
"I- I can't!" Tim is crying.
Cuts back to Peter at the tryouts..
"Fine. I'll have to use my superhuman strength to pop the volleyball out of my stomach." Peter says.
"Really, you don't have to.. We've got some extras-" The coach says, but is cut off by Peter grinding his teeth and grunting.
All his pushing makes him soil himself. "I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom after this.." Peter says, slightly embarassed. "Not like this hasn't happened before.."
Peter has a flashback...
Peter is standing next to his wife, Lois, at the hospital. Lois is in labor.
"Push! Push!" The doctors shouts and Lois pushes.
Peter starts pushing too and soils himself. "Now what?" He asks, his pants looking a little plumper.
Flashback ends.
Peter keeps pushing. Finally the volleyball shoots out and hits Meg in the face, knocking her out.
Peter wipes his brow, and suddenly Stacy pops out of his stomach too. "Stacy!" Peter gasps, and Stacy runs off crying.
Later, at the dinner table...
Meg is sitting with a bruise on her face.
"So, Peter, how did your tryouts go?" Brian asks.
"Not so good." Peter answers.
"Did the ball get sucked into your flab again?"
"Yea.."
Flashback...
The Griffins are at an carnival, where spectators are looking at a giant ball of yarn.
Peter steps over the caution tape and hugs the ball.
"Hey, look Lois! I'm hugging a ball of yarn." Peter says and laughs. Suddenly the ball gets sucked into his stomach.
Peter slowly sneaks away.
Flashback ends.
"But the coach said I could try out again tomorrow." Peter says.
"What a nice man." Lois says, smiling.
"I know! And get this- He's so nice that he let another guy on the team! His name is Meg Griswald or something.. Sort of a feminine name for a guy." Peter says.
"Meg's a girl." Brian says again.
"Oooookaaay..." Peter says, slowly getting up and sneaking away.
The end of Chapter 3.