Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Matsushita Youko. I don't own it
and make no claim to.
This story is loosely based on the manga and Anime. The Kyoto case has
recently happened, and Tsuzuki and Hisoka are on down time at the moment
recovering from it. Again, hopefully I don't scare peoples away with this.
So on with the show!
Chapter One
By Lockeheart
"Wake up . . . "
Vivid emerald eyes opened to gaze upon nothingness. Hisoka blinked once again and raised his head from ground that he could not see, even if he could feel it beneath him. The only light glowed softly from his own body, a kind of gentle white light illuminated him - but revealed nothing of where he lay.
Pale blonde stands of hair fell across his forehead as Hisoka sat up. He looked around once again, and tried to find something to suggest where he was. Eternal blackness engulfed him, as if attempting to drown the pale glow that emanated from his being. Hisoka shivered and hugged his arms around himself, and calmly noted that he was naked. The curse marks upon his body the only contrast to his pale white skin, there in the darkness.
"Are you scared boy?"
Hisoka stared into the darkness, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from, but the way it echoed, the sound seemed to come from all around him. He gracefully got to his feet, ignoring the fact that he was naked, and stepped forward. It felt as if he were in a void, where nothing existed, except for him and the voice. Waves of muted emotions swirled around him, but for some reason, Hisoka could not make them out. He carefully lowered his mental shields and reached out - and nearly fell to his knees at the intense feelings of hatred and arrogance swirling around him. Hisoka felt like he was the mouse in a game of cat and mouse - and he had a feeling he knew who that cat was . . .
Not wanting to encounter the figure attached to the voice, Hisoka attempted to use his shinigami powers to teleport - and promptly fell to the ground as a wave of intense pain crashed into his body. He curled up on the ground, his arms tight around his body as he rode out the wave of pain and rising fear he felt from within. Wherever he was, he was unable to escape by his own powers. The void around him was unnatural, as was the light emanating from his being. A pair of white shoes entered his field of vision, and Hisoka looked up to the one person he hated most in the world. Muraki.
Hisoka saw the sick smile that appeared on the immaculately dressed man, and fought to not show his fear. Muraki held out a hand to Hisoka. "Come now boy, it was a lot of effort to come here . . . the least you could do is stay for a bit instead of trying to run away." Hisoka shuddered as he felt Muraki's eyes travel up and down his naked form. "You still are beautiful . . . my pretty doll . . . "
Hisoka furiously hit the offered hand away and stood up, his green eyes wide and angry. "I am NOT your doll!" Hisoka backed away from the cold man and tried to quell the growing fear in the pit of his stomach. He was naked, in the darkness, with a man who had no hesitations of harming him. "What do you want from me Muraki? Where am I?" He could feel an ever so slight tremble in his voice, but hoped that the slight fear he felt did not reflect in his question. "Is this another one of your sick diversions?"
The smile widened on the man's face, and Hisoka could feel a subtle change in the emotion coming from the man. "Poor doll . . . so clueless . . ." He raised a hand and made a small gesture. A wave of force struck Hisoka and froze him where he stood, only his neck and head maintained movement. "This is the beginning of the end . . . don't you understand?" Hisoka strained against the invisible bonds holding him in place, but could not break free.
"What do you mean? What did you do . . . ?" Voice strained to speak, Hisoka could do little more than glare at Muraki, who still wore that sickening smile. "Let me go you bastard!!" Anger replaced his fear and Hisoka, though unable to move, fought to reach forward to smack that smile off of Muraki's face.
Muraki pulled his glasses away from his eyes and placed them in his breast pocket. He raised an eyebrow as if to question Hisoka, and chuckled lightly. "Name calling is so childish, my doll. I really must teach you some manners." Muraki approached the immobilized Hisoka, a gleam in his eye. Hisoka's eyes widened as the monster close in. "How is my toy doing? Last I saw you, you were claiming what was rightfully mine." Muraki stopped in front of the youth, and reached out to brush at Hisoka's blonde bangs. Hisoka shuddered at the touch.
Hisoka pulled his head away from Muraki's questing fingers. "Rightfully yours?" Hisoka's mind was racing as he tried to stall Muraki from whatever it was he was trying to accomplish. Where he was, he didn't know, but it was no where in the physical realm. Perhaps it was another dimension?
"Always in the way . . . you are such a bad doll." He seized Hisoka by the hair at the base of his head and pulled back, forcing Hisoka's head back as Muraki leaned in very close. "I can see why Tsuzuki is so fond of you though, you really are a beautiful boy. But you don't understand him like I do." Muraki glared down to stare into Hisoka's wide eyes.
"Why did you take him? I was giving him what he desired, but you . . . you had to drag him from the peace he craved." Still holding Hisoka's head back, Muraki traced one of the curse marks along Hisoka's chest with his finger. "You kept him in a world that does nothing more but cause him anguish, and for what? Because you 'need' him?" Muraki shook his head, as if disappointed at Hisoka. "Selfish and pathetic is what I would use to describe you. Selfish for binding a man to a worthless broken doll like yourself. Pathetic, because somewhere inside you really believe he cares for you." Hisoka stained uselessly against the force holding him back.
"SHUT UP!! What the hell do you know about what Tsuzuki wants? All you know is how to torture people and prolong their torment!" Hisoka shouted back at Muraki, his green eyes shining with emotion. Muraki's words stung, and that pain hurt worse than Muraki's touch upon his skin. "You weren't giving him what he desired, you were pushing him head long off the edge of sanity! You are the pathetic one Muraki, always clamouring after someone who will NEVER be yours!!" Every fibre of his being was singing in apprehension, but Hisoka gathered his courage and glared defiantly up at the man who held his hair. "LET ME GO!!"
Hisoka winced as Muraki jerked his head back even further, and hissed a slight moan of pain. "I don't think you really see the situation you are in boy." Muraki's face loomed very close to Hisoka's. "Do you really believe that is all that I am capable of? You insult me." Muraki's eyes gleamed with hateful intent.
Muraki smiled cruelly and shook his head slightly. "Whether or not you or I are worthy of dear Tsuzuki is beside the point. Possessions should obey their owner, don't you think?" Muraki trailed his finger down the length of Hisoka's exposed throat, causing Hisoka to shudder at the touch. "You really have been behaving badly my doll, I think it is time I remind you who is the master in this relationship. " He traced a couple of the curse marks on Hisoka's chest. "I claimed you the moment I saw you. My hold is carved into your flesh." Muraki looked directly into Hisoka's wide green eyes. " I own you. You are MINE."
Lips crushed against Hisoka's and he instinctively tried to pull away from the offending touch. Hisoka's mind screamed at him, his thoughts frightened and confused. He could feel the terror riding on the edge of his mind. Muraki had complete control, just like before. Anger flared at that thought and Hisoka retaliated the only way he could in his paralysed state; he bit back.
Instead of withdrawing though, Muraki just smiled against Hisoka's lips and kissed Hisoka harder. The coppery taste of blood entered Hisoka's mouth. A firm hand gripped Hisoka's chin and in a mockery of a loving touch, caressed his cheek. Hisoka could feel Muraki's arm at the small of his back, and felt himself plunging backward, propelled by Muraki's form.
Suddenly hard ground pressed against his back, Muraki's frame laying on top of him. Hisoka struggled desperately against the spell upon him, and Muraki himself. Heart beating frantically, Hisoka strained his head back, away from Muraki's face. "GET OFF OF ME!!" The ground dug painfully into his back, even though he still could not see it. Hisoka glared daggers up at Muraki, and was dismayed to only hear Muraki laugh at his defiance.
Muraki licked his bloody lips, and glared down at Hisoka, smiling at the pinned boy. "And why should I?" Hisoka shuddered as Muraki's lips descended down to his neck to nip him gently. Hisoka could feel panic riding along the edge of his sanity, nudging him closer to the edge. He had no control, there was no escape. IT was going to happen again . . .
Muraki leaned in close, placing his face just an inch away from Hisoka's, and he held the youth's head immobile with his arm across the forehead. "Foolish boy, don't you understand yet?" Hisoka could feel Muraki's breath upon his face. "You and I, we will always have a bond." At that phrase the curse marks upon Hisoka's frame ignited in dazzling colour, and Hisoka cried out in pain. "My beautiful, broken doll . . ." Muraki leaned back to watch as the curse marks flared even brighter. "Can you feel the power I hold over you?"
Tears streamed down Hisoka's face, freed by the intense pain brought on by the blazing marks along his body. Rising panic bubbled up through Hisoka at the horror of what was happening. He could feel Muraki's hands begin to roam his body. Above him, the darkness suddenly lit up, and the outline of a Cherry tree formed above them. Soft pink petals drifted down upon the two of them, a horrible parody of the first night when Muraki took Hisoka.
There was no escape, no way out, and Hisoka could feel all his walls crumbling. He wanted someone, anyone to come and rescue him. No one had come to rescue him that night either, no had cared where he had been. A broken excuse of a human being, lost in the night . . . "Please . . . stop . . ." Hisoka hissed out brokenly, his voice choking back a sob. "No . . ."
Muraki leaned up to look Hisoka in the eyes. Any emotion Hisoka could feel from the man was lust, exhilaration and hatred. "Nothing will stop this my doll." He caressed Hisoka's face gently, and Hisoka closed his eyes. "I will destroy what took my beloved away from me, and you will pay for taking him away." Muraki coldly smiled. "I told you before . . . you are MINE." Muraki leaned in close to Hisoka's face and ruthlessly took his lips once again. Hisoka could feel his spirit breaking inside, and his tears fell to mingle with the scattered cherry petals.
********************
With a broken sob, Hisoka awoke. He lay for a moment, just breathing deeply and staring at the ceiling. His heart was beating madly, and a sheen of sweat covered his lithe body. Slowly he sat up, his blanket falling away from him.
It had just been a dream. Just a dream.
Hisoka pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face against them, wrapping his arms tight around his legs. His house was quiet, the still of night around him. Pale moonlight drifted through the bedroom window, casting the room into a blueish glow. He was beyond shaken. The dream had frightened him to his core.
Were they ever going to stop? He tightened his grip around his legs and breathed deeply. Ever since Kyoto, ever since the fire, constant nightmares had come to torment his sleep, what little he did get these days. Nightmares about Muraki, of the day he sealed Hisoka's fate, and took away everything from him. Dreams of his childhood, of the silence and long cold nights locked in the cellar. Nightmares of the three long years it took Hisoka to die, trapped between life and death, reeling in pain - because of the curse Muraki placed upon him. Dreams of intense fire, with Tsuzuki kneeling in the flames, dying. Nightmares of being alone, of rejection from everyone who cared for him now - complete abandonment.
He had always had nightmares, from the time he was a small child. His life didn't provide much for happy dreams. Yet somehow . . . this one was different. Hisoka stared across his bedroom to the far wall. In his dream, Muraki accused him of being selfish. That he had trapped Tsuzuki in a world he could no longer bear . . . Right . . . Wrong . . . Had he done the right thing by rescuing Tsuzuki from the fire?
He could see Muraki's cold face in his minds eye, repeating the accusing words once again. Not only had the dream Muraki violated Hisoka's sense of control and well being; the man had reopened emotional wounds that had only begun to heal. Hisoka shook his head and rested his forehead on his knees. Like he didn't have enough problems at the moment, now he was beginning to doubt his actions.
This nightmare, unlike all his others, was not based on the far past, but on recent events. Hisoka felt a shudder run through his body. Never before had it been like that, the nightmares, while horrifying, never had a feeling of being totally and completely trapped like that. The emotions that he felt within the dream, had felt real. Muraki's unwanted touch, he could still feel it upon his body, like a ghost touch.
Hisoka pressed his face into his knees, trying to block out those thoughts. The nightmares, somehow sparked by the Kyoto case events, haunted his sleep, but never had they been so vivid, so . . . disturbing. He peeked one eye open to look at the alarm clock beside his bed. The digital display read 2:29 a.m.. It was still night, but Hisoka knew that he would not be sleeping anymore. His entire body and mind were on edge.
He breathed in a shuddering breath and uncurled himself from his self- imposed ball. Leaning his head against his headboard, he lifted an arm to rake his fingers through his sweat dampened hair. Just a dream . . . it had been just a dream . . . But it had felt so real . . . Hisoka shuddered as the ghost of a caress grazed his face. He closed his eyes and sighed. It was way too early to head to work, and it was a futile gesture to attempt to go back to sleep.
It was going to be a very long wait for the dawn.
********************
Warm rays of sunlight spilled through the bedroom window and unerringly found their way to shine upon Tsuzuki's sleeping form. Brow frowning slightly, he pulled the blanket up over his head. "Just a couple more minutes . . ." The 26-year-old Shinigami snuggled deeper into his blankets, burrowing to escape the encroaching sunlight.
A couple minutes later a loud ring pierced the morning stillness, causing the Tsuzuki lump to move slightly. A slim arm snaked out from under the blankets and attempted to hit the snooze button on the blaring alarm clock. "Ugh . . . stupid alarm . . ." The hand managed to hit the button, and pulled itself back into the warm cocoon of blankets. "Mm mmm . . ."
A soft but forceful object crashed into Tsuzuki's head, and with a muffled yelp, he poked his head out from under his blankets. "What the -?"
A pair of piercing emerald eyes gazed cooly back at him. Hisoka stood at the edge of the bed, a pillow hanging loosely from his hand. "You are going to be late." Hisoka threw the pillow lightly at Tsuzuki who reflexively dodged it . . . causing the sleepy man to promptly fall bonelessly out of his bed to the hard wood floor. "Or you will be if you don't get your body in motion."
"Owwww . . ." Tsuzuki rubbed his backside and pouted slightly up at Hisoka, who continued to gaze cooly at Tsuzuki. Hisoka gave a small ghost of a smile and with that Tsuzuki brought out a full fledged whipped puppy look. "Ah, Hisoka! What's the big deal?" Tsuzuki sat upon his bedroom floor, his nightshirt hanging slightly off of one shoulder.
Hisoka huffed and walked over to the bedroom window. "The big deal is that we are going to be late again because of your sleeping butt." Hisoka turned around to face Tsuzuki, the sunlight framing his lean body, making a halo appear around him. "Honestly! You would think that a grown man would be able to rouse himself out of bed on time for work."
"That's so mean . . ."
"But true isn't it?" Hisoka tilted his head slightly. "Honestly you are just so clueless Tsuzuki." He adjusted his dress shirt slightly and glanced down at Tsuzuki. In all honesty, Hisoka came over to Tsuzuki's house because he had felt an intense need to see his childish partner. The nightmare from earlier still resonated in Hisoka's head, augmenting the desire to see Tsuzuki, as irrational as the want was. The fact that they needed to get to work just made his irrational want a valid reason. "You know that without me you would always be late, you know that?"
Tsuzuki blinked stupidly up at Hisoka. Hisoka could almost hear the gears turning - Tsuzuki was sometimes slow on the uptake when he first woke up. Suddenly it hit him, and Tsuzuki leapt up from his sitting position on the floor. Smiling inwardly, Hisoka watched as his partners face lit up.
"Wah! You really do care Hisoka!" Tsuzuki bounded over to Hisoka, waves of joy wafting off of the taller man. It took every instinct not to flinch from Tsuzuki's touch, even if it was just Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki noted the motion, and frowned critically down at his partner. "What's wrong?"
Hisoka backed slightly away from the bubbly man, and placed a hand on the window sill. He watched as a bird flew by the glass pane. "It's nothing Tsuzuki. My empathy is a little touchy at the moment . . . that's all." He turned around and looked back at Tsuzuki, to see if he would buy the little white lie.
Tsuzuki maintained his frown for a moment longer, and looked Hisoka directly in the eyes. "If you say so Hisoka. You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Hisoka blushed slightly and averted his eyes. "I know . . ."
Tsuzuki smiled and then bounded towards the bathroom. "Okay! Give me 15 minutes, then we can go okay? Just make yourself at home. I have some pastries on the counter from last night if you want any . . ." Tsuzuki's voice faded as he disappeared behind the bathroom door. Hisoka blinked at how suddenly Tsuzuki had changed the subject, but was glad that the older man had. At the moment Hisoka just couldn't find a way to express what he was feeling, nor did he really understand it.
Hisoka snorted softly and glanced around the room. Why Tsuzuki even bothered to still offer him sweets was beyond him. He just didn't really like sweet stuff, preferring milder tasting food instead. He eyed Tsuzuki's messed up bed and smiled gently. Hisoka hadn't meant to wake up the older shinigami is such a childish way, but seeing Tsuzuki there, drooling on his pillow, was just too good of a chance to pass up. He chuckled lightly, and began to make the bed.
The two of them still fell into old patterns, but Hisoka knew that nothing would ever be quite the same between the two of them anymore. The fire had changed them; had burned down a number of barriers. Hisoka smoothed the bed sheet carefully, and reached for the crumpled blanket. Tsuzuki still smiled and made his puppy-eyed looks, and Hisoka berated Tsuzuki and called him an idiot; but the intentions and meanings behind the motions took a whole different meaning now.
Even now, months after the fire, Hisoka could feel flashes of sadness and pain coming from the smiling Tsuzuki. He had been a broken man, there in Touda's fire, and perhaps he still was broken. Hisoka paused in his movement. But somehow, Tsuzuki had found a reason to live in Hisoka's tearful confession, there in the intense heat. The memories of that day flooded back to Hisoka, and he sat down on the bed at the onslaught of emotions that came with them.
He had meant it, that he belonged there, in Tsuzuki's heart. Never, at any point in his life, and afterwards in his death, had there been someone there for him like the violet-eyed man. Never, not even once that Hisoka could recall, was there anyone who cared about him. It scared Hisoka a little, knowing just how dependent he was upon his partner; but what frightened him even more, was Tsuzuki's apparent dependence on Hisoka.
He pushed the confusing thoughts out of his head and finished making up the bed. He moved out to the kitchen area, and eyed the disaster that was there. Tsuzuki was a terrible cook, Hisoka remembered the first time that Tsuzuki had offered him some of the lunch that he had prepared. The idea that something could be so revolting didn't occur to Hisoka until he took a bite of the offered curry. He hadn't meant to be so cruel, but the food was honestly horrible, and Tsuzuki wallowed in a funk for the better part of a week after Hisoka's response to his culinary skills.
Takeout boxes and chopsticks littered the counter top. Wrappers from numerous sweet confections lay among the wreckage. Hisoka could see the leftover pastries that Tsuzuki had mentioned before he disappeared into the bathroom. There were two left, one whole, one that had the distinct impression of a bite mark in it. The fact that the pastries were still there mostly unmolested was a surprise to Hisoka. Putting Tsuzuki in the vicinity of a sweet often led to the disappearance of said sweet.
Smiling slightly, Hisoka gathered all the empty take out boxes and wrappers and put them into the trash can. Why he was so lenient on his partner was another oddity. It wasn't that he wouldn't berate Tsuzuki on his slacking; just that he would let the violet-eyed man get away with much more than Hisoka would let anyone else. Not that there were many others who were on par with Tsuzuki's level of goofing off. Somehow, Tsuzuki had a way of worming his way into everyone's heart, often without the person knowing until it was too late.
It had happened to Hisoka that way, his first impression of Tsuzuki was something less than flattering. Somehow though, Tsuzuki had found he way past that bungling first encounter, and Hisoka found his partner to be a good man, if not very efficient. It was just who Tsuzuki was, and when it mattered, the elder shinigami was very serious about his work.
So Hisoka let Tsuzuki's slacking attitude be, enduring the man's bouts of sugar induced silliness and his childlike behaviours. In return, Tsuzuki found ways to make Hisoka let go of some of his imposed barriers. His past was bad, and to survive Hisoka had brought about multitudes of shields to protect himself from others. Both for his empathic powers, and for his battered psyche, it was those self erected walls that kept him sane.
Hisoka stilled in his cleaning, his memories surfacing. Sanity, it was such a unassuming thing, you didn't think much about it when you had it, but when it went away; all hell broke loose. Hisoka looked down at the candy wrapper in his hand. Muraki had almost destroyed him then, on that fateful night. He had blocked the events of that night from him, but Hisoka's mind also worked to shield him from the events.
The three long years it took him to die, induced by the curse marks Muraki left, Hisoka wasn't quite sure if he was sane for most of it. Sometimes, human contact bothered him, even when it was someone he trusted. His shying away from Tsuzuki's touch affirmed that one. The morbid turn his nightmare had taken last night didn't help to alleviate that fear.
Hisoka picked up a plate and placed it in the sink to be washed at a later time. In his dream, Muraki had accused him of chaining Tsuzuki to a world that was destroying him. In a warped sense, the dream Muraki was right . . . Hisoka had kept Tsuzuki attached to a world where his heart broke a little every day.
In the fire, Hisoka had seen and felt the raw pain that was Tsuzuki. That kind of pain, didn't just go away, it just buried. Hisoka raked his fingers through his hair lightly. Whether or not he had been right about saving Tsuzuki, was a null point. The past couldn't be changed. If Tsuzuki truly wished to leave . . . he would; and nothing Hisoka could do would stop the violet-eyed man, if he was determined enough.
Every case that they took, every soul that they claimed, somehow Tsuzuki found a way to take it personally. That much guilt, that much pain, how Tsuzuki endured it Hisoka was not quite sure. The older man may be one of the most powerful shinigami's in the division, but he was also a very fragile soul. It astounded Hisoka every day how much strength Tsuzuki actually had, and just how misplaced the man placed his affections.
A broken man shouldn't depend on a broken doll . . . Hisoka closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Why such dark thoughts had come to him, Hisoka wasn't quite sure, all that he knew was that he wanted them to stop. Hisoka looked around the kitchen, trying to focus on happier things. He looked back to the bite marked pastry, and smiled slightly. Tsuzuki.
Comfort. That is what he would describe Tsuzuki as. Tsuzuki was a comfort. Unlike other people in his life, Hisoka felt comfortable around the violet-eyed clown. It was intoxicating and life affirming. Hisoka snorted at that thought, considering the fact that he was already dead. Funny how death gave him a second chance at life.
He had finally found a niche, a place where he belonged. And the one person that mattered to Hisoka had almost left him alone. Hisoka glanced around Tsuzuki's apartment and leaned against the kitchen table. Who was he kidding? He let Tsuzuki get away with so much . . . he did so much for the violet-eyed shinigami because . . . because he cared for him.
Hisoka looked down at his hands, and pulled the sleeves of his dress shirt up a little. Stark red marks glared back up at him. Muraki had driven Tsuzuki to the edge of sanity, he had caused the broken man to call upon his summons, to obliterate his life after death. Hisoka had run into those flames, heedless of the danger to himself . . . because Tsuzuki was in there. Those feelings were more than those between good friends, between work partners . . . wasn't it?
"Oh wow! You didn't have to clean my place up. Thank you Hisoka!"
Hisoka whirled around to find Tsuzuki standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Tsuzuki was dressed in his usual black suit and trench coat, his tie loose around his neck. Hisoka stared at his partner and a scowl graced his face. Old habits were safe, old habits were comfortable. "Took you long enough! Tatsumi is going to have our heads as is if we don't hurry!" Hisoka straightened up from his stance at the table and took a couple of steps towards the front door.
Tsuzuki gave his partner an odd look, and Hisoka looked away from him. "Are you really okay Hisoka?"
Closing his eyes Hisoka took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He turned around and looked Tsuzuki in the eye. "Look, it's nothing I can't handle okay? Just . . . old demons." He made a vague gesture with his hand and gave Tsuzuki a look that said drop it.
Tsuzuki eyed Hisoka for a moment longer, as if he wanted to say something, but then a smile appeared on his face once again. Hisoka was glad that Tsuzuki was willing to let things lie. "Hmm well, nothing beats a bad mood like a good pastry!" Tsuzuki grinned and grabbed the two pastries off the counter. He put the already bit one in his mouth and thrust the other into Hisoka's hand. "Knowing you, you haven't eaten anything yet. So here."
Hisoka eyed the sticky pastry in his hand. This was normal; this he could deal with. He looked at it for a moment then shrugged. If eating the pastry would get Tsuzuki off of his back for a bit, he would do so. "Whatever . . ." Hisoka bit off a small piece of the sweet confection and chewed, ever aware of Tsuzuki's eyes upon him. He blushed slightly and swallowed the morsel of food. "We had better get moving." With that last remark, Hisoka hurriedly rushed out of Tsuzuki's apartment. Tsuzuki followed him with a small frown on his face.
****************************
The nightmares were going to be the death of him. Hisoka grimaced as he drank from his third cup of coffee that morning. The bitter liquid was not his drink of choice, but he needed the caffeine boost. He placed the mug down on his desk and rubbed his eyes wearily. A massive amount of paperwork loomed before him, and the thought of so much writing made Hisoka's hand cramp.
Tatsumi and Chief Konoe had decided that both Hisoka and Tsuzuki were to be restricted from field work until they fully recovered from the Kyoto case. Until a time that Tatsumi deemed appropriate, Hisoka and Tsuzuki were limited to paperwork and research. Hisoka twirled the pen in his hand absentmindedly. Light work . . . more like everyone in the department dumping any unwanted paperwork onto the duo's desks respectively.
Hisoka eyed the stack of papers once again and sighed. His stack of papers was much greater than Tsuzuki's, considering the fact that for every three reports Hisoka completed, Tsuzuki might get one finished. Hisoka looked over to Tsuzuki's desk, where currently his partner was absorbed by watching his pencil sharpen in an electric sharpener. The lack of field work was necessary, both him and Tsuzuki had been quite hurt in the fires that consumed the research building. Not to mention that the emotional scars were still quite open, and needed time to heal. But the lack of action gave Hisoka's mind time to wander, and stray it did.
Everyone was worried enough as is about Tsuzuki and him, Hisoka didn't want anyone to know that he wasn't getting enough sleep at night. That horrible visions came to him every time he tried to sleep, taking away a small part of himself every time. He especially didn't want Tsuzuki to know, the violet-eyed man had enough on his plate, he didn't need to worry about Hisoka as well.
Hisoka glanced over to his older partner, and smiled ever so slightly. Tsuzuki had a big heart, but it was going to be the destruction of him. The man cared too much, and took too much to heart. Hisoka knew now just how fragile his partner was, at least inside, and he knew, that no matter what the cost, Hisoka would protect that gentle soul from harm if he could. In the back of his mind, Hisoka could hear the doubts once again. Had he been right in saving Tsuzuki that night?
A shout from across the room startled Hisoka out of his musings and he watched as Wakaba bounded across the room over to Tsuzuki's desk, a small present in hand. He could see Tsuzuki's face brighten into a smile as he accepted the gift from the 'young' girl, and opened it to reveal a box of chocolates. Hisoka smiled at the sight and turned his head back to his paperwork. Whatever Tsuzuki really felt, Hisoka could not fathom. Tsuzuki had a way of hiding how he really felt. Even now, after he had tried to end his life in flames, he put up shields. It was what Tsuzuki did, but now . . . now Hisoka knew that it was just a mask.
The headache behind his eyes throbbed slightly in response to the heavy thinking Hisoka was doing. He rubbed at his eyes and looked back down to his paperwork. Nightmares or not, doubts or not, if he didn't get some work done soon . . . Hisoka could just imagine Tatsumi raging down on him for wasting office time. But gods . . . Hisoka just felt so worn down. If he could only get a couple hours of dreamless sleep, he would be able to function once again. Hisoka looked at his coffee mug and drained the last of the coffee in one large gulp.
"Do you want one Hisoka? They are really good! One will perk you right up!"
Startled, Hisoka glanced up at the direction of the voice. Tsuzuki was pressing over top of the mountain of paper on Hisoka's desk and smiling slightly. Hisoka blinked stupidly at Tsuzuki until he realized what his partner had meant. The chocolate . . . right . . . An irritated look flashed across Hisoka's face as he glared at Tsuzuki.
He knew that the man was just trying to be helpful, but with the way Hisoka was feeling, he just wanted everyone to leave him alone. Hisoka cleared his throat loudly and shuffled the papers on his desk. "Remember? I don't like sweets and besides, it isn't like we are working very hard here to deserve a reward. " He made a motion with his hand over to Tsuzuki's desk. "How much have you gotten done anyways?"
Hisoka watched as Tsuzuki fidgeted slightly, and sighed. Tsuzuki always started fidgeting when he was trying to hide something. "Well Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki scratched his head thoughtfully. "I am kinda tired this morning, so I still am working on my first report." He waggled a brightly wrapped chocolate in front of Hisoka. "I figured I would share with you, since these are really meant for both you and I." Tsuzuki frowned as he looked down at Hisoka's almost empty mug. "You really are drinking a lot of coffee today Hisoka . . . you are on . . . what, your third cup already?"
Hisoka blushed slightly and made a motion of sorting through his papers. "Idiot. Why are you watching me drink coffee any ways? If you have so much free time, you should spend it on something of worth like your work, not sight seeing." Hisoka glared up at Tsuzuki, and felt a small pang of guilt as he saw Tsuzuki flinch at his words. He could sense a flash of concern from Tsuzuki and worry. The headache behind his eyes began to pulse slightly.
A slight frown crossed Tsuzuki's face, but then quickly disappeared. "Hmm . . . well I'll leave this on your desk, maybe you will want it later eh?" Tsuzuki straightened up and took a step back from Hisoka's desk. "You know though, sometimes the sights are worth it." He flashed Hisoka a quick grin, and headed back to his desk.
Mouth hanging slightly open, Hisoka could do little more than gap at what Tsuzuki had said. He could feel a blush flash across his face and shook his head. An idiot, that was what Tsuzuki was, always spouting out phrases like that to make Hisoka blush. Worth . . . Hisoka looked down at the papers he had shuffled around his desk. The dream Muraki spoke of that as well. What makes a person worthy anyways? The headache forming in his head pulsed harder behind his eyes. Hisoka groaned ever so slightly and rubbed his temples lightly. These deep thoughts were unwanted and unneeded.
As much as he berated Tsuzuki for not getting work done, Hisoka himself had accomplished very little that morning. In fact, Hisoka wouldn't be surprised if Tsuzuki had gotten more done than him. Hisoka stared at the mass of paper, until his gaze travelled over the small chocolate Tsuzuki had left upon his desk. He picked it up and looked thoughtfully down at it. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. Hisoka looked up to Tsuzuki and was surprised to find the man staring back at him. Tsuzuki coughed lightly and shuffled the papers on his desk noisily.
Hisoka felt his cheeks warm a little and he placed the bright red candy down in the middle of his desk. It looked very small, amidst the mass of paper upon his desk. He looked over to his empty coffee cup. Enough was enough. Hisoka knew when he was beaten. He needed to get some proper rest. He couldn't drink coffee forever, and the headache threatening him was not going to go away. Sighing slightly, Hisoka leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"Hey Hisoka?"
The ghost of a frown flitted across Hisoka's face, then reverted back to its neutral expression. Eyes still closed to ward off the harsh office lights, Hisoka nursed his growing headache. "What is it now Tsuzuki?" It felt a little strange, but Hisoka just didn't have the energy to actually look at the man speaking to him.
Had Hisoka know what Tsuzuki was about to do, he might have reacted differently - or at least raised his battered mental shields. As it was, when a cool hand came into contact with his cheek Hisoka startled backwards, away from the touch, and began to topple over, chair and all. The touch was too much like the dream Muraki's touch, and the added curse of emotional backwash of skin to skin contact . . .
A multitude of emotions crashed into Hisoka's weary psyche at that slight touch. Concern, sadness, comfort, loneliness . . . it was too much in Hisoka's exhausted state. Time seemed to slow down as gravity took control of Hisoka's body and sent him falling. Nothing mattered at that moment except to gain control of himself. The touch had been innocent, and Tsuzuki couldn't have known just how vulnerable Hisoka was at the moment, but the pain . . .
He barely felt the ground hit him, nor the blow to his head. His mind was reeling, and it took every effort not to cry out in pain. Eyes squeezed shut, Hisoka just lay on the ground, his breathing erratic. The touch had been slight, and only for a moment, but a combination of lack of sleep, and weak mental shields had made that touch intense.
A murmuring noise could be heard from above him, and Hisoka opened his eyes warily. Tsuzuki was there, just above him, his eyes shining with concern. The older man must have been saying something to him, but to Hisoka it sounded nothing more than sound. That must have been the buzzing noise from before. Amidst the white noise, Hisoka could faintly hear his name being called, and saw that Tsuzuki's lips matched the sound.
"Oh gods . . Hisoka!? Hisoka?! Are you okay?" Tsuzuki was hovering over him, his face awash in dismay. It seemed to Hisoka like the man was trying to decide between 20 different actions at once, and was stumped. Had he felt better, Hisoka probably would have laughed at the sight. As it was, Hisoka could do little more that stare up at Tsuzuki from the floor.
He blinked wearily up at Tsuzuki and just stared at him. His head was pounding fiercely now, and he felt like he had been run over but a truck. "I'm okay . . ." His voice sounded weak, but he tried to show a strong front.
"Liar." Tsuzuki knelt beside Hisoka and looked him in the eyes. "I let it go this morning because you obviously weren't comfortable talking to me about it, but now I can't just ignore it." Hisoka looked up at the violet pools and felt as if he was drowning in them. "I've been watching you all morning, and you haven't been able to focus on your work for more than a minute for the past two hours. In fact, you haven't been able to focus for the past couple days. You are hiding yourself from me, pretending that things are okay . . . What's wrong Hisoka?"
Hisoka gingerly hauled himself up into a sitting position and nearly fell over at the effort. Tsuzuki caught him, careful not to touch Hisoka's flesh. Hisoka could feel his face flaming, his back resting against Tsuzuki's chest. Hisoka didn't want this . . . he didn't want Tsuzuki to worry . . . to care. His head pounded fiercely now, and it was making him irritable. Why did the man have to care so much? Why couldn't he just let things lay the way they were? Hisoka closed his eyes briefly, hiding the concerned look Tsuzuki was giving him from view.
Deep down, he knew why things couldn't stay the way they were, the fires had changed all that. But it didn't mean that Hisoka couldn't wish for things to stay simple. He wasn't . . . worthy for Tsuzuki's concern. First Kyoto, then the nightmares, and in turn his exhaustion and now this . . . It was everything too much, too fast. He needed room to breathe.
Hisoka adopted a scowl and tried to downplay the severity of what had just happened. "Idiot . . . I'm just a little tired that's all. I didn't want to bother you with something so trivial, you have enough to deal with . . ." Hisoka frowned and tried to push Tsuzuki away from him. When Tsuzuki didn't let go Hisoka shook his head slightly. "Let me go Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki tightened his hold on Hisoka and Hisoka looked up at the violet-eyed man. Even this close, Hisoka could barely see Tsuzuki's eyes, as the man's chocolate bangs hid them from view. "Never . . ."
"Tsuzuki . . ."
"I won't let you go . . ." Tsuzuki shook his head slightly and looked down at Hisoka, and Hisoka could see in the violet eyes, the same emotions that had hit him at the slight touch. Concern, sadness, comfort, loneliness . . . "Why can't you depend on me once in a while? You know I am here right?" Tsuzuki's voice was low and soft, as if he only wanted Hisoka to hear his words. Everything narrowed down to just the two of them, just Hisoka supported in Tsuzuki's arms.
Tsuzuki smiled sadly and Hisoka felt his stomach lurch as Tsuzuki suddenly pulled him off the floor, arms carefully embracing Hisoka to help him stand. "Hey, we're partners right? It's my job to take care of my partner." Hisoka could do little more look up in shock at Tsuzuki, leaning back to see the taller man behind him. Tsuzuki winked at Hisoka, letting the young man lean against him. "The usual Hisoka would have hit me and protested to be let go. This shows just how unwell you really are." Tsuzuki leaned his head in close to Hisoka's. "You're not well, you know it and I know it. Just let me take care of you . . . okay?"
Stunned, Hisoka just looked up at Tsuzuki with wide green eyes. He was so tired, and for the first time in days, Hisoka felt peace. He knew he was showing himself as weak to Tsuzuki but somehow, it just didn't matter at the moment. The nightmare, the headache, everything was far away now. Hisoka was beyond tired, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically.
Hisoka leaned against Tsuzuki's chest and closed his eyes briefly. He murmured softly as he felt Tsuzuki's warmth. "Why do you care so much?" Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki's arms tighten around him as he spoke. Hisoka lifted his head slightly to look Tsuzuki in the eye, the ghost of a frown on his face. "Why?"
He could sense a tender touch of emotion coming from Tsuzuki, but it was so subtle he couldn't identify them. He just knew that they were positive ones. He could feel Tsuzuki's warm breath upon his cheek as the older man answered him back. "Do I really have to have a reason to? Can't I just be here?"
Hisoka looked into Tsuzuki's violet eyes and saw the honesty in the older man's eyes. Hisoka sighed slightly and rested his head against Tsuzuki's chest. "I suppose you're right." Later, he would probably be mortified and irritated at how Tsuzuki was treating him, holding him so intimately like that. Later he could and probably would be his usual self.
For now, he let himself indulge in this moment. The unspoken promises were there and it warmed Hisoka, while at the same time frightened him. The quiet moment would have spilled over into one of those uncomfortable awkward moments if Watari hadn't chose that moment to walk into the room.
"Um . . . uh . . . er . . . Good morning?" The blonde scientist adjusted his glasses and stopped a couple of steps into the room with 003 fluttering madly behind him. A wide, knowing grin plastered itself across Watari's face as he watched the two partners before him. "Am I interrupting?"
As quickly as he could, Hisoka stepped away from Tsuzuki, his face flaming. He was already embarrassed as it was, collapsing at Tsuzuki's slight touch. He turned to Watari and glared at the blonde man. "I . . . am just not feeling very well today. Tsuzuki was helping me." The words sounded very lame to Hisoka, and he was sure that Watari thought the same. Hisoka looked to both Tsuzuki and Watari and wished that his blush would fade.
Watari's eyes shone mischievously. "Oh. So that's what it was . . ." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, and Watari's eyes took on a more concerned look. "But are you okay now Bon?"
Hisoka glared defiantly at Watari and scowled. He didn't like it when people treated him like a child. Hisoka noted how Tsuzuki took a hesitant step forward, as if to catch him if he fell. He turned and gave Tsuzuki a small frown. "Honestly Tsuzuki, I'm not made of glass, I can manage!" Hisoka ignored the small look of concern that flitted across Tsuzuki's face and Hisoka sighed. "Really! The both of you! I'm fine!"
"Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki frowned for a moment at Hisoka's words, and for a moment Hisoka thought that Tsuzuki was going to argue with him, but then suddenly Tsuzuki let out a light laugh. "From the day I met you, you have always been stubborn and headstrong . . . but I guess you wouldn't be you if you weren't that way right?" Tsuzuki tilted his head and smiled softly. "I'll let it be for now, but do realize, that I won't keep away if I really feel that you aren't well."
Hisoka rubbed his brow irritably. "Whatever makes you happy." His response was clipped, but Hisoka could tell that Tsuzuki could see that Hisoka really didn't mean it. It was easier to be this way, to be his usual moody self, than to try to honestly respond to Tsuzuki's words. He could see Watari frowning slightly at the two of them and rolled his eyes.
"Well if you two are finished, shall we saunter over to the meeting room?" Watari peered quizzically over the top of his glasses. "They have called up an emergency meeting, and I was coming here to get you two . . ." A playful smile danced across the blonde scientist's face, and it took great effort on Hisoka's part not to glare at Watari. He knew that Watari was only poking gentle fun, but Hisoka didn't like it that others assumed things about how things were between the two partners of 2nd block.
Hisoka managed to maintain his scowl the entire way down to the meeting room. To fall back into old habits was comforting, was less confusing than the paths he and Tsuzuki had been treading lately. Tsuzuki walked beside him, babbling about this and that, random talk to fill the silence. Watari trailed behind the two of them, humming an unidentifiable song.
********************
"Hikaru Takahashi, age 11. Died under suspicious circumstances." Chief Konoe looked across the table to the assembled employees while pointing to the projector image of a smiling young girl. "Her body was discovered by a city worker at dawn." The child was quite pretty, raven black hair and wide expressive green eyes. Hisoka looked at the image and felt a small pang of sadness. It was depressing when young ones died . . . he should know. Hisoka sneaked a quick glance over to Tsuzuki and saw that the older man had set his face into a neutral expression.
The slide then switched to a more gruesome image of a police investigation scene. The body of the girl lay in the middle of a grassy field. Morbid as that was, it was the remnants of what appeared to be a magic circle in the grass caught Hisoka's attention. People die, it is a fact of life; but people usually didn't die under such peculiar circumstances. Despite his lingering headache, Hisoka leaned forward to get a better look at the grim image. For some reason he couldn't quite identify, this case engaged him, but perhaps he was just bored.
Konoe looked down at his notes and began reciting important points. "The child went missing from her house about a week ago according to police reports. How she was taken from the house with no apparent marks of entry or struggle is baffling. These images here," Konoe pointed to the magic circle remnants image. "Are from yesterday. The body was found in the center of the circle, eyes, ears, nose, finger tips and tongue removed. Almost all of her blood was drained, from a single cut across her neck, but almost no blood was found around or in the body."
Konoe cleared his throat and shook his head in disgust. "Signs of physical abuse were also found and strange rune marks burned into her wrists and ankles. The Tokyo police investigators believe that this is some sort of occult murder." He looked at each of his colleagues respectively and settled his gaze towards Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "This case is quite disturbing, especially considering the fact that Hikaru's name hasn't appeared on the register."
"Do you mean to say that she is still somehow alive?!?" Watari shook his head in disbelief. "How can that be? Her body is right there!" He pointed to another gruesome image of the child's mutilated body.
Tatsumi cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "That is why we were called in on this case. It is recent, but considering the highly unusual circumstances surrounding it, they bumped it up to high priority." Hisoka could feel chief Konoe's gaze upon him and Tsuzuki, and when Tatsumi also looked in their direction, Hisoka could feel his stomach drop.
"Enma has assigned the shinigami to work this case . . ." Chief Konoe shook his head sadly. "Despite great protests of both Tatsumi and I, I'm very sorry Tsuzuki . . . Hisoka . . . but the two of you have been assigned to this case."
"WHAT?!?" Watari sputtered out angrily, covering up the shocked silence of both Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "What is the matter with Him? Doesn't He know that Tsuzuki and Hisoka are still recovering from the Kyoto case? Why does it have to be them?"
Hisoka just sat in his chair in shock. He had been sick of pushing paperwork, but this case was not what he had in mind for getting back into field work. His headache pounded fiercely. Hisoka glanced over to Tsuzuki and saw that his facial expression had still not changed from its neutral stance. What was Enma thinking . . . placing the two of them on such a gruesome case at this time?
Konoe switched the slides back to the image of the smiling Hikaru. "It has to be them, because Tsuzuki is the most powerful shinigami in division, being able to summon 12 shikigami. Whatever or whomever did this could be a serious threat. Hisoka as well because his empathic abilities will be of great help to sense where Hikaru's soul has gone." He clasped his hands in front of him and bowed his head slightly. "I understand Enma's reasoning, but I don't have to like it."
"From what I understand, the higher ups are quite concerned with this case because of all it entails." Tatsumi stood up and began to pace within the small confines of the room. "So even though we have no choice in this matter . . ." Tatsumi glanced over at Tsuzuki and Hisoka could see the secretary's eyes soften slightly. "We will not go and send two of our own alone and unprepared."
"I understand." Hisoka stared at Tsuzuki, in astonishment of his simple acceptance. Tsuzuki turned his head and looked back at Hisoka. "We will go over the file reports and then Hisoka and I will head down to earth." Tsuzuki stood up and walked over to Konoe, his stance stiff and very un-Tsuzuki like.
"This is insane!!"
"Watari, I told you we have no decision in this matter!"
Hisoka cringed at the flow of emotions swirling the room, the tension was great and it didn't take an empath to realize that. He needed to get out of the room, away from the others. He could see that Tsuzuki could tell that as well, hence Tsuzuki's quick acceptance of the case.
"Do what you must to get prepared." Chief Konoe handed Tsuzuki the files before him. "I am sending one of the Gushoshin twins down with you to help you and give you guys a direct link back here to division through the computer." Konoe closed his eyes briefly and Hisoka could feel the intense worry radiating from him. "I'll do everything in my power to give you guys any support and backup that you may require. If there was any way I could change this, you know I would do so."
"We understand." Tsuzuki nodded curtly and turned to Hisoka. Hisoka could see the concern in Tsuzuki's eyes and he nodded ever so slightly towards Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki nodded grimly back and turned to the arguing shinigami. "Don't worry you two, Hisoka and I will be just fine. We'll probably have this case solved in no time!"
Hisoka stood up and strained not to sway where he stood. He needed out of the room. He knew he should say something, add something to the meeting, but it was just too much effort. Tsuzuki had pretty much said everything that needed to be said by the two of them. This case was horrifying and strangely similar in ways to his own death. That in itself made Hisoka want to get to the bottom of the case quickly. If the Hikaru child was still somehow alive, Hisoka would make sure to help her pass on. No one deserved that kind of abuse. He nodded quickly to each of his fellow coworkers, and turned to exit the room. He didn't have to look to know that Tsuzuki was following close behind him.
They were beginning their reentry into field work. The case was disturbing and it was going to be a tough one in more ways than one for the both of them. Hisoka had a feeling, that despite their confident words, this case was not going to be quick or easy. He balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath.
Hell really does exist.
********************
Well there it is. Chapter one of my baby. Ugh . . . I'm tired now. At the moment my muse is here and keeping me company, so hopefully I will slowly get my stuff out here. Reviews would be most welcome.
So on with the show!
Chapter One
By Lockeheart
"Wake up . . . "
Vivid emerald eyes opened to gaze upon nothingness. Hisoka blinked once again and raised his head from ground that he could not see, even if he could feel it beneath him. The only light glowed softly from his own body, a kind of gentle white light illuminated him - but revealed nothing of where he lay.
Pale blonde stands of hair fell across his forehead as Hisoka sat up. He looked around once again, and tried to find something to suggest where he was. Eternal blackness engulfed him, as if attempting to drown the pale glow that emanated from his being. Hisoka shivered and hugged his arms around himself, and calmly noted that he was naked. The curse marks upon his body the only contrast to his pale white skin, there in the darkness.
"Are you scared boy?"
Hisoka stared into the darkness, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from, but the way it echoed, the sound seemed to come from all around him. He gracefully got to his feet, ignoring the fact that he was naked, and stepped forward. It felt as if he were in a void, where nothing existed, except for him and the voice. Waves of muted emotions swirled around him, but for some reason, Hisoka could not make them out. He carefully lowered his mental shields and reached out - and nearly fell to his knees at the intense feelings of hatred and arrogance swirling around him. Hisoka felt like he was the mouse in a game of cat and mouse - and he had a feeling he knew who that cat was . . .
Not wanting to encounter the figure attached to the voice, Hisoka attempted to use his shinigami powers to teleport - and promptly fell to the ground as a wave of intense pain crashed into his body. He curled up on the ground, his arms tight around his body as he rode out the wave of pain and rising fear he felt from within. Wherever he was, he was unable to escape by his own powers. The void around him was unnatural, as was the light emanating from his being. A pair of white shoes entered his field of vision, and Hisoka looked up to the one person he hated most in the world. Muraki.
Hisoka saw the sick smile that appeared on the immaculately dressed man, and fought to not show his fear. Muraki held out a hand to Hisoka. "Come now boy, it was a lot of effort to come here . . . the least you could do is stay for a bit instead of trying to run away." Hisoka shuddered as he felt Muraki's eyes travel up and down his naked form. "You still are beautiful . . . my pretty doll . . . "
Hisoka furiously hit the offered hand away and stood up, his green eyes wide and angry. "I am NOT your doll!" Hisoka backed away from the cold man and tried to quell the growing fear in the pit of his stomach. He was naked, in the darkness, with a man who had no hesitations of harming him. "What do you want from me Muraki? Where am I?" He could feel an ever so slight tremble in his voice, but hoped that the slight fear he felt did not reflect in his question. "Is this another one of your sick diversions?"
The smile widened on the man's face, and Hisoka could feel a subtle change in the emotion coming from the man. "Poor doll . . . so clueless . . ." He raised a hand and made a small gesture. A wave of force struck Hisoka and froze him where he stood, only his neck and head maintained movement. "This is the beginning of the end . . . don't you understand?" Hisoka strained against the invisible bonds holding him in place, but could not break free.
"What do you mean? What did you do . . . ?" Voice strained to speak, Hisoka could do little more than glare at Muraki, who still wore that sickening smile. "Let me go you bastard!!" Anger replaced his fear and Hisoka, though unable to move, fought to reach forward to smack that smile off of Muraki's face.
Muraki pulled his glasses away from his eyes and placed them in his breast pocket. He raised an eyebrow as if to question Hisoka, and chuckled lightly. "Name calling is so childish, my doll. I really must teach you some manners." Muraki approached the immobilized Hisoka, a gleam in his eye. Hisoka's eyes widened as the monster close in. "How is my toy doing? Last I saw you, you were claiming what was rightfully mine." Muraki stopped in front of the youth, and reached out to brush at Hisoka's blonde bangs. Hisoka shuddered at the touch.
Hisoka pulled his head away from Muraki's questing fingers. "Rightfully yours?" Hisoka's mind was racing as he tried to stall Muraki from whatever it was he was trying to accomplish. Where he was, he didn't know, but it was no where in the physical realm. Perhaps it was another dimension?
"Always in the way . . . you are such a bad doll." He seized Hisoka by the hair at the base of his head and pulled back, forcing Hisoka's head back as Muraki leaned in very close. "I can see why Tsuzuki is so fond of you though, you really are a beautiful boy. But you don't understand him like I do." Muraki glared down to stare into Hisoka's wide eyes.
"Why did you take him? I was giving him what he desired, but you . . . you had to drag him from the peace he craved." Still holding Hisoka's head back, Muraki traced one of the curse marks along Hisoka's chest with his finger. "You kept him in a world that does nothing more but cause him anguish, and for what? Because you 'need' him?" Muraki shook his head, as if disappointed at Hisoka. "Selfish and pathetic is what I would use to describe you. Selfish for binding a man to a worthless broken doll like yourself. Pathetic, because somewhere inside you really believe he cares for you." Hisoka stained uselessly against the force holding him back.
"SHUT UP!! What the hell do you know about what Tsuzuki wants? All you know is how to torture people and prolong their torment!" Hisoka shouted back at Muraki, his green eyes shining with emotion. Muraki's words stung, and that pain hurt worse than Muraki's touch upon his skin. "You weren't giving him what he desired, you were pushing him head long off the edge of sanity! You are the pathetic one Muraki, always clamouring after someone who will NEVER be yours!!" Every fibre of his being was singing in apprehension, but Hisoka gathered his courage and glared defiantly up at the man who held his hair. "LET ME GO!!"
Hisoka winced as Muraki jerked his head back even further, and hissed a slight moan of pain. "I don't think you really see the situation you are in boy." Muraki's face loomed very close to Hisoka's. "Do you really believe that is all that I am capable of? You insult me." Muraki's eyes gleamed with hateful intent.
Muraki smiled cruelly and shook his head slightly. "Whether or not you or I are worthy of dear Tsuzuki is beside the point. Possessions should obey their owner, don't you think?" Muraki trailed his finger down the length of Hisoka's exposed throat, causing Hisoka to shudder at the touch. "You really have been behaving badly my doll, I think it is time I remind you who is the master in this relationship. " He traced a couple of the curse marks on Hisoka's chest. "I claimed you the moment I saw you. My hold is carved into your flesh." Muraki looked directly into Hisoka's wide green eyes. " I own you. You are MINE."
Lips crushed against Hisoka's and he instinctively tried to pull away from the offending touch. Hisoka's mind screamed at him, his thoughts frightened and confused. He could feel the terror riding on the edge of his mind. Muraki had complete control, just like before. Anger flared at that thought and Hisoka retaliated the only way he could in his paralysed state; he bit back.
Instead of withdrawing though, Muraki just smiled against Hisoka's lips and kissed Hisoka harder. The coppery taste of blood entered Hisoka's mouth. A firm hand gripped Hisoka's chin and in a mockery of a loving touch, caressed his cheek. Hisoka could feel Muraki's arm at the small of his back, and felt himself plunging backward, propelled by Muraki's form.
Suddenly hard ground pressed against his back, Muraki's frame laying on top of him. Hisoka struggled desperately against the spell upon him, and Muraki himself. Heart beating frantically, Hisoka strained his head back, away from Muraki's face. "GET OFF OF ME!!" The ground dug painfully into his back, even though he still could not see it. Hisoka glared daggers up at Muraki, and was dismayed to only hear Muraki laugh at his defiance.
Muraki licked his bloody lips, and glared down at Hisoka, smiling at the pinned boy. "And why should I?" Hisoka shuddered as Muraki's lips descended down to his neck to nip him gently. Hisoka could feel panic riding along the edge of his sanity, nudging him closer to the edge. He had no control, there was no escape. IT was going to happen again . . .
Muraki leaned in close, placing his face just an inch away from Hisoka's, and he held the youth's head immobile with his arm across the forehead. "Foolish boy, don't you understand yet?" Hisoka could feel Muraki's breath upon his face. "You and I, we will always have a bond." At that phrase the curse marks upon Hisoka's frame ignited in dazzling colour, and Hisoka cried out in pain. "My beautiful, broken doll . . ." Muraki leaned back to watch as the curse marks flared even brighter. "Can you feel the power I hold over you?"
Tears streamed down Hisoka's face, freed by the intense pain brought on by the blazing marks along his body. Rising panic bubbled up through Hisoka at the horror of what was happening. He could feel Muraki's hands begin to roam his body. Above him, the darkness suddenly lit up, and the outline of a Cherry tree formed above them. Soft pink petals drifted down upon the two of them, a horrible parody of the first night when Muraki took Hisoka.
There was no escape, no way out, and Hisoka could feel all his walls crumbling. He wanted someone, anyone to come and rescue him. No one had come to rescue him that night either, no had cared where he had been. A broken excuse of a human being, lost in the night . . . "Please . . . stop . . ." Hisoka hissed out brokenly, his voice choking back a sob. "No . . ."
Muraki leaned up to look Hisoka in the eyes. Any emotion Hisoka could feel from the man was lust, exhilaration and hatred. "Nothing will stop this my doll." He caressed Hisoka's face gently, and Hisoka closed his eyes. "I will destroy what took my beloved away from me, and you will pay for taking him away." Muraki coldly smiled. "I told you before . . . you are MINE." Muraki leaned in close to Hisoka's face and ruthlessly took his lips once again. Hisoka could feel his spirit breaking inside, and his tears fell to mingle with the scattered cherry petals.
********************
With a broken sob, Hisoka awoke. He lay for a moment, just breathing deeply and staring at the ceiling. His heart was beating madly, and a sheen of sweat covered his lithe body. Slowly he sat up, his blanket falling away from him.
It had just been a dream. Just a dream.
Hisoka pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face against them, wrapping his arms tight around his legs. His house was quiet, the still of night around him. Pale moonlight drifted through the bedroom window, casting the room into a blueish glow. He was beyond shaken. The dream had frightened him to his core.
Were they ever going to stop? He tightened his grip around his legs and breathed deeply. Ever since Kyoto, ever since the fire, constant nightmares had come to torment his sleep, what little he did get these days. Nightmares about Muraki, of the day he sealed Hisoka's fate, and took away everything from him. Dreams of his childhood, of the silence and long cold nights locked in the cellar. Nightmares of the three long years it took Hisoka to die, trapped between life and death, reeling in pain - because of the curse Muraki placed upon him. Dreams of intense fire, with Tsuzuki kneeling in the flames, dying. Nightmares of being alone, of rejection from everyone who cared for him now - complete abandonment.
He had always had nightmares, from the time he was a small child. His life didn't provide much for happy dreams. Yet somehow . . . this one was different. Hisoka stared across his bedroom to the far wall. In his dream, Muraki accused him of being selfish. That he had trapped Tsuzuki in a world he could no longer bear . . . Right . . . Wrong . . . Had he done the right thing by rescuing Tsuzuki from the fire?
He could see Muraki's cold face in his minds eye, repeating the accusing words once again. Not only had the dream Muraki violated Hisoka's sense of control and well being; the man had reopened emotional wounds that had only begun to heal. Hisoka shook his head and rested his forehead on his knees. Like he didn't have enough problems at the moment, now he was beginning to doubt his actions.
This nightmare, unlike all his others, was not based on the far past, but on recent events. Hisoka felt a shudder run through his body. Never before had it been like that, the nightmares, while horrifying, never had a feeling of being totally and completely trapped like that. The emotions that he felt within the dream, had felt real. Muraki's unwanted touch, he could still feel it upon his body, like a ghost touch.
Hisoka pressed his face into his knees, trying to block out those thoughts. The nightmares, somehow sparked by the Kyoto case events, haunted his sleep, but never had they been so vivid, so . . . disturbing. He peeked one eye open to look at the alarm clock beside his bed. The digital display read 2:29 a.m.. It was still night, but Hisoka knew that he would not be sleeping anymore. His entire body and mind were on edge.
He breathed in a shuddering breath and uncurled himself from his self- imposed ball. Leaning his head against his headboard, he lifted an arm to rake his fingers through his sweat dampened hair. Just a dream . . . it had been just a dream . . . But it had felt so real . . . Hisoka shuddered as the ghost of a caress grazed his face. He closed his eyes and sighed. It was way too early to head to work, and it was a futile gesture to attempt to go back to sleep.
It was going to be a very long wait for the dawn.
********************
Warm rays of sunlight spilled through the bedroom window and unerringly found their way to shine upon Tsuzuki's sleeping form. Brow frowning slightly, he pulled the blanket up over his head. "Just a couple more minutes . . ." The 26-year-old Shinigami snuggled deeper into his blankets, burrowing to escape the encroaching sunlight.
A couple minutes later a loud ring pierced the morning stillness, causing the Tsuzuki lump to move slightly. A slim arm snaked out from under the blankets and attempted to hit the snooze button on the blaring alarm clock. "Ugh . . . stupid alarm . . ." The hand managed to hit the button, and pulled itself back into the warm cocoon of blankets. "Mm mmm . . ."
A soft but forceful object crashed into Tsuzuki's head, and with a muffled yelp, he poked his head out from under his blankets. "What the -?"
A pair of piercing emerald eyes gazed cooly back at him. Hisoka stood at the edge of the bed, a pillow hanging loosely from his hand. "You are going to be late." Hisoka threw the pillow lightly at Tsuzuki who reflexively dodged it . . . causing the sleepy man to promptly fall bonelessly out of his bed to the hard wood floor. "Or you will be if you don't get your body in motion."
"Owwww . . ." Tsuzuki rubbed his backside and pouted slightly up at Hisoka, who continued to gaze cooly at Tsuzuki. Hisoka gave a small ghost of a smile and with that Tsuzuki brought out a full fledged whipped puppy look. "Ah, Hisoka! What's the big deal?" Tsuzuki sat upon his bedroom floor, his nightshirt hanging slightly off of one shoulder.
Hisoka huffed and walked over to the bedroom window. "The big deal is that we are going to be late again because of your sleeping butt." Hisoka turned around to face Tsuzuki, the sunlight framing his lean body, making a halo appear around him. "Honestly! You would think that a grown man would be able to rouse himself out of bed on time for work."
"That's so mean . . ."
"But true isn't it?" Hisoka tilted his head slightly. "Honestly you are just so clueless Tsuzuki." He adjusted his dress shirt slightly and glanced down at Tsuzuki. In all honesty, Hisoka came over to Tsuzuki's house because he had felt an intense need to see his childish partner. The nightmare from earlier still resonated in Hisoka's head, augmenting the desire to see Tsuzuki, as irrational as the want was. The fact that they needed to get to work just made his irrational want a valid reason. "You know that without me you would always be late, you know that?"
Tsuzuki blinked stupidly up at Hisoka. Hisoka could almost hear the gears turning - Tsuzuki was sometimes slow on the uptake when he first woke up. Suddenly it hit him, and Tsuzuki leapt up from his sitting position on the floor. Smiling inwardly, Hisoka watched as his partners face lit up.
"Wah! You really do care Hisoka!" Tsuzuki bounded over to Hisoka, waves of joy wafting off of the taller man. It took every instinct not to flinch from Tsuzuki's touch, even if it was just Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki noted the motion, and frowned critically down at his partner. "What's wrong?"
Hisoka backed slightly away from the bubbly man, and placed a hand on the window sill. He watched as a bird flew by the glass pane. "It's nothing Tsuzuki. My empathy is a little touchy at the moment . . . that's all." He turned around and looked back at Tsuzuki, to see if he would buy the little white lie.
Tsuzuki maintained his frown for a moment longer, and looked Hisoka directly in the eyes. "If you say so Hisoka. You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Hisoka blushed slightly and averted his eyes. "I know . . ."
Tsuzuki smiled and then bounded towards the bathroom. "Okay! Give me 15 minutes, then we can go okay? Just make yourself at home. I have some pastries on the counter from last night if you want any . . ." Tsuzuki's voice faded as he disappeared behind the bathroom door. Hisoka blinked at how suddenly Tsuzuki had changed the subject, but was glad that the older man had. At the moment Hisoka just couldn't find a way to express what he was feeling, nor did he really understand it.
Hisoka snorted softly and glanced around the room. Why Tsuzuki even bothered to still offer him sweets was beyond him. He just didn't really like sweet stuff, preferring milder tasting food instead. He eyed Tsuzuki's messed up bed and smiled gently. Hisoka hadn't meant to wake up the older shinigami is such a childish way, but seeing Tsuzuki there, drooling on his pillow, was just too good of a chance to pass up. He chuckled lightly, and began to make the bed.
The two of them still fell into old patterns, but Hisoka knew that nothing would ever be quite the same between the two of them anymore. The fire had changed them; had burned down a number of barriers. Hisoka smoothed the bed sheet carefully, and reached for the crumpled blanket. Tsuzuki still smiled and made his puppy-eyed looks, and Hisoka berated Tsuzuki and called him an idiot; but the intentions and meanings behind the motions took a whole different meaning now.
Even now, months after the fire, Hisoka could feel flashes of sadness and pain coming from the smiling Tsuzuki. He had been a broken man, there in Touda's fire, and perhaps he still was broken. Hisoka paused in his movement. But somehow, Tsuzuki had found a reason to live in Hisoka's tearful confession, there in the intense heat. The memories of that day flooded back to Hisoka, and he sat down on the bed at the onslaught of emotions that came with them.
He had meant it, that he belonged there, in Tsuzuki's heart. Never, at any point in his life, and afterwards in his death, had there been someone there for him like the violet-eyed man. Never, not even once that Hisoka could recall, was there anyone who cared about him. It scared Hisoka a little, knowing just how dependent he was upon his partner; but what frightened him even more, was Tsuzuki's apparent dependence on Hisoka.
He pushed the confusing thoughts out of his head and finished making up the bed. He moved out to the kitchen area, and eyed the disaster that was there. Tsuzuki was a terrible cook, Hisoka remembered the first time that Tsuzuki had offered him some of the lunch that he had prepared. The idea that something could be so revolting didn't occur to Hisoka until he took a bite of the offered curry. He hadn't meant to be so cruel, but the food was honestly horrible, and Tsuzuki wallowed in a funk for the better part of a week after Hisoka's response to his culinary skills.
Takeout boxes and chopsticks littered the counter top. Wrappers from numerous sweet confections lay among the wreckage. Hisoka could see the leftover pastries that Tsuzuki had mentioned before he disappeared into the bathroom. There were two left, one whole, one that had the distinct impression of a bite mark in it. The fact that the pastries were still there mostly unmolested was a surprise to Hisoka. Putting Tsuzuki in the vicinity of a sweet often led to the disappearance of said sweet.
Smiling slightly, Hisoka gathered all the empty take out boxes and wrappers and put them into the trash can. Why he was so lenient on his partner was another oddity. It wasn't that he wouldn't berate Tsuzuki on his slacking; just that he would let the violet-eyed man get away with much more than Hisoka would let anyone else. Not that there were many others who were on par with Tsuzuki's level of goofing off. Somehow, Tsuzuki had a way of worming his way into everyone's heart, often without the person knowing until it was too late.
It had happened to Hisoka that way, his first impression of Tsuzuki was something less than flattering. Somehow though, Tsuzuki had found he way past that bungling first encounter, and Hisoka found his partner to be a good man, if not very efficient. It was just who Tsuzuki was, and when it mattered, the elder shinigami was very serious about his work.
So Hisoka let Tsuzuki's slacking attitude be, enduring the man's bouts of sugar induced silliness and his childlike behaviours. In return, Tsuzuki found ways to make Hisoka let go of some of his imposed barriers. His past was bad, and to survive Hisoka had brought about multitudes of shields to protect himself from others. Both for his empathic powers, and for his battered psyche, it was those self erected walls that kept him sane.
Hisoka stilled in his cleaning, his memories surfacing. Sanity, it was such a unassuming thing, you didn't think much about it when you had it, but when it went away; all hell broke loose. Hisoka looked down at the candy wrapper in his hand. Muraki had almost destroyed him then, on that fateful night. He had blocked the events of that night from him, but Hisoka's mind also worked to shield him from the events.
The three long years it took him to die, induced by the curse marks Muraki left, Hisoka wasn't quite sure if he was sane for most of it. Sometimes, human contact bothered him, even when it was someone he trusted. His shying away from Tsuzuki's touch affirmed that one. The morbid turn his nightmare had taken last night didn't help to alleviate that fear.
Hisoka picked up a plate and placed it in the sink to be washed at a later time. In his dream, Muraki had accused him of chaining Tsuzuki to a world that was destroying him. In a warped sense, the dream Muraki was right . . . Hisoka had kept Tsuzuki attached to a world where his heart broke a little every day.
In the fire, Hisoka had seen and felt the raw pain that was Tsuzuki. That kind of pain, didn't just go away, it just buried. Hisoka raked his fingers through his hair lightly. Whether or not he had been right about saving Tsuzuki, was a null point. The past couldn't be changed. If Tsuzuki truly wished to leave . . . he would; and nothing Hisoka could do would stop the violet-eyed man, if he was determined enough.
Every case that they took, every soul that they claimed, somehow Tsuzuki found a way to take it personally. That much guilt, that much pain, how Tsuzuki endured it Hisoka was not quite sure. The older man may be one of the most powerful shinigami's in the division, but he was also a very fragile soul. It astounded Hisoka every day how much strength Tsuzuki actually had, and just how misplaced the man placed his affections.
A broken man shouldn't depend on a broken doll . . . Hisoka closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Why such dark thoughts had come to him, Hisoka wasn't quite sure, all that he knew was that he wanted them to stop. Hisoka looked around the kitchen, trying to focus on happier things. He looked back to the bite marked pastry, and smiled slightly. Tsuzuki.
Comfort. That is what he would describe Tsuzuki as. Tsuzuki was a comfort. Unlike other people in his life, Hisoka felt comfortable around the violet-eyed clown. It was intoxicating and life affirming. Hisoka snorted at that thought, considering the fact that he was already dead. Funny how death gave him a second chance at life.
He had finally found a niche, a place where he belonged. And the one person that mattered to Hisoka had almost left him alone. Hisoka glanced around Tsuzuki's apartment and leaned against the kitchen table. Who was he kidding? He let Tsuzuki get away with so much . . . he did so much for the violet-eyed shinigami because . . . because he cared for him.
Hisoka looked down at his hands, and pulled the sleeves of his dress shirt up a little. Stark red marks glared back up at him. Muraki had driven Tsuzuki to the edge of sanity, he had caused the broken man to call upon his summons, to obliterate his life after death. Hisoka had run into those flames, heedless of the danger to himself . . . because Tsuzuki was in there. Those feelings were more than those between good friends, between work partners . . . wasn't it?
"Oh wow! You didn't have to clean my place up. Thank you Hisoka!"
Hisoka whirled around to find Tsuzuki standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Tsuzuki was dressed in his usual black suit and trench coat, his tie loose around his neck. Hisoka stared at his partner and a scowl graced his face. Old habits were safe, old habits were comfortable. "Took you long enough! Tatsumi is going to have our heads as is if we don't hurry!" Hisoka straightened up from his stance at the table and took a couple of steps towards the front door.
Tsuzuki gave his partner an odd look, and Hisoka looked away from him. "Are you really okay Hisoka?"
Closing his eyes Hisoka took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He turned around and looked Tsuzuki in the eye. "Look, it's nothing I can't handle okay? Just . . . old demons." He made a vague gesture with his hand and gave Tsuzuki a look that said drop it.
Tsuzuki eyed Hisoka for a moment longer, as if he wanted to say something, but then a smile appeared on his face once again. Hisoka was glad that Tsuzuki was willing to let things lie. "Hmm well, nothing beats a bad mood like a good pastry!" Tsuzuki grinned and grabbed the two pastries off the counter. He put the already bit one in his mouth and thrust the other into Hisoka's hand. "Knowing you, you haven't eaten anything yet. So here."
Hisoka eyed the sticky pastry in his hand. This was normal; this he could deal with. He looked at it for a moment then shrugged. If eating the pastry would get Tsuzuki off of his back for a bit, he would do so. "Whatever . . ." Hisoka bit off a small piece of the sweet confection and chewed, ever aware of Tsuzuki's eyes upon him. He blushed slightly and swallowed the morsel of food. "We had better get moving." With that last remark, Hisoka hurriedly rushed out of Tsuzuki's apartment. Tsuzuki followed him with a small frown on his face.
****************************
The nightmares were going to be the death of him. Hisoka grimaced as he drank from his third cup of coffee that morning. The bitter liquid was not his drink of choice, but he needed the caffeine boost. He placed the mug down on his desk and rubbed his eyes wearily. A massive amount of paperwork loomed before him, and the thought of so much writing made Hisoka's hand cramp.
Tatsumi and Chief Konoe had decided that both Hisoka and Tsuzuki were to be restricted from field work until they fully recovered from the Kyoto case. Until a time that Tatsumi deemed appropriate, Hisoka and Tsuzuki were limited to paperwork and research. Hisoka twirled the pen in his hand absentmindedly. Light work . . . more like everyone in the department dumping any unwanted paperwork onto the duo's desks respectively.
Hisoka eyed the stack of papers once again and sighed. His stack of papers was much greater than Tsuzuki's, considering the fact that for every three reports Hisoka completed, Tsuzuki might get one finished. Hisoka looked over to Tsuzuki's desk, where currently his partner was absorbed by watching his pencil sharpen in an electric sharpener. The lack of field work was necessary, both him and Tsuzuki had been quite hurt in the fires that consumed the research building. Not to mention that the emotional scars were still quite open, and needed time to heal. But the lack of action gave Hisoka's mind time to wander, and stray it did.
Everyone was worried enough as is about Tsuzuki and him, Hisoka didn't want anyone to know that he wasn't getting enough sleep at night. That horrible visions came to him every time he tried to sleep, taking away a small part of himself every time. He especially didn't want Tsuzuki to know, the violet-eyed man had enough on his plate, he didn't need to worry about Hisoka as well.
Hisoka glanced over to his older partner, and smiled ever so slightly. Tsuzuki had a big heart, but it was going to be the destruction of him. The man cared too much, and took too much to heart. Hisoka knew now just how fragile his partner was, at least inside, and he knew, that no matter what the cost, Hisoka would protect that gentle soul from harm if he could. In the back of his mind, Hisoka could hear the doubts once again. Had he been right in saving Tsuzuki that night?
A shout from across the room startled Hisoka out of his musings and he watched as Wakaba bounded across the room over to Tsuzuki's desk, a small present in hand. He could see Tsuzuki's face brighten into a smile as he accepted the gift from the 'young' girl, and opened it to reveal a box of chocolates. Hisoka smiled at the sight and turned his head back to his paperwork. Whatever Tsuzuki really felt, Hisoka could not fathom. Tsuzuki had a way of hiding how he really felt. Even now, after he had tried to end his life in flames, he put up shields. It was what Tsuzuki did, but now . . . now Hisoka knew that it was just a mask.
The headache behind his eyes throbbed slightly in response to the heavy thinking Hisoka was doing. He rubbed at his eyes and looked back down to his paperwork. Nightmares or not, doubts or not, if he didn't get some work done soon . . . Hisoka could just imagine Tatsumi raging down on him for wasting office time. But gods . . . Hisoka just felt so worn down. If he could only get a couple hours of dreamless sleep, he would be able to function once again. Hisoka looked at his coffee mug and drained the last of the coffee in one large gulp.
"Do you want one Hisoka? They are really good! One will perk you right up!"
Startled, Hisoka glanced up at the direction of the voice. Tsuzuki was pressing over top of the mountain of paper on Hisoka's desk and smiling slightly. Hisoka blinked stupidly at Tsuzuki until he realized what his partner had meant. The chocolate . . . right . . . An irritated look flashed across Hisoka's face as he glared at Tsuzuki.
He knew that the man was just trying to be helpful, but with the way Hisoka was feeling, he just wanted everyone to leave him alone. Hisoka cleared his throat loudly and shuffled the papers on his desk. "Remember? I don't like sweets and besides, it isn't like we are working very hard here to deserve a reward. " He made a motion with his hand over to Tsuzuki's desk. "How much have you gotten done anyways?"
Hisoka watched as Tsuzuki fidgeted slightly, and sighed. Tsuzuki always started fidgeting when he was trying to hide something. "Well Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki scratched his head thoughtfully. "I am kinda tired this morning, so I still am working on my first report." He waggled a brightly wrapped chocolate in front of Hisoka. "I figured I would share with you, since these are really meant for both you and I." Tsuzuki frowned as he looked down at Hisoka's almost empty mug. "You really are drinking a lot of coffee today Hisoka . . . you are on . . . what, your third cup already?"
Hisoka blushed slightly and made a motion of sorting through his papers. "Idiot. Why are you watching me drink coffee any ways? If you have so much free time, you should spend it on something of worth like your work, not sight seeing." Hisoka glared up at Tsuzuki, and felt a small pang of guilt as he saw Tsuzuki flinch at his words. He could sense a flash of concern from Tsuzuki and worry. The headache behind his eyes began to pulse slightly.
A slight frown crossed Tsuzuki's face, but then quickly disappeared. "Hmm . . . well I'll leave this on your desk, maybe you will want it later eh?" Tsuzuki straightened up and took a step back from Hisoka's desk. "You know though, sometimes the sights are worth it." He flashed Hisoka a quick grin, and headed back to his desk.
Mouth hanging slightly open, Hisoka could do little more than gap at what Tsuzuki had said. He could feel a blush flash across his face and shook his head. An idiot, that was what Tsuzuki was, always spouting out phrases like that to make Hisoka blush. Worth . . . Hisoka looked down at the papers he had shuffled around his desk. The dream Muraki spoke of that as well. What makes a person worthy anyways? The headache forming in his head pulsed harder behind his eyes. Hisoka groaned ever so slightly and rubbed his temples lightly. These deep thoughts were unwanted and unneeded.
As much as he berated Tsuzuki for not getting work done, Hisoka himself had accomplished very little that morning. In fact, Hisoka wouldn't be surprised if Tsuzuki had gotten more done than him. Hisoka stared at the mass of paper, until his gaze travelled over the small chocolate Tsuzuki had left upon his desk. He picked it up and looked thoughtfully down at it. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. Hisoka looked up to Tsuzuki and was surprised to find the man staring back at him. Tsuzuki coughed lightly and shuffled the papers on his desk noisily.
Hisoka felt his cheeks warm a little and he placed the bright red candy down in the middle of his desk. It looked very small, amidst the mass of paper upon his desk. He looked over to his empty coffee cup. Enough was enough. Hisoka knew when he was beaten. He needed to get some proper rest. He couldn't drink coffee forever, and the headache threatening him was not going to go away. Sighing slightly, Hisoka leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"Hey Hisoka?"
The ghost of a frown flitted across Hisoka's face, then reverted back to its neutral expression. Eyes still closed to ward off the harsh office lights, Hisoka nursed his growing headache. "What is it now Tsuzuki?" It felt a little strange, but Hisoka just didn't have the energy to actually look at the man speaking to him.
Had Hisoka know what Tsuzuki was about to do, he might have reacted differently - or at least raised his battered mental shields. As it was, when a cool hand came into contact with his cheek Hisoka startled backwards, away from the touch, and began to topple over, chair and all. The touch was too much like the dream Muraki's touch, and the added curse of emotional backwash of skin to skin contact . . .
A multitude of emotions crashed into Hisoka's weary psyche at that slight touch. Concern, sadness, comfort, loneliness . . . it was too much in Hisoka's exhausted state. Time seemed to slow down as gravity took control of Hisoka's body and sent him falling. Nothing mattered at that moment except to gain control of himself. The touch had been innocent, and Tsuzuki couldn't have known just how vulnerable Hisoka was at the moment, but the pain . . .
He barely felt the ground hit him, nor the blow to his head. His mind was reeling, and it took every effort not to cry out in pain. Eyes squeezed shut, Hisoka just lay on the ground, his breathing erratic. The touch had been slight, and only for a moment, but a combination of lack of sleep, and weak mental shields had made that touch intense.
A murmuring noise could be heard from above him, and Hisoka opened his eyes warily. Tsuzuki was there, just above him, his eyes shining with concern. The older man must have been saying something to him, but to Hisoka it sounded nothing more than sound. That must have been the buzzing noise from before. Amidst the white noise, Hisoka could faintly hear his name being called, and saw that Tsuzuki's lips matched the sound.
"Oh gods . . Hisoka!? Hisoka?! Are you okay?" Tsuzuki was hovering over him, his face awash in dismay. It seemed to Hisoka like the man was trying to decide between 20 different actions at once, and was stumped. Had he felt better, Hisoka probably would have laughed at the sight. As it was, Hisoka could do little more that stare up at Tsuzuki from the floor.
He blinked wearily up at Tsuzuki and just stared at him. His head was pounding fiercely now, and he felt like he had been run over but a truck. "I'm okay . . ." His voice sounded weak, but he tried to show a strong front.
"Liar." Tsuzuki knelt beside Hisoka and looked him in the eyes. "I let it go this morning because you obviously weren't comfortable talking to me about it, but now I can't just ignore it." Hisoka looked up at the violet pools and felt as if he was drowning in them. "I've been watching you all morning, and you haven't been able to focus on your work for more than a minute for the past two hours. In fact, you haven't been able to focus for the past couple days. You are hiding yourself from me, pretending that things are okay . . . What's wrong Hisoka?"
Hisoka gingerly hauled himself up into a sitting position and nearly fell over at the effort. Tsuzuki caught him, careful not to touch Hisoka's flesh. Hisoka could feel his face flaming, his back resting against Tsuzuki's chest. Hisoka didn't want this . . . he didn't want Tsuzuki to worry . . . to care. His head pounded fiercely now, and it was making him irritable. Why did the man have to care so much? Why couldn't he just let things lay the way they were? Hisoka closed his eyes briefly, hiding the concerned look Tsuzuki was giving him from view.
Deep down, he knew why things couldn't stay the way they were, the fires had changed all that. But it didn't mean that Hisoka couldn't wish for things to stay simple. He wasn't . . . worthy for Tsuzuki's concern. First Kyoto, then the nightmares, and in turn his exhaustion and now this . . . It was everything too much, too fast. He needed room to breathe.
Hisoka adopted a scowl and tried to downplay the severity of what had just happened. "Idiot . . . I'm just a little tired that's all. I didn't want to bother you with something so trivial, you have enough to deal with . . ." Hisoka frowned and tried to push Tsuzuki away from him. When Tsuzuki didn't let go Hisoka shook his head slightly. "Let me go Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki tightened his hold on Hisoka and Hisoka looked up at the violet-eyed man. Even this close, Hisoka could barely see Tsuzuki's eyes, as the man's chocolate bangs hid them from view. "Never . . ."
"Tsuzuki . . ."
"I won't let you go . . ." Tsuzuki shook his head slightly and looked down at Hisoka, and Hisoka could see in the violet eyes, the same emotions that had hit him at the slight touch. Concern, sadness, comfort, loneliness . . . "Why can't you depend on me once in a while? You know I am here right?" Tsuzuki's voice was low and soft, as if he only wanted Hisoka to hear his words. Everything narrowed down to just the two of them, just Hisoka supported in Tsuzuki's arms.
Tsuzuki smiled sadly and Hisoka felt his stomach lurch as Tsuzuki suddenly pulled him off the floor, arms carefully embracing Hisoka to help him stand. "Hey, we're partners right? It's my job to take care of my partner." Hisoka could do little more look up in shock at Tsuzuki, leaning back to see the taller man behind him. Tsuzuki winked at Hisoka, letting the young man lean against him. "The usual Hisoka would have hit me and protested to be let go. This shows just how unwell you really are." Tsuzuki leaned his head in close to Hisoka's. "You're not well, you know it and I know it. Just let me take care of you . . . okay?"
Stunned, Hisoka just looked up at Tsuzuki with wide green eyes. He was so tired, and for the first time in days, Hisoka felt peace. He knew he was showing himself as weak to Tsuzuki but somehow, it just didn't matter at the moment. The nightmare, the headache, everything was far away now. Hisoka was beyond tired, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically.
Hisoka leaned against Tsuzuki's chest and closed his eyes briefly. He murmured softly as he felt Tsuzuki's warmth. "Why do you care so much?" Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki's arms tighten around him as he spoke. Hisoka lifted his head slightly to look Tsuzuki in the eye, the ghost of a frown on his face. "Why?"
He could sense a tender touch of emotion coming from Tsuzuki, but it was so subtle he couldn't identify them. He just knew that they were positive ones. He could feel Tsuzuki's warm breath upon his cheek as the older man answered him back. "Do I really have to have a reason to? Can't I just be here?"
Hisoka looked into Tsuzuki's violet eyes and saw the honesty in the older man's eyes. Hisoka sighed slightly and rested his head against Tsuzuki's chest. "I suppose you're right." Later, he would probably be mortified and irritated at how Tsuzuki was treating him, holding him so intimately like that. Later he could and probably would be his usual self.
For now, he let himself indulge in this moment. The unspoken promises were there and it warmed Hisoka, while at the same time frightened him. The quiet moment would have spilled over into one of those uncomfortable awkward moments if Watari hadn't chose that moment to walk into the room.
"Um . . . uh . . . er . . . Good morning?" The blonde scientist adjusted his glasses and stopped a couple of steps into the room with 003 fluttering madly behind him. A wide, knowing grin plastered itself across Watari's face as he watched the two partners before him. "Am I interrupting?"
As quickly as he could, Hisoka stepped away from Tsuzuki, his face flaming. He was already embarrassed as it was, collapsing at Tsuzuki's slight touch. He turned to Watari and glared at the blonde man. "I . . . am just not feeling very well today. Tsuzuki was helping me." The words sounded very lame to Hisoka, and he was sure that Watari thought the same. Hisoka looked to both Tsuzuki and Watari and wished that his blush would fade.
Watari's eyes shone mischievously. "Oh. So that's what it was . . ." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, and Watari's eyes took on a more concerned look. "But are you okay now Bon?"
Hisoka glared defiantly at Watari and scowled. He didn't like it when people treated him like a child. Hisoka noted how Tsuzuki took a hesitant step forward, as if to catch him if he fell. He turned and gave Tsuzuki a small frown. "Honestly Tsuzuki, I'm not made of glass, I can manage!" Hisoka ignored the small look of concern that flitted across Tsuzuki's face and Hisoka sighed. "Really! The both of you! I'm fine!"
"Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki frowned for a moment at Hisoka's words, and for a moment Hisoka thought that Tsuzuki was going to argue with him, but then suddenly Tsuzuki let out a light laugh. "From the day I met you, you have always been stubborn and headstrong . . . but I guess you wouldn't be you if you weren't that way right?" Tsuzuki tilted his head and smiled softly. "I'll let it be for now, but do realize, that I won't keep away if I really feel that you aren't well."
Hisoka rubbed his brow irritably. "Whatever makes you happy." His response was clipped, but Hisoka could tell that Tsuzuki could see that Hisoka really didn't mean it. It was easier to be this way, to be his usual moody self, than to try to honestly respond to Tsuzuki's words. He could see Watari frowning slightly at the two of them and rolled his eyes.
"Well if you two are finished, shall we saunter over to the meeting room?" Watari peered quizzically over the top of his glasses. "They have called up an emergency meeting, and I was coming here to get you two . . ." A playful smile danced across the blonde scientist's face, and it took great effort on Hisoka's part not to glare at Watari. He knew that Watari was only poking gentle fun, but Hisoka didn't like it that others assumed things about how things were between the two partners of 2nd block.
Hisoka managed to maintain his scowl the entire way down to the meeting room. To fall back into old habits was comforting, was less confusing than the paths he and Tsuzuki had been treading lately. Tsuzuki walked beside him, babbling about this and that, random talk to fill the silence. Watari trailed behind the two of them, humming an unidentifiable song.
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"Hikaru Takahashi, age 11. Died under suspicious circumstances." Chief Konoe looked across the table to the assembled employees while pointing to the projector image of a smiling young girl. "Her body was discovered by a city worker at dawn." The child was quite pretty, raven black hair and wide expressive green eyes. Hisoka looked at the image and felt a small pang of sadness. It was depressing when young ones died . . . he should know. Hisoka sneaked a quick glance over to Tsuzuki and saw that the older man had set his face into a neutral expression.
The slide then switched to a more gruesome image of a police investigation scene. The body of the girl lay in the middle of a grassy field. Morbid as that was, it was the remnants of what appeared to be a magic circle in the grass caught Hisoka's attention. People die, it is a fact of life; but people usually didn't die under such peculiar circumstances. Despite his lingering headache, Hisoka leaned forward to get a better look at the grim image. For some reason he couldn't quite identify, this case engaged him, but perhaps he was just bored.
Konoe looked down at his notes and began reciting important points. "The child went missing from her house about a week ago according to police reports. How she was taken from the house with no apparent marks of entry or struggle is baffling. These images here," Konoe pointed to the magic circle remnants image. "Are from yesterday. The body was found in the center of the circle, eyes, ears, nose, finger tips and tongue removed. Almost all of her blood was drained, from a single cut across her neck, but almost no blood was found around or in the body."
Konoe cleared his throat and shook his head in disgust. "Signs of physical abuse were also found and strange rune marks burned into her wrists and ankles. The Tokyo police investigators believe that this is some sort of occult murder." He looked at each of his colleagues respectively and settled his gaze towards Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "This case is quite disturbing, especially considering the fact that Hikaru's name hasn't appeared on the register."
"Do you mean to say that she is still somehow alive?!?" Watari shook his head in disbelief. "How can that be? Her body is right there!" He pointed to another gruesome image of the child's mutilated body.
Tatsumi cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "That is why we were called in on this case. It is recent, but considering the highly unusual circumstances surrounding it, they bumped it up to high priority." Hisoka could feel chief Konoe's gaze upon him and Tsuzuki, and when Tatsumi also looked in their direction, Hisoka could feel his stomach drop.
"Enma has assigned the shinigami to work this case . . ." Chief Konoe shook his head sadly. "Despite great protests of both Tatsumi and I, I'm very sorry Tsuzuki . . . Hisoka . . . but the two of you have been assigned to this case."
"WHAT?!?" Watari sputtered out angrily, covering up the shocked silence of both Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "What is the matter with Him? Doesn't He know that Tsuzuki and Hisoka are still recovering from the Kyoto case? Why does it have to be them?"
Hisoka just sat in his chair in shock. He had been sick of pushing paperwork, but this case was not what he had in mind for getting back into field work. His headache pounded fiercely. Hisoka glanced over to Tsuzuki and saw that his facial expression had still not changed from its neutral stance. What was Enma thinking . . . placing the two of them on such a gruesome case at this time?
Konoe switched the slides back to the image of the smiling Hikaru. "It has to be them, because Tsuzuki is the most powerful shinigami in division, being able to summon 12 shikigami. Whatever or whomever did this could be a serious threat. Hisoka as well because his empathic abilities will be of great help to sense where Hikaru's soul has gone." He clasped his hands in front of him and bowed his head slightly. "I understand Enma's reasoning, but I don't have to like it."
"From what I understand, the higher ups are quite concerned with this case because of all it entails." Tatsumi stood up and began to pace within the small confines of the room. "So even though we have no choice in this matter . . ." Tatsumi glanced over at Tsuzuki and Hisoka could see the secretary's eyes soften slightly. "We will not go and send two of our own alone and unprepared."
"I understand." Hisoka stared at Tsuzuki, in astonishment of his simple acceptance. Tsuzuki turned his head and looked back at Hisoka. "We will go over the file reports and then Hisoka and I will head down to earth." Tsuzuki stood up and walked over to Konoe, his stance stiff and very un-Tsuzuki like.
"This is insane!!"
"Watari, I told you we have no decision in this matter!"
Hisoka cringed at the flow of emotions swirling the room, the tension was great and it didn't take an empath to realize that. He needed to get out of the room, away from the others. He could see that Tsuzuki could tell that as well, hence Tsuzuki's quick acceptance of the case.
"Do what you must to get prepared." Chief Konoe handed Tsuzuki the files before him. "I am sending one of the Gushoshin twins down with you to help you and give you guys a direct link back here to division through the computer." Konoe closed his eyes briefly and Hisoka could feel the intense worry radiating from him. "I'll do everything in my power to give you guys any support and backup that you may require. If there was any way I could change this, you know I would do so."
"We understand." Tsuzuki nodded curtly and turned to Hisoka. Hisoka could see the concern in Tsuzuki's eyes and he nodded ever so slightly towards Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki nodded grimly back and turned to the arguing shinigami. "Don't worry you two, Hisoka and I will be just fine. We'll probably have this case solved in no time!"
Hisoka stood up and strained not to sway where he stood. He needed out of the room. He knew he should say something, add something to the meeting, but it was just too much effort. Tsuzuki had pretty much said everything that needed to be said by the two of them. This case was horrifying and strangely similar in ways to his own death. That in itself made Hisoka want to get to the bottom of the case quickly. If the Hikaru child was still somehow alive, Hisoka would make sure to help her pass on. No one deserved that kind of abuse. He nodded quickly to each of his fellow coworkers, and turned to exit the room. He didn't have to look to know that Tsuzuki was following close behind him.
They were beginning their reentry into field work. The case was disturbing and it was going to be a tough one in more ways than one for the both of them. Hisoka had a feeling, that despite their confident words, this case was not going to be quick or easy. He balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath.
Hell really does exist.
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Well there it is. Chapter one of my baby. Ugh . . . I'm tired now. At the moment my muse is here and keeping me company, so hopefully I will slowly get my stuff out here. Reviews would be most welcome.