Narrator's Voice: OHAYO GOZAIMASU! (grinning broadly, a scrawny girl in a
sailor suit comes bouncing out onstage. She's filthy, with ratted brown-
blond hair, giant green eyes, and bare feet. She is the Narrator.)
Narrator: (squints up at the sky) OW! Wow, maybe it's not morning after all. We're running WAAAAAAAAAY behind schedule! Um, I'm here to say that, although you were doubtless looking forward to our excellent play, it's not happening anytime soon. But never fear! I am here! (she attempts to do a Napolean pose, but falls over backwards instead.) I will stay by your sides, poor sweet audience members, and amuse you with my little jokes until the cast is ready! (she poses again, does not fall over, and so pleased is she with her posing prowess that she starts doing a jig. Suddenly, a cane comes from backstage, hooks around her neck, and pulls her off the stage)
Narrator's voice: (from backstage) OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(a tall, thin man in a worn blue suit strolls out, hiding the cane behind his back)
Daemon: (bowing) Greeting, audience-members, ladies and gents, toads and cucumbers! I apologise profusely for the fact that you had to endure my little sister's endless prattle! We would have started sooner, but my sister, the dear little thing, had, er, locked us all the broom closet and we have just now managed to get away!
Narrator: (dashes out onstage, now wearing a long blonde wig) DON'T I LOOK LIKE SAILOR MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON?
Daemon: (using the cane like a bat, he winds up and hits his sister into the next kingdom)
Narrator's voice: (from backstage) OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Daemon: Anyhow, we members of the Actor's Guild have come today to perform the tragic tale of (looks at prompters across stage) Snooglewoomple! HEY! THAT'S NOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(prompter lowers sign and grins impishly. It is the Narrator.)
Daemon: (glares daggers)
Narrator: (knocks daggers aside, still grinning)
Daemon: (points) GET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(twelve not-so-burly men run out from backstage with various foam objects, including a WE'RE NUMBER ONE! Hand and a green pitchfork to chase the Narrator out of the room)
Audience member: (this is actually another actor, wearing a Star Trek shirt) (raises hand) YO!
Daemon: (condescendingly) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
Audience member: Does the kid even have a name?
Daemon: (considering) . . . No.
Audience member: (gets up and runs after Narrator) I'M GONNA SAVE THE KID! KID! YOU CAN BE MY SISTER! YOU CAN HAVE A NAME! IT CAN BE . . . KIDD!
Narrator: (dashes back into the room and through Audience member's legs) EEP!
Darien: (comes dashing into the room with a blue foam battle-axe) DIE, CUR! (aiming for Narrator, he whacks the Audience member on the head)
Audience member: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow . . . (Meow mix theme song comes on, and Audience Member dances and sings along) MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
Darien: (dies) (reincarnates) THOU SHALT NOT SING MEOW MIX SONGS DURING A TRAGEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (whacks AM repeatedly on the head with foam axe)
In the meantime . . .
Daemon: Oooooooooookay then. Right. Anyway . . . (puffs up pompously) Wwwwwwwwwwelcome, ladies and gents, sirs and frogs, newts and toads!
(a bunch of actors in frog, toad, and newt suits sitting in the back of the audience cheer loudly)
Daemon: We are here today to witness a MOMENTOUS event! The first ever showing of a dramatization of THE VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Several actor/audience members wearing Anime Convention 2002 T-shirts cheer loudly, while a short - bordering on midget - man in a DragonBallZ shirt boos)
Daemon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND HERE WE GO!
(The curtain swooshes open to reveal a girl with short blonde hair in her track uniform chewing gum while Daemon bounds offstage)
Hitomi: (spots audience) EEK! (runs offstage) (runs back onstage, now carrying her shoes with her)
Yukari: (she is an oriental-looking girl with semi-long black hair, wearing her school uniform.) YO! TOMI! YOU LATE!
Hitomi: (she leaps at Yukari and her pants fall down to reveal pink shorts mid-leap) EEK! (blushes)
Yukari: We all know that you secretly love pink, Tomi. But the real question is . . . WHY DO YOU HAVE "AMANO" WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FOREARM IN LITTLE PINK HEARTS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
Hitomi: Oh-oh YEAH? Well, haven't you noticed that YOU'RE the only JAPANESE person here?!?
Yukari: Um, yeah - this is SUPPOSED to be set in JAPAN!
Hitomi: then . . . I guess the real question is, why don't the REST of us look Japanese?
Daemon: (sprints back onstage, now wearing a uniform, and begins whacking them both on the head with a Bible for Dummies) FIRST COMMANDMENT! FIRST COMMANDMENT! BURN, THEATRE HEATHENS!!!!!!!!!! (bounds back offstage)
Hitomi: OW!
Yukari: Wow. (gazes dreamily after Daemon) Oh, Amano . . .
Random audience member: But why the first commandment?
(Yukari and Hitomi both pull out large rolls of pink paper from behind their backs and hold them up. They read: The Ten Commandments of Daemon)
Yukari and Hitomi: (in unison) Thou shalt not deviate from the script. Thou shalt stick to the script or burn in hell. Thou shalt STICK like fricken GLUE to the script or thou shalt bear the sudden triple onslaught of DragonBallZ, Powerpuff Girls, and my sleep-deprived little sister ALL AT ONCE! Thou shalt . . . oh, screw it.
Daemon's Voice: (from backstage) THOU SHALT NOT DEVIATE FROM THE SCRIPT! GAAAAAAAAAA! (there is a ripping sound, and showers of hair come flying from backstage. Yukari and Hitomi wince.)
Yukari: Okay, let's just skip a few scenes, shall we?
Hitomi:Riiiiiiiiight. But what about my big love scene?
Yukari: (glances backstage and winces as more hair comes flying) I think that Amano is . . . er . . . incapacitated.
Daemon's voice: (from backstage) THOU! SHALT! NOT! DEVIATE! FROM! THE! SCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!!! (a loud thump, then a high-pitched scream)
Yukari and Hitomi: (in unison) I'm COMING, AMANO BABY!
As the curtain falls at the end of act one, Darien and the audience member, who have been fighting all the time, pause.
AM: KID! KID! YOU CAN BE KIDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scrambles for the door through which Narrator left, as all the actor/audience members dive on him)
Narrator: (squints up at the sky) OW! Wow, maybe it's not morning after all. We're running WAAAAAAAAAY behind schedule! Um, I'm here to say that, although you were doubtless looking forward to our excellent play, it's not happening anytime soon. But never fear! I am here! (she attempts to do a Napolean pose, but falls over backwards instead.) I will stay by your sides, poor sweet audience members, and amuse you with my little jokes until the cast is ready! (she poses again, does not fall over, and so pleased is she with her posing prowess that she starts doing a jig. Suddenly, a cane comes from backstage, hooks around her neck, and pulls her off the stage)
Narrator's voice: (from backstage) OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(a tall, thin man in a worn blue suit strolls out, hiding the cane behind his back)
Daemon: (bowing) Greeting, audience-members, ladies and gents, toads and cucumbers! I apologise profusely for the fact that you had to endure my little sister's endless prattle! We would have started sooner, but my sister, the dear little thing, had, er, locked us all the broom closet and we have just now managed to get away!
Narrator: (dashes out onstage, now wearing a long blonde wig) DON'T I LOOK LIKE SAILOR MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON?
Daemon: (using the cane like a bat, he winds up and hits his sister into the next kingdom)
Narrator's voice: (from backstage) OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Daemon: Anyhow, we members of the Actor's Guild have come today to perform the tragic tale of (looks at prompters across stage) Snooglewoomple! HEY! THAT'S NOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(prompter lowers sign and grins impishly. It is the Narrator.)
Daemon: (glares daggers)
Narrator: (knocks daggers aside, still grinning)
Daemon: (points) GET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(twelve not-so-burly men run out from backstage with various foam objects, including a WE'RE NUMBER ONE! Hand and a green pitchfork to chase the Narrator out of the room)
Audience member: (this is actually another actor, wearing a Star Trek shirt) (raises hand) YO!
Daemon: (condescendingly) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
Audience member: Does the kid even have a name?
Daemon: (considering) . . . No.
Audience member: (gets up and runs after Narrator) I'M GONNA SAVE THE KID! KID! YOU CAN BE MY SISTER! YOU CAN HAVE A NAME! IT CAN BE . . . KIDD!
Narrator: (dashes back into the room and through Audience member's legs) EEP!
Darien: (comes dashing into the room with a blue foam battle-axe) DIE, CUR! (aiming for Narrator, he whacks the Audience member on the head)
Audience member: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow . . . (Meow mix theme song comes on, and Audience Member dances and sings along) MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
Darien: (dies) (reincarnates) THOU SHALT NOT SING MEOW MIX SONGS DURING A TRAGEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (whacks AM repeatedly on the head with foam axe)
In the meantime . . .
Daemon: Oooooooooookay then. Right. Anyway . . . (puffs up pompously) Wwwwwwwwwwelcome, ladies and gents, sirs and frogs, newts and toads!
(a bunch of actors in frog, toad, and newt suits sitting in the back of the audience cheer loudly)
Daemon: We are here today to witness a MOMENTOUS event! The first ever showing of a dramatization of THE VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Several actor/audience members wearing Anime Convention 2002 T-shirts cheer loudly, while a short - bordering on midget - man in a DragonBallZ shirt boos)
Daemon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND HERE WE GO!
(The curtain swooshes open to reveal a girl with short blonde hair in her track uniform chewing gum while Daemon bounds offstage)
Hitomi: (spots audience) EEK! (runs offstage) (runs back onstage, now carrying her shoes with her)
Yukari: (she is an oriental-looking girl with semi-long black hair, wearing her school uniform.) YO! TOMI! YOU LATE!
Hitomi: (she leaps at Yukari and her pants fall down to reveal pink shorts mid-leap) EEK! (blushes)
Yukari: We all know that you secretly love pink, Tomi. But the real question is . . . WHY DO YOU HAVE "AMANO" WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FOREARM IN LITTLE PINK HEARTS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
Hitomi: Oh-oh YEAH? Well, haven't you noticed that YOU'RE the only JAPANESE person here?!?
Yukari: Um, yeah - this is SUPPOSED to be set in JAPAN!
Hitomi: then . . . I guess the real question is, why don't the REST of us look Japanese?
Daemon: (sprints back onstage, now wearing a uniform, and begins whacking them both on the head with a Bible for Dummies) FIRST COMMANDMENT! FIRST COMMANDMENT! BURN, THEATRE HEATHENS!!!!!!!!!! (bounds back offstage)
Hitomi: OW!
Yukari: Wow. (gazes dreamily after Daemon) Oh, Amano . . .
Random audience member: But why the first commandment?
(Yukari and Hitomi both pull out large rolls of pink paper from behind their backs and hold them up. They read: The Ten Commandments of Daemon)
Yukari and Hitomi: (in unison) Thou shalt not deviate from the script. Thou shalt stick to the script or burn in hell. Thou shalt STICK like fricken GLUE to the script or thou shalt bear the sudden triple onslaught of DragonBallZ, Powerpuff Girls, and my sleep-deprived little sister ALL AT ONCE! Thou shalt . . . oh, screw it.
Daemon's Voice: (from backstage) THOU SHALT NOT DEVIATE FROM THE SCRIPT! GAAAAAAAAAA! (there is a ripping sound, and showers of hair come flying from backstage. Yukari and Hitomi wince.)
Yukari: Okay, let's just skip a few scenes, shall we?
Hitomi:Riiiiiiiiight. But what about my big love scene?
Yukari: (glances backstage and winces as more hair comes flying) I think that Amano is . . . er . . . incapacitated.
Daemon's voice: (from backstage) THOU! SHALT! NOT! DEVIATE! FROM! THE! SCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!!! (a loud thump, then a high-pitched scream)
Yukari and Hitomi: (in unison) I'm COMING, AMANO BABY!
As the curtain falls at the end of act one, Darien and the audience member, who have been fighting all the time, pause.
AM: KID! KID! YOU CAN BE KIDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scrambles for the door through which Narrator left, as all the actor/audience members dive on him)