Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is not mine, it will never be mine. The
characters are the sole property of Matsushita Youko. This story and
concept are the property of Lockeheart (that's me!) - so please don't
steal. I have been working hard on this!
This story is loosely based on the manga and the anime, taking components from both. Some liberalizations taken by me to suit my plot. Hope I don't offend or confuse.
Original Characters are the property of Lockeheart.
So on with the Show!
Chapter Nine - Illusions
By Lockeheart
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He had survived to see another dawn.
Hisoka watched the slowly emerging sun silent contemplation. The sky was a vibrant tapestry of colour, the beginning of a new day. It was getting harder and harder to function, and Hisoka found himself opting for minimal sleep. Partially because his sleep was hardly restful especially with Hikaru and Chymos clamouring for his attention, and second, it lessened the burden on Tsuzuki. There was also the intense need Hisoka had to stay near his partner now, considering circumstances . . . Hisoka frowned as he thought of what Tsuzuki was to him now. Hisoka turned slightly from his perch upon a fence to look to his sleeping partner. Tsuzuki lay amidst the spilt hay, the strands sticking through his chocolate hair in wild disarray. Had their circumstances been different, Hisoka thought that he could be deemed happy.
Not to say he was sad, but Hisoka could not help but feel a bittersweet undercurrent to events. Hisoka sighed and hugged his arms tight around his frame, folding his wings about himself as well. GuShoShin was gone, having travelled back with 003 a couple days ago. It was just he and Tsuzuki, and that thought brought both apprehension and comfort. He reached up to touch his lips, remembering the chaste kiss the two of them had shared, back at Byakko's fallen temple. Everything had happened so fast.
Guilt assaulted Hisoka as he contemplated his partner. At the time Hisoka felt as if he was on the edge of diverging paths, and the fact that he even contemplated taking the path that did not have Tsuzuki made Hisoka cringe inside. He had wanted to push his partner away from him, not because Hisoka did not care, but he wanted to reduce the pain Tsuzuki would experience when Hisoka faded. Hisoka tightened his fists and looked to his wings. He was quite sure that he would not survive as he was for much longer, and unless they found help . . . Hisoka dismissed that train of thought. It was depressing, and at the moment, there was not viable way Hisoka could see of solving that specific problem.
He had asked Tsuzuki to stay, to stay with him in a world that brought little more than pain and suffering to the violet-eyed shinigami. Back in Touda's fire, it was hard to actually think, and Hisoka had acted on his emotions. It had been a potentially selfish gesture, but Tsuzuki had listened, and had stayed. Hisoka looked to the rising sun and sighed. Tsuzuki had taught him to feel once again, he had offered Hisoka a hand to take those first daunting steps back to being 'human' once again. Hisoka smiled sadly at that thought.
It had taken a man who believed he was not human, to teach Hisoka how to be human.
Hisoka shivered slightly in the morning light, and it wasn't wholly due to the chill. Did he understand back then just what he was asking Tsuzuki to do? Did he understand now? Hisoka frowned and jumped down from his perch upon the fence. He knew he shouldn't care, shouldn't feel for the man who lay sleeping in the hay. Those who should have loved him had betrayed him, but Hisoka still found himself reaching out to his violet- eyed partner, seeking something he had never experienced. Maybe it was because at the same time, Tsuzuki was desperately reaching out to him as well.
Hisoka raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. Tsuzuki's shields were always kept high, so high that Hisoka's empathy had not read the emotion Tsuzuki held in check. Love. Hisoka padded silently over to contemplate his partner. Thinking back on things, Hisoka knew he should have pushed Tsuzuki away, he should have stuck to his initial feelings. Hisoka touched his lips lightly once again. Now that he knew what love could be, Hisoka didn't know if he could let Tsuzuki go.
He would have to. It was just cruel to hold to Tsuzuki, especially in light of the situation, but Hisoka wasn't sure if he could. A surge of dizziness assaulted Hisoka's senses and he fought to remain upright. His soul was weakening, along with his body, and Hisoka could sense Muraki's presence along the edges of his mind. It was getting harder and harder to keep his shields up, to just get up in the morning. The reprieve he had received back with Byakko was almost a distant memory now, even though it had just happened a couple days ago. He had reacted to Tsuzuki that day in a moment of weakness, needing something to anchor him to life. Hisoka had responded to Tsuzuki's whispered declaration in kind, the purity of those words from the depth of Hisoka's heart.
"I love you . . ." Hisoka whispered the words quietly, and the edges of his mouth tilted slightly into a sad smile. Now that he had spoken them, Hisoka knew them to be true. With no pressure from Tsuzuki's wide violet eyes or any demand to reach back, Hisoka revelled in the reality of those three words. Hisoka frowned and closed his eyes. How could Tsuzuki love him? A sullen youth whose heart was as closed off as his soul was? It was puzzling, and Hisoka looked to the lightening sky in contemplation.
"I love you as well Hisoka. Don't doubt that . . . don't ever doubt that."
Startled, Hisoka looked down to his partner who lay on his back, half propped on his elbows in the hay. Hisoka blinked at Tsuzuki's quiet words, and shook his head. "Tsuzuki . . ." Had his thoughts been that apparent on his face? "You were awake?" Hisoka's normal reaction to such words would be to stammer, blush furiously, and call Tsuzuki an idiot. If only things were normal at the moment. But Hisoka was determined to try.
"I woke the moment you left my side."
Hisoka shook his head and lowered his eyes. He should have known that Tsuzuki wasn't asleep. "How long have you been watching me?"
Tsuzuki propped himself up on his elbows, and regarded Hisoka with a very serious expression. "From the moment I met you." At that comment Hisoka did blush, and Tsuzuki laughed at the reaction. "Good. For a moment I had thought a pod person had come along and replaced my Hisoka."
"Idiot." Hisoka muttered half-heartedly, his blush fierce upon his cheeks. He looked to the ground, not wanting to look at his partner. Even now, when things were getting so bad, Tsuzuki still tried to shoulder the burden. If humour was what Tsuzuki needed, then Hisoka would try to play along, knowing in his heart that he needed this as well. Hisoka scowled and adopted a pissed off stance. "And since when did I become 'your' Hisoka?"
Tsuzuki tilted his head slightly, hay sticking haphazardly in his hair, and Hisoka found the image beautiful. "Since I became yours." Tsuzuki's eyes shone with emotion, and Hisoka's doubts wavered. How could he push Tsuzuki away from him now . . . especially now?
"Idiot . . ." Hisoka spoke the familiar phrase, but it came out as an endearment, rather than an insult.
Tsuzuki smiled, and picked the hay from his hair. "Probably. But I am 'your' idiot."
He didn't want to hurt the gentle soul before him, but in that single moment, Hisoka realised that no matter what happened, Tsuzuki would feel. It was who Tsuzuki was, and it would be impossible to separate the man from him when the time came. Another wave of dizziness coursed through Hisoka and he clutched at his head in pain.
Tsuzuki's arms were quick to enfold Hisoka, and Hisoka sagged into their offered strength weakly. He was beyond lying to Tsuzuki now and Hisoka knew he couldn't do it. "Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki's breath ruffled Hisoka's hair as he spoke. How Tsuzuki had stood up so quickly was beyond Hisoka, but he appreciated the urgency. The question in Tsuzuki's voice was apparent and Hisoka knew that he was being selfish, but he knew he needed Tsuzuki.
Hisoka closed his eyes and snaked his arms around Tsuzuki's neck. "Can we just stay like this?" Hisoka's voice was quiet, and it trembled slightly. He knew he didn't need to explain to Tsuzuki what was happening to him, as the both of them knew. Hisoka was fading it was as simple as that, yet at the same time so complex. "I just need you . . ." Hisoka flared his wings out to encircle the both of them.
Tsuzuki's arms tightened around Hisoka, and Hisoka sighed contentedly. "And I need you . . ." Tsuzuki's voice was muffled in Hisoka's hair, but it didn't matter. "To remind me that I am human . . . that I can stay . . . here with you." Tsuzuki sighed softly, and Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki's warm breath atop his head.
Whether he had just one more day, or one minute, Hisoka wanted to be with Tsuzuki. Not because Hisoka wanted to cause the man pain, but because he wanted to assure Tsuzuki that Hisoka loved him, even as his life fled from him. He wanted Tsuzuki to know he was loved, and Hisoka wanted to be loved back. Hisoka wanted to cry at the injustice of things, but he was too tired. Instead he leaned into Tsuzuki's strength, and drew from the quiet emotions that emanated from Tsuzuki's heart.
Was it asking too much to be able to just be with Tsuzuki?
********************
There was something to be said about a good cup of green tea. Oriya contemplated the delicately etched cup enclosed in his hands, and admired the entwining leaves and flowers embedded in the design. He sat on the edge of his porch, facing his garden. Tea was a comforting thing, a sort of balm to weary souls. Oriya brought the cup up to his lips and took a small sip, savouring the mellow taste that rolled through his mouth.
It was early morning, and a light mist had risen across the ground, giving Oriya's garden a dream-like quality. Dew had formed upon the flowers that Oriya could see, and there was a great silence that filled the air. Oriya sighed and looked out across the expanse of his garden.
The pain was still there. Even after a couple days, it had yet to diminish. His katana remained upon the grass, company to the slashed form of the rose he had cut that day. Why he had left his sword out there, Oriya wasn't quite sure. The swordsman within him bemoaned his irresponsibility. A swordsman's sword was his life. To leave it laying in the grass and under the elements for so long. Oriya blinked and took another sip of his tea.
Muraki's abrupt appearance and inevitable disappearance had shaken Oriya. Even if Muraki had not spoke so lightly of Oriya's feelings, Oriya was sure he would have still been shaken. Did he love Muraki as the doctor had so coldly stated to Oriya? That was a complicated question. Oriya set his tea down upon the smooth surface of the deck and he stood up to walk over to his fallen sword.
There was no doubt that Oriya disliked and even feared the actions that Muraki had taken. His friend had begun to walk dark paths quite a while ago, and Oriya had watched as Muraki stepped further and further away from him with sadness. Oriya contemplated the withered halves of the rose upon the ground. Muraki had been a good man once, and Oriya was sure that somewhere within Muraki, that good man still existed. He would be dead right now if that other part of Muraki did not exist.
Recalling the brief reunion and then departure with Muraki, Oriya shuddered at the appearance of the demoness. Oriya prided himself of being a good judge of character, even if he himself made himself blind to certain tendencies of certain people, but the hatred dripping off of the demon woman had been unbelievable. Why Muraki had joined with the likes of that dark being, Oriya could not understand.
But he could not deny his heart, which despite what Oriya knew with his head, still yearned for Muraki. It was a twisted game of cat and mouse that Oriya and Muraki had played, and it seemed as if Muraki had called it quits. 'Find yourself someone else to love Oriya. I cannot return your feelings' . . . those had been Muraki's final words to Oriya before he left, leading the shinigami Tsuzuki off on a wild goose chase. But love wasn't that easy to dismiss, or to change.
Oriya shook his head. He knew he was just setting himself up for more hurt, but he couldn't let it end like this. If nothing else, Oriya needed to try one more time, to try to pull his friend out of the darkness that Muraki was plunging headlong into. He and Muraki had been much closer, once upon a time, and there had even been a time when Oriya thought that Muraki could tell him the words that he wanted to hear and mean them. Even if the love Oriya's heart sought was not there, he owed the person Muraki once was to try.
He reached down and gently lifted his katana up. If the sword could talk, Oriya was sure it would be berating Oriya right now for his ill treatment. He lifted it so the cool flat metal of the blade rested against is forehead. Where are you Muraki? Oriya looked down to the broken rose at his feet. It was a love-hate relationship, if one could call what Oriya had with Muraki a relationship at all.
He lowered the cool metal from his forehead, and gripped the hilt tightly. Oriya let loose a small clipped laugh and shook his head. Love was indeed blind, especially if Oriya was insane enough to consider searching for Muraki, knowing full well the path that Muraki had taken. Crazy . . . and in love. Oriya smiled softly and closed his eyes. Only he could love a man who murdered and tortured without remorse. Correction, it was the man Oriya knew still existed within the twisted shell Muraki had become that Oriya loved. It was that man Oriya wished to save. It was that man whom Oriya loved. The man Oriya knew Muraki truly was.
"Excuse me, sir?"
Oriya turned around to see one of his servants standing nervously beside his abandoned teacup. Ever since Muraki's arrival and then destructive disappearance, Oriya's servants and girls had steered a wide berth around the troubled owner. Maybe they could see something that Oriya himself could not. The mark of a deranged man perhaps?
"What is it?" Oriya looked to the young girl and admired her beauty. She was young, but Oriya had taken it upon himself to 'rescue' those who would otherwise live a hellish life. Life under his wing was by no means a pure path, but it was safe, and secure. Oriya let that thought linger in his head as he looked to the servant.
"There is a man wishing to speak to you sir." The girl fidgeted nervously and twisted her hands together. Oriya noted the child's skittish behaviour and made a mental note to speak to the head mistress in charge of the girls. The girl pointed to the main entrance, beyond the wall. "I know you said to not admit any visitors, but the man insisted." The girl's lower lip quivered slightly as if expecting retribution from Oriya and he shook his head slightly. "He also has a companion . . . a young man who isn't doing to well."
Oriya raked his fingers through his hair and looked to the wall the girl was pointing at. Two . . . and older and a younger. He had a pretty good idea who they were, and Oriya was perplexed as to why they would come to him. Wasn't he the friend of a lunatic? Oriya looked to the girl who seemed to try to meld into the woodwork of the house. "I'll meet them in the foyer, can you direct them there?"
"Yes sir."
The pale girl skipped out of sight almost immediately and Oriya looked down to his sword and to the broken flower upon the ground. "It seems your 'friends' have come to visit me Muraki." He hefted the blade lightly and walked over to collect his abandoned tea. It seemed that today was a day for strange thoughts and even stranger visitors.
********************
The shinigami was exactly as Oriya remembered him. The same violet- eyed man that had selflessly pushed Oriya out of harms way that night and who had stood by Oriya as the demoness attacked. Oriya looked to the worn out trench coat that was draped over Tsuzuki's companion.
Unlike Tsuzuki, the young shinigami looked nothing like his first encounter with Oriya some months ago. The youth was pale and was leaning on Tsuzuki for support. Oriya narrowed his eyes, and looked closer at the green-eyed youth and he could sense something hidden . . .
"Tsuzuki." Oriya nodded slightly to the man who nodded back in response. Oriya frowned and looked at his visitors with a raised eyebrow. "I take it you managed to rescue your companion from Muraki?"
Tsuzuki flicked his gaze to his companion and Oriya could see the concern Tsuzuki had for the boy. Oriya looked to Hisoka and felt a pang of sympathy. Whatever his heart felt about how things had came about between himself and Muraki, Oriya couldn't feel malice towards the two men before him. Muraki played the two just as adeptly as he had played Oriya. "You're the lamb . . ."
"What does that mean?" Tsuzuki's eyes flashed defiantly and Oriya shook his head at the defensive tone Tsuzuki's voice took.
Sighing softly, Oriya just smiled. "It means nothing. Just something a friend told me, once upon a time." Oriya looked to the young shinigami and he could understand at least in part, what drove Tsuzuki to protect Hisoka. He raised his eyes to look at Tsuzuki. "Why are you back here shinigami? I have no information as to where Muraki is."
Tsuzuki frowned, and Oriya flicked his gaze back to Hisoka, who had finally managed to look up at Oriya. Perhaps it was the haunted look in the boy's wide emerald eyes, or perhaps Oriya was just getting soft, but Oriya stepped back and gestured for the two of them to come in. It looked as if Hisoka was ready to fall, and despite the rudeness of their visit, Oriya felt it was only proper to let the youth sit down.
"I may regret this, but please, come in."
********************
"So that is what Muraki has done."
Oriya contemplated the cold cup of tea in his hands as he rolled Tsuzuki's story around in his head. He looked to Hisoka who had remained silent during the entire explanation, opting to let Tsuzuki speak. Glorious white wings were visible on Hisoka's back, the charms that had been placed on them to hide the appendages gone. Oriya hadn't believed their story until he saw the wings. Oriya couldn't help but feel anger toward Muraki, despite what his heart felt. It was undoubtedly cruel, what the doctor had done to Hisoka. Just what in God's name are you planning Muraki? There was something that Oriya couldn't pinpoint though, and it gnawed on his thoughts. "But why choose Hisoka?"
Hisoka cleared his throat, his voice weak in the silence of the room. "Who knows? Muraki has had a fixation on this 'broken doll' for a long time now." Oriya could see Tsuzuki cringe at Hisoka's choice of words, and he didn't blame the man. It was not a term one wished to place on a person. Hisoka looked to Oriya with defiance. "I will fight him . . . until I am not able to. I won't let him accomplish whatever his final goal is."
Oriya rubbed the rim of his cup distractedly. "I don't doubt that." The tea he had offered the two shinigami remained untouched before the two of them, and Oriya wondered idly if it was because they didn't trust him. How could they? He was Muraki's childhood friend, the man who had delayed Hisoka in saving Tsuzuki from his own destruction. The reason why they had come to him still eluded Oriya, and he was sick of beating around the bush. "Why are the two of you here?"
Tsuzuki looked to Hisoka momentarily, and Oriya saw the unspoken words that passed between them. They had what Oriya had sought all his life. He hoped that the two of them survived long enough to cherish what they had found. Tsuzuki nodded slightly and looked to Oriya. "We need to find him."
Oriya shook his head slightly and gave a curt laugh. "Then you came to the wrong place shinigami." Oriya let his hurt show momentarily on his face before hiding it behind his mask. "Muraki will not come back here." Oriya looked to Tsuzuki with wide eyes. "Muraki cares little for me, he will not show."
"He will."
Oriya raised his eyes to Hisoka, who looked back at Oriya defiantly. "I think the strain on your body is affecting your ability to think Hisoka." Oriya placed his cup down on the low table and stood up. "How can you be so sure that he will come here?"
A scowl appeared on Hisoka's face as he contemplated the wings outstretched aside him. "He will come because he needs me." Hisoka raised his eyes back up to look at Oriya. Oriya just stared back at the shinigami, his disbelief apparent in his eyes. "I can sense him on the edge of my mind, like a vulture . . . he is waiting for me to fade. Muraki still respects you enough Oriya, that he will be delicate about things." Hisoka looked to his wings. "Your presence will ensure that no innocents are hurt."
"He respects me?" Oriya found Hisoka's words hard to believe. "Muraki has done nothing but use me to fulfil his wishes, it doesn't matter what I feel . . ." Oriya's voice quieted as he spoke. Oriya could still remember Muraki's words to him. Muraki would not let anyone, not even Oriya stop him from achieving his goal. "You are fools if you believe he will let me get in the way of his desires."
"Maybe." Tsuzuki shrugged and looked to Hisoka with concern. "But it is our best bet at the moment." Oriya watched as Tsuzuki's hand gently rested upon Hisoka's knee. "Muraki must be stopped. No matter what you may feel for the man Muraki once was . . . you know in your heart what he is doing is wrong."
Oriya's eyes narrowed at Tsuzuki's words, at his presumption. "Of course Muraki's actions are wrong." Oriya stood up and eyed his guests frostily. "Do not assume to know me shinigami."
"Of course not." Tsuzuki's voice was equally without emotion. Oriya looked to the two men and his stance softened slightly as he contemplated Hisoka's weary form. "If what you say is true, Muraki will come sooner or later." Oriya shook his head and sighed. "Are the two of you so eager to die?"
The exchange of unspoken words between the two Shinigami was quick, and Oriya watched their interaction with slight jealousy. Tsuzuki looked up to Oriya with a grim look in his eyes. "No. But we will fight him tooth and nail to live."
Oriya looked at Tsuzuki and Hisoka and silently wished them good luck. He knew just now determined Muraki could be when he found something he wanted. Oriya gestured to the garden beyond the closed doors. "You are welcome to rest out there. Draw strength from nature . . . and pray." Oriya walked to the doors and opened them. "I will send all my people away for today, to keep them out of harms way, but I will remain."
"Thank you." Tsuzuki's voice was quiet in the uncomfortable silence and Oriya sighed.
Oriya looked to Tsuzuki's violet eyes, and smiled grimly. "Don't thank me Shinigami. Today is probably going to be the toughest day of your existence."
********************
Hisoka leaned against Tsuzuki as he watched the cherry blossoms drift to the ground. The garden was indeed pretty, and Hisoka felt at peace there among the foliage. The two of them sat in silence, not knowing what to say, and not wanting to break the moment.
It was enough to feel Tsuzuki's heart beating in his chest. Hisoka sighed and rested his head against Tsuzuki, letting the older man drape his arms about Hisoka's slight frame. A couple days ago Hisoka would have scoffed at the notion of willingly being in Tsuzuki's arms. Funny how things changed in the blink of an eye and Hisoka corrected his thought. No, not change, just pulled out of the many layers of protection Hisoka had placed about his heart.
His body ached, and Hisoka closed his eyes wearily. Things would end soon, one way or another, Hisoka was sure of that. He only hoped that in the grand scheme of things, he would be allowed to exist, with Tsuzuki at his side.
"You should sleep Hisoka . . . I'll watch over you." Tsuzuki's voice rumbled in his chest, and Hisoka raised his head slightly to look up to Tsuzuki. The emotions in Tsuzuki's eyes were naked, and Hisoka basked in what Tsuzuki freely gave to him. It was a simple thing really, the love Tsuzuki offered, but to Hisoka it was priceless. Tsuzuki would still offer that love, even if Hisoka did not return it, but Hisoka was glad that his heart found the desire to return it. "Please . . . you need to conserve your strength."
Hisoka shook his head slightly and looked to Tsuzuki sadly. "You know I don't have much left." It was true. As much as he acted brave, and tried to hide his weariness from Tsuzuki, Hisoka knew that he was beginning to reach his limits.
"All the more reason to conserve what you have." Tsuzuki reached out to touch Hisoka's cheek, and Hisoka leaned into the offered touch. "You know if I could, I would be your strength."
"You already are Tsuzuki." Hisoka rested his head back against Tsuzuki's chest and hugged the man close to him. It was strange how something that had caused such embarrassment to Hisoka before now brought him comfort. "Believe me."
Hisoka did not need to look at Tsuzuki's face to feel the smile that claimed the man's lips. It brought a bittersweet joy to Hisoka that he was able to make Tsuzuki smile, but it was joy nonetheless. Tsuzuki rested his chin lightly upon Hisoka's head and sighed. "You know what I mean Hisoka."
"I know."
They sat in silence for another couple minutes, and Hisoka wished he could freeze the moment. The pond beyond their spot beneath the cherry tree gurgled softly, and Hisoka could hear a couple songbirds singing sweetly up in the boughs of the tree. The sun was warm on Hisoka's skin, and Hisoka found it hard not to comply with Tsuzuki's wishes. Hisoka yawned and stretched out his kinked frame as best as he could without removing himself from Tsuzuki's side. Hisoka squeezed Tsuzuki's waist gently, and Tsuzuki responded in the like. "Watch over me?"
"Always."
********************
Echoing drops of water resonated throughout the dark, distorted hallways that made up the twisted construction of Hisoka's childhood home. Hisoka slowly walked down the shadowy halls, the only light coming from the solitary candle he carried. It was disturbing, and as Hisoka looked at the faded wall hangings and rotted furniture, he couldn't help but feel lonely. He wished that Tsuzuki could be there with him, but it was unlikely that Tsuzuki could join Hisoka there in his dreams, or at least not the real Tsuzuki.
The last time Hisoka had walked these halls, he had been five years old. It had been before his empathy emerged, at a time when he was still his parent's beloved child rather than a monster. Hisoka paused as memories replayed in his mind, and a wave of anger and sadness filled Hisoka's heart. He touched the rotted frame of the door to what was once his room, and gently pushed the door open. He knew that it was not real, that his family home could not physically be this old, but the resemblance was a little overwhelming.
His dreams, as much as one could call them, as he was aware when he slept, were becoming more disturbing. Hisoka eyed the decaying room with a mixture of longing and sadness. Why his brain chose this location for Hisoka, he wasn't quite sure, but to his dismay Hisoka had found that he was not able to alter things as he had before. It had been a challenge to even produce the solitary candle Hisoka now used to light the decrepit facsimile of his family home.
Hikaru had told him that everything in this place was a product of his mind, thus Hisoka was the main presence that affected the reality. He had changed his surroundings when Chymos had confronted Hisoka before, and had even produced the sword that had injured the demon and chased him away. Hisoka looked down to the flickering candle in the candleholder he carried. Something had changed, and Hisoka feared it was linked to his weakening body and soul.
"Are you okay?"
Hisoka nearly leapt out of his skin at the sound of that soft voice emanating from the darkness beyond. A flicker of motion caught Hisoka's attention, and he turned to see Hikaru quietly emerge from the darkness of the room. Hisoka frowned and shook his head. "How long have you been there watching me?"
Hikaru padded silently across the rickety room to stand before Hisoka. "A little while now." She wrung her pale hands in front of her, like a child caught doing something bad, and Hisoka knelt down to be at eye level with Hikaru. She gestured to the weathered remains of the room. "I came to you almost immediately because I couldn't stand to be alone anymore. But when I found you, you had such a look on your face . . ." Hikaru shook her head and Hisoka locked his emerald eyes with Hikaru's own. "It felt wrong to intrude, so I just followed you at a distance."
Hisoka pursed his lips and shook his head slightly. "Do you know what this place is?" Hikaru looked around to the battered walls and shook her head to indicate no. Hisoka placed his candleholder down on the floor and straightened up. "This was my home, when I was little." Hisoka walked over to touch the rotted remains of a teddy bear. The sad animal stared back at Hisoka with its one good eye, and Hisoka sighed softly. "I was happy here once . . . I think."
There was a lingering sadness to the room, and Hisoka wasn't sure if it was because of his past, or brought about by his present state of mind. "Before I was condemned as a monster by my family, I lived here with them." Hisoka gently touched the ear of the stuffed bear and frowned. Hikaru coughed lightly and Hisoka turned around to face his small companion. "But I shouldn't bore you with my tragic past." Hisoka let a ghost of a smile flit across his face as he walked over to reclaim his candle.
Hikaru reached out to grasp Hisoka's arm and she tilted her head to look Hisoka in the eye. "It's okay to be sad Hisoka." She squeezed Hisoka's arm gently and then let go. "This is a part of you, part of what makes you who you are." She smiled and Hisoka felt as if the room could brighten from that small expression. "Just don't let it be the only thing that defines you."
Hisoka looked at Hikaru with a mixture of awe and shock. How could such a young girl have such worldly thoughts? Hisoka gave the room one last look and then walked over to the exit of the room. "At one point I did, let it be the only thing I mean." He made a gesture to Hikaru to exit the room and the wisp of a girl stepped quickly into the hallway beyond. Hisoka looked to the abandoned teddy bear and smiled softly. "I guess at some point I let other things define who I am."
Hisoka stepped out of the room and shut the rickety door. In a way the action was cleansing, and Hisoka let go of the door handle. It was about time he let go of his past any ways.
********************
Hikaru frowned slightly, and Hisoka looked to the little girl with amusement. She acted grown up, and tried to pretend she was all right with things, but in the end, Hikaru was just an eleven year-old girl. She let her toes trace a slight indent in the ground as she sat in the swing. The two of them were now outside of the house, and Hisoka welcomed the fresh air.
"So you are saying you can't change things anymore?"
Hisoka touched the rough surface of the tree and leaned against it. "Not exactly. I mean I can still do small things." Hisoka concentrated briefly and a pale chrysanthemum appeared in his hand. He looked at the blossom, and leaned over to place the fragile flower in Hikaru's hair. "But I can't control where I am anymore."
"It's pretty." Hikaru reached up to touch the vivid flower. Hisoka wrapped his arms around his torso and looked to the evening sky. Hikaru pushed off the ground and began to swing. "Well it is still you who creates where you are, you just can't consciously alter it." Hikaru scrunched up her nose at those words and Hisoka raised an eyebrow to the silly expression on the girl's face. "Strange . . . you are conscious, yet unconscious . . ."
"Is it any wonder why I am so tired then?"
Hikaru's hair billowed out behind her as she picked up speed. "Yes and no. I mean . . . a person's body is designed to house one soul. Your body is struggling with the burden of sustaining two souls, and a being that devours souls." Hikaru frowned as she spoke, and Hisoka closed his eyes, but still listened. "You cannot hold up like this for much longer . . . you know that."
Hisoka cracked open one eyelid at those words and he frowned. "I know." Hisoka straightened up from the tree and looked to Hikaru. "Don't worry Hikaru . . . I am still hanging on. You will be safe I guarantee it." Hisoka shook his head and clenched his fists. "Tsuzuki and I will find a way to save you. I promise." He glanced over to Hikaru. "No offence, but I would like to have just myself in here."
Hikaru smiled sadly and slowed in her motions. "None taken." She let gravity take over and just let her legs dangle from the wooden seat of the swing. "Tsuzuki . . . he is your partner correct?"
"Yes."
"He must care for you very much."
Hisoka thought for a moment, and then smiled at his thoughts. "Yes . . . he does." Hisoka looked to the ground and then up to the setting sun in the sky. "That's why I know you will be okay as well Hikaru. Tsuzuki won't let me die." Hisoka let his smile fade as he thought about his partner.
"To have someone who loves you that much . . ." Hikaru raised her eyes to meet Hisoka's own. "I chose to walk this path . . . I just didn't think it would be so hard, especially after all this time." She laughed a sad little laugh and Hisoka eyed Hikaru quizzically. "I like you Hisoka . . . I didn't think I would. He didn't tell me that you would be so . . ." Hikaru dropped her gaze to the ground and sighed. "I wish things didn't have to happen this way."
Hisoka reached out to gently stop the swing. "What do you mean Hikaru?" Somehow their conversation had made a turn into something strange, and Hisoka couldn't quite follow Hikaru's train of thought. She chose this path? Hisoka frowned and looked down to Hikaru, who's gaze remained trained on the ground before her. "Who is 'he'? Chymos?"
"Forget what I just said Hisoka."
The silence that filled the sudden void between the two of them was startling, and Hisoka shook his head. Despite Hikaru's warm personality, a tiny part of Hisoka had constantly questioned the soul bound to him. Hisoka shook his head and reached out to touch Hikaru. "No. I want you to explain what you just said." He had almost touched her arm when Hikaru suddenly vanished.
Blinking in confusion, Hisoka looked around the tree in an effort to find Hikaru. She reappeared in a gentle rain of light a couple feet away from Hisoka and Hisoka took a couple steps toward her. "Stop." Hikaru held out her hand, her eyes hidden beneath her raven hair. "Please Hisoka, just stay where you are."
Hisoka paused mid step and looked to Hikaru with growing nervousness. Something had changed, it wasn't something that Hisoka could pinpoint, but it was apparent to his empathy. Hikaru was distressed, but Hisoka couldn't let it go. It was the first time Hikaru had said something of the like, and the words, their implications mattered to Hisoka. "What do you mean you chose this path?" Hikaru was a victim of circumstance . . . right?
The despair on Hikaru's face was heartbreaking, and Hisoka didn't need his empathy to know that Hikaru was torn. "You were supposed to be gone." She shook her head and pulled her arms close to her body.
Hisoka froze at those words. Muraki had said the same thing to him when the doctor had captured him before. Supposed to be gone . . . Hisoka stepped toward Hikaru. "Hikaru . . ."
"It is time."
Her vivid green eyes lifted to Hisoka's and in that instant, Hisoka knew the truth. It was inconceivable, there had to be some sort of mistake. Hikaru smiled sadly and raised her arms. "I really do like you Hisoka." She closed her eyes and Hisoka watched as wings, his wings appeared on Hikaru's back in a dazzling display of light. "But sometimes good people get hurt in the pursuit of desires." She opened her eyes to look upon Hisoka. "I'm sorry."
Hikaru spread her wings and lifted up off the ground, and Hisoka raced forward to where she had stood. "Hikaru!?!" Hisoka gazed up to where Hikaru hovered, and shook his head in denial. "Damn it! What are you doing?!" It had to be some sort of mistake . . . some sort of sick joke. Things were falling into place, and he didn't like the picture that was forming.
She looked down to Hisoka, a sad smile still on her face. "What I should have done the moment I fused with you Hisoka, but I was too weak before to do so." Hikaru shut her eyes, and Hisoka could see tears running down her pale face. "I've waited far too long to let even a beautiful soul like you stop me now." Hisoka shielded his eyes as the light from Hikaru's wings got even brighter.
He was dying. Hisoka dropped to his knees in agony and curled in upon himself, his breath stuck in his throat. It couldn't end like this . . . not like this. Hisoka tried to speak tried to do something instead of let his very essence be torn apart. Hikaru's light seeped into Hisoka's very being, and Hisoka's curse marks flared out in intense pain. Hikaru looked down upon Hisoka's tormented frame, and locked her eyes with Hisoka's pain filled ones.
"I'm sorry Hisoka." Hikaru closed her eyes and Hisoka could see tears streaming down her face. "I really am."
The light intensified, and Hisoka's world expanded into dazzling light. The ground beneath Hisoka gave way and he began to fall, away from Hikaru, and from who he was. White feathers fell about him as Hisoka fell, but they offered no salvation this time. Pain wracked his body, and Hisoka felt the binds that held him together shatter and fade.
"Tsuzuki . . ." Hisoka breathed his partner's name like a prayer and Hisoka's awareness dissipated into that bright, white light and Hisoka knew no more.
********************
Oriya was not empathic like Hisoka, nor did he have any special abilities like Tsuzuki, but somehow he knew that Muraki had arrived. Oriya gently lay his calligraphy brush down upon its stand and he stood up. His servants had questioned Oriya's orders as he ushered the lot of them out of the compound. He had given them all money, holiday pay for a job well done, and had requested that they stay away for a couple of days. Oriya's people were much too loyal to truly question his intentions, but he knew that they worried for their master's health.
He had both dreaded and anticipated Muraki's arrival. Oriya paused in his steps to attach his sword sheath to his person and lovingly place his katana in the sheath. Dreaded it because Muraki's arrival meant that a battle would undoubtedly take place. Anticipated it because deep inside Oriya just wished to see the man once more. He knew his heart was weak, finding attachment to a man he knew was evil, but Oriya could not change what he felt just as he could not snatch the sun from the blue sky. It was just something that was, and would probably always be. A fragrant memory and longing for what once was between Oriya and Muraki.
He stepped quickly across the room and headed for the garden. It is where he had last seen Muraki before his first death, it was the spot he had miraculously returned to Oriya from the dead; and it would most likely be the site of someone's death. Oriya strengthened his resolve and gripped the hilt of his sword.
The question that remained then, was whose grave would the garden become?
********************
It took less than a minute, but to Oriya it felt like a lifetime. His footfalls were quiet in the silence of his home, and Oriya was glad he had sent his people away. If something bad was to happen here, he didn't want them to become involved. The garden was as he left it, with Tsuzuki and Hisoka sitting by the cherry tree.
It was the figure standing by the gate that caught Oriya's attention. He raised his eyes to find Muraki standing in the portal, dressed in his immaculate white suit. Oriya watched his friend with a mixture of regret, hope and fear. Hisoka had been right, Muraki had come. He had come for the boy.
Oriya stepped out into the garden, attracting the attention of Tsuzuki, and of Muraki. What conversation or threats the two of them had passed, Oriya would probably never know. He looked to the unconscious Hisoka in Tsuzuki's arms, and felt a twinge of worry. Was he too late?
"Ah Oriya." Muraki greeted Oriya with a casual wave of his hand, but Oriya could see the coldness in Muraki's eyes. "My business is not with you, but with these two."
Oriya stepped between Muraki and the shinigami's and ignored Tsuzuki's protest behind him. "You're business is with me." Muraki looked Oriya from head to toe, and Oriya just stared at him. It was insane, getting in the way of Muraki and his 'business', but Oriya didn't care. He would find the real Muraki, and drag him kicking and screaming out of the twisted shell he had become. It came as a surprise then, when Muraki walked up to Oriya, and coolly pushed him out of the way, and moved to the Shinigami. Oriya whirled around and grabbed Muraki's arm. "Stop this Muraki!"
Muraki shook his head as if admonishing a child. "I warned you last time Oriya, I cannot guarantee your safety." Oriya pulled his hand away as if stung, and Muraki turned to Tsuzuki, who sat with a still unconscious Hisoka in his arms. "I will admit, the boy struggled for a while, but in the end, I always get what I want."
Tsuzuki blanched at Muraki's words Oriya just stared at Muraki's back. Muraki had said the same words to him before . . . 'I always get what I want' . . . Tsuzuki's violet eyes flashed with an anger so unlike him, and his voice was dead calm. "What do you mean?" Tsuzuki glanced up to Muraki and then down to Hisoka. "Hisoka . . . Hisoka!"
The fear and pain in Tsuzuki's voice was heartbreaking, and Oriya felt numb. For all their planning and pretty words, Tsuzuki and Hisoka just froze in Muraki's presence. He moved to Tsuzuki and Hisoka, and looked to the pale features. Hisoka did not look well, and as Oriya glanced to Tsuzuki, Oriya knew the man was in shock.
Muraki let out a short, cold laugh and looked to Oriya. "It pains me that you would work with these two to try to stop me."
"What you are doing is madness."
Muraki shrugged and smiled. "Do you even comprehend what I am trying to do?" Oriya frowned as Muraki stepped a little closer to him, prompting Tsuzuki to hold Hisoka's still form even closer to his frame. "You know nothing, yet still assume that I am up to no good."
"Your prior actions don't do anything to redeem your good image." Oriya turned to Muraki, unable to watch the heartbreaking moment between Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "Let the boy go Muraki."
Muraki just raised an eyebrow to Oriya's defiance. "He is already gone." Muraki looked to Tsuzuki and Hisoka, and just smiled. "The boy's attitude was mismatched with his body any ways. Beautiful things should be seen and not heard." Oriya visibly started at Muraki's comment, and Tsuzuki just glared angrily up to the doctor.
Suddenly Hisoka's body trembled within Tsuzuki's arms, and Oriya watched as Tsuzuki called out his companion's name urgently. Wide emerald eyes opened and what Oriya saw in them froze him to the core. Muraki reached out a hand to Hisoka, ignoring Tsuzuki's outburst and just smiled. "Come my pretty puppet. We have work to do."
Hisoka rose from Tsuzuki's arms, and pushed the violet-eyed man away. Oriya could do little but watch as a boy who moments ago stated his hatred of Muraki, stepped towards the doctor and embraced him. The horror in Tsuzuki's eyes almost matched what Oriya felt, but did nothing to compare to what he had seen in Hisoka's eyes.
There was nothing there . . . not a flicker of life, no defiance. Nothing that Oriya had seen within the youth's eyes before. Oriya stood aside Tsuzuki, who remained where he was, where Hisoka had roughly pushed him. Muraki looked to both Oriya and Tsuzuki, and then down to Hisoka who was holding Muraki like a lover would.
"No . . ." The ache in Tsuzuki's voice was agonising, and Oriya just clenched his fists. "Hisoka!" Tsuzuki scrambled to his feet, and Oriya found himself truly hating Muraki for the first time. "Please Hisoka! Answer me!"
Hisoka released Muraki and turned to face Oriya and Tsuzuki. Hisoka's eyes were glass like, and Oriya just shook his head in dismay. Muraki just stood there smiling as Hisoka spread his wings, and Oriya could not help but see the beauty that Muraki had spoke of. But it was nothing but a fake, an illusion. There was no soul to the shell that was Hisoka . . . no life.
Hisoka was gone.
********************
Author's Note:
Again with the feeling and the mush, but with all of this emotion I do have things happening, I swear! If you as a reader cannot see it, than you haven't been reading between my lines! *laughs*
I hope the moments between Tsuzuki and Hisoka weren't horribly bad. I was trying for a kind of desperate need meets desperate want. Or something like that. And for those who interpret Tsuzuki laying in the hay as something more naughty . . . shame on you all! When I was rereading this chapter, I realized that the opening part could be interpreted as something much more . . . lemony that had happened between Tsuzuki and Hisoka. I personally did not intend that meaning to come across, at least not intentionally. You as a reader can take it either way I suppose. That is what interpretation is after all.
I just want to take this moment to say something. Different titles are used in Japan to denote affection etc. Like Soka-chan for instance. I know that I should use the proper names according to who is talking, but honestly I am not Japanese, and do not know the language well. So I am just calling Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki, even if maybe Hisoka should start calling him Asato and stuff. If it is confusing, I am sorry. I don't mean to be, but I don't want to take away from things by worrying about who calls who what. But on another note, I do want to thank reviewers for pointing that out to me. I didn't even realize what I was doing. *oops*
I brought Oriya back because . . . well you will see I suppose. Again, I hope he didn't come across as completely wimpy or something like that. I honestly believe that Oriya still cares for Muraki, even if he hates what Muraki does. He cares for the man Muraki once was, and in a way still is, underneath his evil exterior. I believe that Muraki is still human as well, even if he does have some deranged pastimes. Hisoka had stated it; Muraki is a human with demonic characteristics . . . or something like that.
Are you all wondering about Hikaru? Well you should! *Evil laugh* Don't worry, it will all become clear. And of course, there is always Chymos, who you know will probably cause trouble. Demons are like that.
Reviews and comments on my story thus far would be most appreciated. Those who have reviewed already, I want to thank you for your input! It really does encourage me and helps me get these chapters out. And well, even if you don't, I will still keep writing, but it is nice to hear from those who are reading.
A final note before my obligatory thanks to the wonderful creator of this series: computers are evil! My brand new hard drive is currently a snack for my motherboard it seems. Damn you technology! *shakes fist* So the only reason this chapter is coming out is because there is another computer in the house. At least IT doesn't snack on things it shouldn't! (Glares to the evil computer munching away on the hard drive). I hope to have my computer up and running soon, as some of my final notes are trapped on it. Either that, or chuck the damn thing out the second story window - it would make me feel better if nothing else.
Also I just have to thank Matsushita for creating such wonderful characters! Humour, darkness, romance - all the fun stuff rolled into one! Thank you!
This story is loosely based on the manga and the anime, taking components from both. Some liberalizations taken by me to suit my plot. Hope I don't offend or confuse.
Original Characters are the property of Lockeheart.
So on with the Show!
Chapter Nine - Illusions
By Lockeheart
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He had survived to see another dawn.
Hisoka watched the slowly emerging sun silent contemplation. The sky was a vibrant tapestry of colour, the beginning of a new day. It was getting harder and harder to function, and Hisoka found himself opting for minimal sleep. Partially because his sleep was hardly restful especially with Hikaru and Chymos clamouring for his attention, and second, it lessened the burden on Tsuzuki. There was also the intense need Hisoka had to stay near his partner now, considering circumstances . . . Hisoka frowned as he thought of what Tsuzuki was to him now. Hisoka turned slightly from his perch upon a fence to look to his sleeping partner. Tsuzuki lay amidst the spilt hay, the strands sticking through his chocolate hair in wild disarray. Had their circumstances been different, Hisoka thought that he could be deemed happy.
Not to say he was sad, but Hisoka could not help but feel a bittersweet undercurrent to events. Hisoka sighed and hugged his arms tight around his frame, folding his wings about himself as well. GuShoShin was gone, having travelled back with 003 a couple days ago. It was just he and Tsuzuki, and that thought brought both apprehension and comfort. He reached up to touch his lips, remembering the chaste kiss the two of them had shared, back at Byakko's fallen temple. Everything had happened so fast.
Guilt assaulted Hisoka as he contemplated his partner. At the time Hisoka felt as if he was on the edge of diverging paths, and the fact that he even contemplated taking the path that did not have Tsuzuki made Hisoka cringe inside. He had wanted to push his partner away from him, not because Hisoka did not care, but he wanted to reduce the pain Tsuzuki would experience when Hisoka faded. Hisoka tightened his fists and looked to his wings. He was quite sure that he would not survive as he was for much longer, and unless they found help . . . Hisoka dismissed that train of thought. It was depressing, and at the moment, there was not viable way Hisoka could see of solving that specific problem.
He had asked Tsuzuki to stay, to stay with him in a world that brought little more than pain and suffering to the violet-eyed shinigami. Back in Touda's fire, it was hard to actually think, and Hisoka had acted on his emotions. It had been a potentially selfish gesture, but Tsuzuki had listened, and had stayed. Hisoka looked to the rising sun and sighed. Tsuzuki had taught him to feel once again, he had offered Hisoka a hand to take those first daunting steps back to being 'human' once again. Hisoka smiled sadly at that thought.
It had taken a man who believed he was not human, to teach Hisoka how to be human.
Hisoka shivered slightly in the morning light, and it wasn't wholly due to the chill. Did he understand back then just what he was asking Tsuzuki to do? Did he understand now? Hisoka frowned and jumped down from his perch upon the fence. He knew he shouldn't care, shouldn't feel for the man who lay sleeping in the hay. Those who should have loved him had betrayed him, but Hisoka still found himself reaching out to his violet- eyed partner, seeking something he had never experienced. Maybe it was because at the same time, Tsuzuki was desperately reaching out to him as well.
Hisoka raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. Tsuzuki's shields were always kept high, so high that Hisoka's empathy had not read the emotion Tsuzuki held in check. Love. Hisoka padded silently over to contemplate his partner. Thinking back on things, Hisoka knew he should have pushed Tsuzuki away, he should have stuck to his initial feelings. Hisoka touched his lips lightly once again. Now that he knew what love could be, Hisoka didn't know if he could let Tsuzuki go.
He would have to. It was just cruel to hold to Tsuzuki, especially in light of the situation, but Hisoka wasn't sure if he could. A surge of dizziness assaulted Hisoka's senses and he fought to remain upright. His soul was weakening, along with his body, and Hisoka could sense Muraki's presence along the edges of his mind. It was getting harder and harder to keep his shields up, to just get up in the morning. The reprieve he had received back with Byakko was almost a distant memory now, even though it had just happened a couple days ago. He had reacted to Tsuzuki that day in a moment of weakness, needing something to anchor him to life. Hisoka had responded to Tsuzuki's whispered declaration in kind, the purity of those words from the depth of Hisoka's heart.
"I love you . . ." Hisoka whispered the words quietly, and the edges of his mouth tilted slightly into a sad smile. Now that he had spoken them, Hisoka knew them to be true. With no pressure from Tsuzuki's wide violet eyes or any demand to reach back, Hisoka revelled in the reality of those three words. Hisoka frowned and closed his eyes. How could Tsuzuki love him? A sullen youth whose heart was as closed off as his soul was? It was puzzling, and Hisoka looked to the lightening sky in contemplation.
"I love you as well Hisoka. Don't doubt that . . . don't ever doubt that."
Startled, Hisoka looked down to his partner who lay on his back, half propped on his elbows in the hay. Hisoka blinked at Tsuzuki's quiet words, and shook his head. "Tsuzuki . . ." Had his thoughts been that apparent on his face? "You were awake?" Hisoka's normal reaction to such words would be to stammer, blush furiously, and call Tsuzuki an idiot. If only things were normal at the moment. But Hisoka was determined to try.
"I woke the moment you left my side."
Hisoka shook his head and lowered his eyes. He should have known that Tsuzuki wasn't asleep. "How long have you been watching me?"
Tsuzuki propped himself up on his elbows, and regarded Hisoka with a very serious expression. "From the moment I met you." At that comment Hisoka did blush, and Tsuzuki laughed at the reaction. "Good. For a moment I had thought a pod person had come along and replaced my Hisoka."
"Idiot." Hisoka muttered half-heartedly, his blush fierce upon his cheeks. He looked to the ground, not wanting to look at his partner. Even now, when things were getting so bad, Tsuzuki still tried to shoulder the burden. If humour was what Tsuzuki needed, then Hisoka would try to play along, knowing in his heart that he needed this as well. Hisoka scowled and adopted a pissed off stance. "And since when did I become 'your' Hisoka?"
Tsuzuki tilted his head slightly, hay sticking haphazardly in his hair, and Hisoka found the image beautiful. "Since I became yours." Tsuzuki's eyes shone with emotion, and Hisoka's doubts wavered. How could he push Tsuzuki away from him now . . . especially now?
"Idiot . . ." Hisoka spoke the familiar phrase, but it came out as an endearment, rather than an insult.
Tsuzuki smiled, and picked the hay from his hair. "Probably. But I am 'your' idiot."
He didn't want to hurt the gentle soul before him, but in that single moment, Hisoka realised that no matter what happened, Tsuzuki would feel. It was who Tsuzuki was, and it would be impossible to separate the man from him when the time came. Another wave of dizziness coursed through Hisoka and he clutched at his head in pain.
Tsuzuki's arms were quick to enfold Hisoka, and Hisoka sagged into their offered strength weakly. He was beyond lying to Tsuzuki now and Hisoka knew he couldn't do it. "Hisoka . . ." Tsuzuki's breath ruffled Hisoka's hair as he spoke. How Tsuzuki had stood up so quickly was beyond Hisoka, but he appreciated the urgency. The question in Tsuzuki's voice was apparent and Hisoka knew that he was being selfish, but he knew he needed Tsuzuki.
Hisoka closed his eyes and snaked his arms around Tsuzuki's neck. "Can we just stay like this?" Hisoka's voice was quiet, and it trembled slightly. He knew he didn't need to explain to Tsuzuki what was happening to him, as the both of them knew. Hisoka was fading it was as simple as that, yet at the same time so complex. "I just need you . . ." Hisoka flared his wings out to encircle the both of them.
Tsuzuki's arms tightened around Hisoka, and Hisoka sighed contentedly. "And I need you . . ." Tsuzuki's voice was muffled in Hisoka's hair, but it didn't matter. "To remind me that I am human . . . that I can stay . . . here with you." Tsuzuki sighed softly, and Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki's warm breath atop his head.
Whether he had just one more day, or one minute, Hisoka wanted to be with Tsuzuki. Not because Hisoka wanted to cause the man pain, but because he wanted to assure Tsuzuki that Hisoka loved him, even as his life fled from him. He wanted Tsuzuki to know he was loved, and Hisoka wanted to be loved back. Hisoka wanted to cry at the injustice of things, but he was too tired. Instead he leaned into Tsuzuki's strength, and drew from the quiet emotions that emanated from Tsuzuki's heart.
Was it asking too much to be able to just be with Tsuzuki?
********************
There was something to be said about a good cup of green tea. Oriya contemplated the delicately etched cup enclosed in his hands, and admired the entwining leaves and flowers embedded in the design. He sat on the edge of his porch, facing his garden. Tea was a comforting thing, a sort of balm to weary souls. Oriya brought the cup up to his lips and took a small sip, savouring the mellow taste that rolled through his mouth.
It was early morning, and a light mist had risen across the ground, giving Oriya's garden a dream-like quality. Dew had formed upon the flowers that Oriya could see, and there was a great silence that filled the air. Oriya sighed and looked out across the expanse of his garden.
The pain was still there. Even after a couple days, it had yet to diminish. His katana remained upon the grass, company to the slashed form of the rose he had cut that day. Why he had left his sword out there, Oriya wasn't quite sure. The swordsman within him bemoaned his irresponsibility. A swordsman's sword was his life. To leave it laying in the grass and under the elements for so long. Oriya blinked and took another sip of his tea.
Muraki's abrupt appearance and inevitable disappearance had shaken Oriya. Even if Muraki had not spoke so lightly of Oriya's feelings, Oriya was sure he would have still been shaken. Did he love Muraki as the doctor had so coldly stated to Oriya? That was a complicated question. Oriya set his tea down upon the smooth surface of the deck and he stood up to walk over to his fallen sword.
There was no doubt that Oriya disliked and even feared the actions that Muraki had taken. His friend had begun to walk dark paths quite a while ago, and Oriya had watched as Muraki stepped further and further away from him with sadness. Oriya contemplated the withered halves of the rose upon the ground. Muraki had been a good man once, and Oriya was sure that somewhere within Muraki, that good man still existed. He would be dead right now if that other part of Muraki did not exist.
Recalling the brief reunion and then departure with Muraki, Oriya shuddered at the appearance of the demoness. Oriya prided himself of being a good judge of character, even if he himself made himself blind to certain tendencies of certain people, but the hatred dripping off of the demon woman had been unbelievable. Why Muraki had joined with the likes of that dark being, Oriya could not understand.
But he could not deny his heart, which despite what Oriya knew with his head, still yearned for Muraki. It was a twisted game of cat and mouse that Oriya and Muraki had played, and it seemed as if Muraki had called it quits. 'Find yourself someone else to love Oriya. I cannot return your feelings' . . . those had been Muraki's final words to Oriya before he left, leading the shinigami Tsuzuki off on a wild goose chase. But love wasn't that easy to dismiss, or to change.
Oriya shook his head. He knew he was just setting himself up for more hurt, but he couldn't let it end like this. If nothing else, Oriya needed to try one more time, to try to pull his friend out of the darkness that Muraki was plunging headlong into. He and Muraki had been much closer, once upon a time, and there had even been a time when Oriya thought that Muraki could tell him the words that he wanted to hear and mean them. Even if the love Oriya's heart sought was not there, he owed the person Muraki once was to try.
He reached down and gently lifted his katana up. If the sword could talk, Oriya was sure it would be berating Oriya right now for his ill treatment. He lifted it so the cool flat metal of the blade rested against is forehead. Where are you Muraki? Oriya looked down to the broken rose at his feet. It was a love-hate relationship, if one could call what Oriya had with Muraki a relationship at all.
He lowered the cool metal from his forehead, and gripped the hilt tightly. Oriya let loose a small clipped laugh and shook his head. Love was indeed blind, especially if Oriya was insane enough to consider searching for Muraki, knowing full well the path that Muraki had taken. Crazy . . . and in love. Oriya smiled softly and closed his eyes. Only he could love a man who murdered and tortured without remorse. Correction, it was the man Oriya knew still existed within the twisted shell Muraki had become that Oriya loved. It was that man Oriya wished to save. It was that man whom Oriya loved. The man Oriya knew Muraki truly was.
"Excuse me, sir?"
Oriya turned around to see one of his servants standing nervously beside his abandoned teacup. Ever since Muraki's arrival and then destructive disappearance, Oriya's servants and girls had steered a wide berth around the troubled owner. Maybe they could see something that Oriya himself could not. The mark of a deranged man perhaps?
"What is it?" Oriya looked to the young girl and admired her beauty. She was young, but Oriya had taken it upon himself to 'rescue' those who would otherwise live a hellish life. Life under his wing was by no means a pure path, but it was safe, and secure. Oriya let that thought linger in his head as he looked to the servant.
"There is a man wishing to speak to you sir." The girl fidgeted nervously and twisted her hands together. Oriya noted the child's skittish behaviour and made a mental note to speak to the head mistress in charge of the girls. The girl pointed to the main entrance, beyond the wall. "I know you said to not admit any visitors, but the man insisted." The girl's lower lip quivered slightly as if expecting retribution from Oriya and he shook his head slightly. "He also has a companion . . . a young man who isn't doing to well."
Oriya raked his fingers through his hair and looked to the wall the girl was pointing at. Two . . . and older and a younger. He had a pretty good idea who they were, and Oriya was perplexed as to why they would come to him. Wasn't he the friend of a lunatic? Oriya looked to the girl who seemed to try to meld into the woodwork of the house. "I'll meet them in the foyer, can you direct them there?"
"Yes sir."
The pale girl skipped out of sight almost immediately and Oriya looked down to his sword and to the broken flower upon the ground. "It seems your 'friends' have come to visit me Muraki." He hefted the blade lightly and walked over to collect his abandoned tea. It seemed that today was a day for strange thoughts and even stranger visitors.
********************
The shinigami was exactly as Oriya remembered him. The same violet- eyed man that had selflessly pushed Oriya out of harms way that night and who had stood by Oriya as the demoness attacked. Oriya looked to the worn out trench coat that was draped over Tsuzuki's companion.
Unlike Tsuzuki, the young shinigami looked nothing like his first encounter with Oriya some months ago. The youth was pale and was leaning on Tsuzuki for support. Oriya narrowed his eyes, and looked closer at the green-eyed youth and he could sense something hidden . . .
"Tsuzuki." Oriya nodded slightly to the man who nodded back in response. Oriya frowned and looked at his visitors with a raised eyebrow. "I take it you managed to rescue your companion from Muraki?"
Tsuzuki flicked his gaze to his companion and Oriya could see the concern Tsuzuki had for the boy. Oriya looked to Hisoka and felt a pang of sympathy. Whatever his heart felt about how things had came about between himself and Muraki, Oriya couldn't feel malice towards the two men before him. Muraki played the two just as adeptly as he had played Oriya. "You're the lamb . . ."
"What does that mean?" Tsuzuki's eyes flashed defiantly and Oriya shook his head at the defensive tone Tsuzuki's voice took.
Sighing softly, Oriya just smiled. "It means nothing. Just something a friend told me, once upon a time." Oriya looked to the young shinigami and he could understand at least in part, what drove Tsuzuki to protect Hisoka. He raised his eyes to look at Tsuzuki. "Why are you back here shinigami? I have no information as to where Muraki is."
Tsuzuki frowned, and Oriya flicked his gaze back to Hisoka, who had finally managed to look up at Oriya. Perhaps it was the haunted look in the boy's wide emerald eyes, or perhaps Oriya was just getting soft, but Oriya stepped back and gestured for the two of them to come in. It looked as if Hisoka was ready to fall, and despite the rudeness of their visit, Oriya felt it was only proper to let the youth sit down.
"I may regret this, but please, come in."
********************
"So that is what Muraki has done."
Oriya contemplated the cold cup of tea in his hands as he rolled Tsuzuki's story around in his head. He looked to Hisoka who had remained silent during the entire explanation, opting to let Tsuzuki speak. Glorious white wings were visible on Hisoka's back, the charms that had been placed on them to hide the appendages gone. Oriya hadn't believed their story until he saw the wings. Oriya couldn't help but feel anger toward Muraki, despite what his heart felt. It was undoubtedly cruel, what the doctor had done to Hisoka. Just what in God's name are you planning Muraki? There was something that Oriya couldn't pinpoint though, and it gnawed on his thoughts. "But why choose Hisoka?"
Hisoka cleared his throat, his voice weak in the silence of the room. "Who knows? Muraki has had a fixation on this 'broken doll' for a long time now." Oriya could see Tsuzuki cringe at Hisoka's choice of words, and he didn't blame the man. It was not a term one wished to place on a person. Hisoka looked to Oriya with defiance. "I will fight him . . . until I am not able to. I won't let him accomplish whatever his final goal is."
Oriya rubbed the rim of his cup distractedly. "I don't doubt that." The tea he had offered the two shinigami remained untouched before the two of them, and Oriya wondered idly if it was because they didn't trust him. How could they? He was Muraki's childhood friend, the man who had delayed Hisoka in saving Tsuzuki from his own destruction. The reason why they had come to him still eluded Oriya, and he was sick of beating around the bush. "Why are the two of you here?"
Tsuzuki looked to Hisoka momentarily, and Oriya saw the unspoken words that passed between them. They had what Oriya had sought all his life. He hoped that the two of them survived long enough to cherish what they had found. Tsuzuki nodded slightly and looked to Oriya. "We need to find him."
Oriya shook his head slightly and gave a curt laugh. "Then you came to the wrong place shinigami." Oriya let his hurt show momentarily on his face before hiding it behind his mask. "Muraki will not come back here." Oriya looked to Tsuzuki with wide eyes. "Muraki cares little for me, he will not show."
"He will."
Oriya raised his eyes to Hisoka, who looked back at Oriya defiantly. "I think the strain on your body is affecting your ability to think Hisoka." Oriya placed his cup down on the low table and stood up. "How can you be so sure that he will come here?"
A scowl appeared on Hisoka's face as he contemplated the wings outstretched aside him. "He will come because he needs me." Hisoka raised his eyes back up to look at Oriya. Oriya just stared back at the shinigami, his disbelief apparent in his eyes. "I can sense him on the edge of my mind, like a vulture . . . he is waiting for me to fade. Muraki still respects you enough Oriya, that he will be delicate about things." Hisoka looked to his wings. "Your presence will ensure that no innocents are hurt."
"He respects me?" Oriya found Hisoka's words hard to believe. "Muraki has done nothing but use me to fulfil his wishes, it doesn't matter what I feel . . ." Oriya's voice quieted as he spoke. Oriya could still remember Muraki's words to him. Muraki would not let anyone, not even Oriya stop him from achieving his goal. "You are fools if you believe he will let me get in the way of his desires."
"Maybe." Tsuzuki shrugged and looked to Hisoka with concern. "But it is our best bet at the moment." Oriya watched as Tsuzuki's hand gently rested upon Hisoka's knee. "Muraki must be stopped. No matter what you may feel for the man Muraki once was . . . you know in your heart what he is doing is wrong."
Oriya's eyes narrowed at Tsuzuki's words, at his presumption. "Of course Muraki's actions are wrong." Oriya stood up and eyed his guests frostily. "Do not assume to know me shinigami."
"Of course not." Tsuzuki's voice was equally without emotion. Oriya looked to the two men and his stance softened slightly as he contemplated Hisoka's weary form. "If what you say is true, Muraki will come sooner or later." Oriya shook his head and sighed. "Are the two of you so eager to die?"
The exchange of unspoken words between the two Shinigami was quick, and Oriya watched their interaction with slight jealousy. Tsuzuki looked up to Oriya with a grim look in his eyes. "No. But we will fight him tooth and nail to live."
Oriya looked at Tsuzuki and Hisoka and silently wished them good luck. He knew just now determined Muraki could be when he found something he wanted. Oriya gestured to the garden beyond the closed doors. "You are welcome to rest out there. Draw strength from nature . . . and pray." Oriya walked to the doors and opened them. "I will send all my people away for today, to keep them out of harms way, but I will remain."
"Thank you." Tsuzuki's voice was quiet in the uncomfortable silence and Oriya sighed.
Oriya looked to Tsuzuki's violet eyes, and smiled grimly. "Don't thank me Shinigami. Today is probably going to be the toughest day of your existence."
********************
Hisoka leaned against Tsuzuki as he watched the cherry blossoms drift to the ground. The garden was indeed pretty, and Hisoka felt at peace there among the foliage. The two of them sat in silence, not knowing what to say, and not wanting to break the moment.
It was enough to feel Tsuzuki's heart beating in his chest. Hisoka sighed and rested his head against Tsuzuki, letting the older man drape his arms about Hisoka's slight frame. A couple days ago Hisoka would have scoffed at the notion of willingly being in Tsuzuki's arms. Funny how things changed in the blink of an eye and Hisoka corrected his thought. No, not change, just pulled out of the many layers of protection Hisoka had placed about his heart.
His body ached, and Hisoka closed his eyes wearily. Things would end soon, one way or another, Hisoka was sure of that. He only hoped that in the grand scheme of things, he would be allowed to exist, with Tsuzuki at his side.
"You should sleep Hisoka . . . I'll watch over you." Tsuzuki's voice rumbled in his chest, and Hisoka raised his head slightly to look up to Tsuzuki. The emotions in Tsuzuki's eyes were naked, and Hisoka basked in what Tsuzuki freely gave to him. It was a simple thing really, the love Tsuzuki offered, but to Hisoka it was priceless. Tsuzuki would still offer that love, even if Hisoka did not return it, but Hisoka was glad that his heart found the desire to return it. "Please . . . you need to conserve your strength."
Hisoka shook his head slightly and looked to Tsuzuki sadly. "You know I don't have much left." It was true. As much as he acted brave, and tried to hide his weariness from Tsuzuki, Hisoka knew that he was beginning to reach his limits.
"All the more reason to conserve what you have." Tsuzuki reached out to touch Hisoka's cheek, and Hisoka leaned into the offered touch. "You know if I could, I would be your strength."
"You already are Tsuzuki." Hisoka rested his head back against Tsuzuki's chest and hugged the man close to him. It was strange how something that had caused such embarrassment to Hisoka before now brought him comfort. "Believe me."
Hisoka did not need to look at Tsuzuki's face to feel the smile that claimed the man's lips. It brought a bittersweet joy to Hisoka that he was able to make Tsuzuki smile, but it was joy nonetheless. Tsuzuki rested his chin lightly upon Hisoka's head and sighed. "You know what I mean Hisoka."
"I know."
They sat in silence for another couple minutes, and Hisoka wished he could freeze the moment. The pond beyond their spot beneath the cherry tree gurgled softly, and Hisoka could hear a couple songbirds singing sweetly up in the boughs of the tree. The sun was warm on Hisoka's skin, and Hisoka found it hard not to comply with Tsuzuki's wishes. Hisoka yawned and stretched out his kinked frame as best as he could without removing himself from Tsuzuki's side. Hisoka squeezed Tsuzuki's waist gently, and Tsuzuki responded in the like. "Watch over me?"
"Always."
********************
Echoing drops of water resonated throughout the dark, distorted hallways that made up the twisted construction of Hisoka's childhood home. Hisoka slowly walked down the shadowy halls, the only light coming from the solitary candle he carried. It was disturbing, and as Hisoka looked at the faded wall hangings and rotted furniture, he couldn't help but feel lonely. He wished that Tsuzuki could be there with him, but it was unlikely that Tsuzuki could join Hisoka there in his dreams, or at least not the real Tsuzuki.
The last time Hisoka had walked these halls, he had been five years old. It had been before his empathy emerged, at a time when he was still his parent's beloved child rather than a monster. Hisoka paused as memories replayed in his mind, and a wave of anger and sadness filled Hisoka's heart. He touched the rotted frame of the door to what was once his room, and gently pushed the door open. He knew that it was not real, that his family home could not physically be this old, but the resemblance was a little overwhelming.
His dreams, as much as one could call them, as he was aware when he slept, were becoming more disturbing. Hisoka eyed the decaying room with a mixture of longing and sadness. Why his brain chose this location for Hisoka, he wasn't quite sure, but to his dismay Hisoka had found that he was not able to alter things as he had before. It had been a challenge to even produce the solitary candle Hisoka now used to light the decrepit facsimile of his family home.
Hikaru had told him that everything in this place was a product of his mind, thus Hisoka was the main presence that affected the reality. He had changed his surroundings when Chymos had confronted Hisoka before, and had even produced the sword that had injured the demon and chased him away. Hisoka looked down to the flickering candle in the candleholder he carried. Something had changed, and Hisoka feared it was linked to his weakening body and soul.
"Are you okay?"
Hisoka nearly leapt out of his skin at the sound of that soft voice emanating from the darkness beyond. A flicker of motion caught Hisoka's attention, and he turned to see Hikaru quietly emerge from the darkness of the room. Hisoka frowned and shook his head. "How long have you been there watching me?"
Hikaru padded silently across the rickety room to stand before Hisoka. "A little while now." She wrung her pale hands in front of her, like a child caught doing something bad, and Hisoka knelt down to be at eye level with Hikaru. She gestured to the weathered remains of the room. "I came to you almost immediately because I couldn't stand to be alone anymore. But when I found you, you had such a look on your face . . ." Hikaru shook her head and Hisoka locked his emerald eyes with Hikaru's own. "It felt wrong to intrude, so I just followed you at a distance."
Hisoka pursed his lips and shook his head slightly. "Do you know what this place is?" Hikaru looked around to the battered walls and shook her head to indicate no. Hisoka placed his candleholder down on the floor and straightened up. "This was my home, when I was little." Hisoka walked over to touch the rotted remains of a teddy bear. The sad animal stared back at Hisoka with its one good eye, and Hisoka sighed softly. "I was happy here once . . . I think."
There was a lingering sadness to the room, and Hisoka wasn't sure if it was because of his past, or brought about by his present state of mind. "Before I was condemned as a monster by my family, I lived here with them." Hisoka gently touched the ear of the stuffed bear and frowned. Hikaru coughed lightly and Hisoka turned around to face his small companion. "But I shouldn't bore you with my tragic past." Hisoka let a ghost of a smile flit across his face as he walked over to reclaim his candle.
Hikaru reached out to grasp Hisoka's arm and she tilted her head to look Hisoka in the eye. "It's okay to be sad Hisoka." She squeezed Hisoka's arm gently and then let go. "This is a part of you, part of what makes you who you are." She smiled and Hisoka felt as if the room could brighten from that small expression. "Just don't let it be the only thing that defines you."
Hisoka looked at Hikaru with a mixture of awe and shock. How could such a young girl have such worldly thoughts? Hisoka gave the room one last look and then walked over to the exit of the room. "At one point I did, let it be the only thing I mean." He made a gesture to Hikaru to exit the room and the wisp of a girl stepped quickly into the hallway beyond. Hisoka looked to the abandoned teddy bear and smiled softly. "I guess at some point I let other things define who I am."
Hisoka stepped out of the room and shut the rickety door. In a way the action was cleansing, and Hisoka let go of the door handle. It was about time he let go of his past any ways.
********************
Hikaru frowned slightly, and Hisoka looked to the little girl with amusement. She acted grown up, and tried to pretend she was all right with things, but in the end, Hikaru was just an eleven year-old girl. She let her toes trace a slight indent in the ground as she sat in the swing. The two of them were now outside of the house, and Hisoka welcomed the fresh air.
"So you are saying you can't change things anymore?"
Hisoka touched the rough surface of the tree and leaned against it. "Not exactly. I mean I can still do small things." Hisoka concentrated briefly and a pale chrysanthemum appeared in his hand. He looked at the blossom, and leaned over to place the fragile flower in Hikaru's hair. "But I can't control where I am anymore."
"It's pretty." Hikaru reached up to touch the vivid flower. Hisoka wrapped his arms around his torso and looked to the evening sky. Hikaru pushed off the ground and began to swing. "Well it is still you who creates where you are, you just can't consciously alter it." Hikaru scrunched up her nose at those words and Hisoka raised an eyebrow to the silly expression on the girl's face. "Strange . . . you are conscious, yet unconscious . . ."
"Is it any wonder why I am so tired then?"
Hikaru's hair billowed out behind her as she picked up speed. "Yes and no. I mean . . . a person's body is designed to house one soul. Your body is struggling with the burden of sustaining two souls, and a being that devours souls." Hikaru frowned as she spoke, and Hisoka closed his eyes, but still listened. "You cannot hold up like this for much longer . . . you know that."
Hisoka cracked open one eyelid at those words and he frowned. "I know." Hisoka straightened up from the tree and looked to Hikaru. "Don't worry Hikaru . . . I am still hanging on. You will be safe I guarantee it." Hisoka shook his head and clenched his fists. "Tsuzuki and I will find a way to save you. I promise." He glanced over to Hikaru. "No offence, but I would like to have just myself in here."
Hikaru smiled sadly and slowed in her motions. "None taken." She let gravity take over and just let her legs dangle from the wooden seat of the swing. "Tsuzuki . . . he is your partner correct?"
"Yes."
"He must care for you very much."
Hisoka thought for a moment, and then smiled at his thoughts. "Yes . . . he does." Hisoka looked to the ground and then up to the setting sun in the sky. "That's why I know you will be okay as well Hikaru. Tsuzuki won't let me die." Hisoka let his smile fade as he thought about his partner.
"To have someone who loves you that much . . ." Hikaru raised her eyes to meet Hisoka's own. "I chose to walk this path . . . I just didn't think it would be so hard, especially after all this time." She laughed a sad little laugh and Hisoka eyed Hikaru quizzically. "I like you Hisoka . . . I didn't think I would. He didn't tell me that you would be so . . ." Hikaru dropped her gaze to the ground and sighed. "I wish things didn't have to happen this way."
Hisoka reached out to gently stop the swing. "What do you mean Hikaru?" Somehow their conversation had made a turn into something strange, and Hisoka couldn't quite follow Hikaru's train of thought. She chose this path? Hisoka frowned and looked down to Hikaru, who's gaze remained trained on the ground before her. "Who is 'he'? Chymos?"
"Forget what I just said Hisoka."
The silence that filled the sudden void between the two of them was startling, and Hisoka shook his head. Despite Hikaru's warm personality, a tiny part of Hisoka had constantly questioned the soul bound to him. Hisoka shook his head and reached out to touch Hikaru. "No. I want you to explain what you just said." He had almost touched her arm when Hikaru suddenly vanished.
Blinking in confusion, Hisoka looked around the tree in an effort to find Hikaru. She reappeared in a gentle rain of light a couple feet away from Hisoka and Hisoka took a couple steps toward her. "Stop." Hikaru held out her hand, her eyes hidden beneath her raven hair. "Please Hisoka, just stay where you are."
Hisoka paused mid step and looked to Hikaru with growing nervousness. Something had changed, it wasn't something that Hisoka could pinpoint, but it was apparent to his empathy. Hikaru was distressed, but Hisoka couldn't let it go. It was the first time Hikaru had said something of the like, and the words, their implications mattered to Hisoka. "What do you mean you chose this path?" Hikaru was a victim of circumstance . . . right?
The despair on Hikaru's face was heartbreaking, and Hisoka didn't need his empathy to know that Hikaru was torn. "You were supposed to be gone." She shook her head and pulled her arms close to her body.
Hisoka froze at those words. Muraki had said the same thing to him when the doctor had captured him before. Supposed to be gone . . . Hisoka stepped toward Hikaru. "Hikaru . . ."
"It is time."
Her vivid green eyes lifted to Hisoka's and in that instant, Hisoka knew the truth. It was inconceivable, there had to be some sort of mistake. Hikaru smiled sadly and raised her arms. "I really do like you Hisoka." She closed her eyes and Hisoka watched as wings, his wings appeared on Hikaru's back in a dazzling display of light. "But sometimes good people get hurt in the pursuit of desires." She opened her eyes to look upon Hisoka. "I'm sorry."
Hikaru spread her wings and lifted up off the ground, and Hisoka raced forward to where she had stood. "Hikaru!?!" Hisoka gazed up to where Hikaru hovered, and shook his head in denial. "Damn it! What are you doing?!" It had to be some sort of mistake . . . some sort of sick joke. Things were falling into place, and he didn't like the picture that was forming.
She looked down to Hisoka, a sad smile still on her face. "What I should have done the moment I fused with you Hisoka, but I was too weak before to do so." Hikaru shut her eyes, and Hisoka could see tears running down her pale face. "I've waited far too long to let even a beautiful soul like you stop me now." Hisoka shielded his eyes as the light from Hikaru's wings got even brighter.
He was dying. Hisoka dropped to his knees in agony and curled in upon himself, his breath stuck in his throat. It couldn't end like this . . . not like this. Hisoka tried to speak tried to do something instead of let his very essence be torn apart. Hikaru's light seeped into Hisoka's very being, and Hisoka's curse marks flared out in intense pain. Hikaru looked down upon Hisoka's tormented frame, and locked her eyes with Hisoka's pain filled ones.
"I'm sorry Hisoka." Hikaru closed her eyes and Hisoka could see tears streaming down her face. "I really am."
The light intensified, and Hisoka's world expanded into dazzling light. The ground beneath Hisoka gave way and he began to fall, away from Hikaru, and from who he was. White feathers fell about him as Hisoka fell, but they offered no salvation this time. Pain wracked his body, and Hisoka felt the binds that held him together shatter and fade.
"Tsuzuki . . ." Hisoka breathed his partner's name like a prayer and Hisoka's awareness dissipated into that bright, white light and Hisoka knew no more.
********************
Oriya was not empathic like Hisoka, nor did he have any special abilities like Tsuzuki, but somehow he knew that Muraki had arrived. Oriya gently lay his calligraphy brush down upon its stand and he stood up. His servants had questioned Oriya's orders as he ushered the lot of them out of the compound. He had given them all money, holiday pay for a job well done, and had requested that they stay away for a couple of days. Oriya's people were much too loyal to truly question his intentions, but he knew that they worried for their master's health.
He had both dreaded and anticipated Muraki's arrival. Oriya paused in his steps to attach his sword sheath to his person and lovingly place his katana in the sheath. Dreaded it because Muraki's arrival meant that a battle would undoubtedly take place. Anticipated it because deep inside Oriya just wished to see the man once more. He knew his heart was weak, finding attachment to a man he knew was evil, but Oriya could not change what he felt just as he could not snatch the sun from the blue sky. It was just something that was, and would probably always be. A fragrant memory and longing for what once was between Oriya and Muraki.
He stepped quickly across the room and headed for the garden. It is where he had last seen Muraki before his first death, it was the spot he had miraculously returned to Oriya from the dead; and it would most likely be the site of someone's death. Oriya strengthened his resolve and gripped the hilt of his sword.
The question that remained then, was whose grave would the garden become?
********************
It took less than a minute, but to Oriya it felt like a lifetime. His footfalls were quiet in the silence of his home, and Oriya was glad he had sent his people away. If something bad was to happen here, he didn't want them to become involved. The garden was as he left it, with Tsuzuki and Hisoka sitting by the cherry tree.
It was the figure standing by the gate that caught Oriya's attention. He raised his eyes to find Muraki standing in the portal, dressed in his immaculate white suit. Oriya watched his friend with a mixture of regret, hope and fear. Hisoka had been right, Muraki had come. He had come for the boy.
Oriya stepped out into the garden, attracting the attention of Tsuzuki, and of Muraki. What conversation or threats the two of them had passed, Oriya would probably never know. He looked to the unconscious Hisoka in Tsuzuki's arms, and felt a twinge of worry. Was he too late?
"Ah Oriya." Muraki greeted Oriya with a casual wave of his hand, but Oriya could see the coldness in Muraki's eyes. "My business is not with you, but with these two."
Oriya stepped between Muraki and the shinigami's and ignored Tsuzuki's protest behind him. "You're business is with me." Muraki looked Oriya from head to toe, and Oriya just stared at him. It was insane, getting in the way of Muraki and his 'business', but Oriya didn't care. He would find the real Muraki, and drag him kicking and screaming out of the twisted shell he had become. It came as a surprise then, when Muraki walked up to Oriya, and coolly pushed him out of the way, and moved to the Shinigami. Oriya whirled around and grabbed Muraki's arm. "Stop this Muraki!"
Muraki shook his head as if admonishing a child. "I warned you last time Oriya, I cannot guarantee your safety." Oriya pulled his hand away as if stung, and Muraki turned to Tsuzuki, who sat with a still unconscious Hisoka in his arms. "I will admit, the boy struggled for a while, but in the end, I always get what I want."
Tsuzuki blanched at Muraki's words Oriya just stared at Muraki's back. Muraki had said the same words to him before . . . 'I always get what I want' . . . Tsuzuki's violet eyes flashed with an anger so unlike him, and his voice was dead calm. "What do you mean?" Tsuzuki glanced up to Muraki and then down to Hisoka. "Hisoka . . . Hisoka!"
The fear and pain in Tsuzuki's voice was heartbreaking, and Oriya felt numb. For all their planning and pretty words, Tsuzuki and Hisoka just froze in Muraki's presence. He moved to Tsuzuki and Hisoka, and looked to the pale features. Hisoka did not look well, and as Oriya glanced to Tsuzuki, Oriya knew the man was in shock.
Muraki let out a short, cold laugh and looked to Oriya. "It pains me that you would work with these two to try to stop me."
"What you are doing is madness."
Muraki shrugged and smiled. "Do you even comprehend what I am trying to do?" Oriya frowned as Muraki stepped a little closer to him, prompting Tsuzuki to hold Hisoka's still form even closer to his frame. "You know nothing, yet still assume that I am up to no good."
"Your prior actions don't do anything to redeem your good image." Oriya turned to Muraki, unable to watch the heartbreaking moment between Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "Let the boy go Muraki."
Muraki just raised an eyebrow to Oriya's defiance. "He is already gone." Muraki looked to Tsuzuki and Hisoka, and just smiled. "The boy's attitude was mismatched with his body any ways. Beautiful things should be seen and not heard." Oriya visibly started at Muraki's comment, and Tsuzuki just glared angrily up to the doctor.
Suddenly Hisoka's body trembled within Tsuzuki's arms, and Oriya watched as Tsuzuki called out his companion's name urgently. Wide emerald eyes opened and what Oriya saw in them froze him to the core. Muraki reached out a hand to Hisoka, ignoring Tsuzuki's outburst and just smiled. "Come my pretty puppet. We have work to do."
Hisoka rose from Tsuzuki's arms, and pushed the violet-eyed man away. Oriya could do little but watch as a boy who moments ago stated his hatred of Muraki, stepped towards the doctor and embraced him. The horror in Tsuzuki's eyes almost matched what Oriya felt, but did nothing to compare to what he had seen in Hisoka's eyes.
There was nothing there . . . not a flicker of life, no defiance. Nothing that Oriya had seen within the youth's eyes before. Oriya stood aside Tsuzuki, who remained where he was, where Hisoka had roughly pushed him. Muraki looked to both Oriya and Tsuzuki, and then down to Hisoka who was holding Muraki like a lover would.
"No . . ." The ache in Tsuzuki's voice was agonising, and Oriya just clenched his fists. "Hisoka!" Tsuzuki scrambled to his feet, and Oriya found himself truly hating Muraki for the first time. "Please Hisoka! Answer me!"
Hisoka released Muraki and turned to face Oriya and Tsuzuki. Hisoka's eyes were glass like, and Oriya just shook his head in dismay. Muraki just stood there smiling as Hisoka spread his wings, and Oriya could not help but see the beauty that Muraki had spoke of. But it was nothing but a fake, an illusion. There was no soul to the shell that was Hisoka . . . no life.
Hisoka was gone.
********************
Author's Note:
Again with the feeling and the mush, but with all of this emotion I do have things happening, I swear! If you as a reader cannot see it, than you haven't been reading between my lines! *laughs*
I hope the moments between Tsuzuki and Hisoka weren't horribly bad. I was trying for a kind of desperate need meets desperate want. Or something like that. And for those who interpret Tsuzuki laying in the hay as something more naughty . . . shame on you all! When I was rereading this chapter, I realized that the opening part could be interpreted as something much more . . . lemony that had happened between Tsuzuki and Hisoka. I personally did not intend that meaning to come across, at least not intentionally. You as a reader can take it either way I suppose. That is what interpretation is after all.
I just want to take this moment to say something. Different titles are used in Japan to denote affection etc. Like Soka-chan for instance. I know that I should use the proper names according to who is talking, but honestly I am not Japanese, and do not know the language well. So I am just calling Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki, even if maybe Hisoka should start calling him Asato and stuff. If it is confusing, I am sorry. I don't mean to be, but I don't want to take away from things by worrying about who calls who what. But on another note, I do want to thank reviewers for pointing that out to me. I didn't even realize what I was doing. *oops*
I brought Oriya back because . . . well you will see I suppose. Again, I hope he didn't come across as completely wimpy or something like that. I honestly believe that Oriya still cares for Muraki, even if he hates what Muraki does. He cares for the man Muraki once was, and in a way still is, underneath his evil exterior. I believe that Muraki is still human as well, even if he does have some deranged pastimes. Hisoka had stated it; Muraki is a human with demonic characteristics . . . or something like that.
Are you all wondering about Hikaru? Well you should! *Evil laugh* Don't worry, it will all become clear. And of course, there is always Chymos, who you know will probably cause trouble. Demons are like that.
Reviews and comments on my story thus far would be most appreciated. Those who have reviewed already, I want to thank you for your input! It really does encourage me and helps me get these chapters out. And well, even if you don't, I will still keep writing, but it is nice to hear from those who are reading.
A final note before my obligatory thanks to the wonderful creator of this series: computers are evil! My brand new hard drive is currently a snack for my motherboard it seems. Damn you technology! *shakes fist* So the only reason this chapter is coming out is because there is another computer in the house. At least IT doesn't snack on things it shouldn't! (Glares to the evil computer munching away on the hard drive). I hope to have my computer up and running soon, as some of my final notes are trapped on it. Either that, or chuck the damn thing out the second story window - it would make me feel better if nothing else.
Also I just have to thank Matsushita for creating such wonderful characters! Humour, darkness, romance - all the fun stuff rolled into one! Thank you!