by Lanie Kay-Aleese
"Pay attention," said Jaken. "This is important."
Rin nodded and watched the frog's movements closely. He was like a dancer, in the way he flowed through the practice motions. It was so hard for her to stand up straight, to pay attention while not falling over. There were too many folds of silk for her to wear. Every step kept her from running, every step kept her from being free.
"Jaken-sama, Jaken-sama," she complained, with furious tugs on her kimono. "Does Rin have to reach the important age of seven? Six is a happy age."
The disgruntled youkai made a hacking noise. "NO, you stupid human! Rin does not have a choice!"
Rin stomped her foot. "But the kimonos are heavy and it is very hard to tie the obi... I want my cord back, Jaken-sama!"
"Nyaaaaargh!" cried the toad, spinning, spinning, spinning. Spinning into nothing, Rin shook her head twice, and looked around.
Jaken-sama had taken her to a different place, and Rin felt better here. Instead of the heavy silk, she wore a light cotton yukata. She fingered the fabric in her hands absentmindedly while Jaken griped the newest lesson.
"You have to smile," he insisted. "This is the important part. You must do this right, you disgrace!"
"Jaken-sama is always a disgrace!" Rin teased. The toad yelled out in frustration and proceeded to instruct the girl. "Your smile looks hideous. But you're just a human,"he complained. Rin shook her head.
"Jaken-sama," she exclaimed, "Onegai. Please. Show Rin how to smile. Rin wants to smile well for Sesshoumaru-sama."
A smile? The little, sibilant intake of the breath.
It was made to please the respected ones, as a courtesy. Rin understood this. She would pay attention. Bow, Rin. Hai, Jaken-sama. The sweeping gesture of her head, the soft noise between her teeth as she sucked in her breath, all these were tokens of gratitude. Rin did them, and for once, Jaken did not criticize it. There was no, "Stupid human!" comments, or kicks to the shin. Rin had done well.
She had done well ...
The sky changed above-head with rapid posturing and arrogant puffs of smoke. The clouds raced above the sky as the two spent time in silence. There was happiness, almost, a static friendship between the two.
"You know this can't last forever," said Jaken. Rin shook her head.
"But it should."
Lightning beckoned across the sky. Rain smeared Jaken and Rin's forms, and fading everything in the steady beat. Night whispered in from the horizon, and wrapped itself around the rainy forest. Tendrils of slithering, hissing, winding darkness encircled Rin. The moment her eyes opened once more, she collapsed to the ground.
Rin choked back a sob.
Rumpled silk smattered the ground alongside her knees. The moist dirt pressed against Rin's frame, smearing her milk-cream skin. Rin brought her trembling hands up to her face, feeling the trails of unwelcome tears. She took in a rattled breath.
"Why am I not good enough?" she exhaled, in a breathless panic, "Please. Please. Will you at least tell me? What's wrong with Rin, so much?"
The youkai lord set his eyes forward to the meandering path. Rin, the young lady in elegant robes, of chaste silk and fine nobility, bowed her head. A submissive dip, of fear and surrender, to her lord - that is what her posture symbolized. Her words dripped of longing. Her breath laid heavy on the air, in the form of thick fog. The hair of her lord became lost within it, like white on white, like snow flurries - which did not belong in rain.
"Please, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin stretched her hand forward, and a loose tassle of hair slipped off of her shoulder.
"Look at me. Why are you leaving me here," Rin demanded. Sesshoumaru stopped in his steps, and the girl sucked in her breath. A gasp, that he listened.
"Rin. As a child - a human child - this Sesshoumaru cared for you, despite the scent of your filth. For Rin did such for me."
Rin choked up, her voice reverting to a familiar pattern that brought her comfort. "I... Rin looked after you. When the wolves atttacked. Rin remembers."
The taiyoukai stood stiffly, stoicly, a silhouette against a backdrop that Rin could not comprehend. She averted her eyes from his back.
"Rin took notice of you," she repeated, her fingers following the print of flowers on her kimono.
"This Sesshoumaru took you in, despite your humanity. As an experiment, to see if a human would berepulsive even if taught better," Sesshoumaru dropped his voice."If she was raised by youkai. The experiment was a failure."
Rin brought her hands to her ears. No; she wouldn't listen; it wasn't true...
"You, Rin, looked down on your race of humans. Yet you looked down on yourself, as higher value, and yet still unworthy of your chosen place... It sickens me." Sesshoumaru turned around and looked down at her. "That is the problem with you humans. Even if you are brought up as a youkai... you will always have a selfish human mind."
"No, Sesshoumaru-sama... No..."
"By not accepting this Sesshoumaru's judgement, you have disrespected this Sesshoumaru, and so betrayed him." Sesshoumaru continued. Rin cowered under his glare, his burning amber eyes, his lips that never spoke so much in weeks of time. The look that he never gave to his Rin...
The taiyoukai walked steadily towards the girl, until he stared down onto her hunched-over form. "Betrayal has only one punishment," his voice rang out cold. There was not a trace of the whispy affection that sometimes graced his eyes. Tears burst from Rin as she looked upon her lord. She reached out her trembling hands to touch Sesshoumaru's robes.
"This Rin... Betrayed.. You..." she sobbed, shock heavy in her voice, "Gomen nasai... Sesshoumaru-sama..."
Rin grasped at the cloth and buried her face in it, breathing her lord's scent for one last time, for one last moment of pleasure. "Please take my life... Rin gives Sesshoumaru her life..."
She glanced up to dwell on his face.
"Rin's life has always belonged to this Sesshoumaru," he murmured. For the briefest moment, his expression flickered. Rin's eyes widened, and hope burst forth from her soul.
That subtle change prompted something to rise up within her. It was a question. A question that had consumed her for so long. It was a question that had never been answered directly. It was a question that had to be direct, or confronted, to be laid out in the open and revealed. It was a question that could topple or solidify her very reason for breathing and living and loving and being, simply, Rin.
It was a question that only her lord could answer.
"Then why," Rin whispered, "why do you take back my life now?"
"Explain yourself," the inu youkai prompted, casting his eyes down upon her frame. Sesshoumaru's elegant bangs clouded his eyes, hiding himself in the mystery of clouds.
"What do I..." she faltered, and looked up at her lord with newfound courage. "What do I mean to you?"
Silence... And then, a hard look. Rin's lip quivered.
Plink --
A tear drop.
Flash!
Burning white.
Lightning, a cloud break.
Hair enveloping her frame.
Amber eyes.
Two fingers, resting on her lips.
A head dipped closer.
"To me, you are..."
"...Rin."
Chocolate eyes fluttered open.
A head jerked back.
Two fingers, retracting their grip.
Amber eyes.
Hair swishing by,
white lightning, cloud cover.
Searing light.
Flash.
"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" whispered Rin, her lips parted loftily.
She recieved no reply. Muffling a yawn with the back of her hand, she shifted her weight so as to sit up. Lights sparkled in her eyes, yet despite this, Rin was curious. Her Lord was very, very closer to her bed. She was very close to ... his hair. A waterfall of ice, she thought, dreamily.
"Jaken," he spoke, and broke her reverie. Yet hearing his voice brought a new fluttering of butterflies. Sesshomaru's deep, noble voice consumed her - though he wasn't speaking to her, all the same, his words were beautiful.
Sesshoumaru directed the toad, "Prepare Ah-Un. We are leaving."
"Hai, milord," bowed Jaken, and scurried from his master's impassive gaze. He approached Rin with a half-hearted scowl on his face.
"Stupid girl," he sputtered, "Hurry up! Get up! You are making Sesshomaru-sama wait."
"Hai, Jaken-sama...." Rin replied immediately, "Ah, and... Gomen nasai, Sesshoumaru sama..." She bent forward and rested a palm on her head, and began to process her thoughts. How had morning come so quickly? It was strange. It felt like mere moments before, she had been eating dinner. She needed more sleep than this. She was growing tired, and dull of thought. She remembered dinner. Right, dinner.
The rest of it, she was sure had been a dream... But there was plenty of time for those imaginings later. She did not want to be left behind!
Rin climbed to her feet with a robust smile. "Forgive this Rin for sleeping late. I did not mean to be a nuisance."
Sesshoumaru did not turn around to reply, but inclined his head so slightly - a motion that hardly could be considered voluntary - yet Rin knew that he had heard. She could not help excitement at this gesture. Her Lord was in a good mood this day, and perhaps she would get to pick flowers. She could even create a flower arrangement for her Lord - with, of course, Four blossoms. So it would befit Sesshoumaru-sama's name...
Before she knew it, her breakfast was finished. Quickly, she packed her utensils in the Furoshiki, threw it over her shoulder and looked to her traveling companions.
"Sumimasen," she repeated, embarassed at making them wait for her human routine. Jaken sneered in disgust, but, as usual, her Lord remained indifferent.
"Come, Rin," he stated.
With a nod, the girl replied the same as she always did.
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama!"
As she always had.
The walk began most uneventfully, though Rin took special note of the birdsong. It was unusually prevalent in the air, and brought an extra skip in Rin's step. She followed slightly to the left of her master. Her stride had lengthened beyond Jaken's, and had oddly lost his place behind the great taiyoukai. Rin reflected on this momentarily. How long had this been going on? Perhaps it had happened this morning. Perhaps, it had occurred many months ago. It was just different, for some reason, today. Rin turned her head and watched Jaken's hunched form, trailing behind her Lord. She cocked her head in light-hearted interest. Jaken-sama was so loyal to Sesshoumaru-sama, she mussed. Jaken was a retainer, after all, instilled by Sesshoumaru-sama's father. So he ought to be loyal, and therefore, Sesshoumaru-sama ought to keep him around. But... she was also loyal... But she...
She had no such purpose.
Rin turned back to look at her master. His white robes flowed after him. The wind did not dare to touch his mane, the silver token of his father. How could she, a human, so much less than the wind, hope to touch his threads of hair?
How could she, a human, assume that she had a place to be following after him?
"Sesshoumaru-sama," she wondered aloud. "What am I to you?"
The great taiyoukai took in his breath.
And the noise sounded ... sibilant.
A/N: This is a quick FAQ. What age is Rin? Whatever age you want her to be. And what's with sibilant? It's a word that refers to an odd hissing sound. Furoshikis are large cloths that were used to carry around belongings. And 7 years old is quite an important age. Before this, girls don't get to wear an obi. They wear cords around their kimonos. Heh. Review?