They watched the fountain in silence for a few more minutes before Lorelai turned to look at Luke, "Well, it's late," she told him. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Luke." And when he didn't respond or even meet her gaze, she walked away from him.
"Lorelai," he turned to her and called hoarsely.
She paused and looked at him again, "Yes?"
"I..."
She waited, her brows uplifted, a sort of quiet within her.
"I... don't know if I can... if this... Maybe I'm not really cut out for this, after all," he told her and looked down.
"Bullshit," she told him.
He lifted his eyes at that.
"I'm going to bed now, Luke," she said and turned and walked back to her room.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The next morning was all about the packing, the getting dressed, the waiting for prescriptions, and all the general suckiness of hospital bureaucracy. But finally all four Gilmores were on their way to Stars' Hollow.
They rode in silence, each lost in their own thoughts until, at last, the car rounded the turn before the house. Lorelai gasped in happiness then, when she saw her friends and neighbors waiting for her in the front yard with balloons and flowers, and a picnic table set up toward the back.
"You totally knew about this, didn't you?" she grinned at Rory as they got out of the car.
"You ain't got nothin' on me, Copper!"
"Lorelai, we can't have a party, you need to rest," fretted Emily.
"Oh Mom, I've had so much rest! I'll just sit on the porch for awhile," Lorelai dismissed her as she hugged Babette.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Okay, Michel, thank you. That's great. I'll speak to you in the morning, then," said Lorelai and clicked off the phone later that day.
"Mom?" said Rory as she poked her head into Lorelai's room where she lay on her bed.
"Hey, sweets!"
"Grandma and Grandpa are getting ready to leave, they want to come say goodbye."
"Oh sure. Show them in, Jeeves."
"Don't be a bore, Bertie," replied Rory as she opened the door wider to admit Emily and Richard.
"Well, Lorelai, I sent that Kirk man out for some groceries, your refrigerator is completely empty," Emily began. "For some strange reason, he seemed to think he knew what you would need."
"Odd fellow," observed Richard.
Lorelai and Rory grinned at each other. "He works at the market, Mom. He's been ringing up our groceries for years."
"But, I thought he had a dog walking business," Emily puzzled.
"No, no, Emily, he's just inherited a large sum from his mother's estate. His sister told me all about it at the wake," Richard informed her.
"Why were you talking to Kirk's sister at his mother's wake?" Emily asked him, "And why were you at Kirk's mother's wake?"
"I was visiting Lorelai, and it seemed appropriate to pay my respects," Richard told her haughtily.
"I didn't think Kirk had a sister," frowned Rory, "I thought he had eleven bro–..."
"Leslie," Lorelai told her with a twinkle in her eye.
"Oh," nodded Rory happily, "I was wondering who that was."
"You mean that tall woman who sang 'The Man Who Got Away' at the picnic downstairs just now?" asked a shocked Emily.
"She is an entertainer, at a club," Richard said, self-important with the inside track.
"You have been hanging around with chorus girls while I was in Europe?!" barked Emily.
"Mom, Leslie's not..." tried Lorelai.
"Stay out of this, Lorelai. This is between your father and I," Emily snapped at her. "Yes, ma'am."
"I'll have you know that Leslie is not a chorus girl, Emily, she is the headliner." Richard informed her.
"Well, well... Richard Gilmore, I don't know what to think," said Emily with pause.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::
Moments later Rory came back into Lorelai's room.
"Ok, that's Grandma and Grandpa gone, Babette and Maury got the yard all cleaned up, and Kirk's just dropped off enough stuff to fortify the Maginot Line. I am highly disturbed, by the way, that he knows what kind of deodorant I use, and what brand of tampons you..."
"Stop!" commanded Lorelai, "Before I go blind or my head explodes."
"Right," understood Rory.
"Come here, Kid, and sit down," Lorelai invited, "We haven't really talked in a long time."
Rory climbed up on the bed obligingly.
"How are you feeling?" Rory asked her.
"Like I really want to go to work."
"Michel had everything under control?"
"Yes," sighed Lorelai.
"And Sookie hasn't left the oven on?"
"No," she added glumly.
"Well, that's good."
"Yes, it is."
They sat quietly for a moment then.
"So, I am planning on doing some research tonight about Fred," Rory told her.
"I'm still not sure that Fred is the best name..." said Lorelai thoughtfully.
"Does it really matter what anthropomorphic moniker you give a medical condition?"
"Well, duh, of course it does," said Lorelai dismissively. "But I can't come up with anything better right now."
"Fred it is then."
"But then he'll get all used to being called Fred, and then I might change my mind, and then poor Fred will be..."
"Fred it is then," repeated Rory pointedly.
"Right." agreed Lorelai reluctantly. "So..." she smiled at her daughter, "Let's leave the wonderful world of Me right now, and talk about the wonderful world of You."
"Nothing to tell, really," shrugged Rory and looked away.
"Oh honey," said Lorelai in sympathy. "Why don't you just telling me what you're feeling right now."
"I'm scared," Rory admitted and looked at her mother again.
"What about?"
"About you being sick... about who I am now... and where I'm going... that you and Luke have lost each other... that I've hurt so many people... take your pick. I'm sure I could come up with more."
Lorelai nodded and put her arm around her daughter. "Yeah, all that stuff sucks all right."
They snuggled for a bit.
"So let's break it down," Lorelai continued. "As far as me being sick; Well, I'll just figure that out---I always do. I'm alive, I'm going to live a long time. I am just as fascinated and as fascinating as I ever was, and I have you, so my life will be good no matter what. And as far as where you are going; I know it doesn't seem possible now, but your journey is just beginning, and you will be happy again. You will, Rory. You'll find work that you love and people, and you'll grow, and you'll maybe even understand all this some day. And as far as hurting people... Take it from an expert: Forgiveness and crap, and the sorrow over it all, and regret, and being sorry too—they're like this tangled knot that never really gets untied. It's just always there in this stupid undoable knot, joined together. And you just learn to live with it, and, ideally, learn from it too—Can't speak from much experience on that one, though. But the one thing that is sure is that at the end of your life there are going to be a whole bunch more of those knots lying around."
"That's depressing." "It doesn't have to be," noted Lorelai. "Because there's lots of good stuff along the way too. In fact, much more good stuff than knots."
Lorelai watched Rory as she turned that over in her mind.
"Dean will survive, Rory. You will survive, and Lindsay will survive too. And eventually you'll all be happy again."
"What about you and Luke?"
"I don't know. He's got some stuff to work out, that's for sure."
"But you love each other."
"Yes, we do," Lorelai acknowledged.
"So you should be together," Rory told her simply.
"Oh Rory, that knot may just be too big..."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Her body was aching in rebellion. No one's meant to stay in bed so long, she groaned. She looked at the clock then, it was already nine thirty, the room flooded with morning light and the damn birds were singing outside the window. And there was no coffee anywhere in sight.
She sighed and got up and eventually scuffled to the staircase.
"Why can't they just decide on one name for the illness?" she heard Lane ask.
"Well, Lorelai likes Fred, but I've been using Neurocardiogenic Syncope for short—but even that doesn't capture everything that's going on." Rory told her.
"So it really says she shouldn't go on roller coasters?"
"Yeah and, get this: One researcher attributes this biological phenomenon to a necessary element of early primordial life..a hold-over that some people still possess in their genetic make-up...."
"Don't let Mrs. Kim hear that or your head will burst into flames," Lane told her.
"He thinks it was a way for the body to slow down when we partially lived underwater—kind of like hibernating..." Rory continued.
"Are you saying that I failed to evolve?!" Lorelai called out from the foot of the stairs.
"Precisely. Now go back to bed," Rory told her from her laptop on the couch.
"It's boooorrring!" Lorelai whined and then, "Hey, Lane."
"Lorelai, sorry I had to leave early yesterday... Oh, I brought you some coffee from the diner—I'm on a long break," she explained and handed the to- go cup over.
"Oh, thank you True Prodigal Daughter!" Lorelai grinned and sipped as she collapsed onto the couch next to Rory.
"Hey, you and Fred, go to back to bed!" Rory commanded without looking up from her computer.
"Five more minutes, Mom, please."
"Only five."
"So Lane," Lorelai turned to the young woman, "What's the haps?"
"Well, I'm a little bummed that I missed Leslie's song yesterday," she admitted.
"Oh he was amazing," Lorelai glowed at the memory. "Hey, you guys, maybe sometime we could go in and catch his act!"
"Oh that would be so cool!" said Lane. "Okay. I've got to get back to the diner. So you let me know, Rory, okay?"
"Know what?" asked Lorelai.
"We've got a part-time opening at the diner."
"Who quit?"
"Chuck."
"Chuck? How come?"
"Politics," sighed Lane.
"No!"
"Yep."
"Well, that was a long time coming," nodded Lorelai sagely.
"Plus he got full-time at the bowling alley," added Lane.
"Well, when your dream comes to fruition you must move on."
"True," acknowledged Lane.
"So, Rory, I thought you were going to talk to Mary White about that fact- checker position at the Gazette?"
"I talked to her this morning and I got it," said Rory still intent on her laptop. "But, if Luke will have me, and you don't mind, I'll work at the diner too. I need the money."
"Why would I mind?" asked Lorelai.
"Well, number one; It's Luke. And, number two; Who will take care of you?"
"Oh, Fred and I will be fine, and don't worry about Luke," Lorelai told her.
"Are you sure?" Rory looked up.
"Yes. Take the job. I imagine Emily is gonna milk the Florence Nightingale thing for all its worth, anyway."
"Okay. Lane, when do I start?"
"Tomorrow! This will be so much fun!" enthused Lane.
"Yeah, I can teach you both diner-talk!" added Lorelai happily, "Or not," she said at their responding grumpy looks.
"Don't worry, Lane, it says right here on MedicalBoards.com that periodic insanity is to be expected," Rory soothed.
"It does not!" huffed Lorelai.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Lorelai?" She heard her mother's voice calling from downstairs. "Lorelai, why are you home alone? Where's Rory?" asked Emily as she entered Lorelai's bedroom.
"Oh hi, Mom," she looked up from her book. "I sent her to the diner with Lane for a little while. I wanted her to take a break."
"All right, I guess that's fine now that I'm here," Emily decided.
"Mom, I don't need to be watched," Lorelai smiled.
"Well, why don't we just sit quietly together for awhile, then? I brought a book, we can both read," Emily suggested.
"All right," tried Lorelai with a smile as she watched her mother settle into a chair next to the bed.
"Can I get you anything downstairs first?"
"No, I'm good," Lorelai told her.
"So, Lorelai, what are you reading?"
"Well, Rory thought since I'm having the Jane Austen people at the Inn that I should read all the novels, so I'm tackling 'Persuasion'."
"Oh, that's nice," replied Emily as she reached into her bag to her to retrieve her own book.
Lorelai dropped her jaw and stared as Emily opened the book to a previously marked place.
"Mom... W-what are you reading?" asked Lorelai, her gaze intent on the now- battered, over-sized, white-fronted paperback
"Something of you father's," shrugged Emily, "I found it when I was unpacking his suitcase. Apparently there are audio tapes that go with it as well. It's some sort of silly advice book, but there's something about it..." she mused.
"What? What about it?" demanded Lorelai eagerly.
"I can't put my finger on it exactly..."
Lorelai groaned.
"Lorelai, are you all right?" asked Emily in concern.
"It's just... the bed, I guess. I'm getting a little achy lying here so much..."
Emily hopped to her feet. "When was the last time you got a new mattress, Lorelai?"
"Um..."
"Have you been flipping it regularly? Because you need to flip a mattress regularly for it to last. You really should invest in a better mattress... And your sheets..."
"What's wrong with them?"
"Well, aside from the fact that they have little coffee pots all over them, they are clearly of inferior thread count."
"Mom..."
"That's it," decided Emily, "I am going downtown. Are you expecting Rory soon?"
"Any minute. And why are you going downtown?" asked Lorelai, fearing the answer.
"To order you a new mattress of course, and sheets..."
"Mom..." started Lorelai.
"Lorelai, you're going to need better things. You're going to be spending much more time in bed now. Please let me do this. I want you to be more comfortable."
Lorelai sighed a moment, "All right, Mom. Sure."
"Really?" asked Emily happily.
"Yes, just don't go overboard," Lorelai cautioned.
"I won't," Emily promised.
Lorelai threw her covers back and set her feet on the floor.
"Where are you going?" asked her mother.
"I'm going to walk you out. I really need a little fresh air."
"Lorelai...I don't think..."
"Come on, Mom. Please let me do this," teased Lorelai.
And it was Emily's turn to give in with a sigh.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"...I think at least four to five hundred count would be best," continued Emily authoritatively.
"Yeah, yeah, fine. Whatever. I just don't want sheets that have to be dry cleaned."
They were on the front porch now.
"All right. I will be back later. We can have dinner. I'll call your father to see what his schedule is."
"So, where are you staying these days, Mom?" asked Lorelai as she leaned against the door jamb.
Emily looked at Lorelai, "I am back home for now," she said.
"I see," grinned Lorelai.
"Don't read too much into it."
"I won't," Lorelai shook her head.
"I haven't made any final decision yet."
"Right."
"I just don't want you looking at me like the cat who got all the cream."
"Okay, no cream for me."
"Lorelai!"
"You better get going, Mom, all the best thread counts will be gone."
Emily smiled at her, "I'll see you later, Lorelai."
"'Bye, Mom."
She watched her mother walk out to her car then and wondered what had overcome her that she was allowing Emily Gilmore to go out and shop for her. She sighed then and walked to the top step and sat down on it, as her head began to spin a little. She put it grumpily down, forehead to knees for a bit and breathed deeply. Man, this sucks, she thought.
"Are you okay?" she heard.
She lifted her head slowly and focused on the fact that Luke was standing before her. She noticed that his beard was thicker than usual and that his hair was askew.
"Where's your baseball cap?" she asked.
He shrugged, "Forgot to put it on, I guess."
"So, where have you come from?"
"I was parked across the street," he told her. She peered around him and indeed saw the telltale green truck parked across the road.
"Why?"
"I don't know. I was just sitting there. I had this feeling..." he began, thrusting his hands into his pockets.
"Yes?"
"...And then I saw your Mom leave and you sit down..."
"Right."
They paused a moment, and Lorelai knew that he wanted nothing more than the opening of the door between them, and that she had to be the one to open it, if it were to be opened at all. And suddenly she knew that, more than anything, she really wanted that door opened too.
"Come sit by me, Luke," she patted the step next to her.
He looked at her a long moment before gratefully obliging her. He sat with a sigh and raked his hands over his face.
"You look tired," she noted in some sympathy.
He nodded, "Can't sleep. How are you?"
"Um, I'm a little dizzy right now. Do you mind if I put my head back down while I talk?"
"Should I carry you in or something?" he asked in some alarm.
"God, no," laughed Lorelai as she put her forehead to her knees again. "This damn medicine. I can't tell if it's helping," she went on.
"Well, the doctor said it might not help much with the symptoms. Something I don't understand very much, by the way," he commented, remembering Rory's briefing.
"I know! Thank you very much! Who gives a flying fuck about the cause if you can't get rid of the stupid symptoms?" Lorelai asked in irritation.
They sat in silence for a bit.
"I never got to say thank you to you, for getting me to the hospital and all," she said then from her knees.
"I haven't given you the chance to thank me," noted Luke in self-disgust. "I know it had to be pretty scary for you to deal with... so sorry about that," she went on.
"Lorelai, why are you being so nice to me?" Luke asked bluntly.
"Mom! Oh, my God! Are you all right?" she heard Rory's voice then.
Lorelai lifted her head to see her daughter running toward her.
"What are you doing out of bed?" Rory knelt next to her Mom.
"Honey... honey, don't freak. I just came to get air and got a little dizzy, that's all. I sat right down. No harm, no foul. I promise," Lorelai tried to reassure her.
"Mom! You can't do that! What if you tripped and really hurt yourself? What if I came home and something terrible...?" Rory was crying now.
"Honey, I'm okay. Don't do..."
"And you!" Rory stood up and turned to Luke, "What the hell are you doing here?! You were supposed to be the one we could count on—and where have you been?!"
"Rory!" barked Lorelai, "I know I scared you, but you may not talk to Luke that way!"
"Lorelai, it's all ri–.."
"No, it's not, Luke! Rory, apologize to Luke."
"No, I won't," said Rory stubbornly.
"Rory, this is not okay. This is Luke who has done everything for us over the years. Our friend."
"I don't care. He said he loved you. Is this how all men are, Mom? Because I'm tired of it. Sick and tired. They wait until you need them, or love them back, or have given up on you, or whatever...Then.. Then...They say 'I love you' and then that's it—they run away, or marry someone else or..."
"Rory!" yelled Lorelai and stood up, "I won't let you talk to Luke like this."
"But he didn't even come up to your room in the hospital!"
"Rory, look at me," said Lorelai in deadly earnest. "Has Luke ever let us down before?"
Rory shifted uncomfortably at that.
"Have you every done something you weren't proud of? Or shirked something you shouldn't? Or done or said something that you were so sorry for later that it hurt to think about?" she asked her daughter, knowing the answer full well.
Rory looked down.
"Well, Rory, I'll tell you something: I have. More times that I even want to admit. I have let down my parents, or you—even Luke. But when our love isn't diminished by that... when our feelings don't... recede... even because we've been jerks... or the people we love have been jerks... Well, we just have to get over it and move on— We don't give up on them, and we don't give up on ourselves."
Rory looked up at her then.
"Luke is entitled to a screw up now and then, just like the rest of us, Rory. And, it's pretty much my pass to give him in this case, I think. And I highly doubt that he'll be as kind to himself," she added and looked down into his dumbfounded face.
"Now, I want you to apologize to Luke, then go inside. Right now," she told her daughter.
Rory looked at her mother, then turned to look at Luke, "I'm sorry, Luke," she said and hurried into the house, before they could hear her sobs.
Lorelai sighed and turned to follow her daughter.
"Lorelai," said Luke, the hope and fear and pain on his face plain.
"Not now, Luke," she shook her head.
He nodded and she went in to Rory.