Alucard Hour
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything else that is in this fic.
A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews! I really appreciate them all!
Setting: It is yet again in the dusty undergrounds of the Hellsing Mansion.
Time- 11:30 PM
You can see Alucard with his leg crossed over the other and a book placed on his lap.
"Welcome," He says glancing up from his page "To another episode of Alucard Hour."
Amusement plays across his face and alights a fiendish fire in his crimson eyes.
"With your host.....me Mwaha..ha..ha..ha"
He lightly puts his book down.
"But for now, I must say....Vash, the comment was more directed towards the Paladin then to you. I do not even know you"
"As for another thing!," Alucard says while protruding a picture of a white haired young man with medevil dress.
"Apparently....this man's name is Alucard as well."
"But as you may see, there are some extreme diffrances between us"
"Number one: This Alucard is Dracula's son, I am in fact, Dracula. He is not my son by the way."
"Number two: He has white hair. While at one time I too had white hair, I no longer do."
"Number three: Call me bias, I think I am better dressed."
"The fact of the matter is, we are not the same people, and I wish the ones who yet know not of me would quite assuming me to be him"
Alucard picks up a pile of letters from the floor.
"Now for the fan mail"
"The first one reads as follows."
"Ahem...Mr.Alucard...
May I capture you and make you be my love slave?
-No Life Frog-"
"......"
Alucard once more scans over the letter then arches an eyebrow.
"No....You may not...MWAHAHAHAHAHA" he says with his all to known sadistic grin and laugh.
"The second one."
"Hikari: Holds up sign the says ALUCARD with blood and pictures of him all over it WOOHOO! ALUCARD YOU ROCK! Question though, is it true that you have a crush on Integra? Are you filming another season of Hellsing or not? because you can't just leave a cliffhanger like that it's very impolite! You're gonna turn Integra into a vampire?! THERE'D BETTER BE MORE HELLSING! Again you rule Alucard! Hikari-sephyObsesser"
Alucard looks at the camera, you can almost see the disappointment in his eyes.
"Unfortunately Hikari, There was going to be one, but the Japanese people didn't like it. It never made it here."
"As for my master, only when she will permit me to do so. Thank you."
"As for me having a crush on her, I shall answer this along with the question from another letter after I have read it."
"Third letter"
"Dear Alucard
How do you feel about Ozzy Osborne's (hope i spelled that right) music? Him being called the Prince of Darkness might make him popular with Vampires. If you do like his music, what is your favorite song? By the way, I prefer Alucard/Seras pairings and apsolutly HATE Alucard/Intagra pairings. What is your take on the this?
Phantom Reviewer "
"These issues are something very personal to me, and I do not care to disclose them."
"The only things I may tell you are, they are both apart of me, I do not, repeat, do not like Anderson nor Pip, Walter and I are most certainly not like that."
Alucard straitens himself after getting a bit crazy.
"As for the Ozzy question, ...........He was a crazy son of a bitch in his time. His music is alright, my personal favorite I cannot place."
"Ok, next letter."
"Mr. Alucard, I've quite enjoyed your show, though I was a tad bored from waiting for 15 minutes for that human to cry. Please make him cry faster next time. Impale him or something like that... By the way, what about inviting the other members of Hellsing for an interview? -Zenmusha"
The sadistic grin and maniac look returns to Alucard making him appear as insane as truly he is.
"MWAHAHAHA...Surely you must have patience's young one"
"Letter number five"
"Back again...this time I tide up Vash as he cries. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...no for my fanquestion...um..ur...Would Alucard be interrested in doing a movie? And would you also like to be the director of it? !) Sees vash crawling out of corner of eye...I didn't say you could leave...Vash breaks rope and runs again...I'll be back again! chases Vash with a giant hammer. -Hell Hound"
Alucard wears a look of disgust.
"No, I do not want to be in a movie. I get enough fan girls trying to kill Seras and my master thinking somehow it will give them a better chance with me."
"Not that this little TV Show will help that much I guess..."
"On to my next act of insanity."
"Dear Dark Master of All Things Evil -
I am a high priest of a wanna-be cult thing and would like to congratulate you on your pilot episode. You ability to make someone cry by just staring at them brings me and my cult followers to our knees. We would like to know if you would torture someone on the show for sadistic reasons that cannot be revealed in public. This would bring great pleasure to me and my cult followers, giving us a great reason to sin. Thank you for your time.
-High Priest of a Wanna-Be Cult Thing"
"Just for you and you cult, I shall oblige, but instead of it being some nameless dog from the street corner, I shall show the tape of Pip's punishment for spreading rumors..."
"Mwahahaha role the tape please"
The tape rolls, and you see Pip in the shower. Alucard enters and seemingly hypnotizes Pip.
Pip strolls out of the bathroom, down the hall, down the stairs, and through the front door completely nude passing Walter, Integra, and a profoundly blushing Seras.
The tape stops momentarily, then comes back on where you may see a dark alleyway filled with FREAKS.
About this time Pip's head shakes. He comes out of the trance.
His eyes widen as he realizes what is surrounding him.
His mouth drops as he goes for his trusty gun....and finds himself naked. He blushes and starts running.
The tape ends.
Alucard is seen again sitting comfortably in his chair. He shrugs.
"Well I couldn't harm him, master would have been very angryMwahahaha"
"Well young ones, it is now 12:30 and I must be leaving so you may watch those damn annoying commercials. Next time we'll have some members of this orginaztion as well as some others drop by."
A/N: Wow...damn its late. Sorry to anyone I disturbed. Sorry it wasn't that funny. And Sorry guys, I'm going to have to cut the fan mail he reads to a smaller amount. So write a good one! Please R&R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything else that is in this fic.
A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews! I really appreciate them all!
Setting: It is yet again in the dusty undergrounds of the Hellsing Mansion.
Time- 11:30 PM
You can see Alucard with his leg crossed over the other and a book placed on his lap.
"Welcome," He says glancing up from his page "To another episode of Alucard Hour."
Amusement plays across his face and alights a fiendish fire in his crimson eyes.
"With your host.....me Mwaha..ha..ha..ha"
He lightly puts his book down.
"But for now, I must say....Vash, the comment was more directed towards the Paladin then to you. I do not even know you"
"As for another thing!," Alucard says while protruding a picture of a white haired young man with medevil dress.
"Apparently....this man's name is Alucard as well."
"But as you may see, there are some extreme diffrances between us"
"Number one: This Alucard is Dracula's son, I am in fact, Dracula. He is not my son by the way."
"Number two: He has white hair. While at one time I too had white hair, I no longer do."
"Number three: Call me bias, I think I am better dressed."
"The fact of the matter is, we are not the same people, and I wish the ones who yet know not of me would quite assuming me to be him"
Alucard picks up a pile of letters from the floor.
"Now for the fan mail"
"The first one reads as follows."
"Ahem...Mr.Alucard...
May I capture you and make you be my love slave?
-No Life Frog-"
"......"
Alucard once more scans over the letter then arches an eyebrow.
"No....You may not...MWAHAHAHAHAHA" he says with his all to known sadistic grin and laugh.
"The second one."
"Hikari: Holds up sign the says ALUCARD with blood and pictures of him all over it WOOHOO! ALUCARD YOU ROCK! Question though, is it true that you have a crush on Integra? Are you filming another season of Hellsing or not? because you can't just leave a cliffhanger like that it's very impolite! You're gonna turn Integra into a vampire?! THERE'D BETTER BE MORE HELLSING! Again you rule Alucard! Hikari-sephyObsesser"
Alucard looks at the camera, you can almost see the disappointment in his eyes.
"Unfortunately Hikari, There was going to be one, but the Japanese people didn't like it. It never made it here."
"As for my master, only when she will permit me to do so. Thank you."
"As for me having a crush on her, I shall answer this along with the question from another letter after I have read it."
"Third letter"
"Dear Alucard
How do you feel about Ozzy Osborne's (hope i spelled that right) music? Him being called the Prince of Darkness might make him popular with Vampires. If you do like his music, what is your favorite song? By the way, I prefer Alucard/Seras pairings and apsolutly HATE Alucard/Intagra pairings. What is your take on the this?
Phantom Reviewer "
"These issues are something very personal to me, and I do not care to disclose them."
"The only things I may tell you are, they are both apart of me, I do not, repeat, do not like Anderson nor Pip, Walter and I are most certainly not like that."
Alucard straitens himself after getting a bit crazy.
"As for the Ozzy question, ...........He was a crazy son of a bitch in his time. His music is alright, my personal favorite I cannot place."
"Ok, next letter."
"Mr. Alucard, I've quite enjoyed your show, though I was a tad bored from waiting for 15 minutes for that human to cry. Please make him cry faster next time. Impale him or something like that... By the way, what about inviting the other members of Hellsing for an interview? -Zenmusha"
The sadistic grin and maniac look returns to Alucard making him appear as insane as truly he is.
"MWAHAHAHA...Surely you must have patience's young one"
"Letter number five"
"Back again...this time I tide up Vash as he cries. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...no for my fanquestion...um..ur...Would Alucard be interrested in doing a movie? And would you also like to be the director of it? !) Sees vash crawling out of corner of eye...I didn't say you could leave...Vash breaks rope and runs again...I'll be back again! chases Vash with a giant hammer. -Hell Hound"
Alucard wears a look of disgust.
"No, I do not want to be in a movie. I get enough fan girls trying to kill Seras and my master thinking somehow it will give them a better chance with me."
"Not that this little TV Show will help that much I guess..."
"On to my next act of insanity."
"Dear Dark Master of All Things Evil -
I am a high priest of a wanna-be cult thing and would like to congratulate you on your pilot episode. You ability to make someone cry by just staring at them brings me and my cult followers to our knees. We would like to know if you would torture someone on the show for sadistic reasons that cannot be revealed in public. This would bring great pleasure to me and my cult followers, giving us a great reason to sin. Thank you for your time.
-High Priest of a Wanna-Be Cult Thing"
"Just for you and you cult, I shall oblige, but instead of it being some nameless dog from the street corner, I shall show the tape of Pip's punishment for spreading rumors..."
"Mwahahaha role the tape please"
The tape rolls, and you see Pip in the shower. Alucard enters and seemingly hypnotizes Pip.
Pip strolls out of the bathroom, down the hall, down the stairs, and through the front door completely nude passing Walter, Integra, and a profoundly blushing Seras.
The tape stops momentarily, then comes back on where you may see a dark alleyway filled with FREAKS.
About this time Pip's head shakes. He comes out of the trance.
His eyes widen as he realizes what is surrounding him.
His mouth drops as he goes for his trusty gun....and finds himself naked. He blushes and starts running.
The tape ends.
Alucard is seen again sitting comfortably in his chair. He shrugs.
"Well I couldn't harm him, master would have been very angryMwahahaha"
"Well young ones, it is now 12:30 and I must be leaving so you may watch those damn annoying commercials. Next time we'll have some members of this orginaztion as well as some others drop by."
A/N: Wow...damn its late. Sorry to anyone I disturbed. Sorry it wasn't that funny. And Sorry guys, I'm going to have to cut the fan mail he reads to a smaller amount. So write a good one! Please R&R!