"Do you want to talk about it?" Lorelai asked and crossed in to sit next to Rory on the sofa.

"Not really," said Rory. "He just pretty much said what you told me he talked to you about: He's in Chicago working for his uncle. He and Lindsay are going through with the divorce. And he's definitely going to transfer to the University of Chicago in the fall. And that's that." Rory folded the letter then and returned it to its envelope.

"Well, that's good, I guess—I mean the going to school part," said Lorelai.

"Yeah, it is..."

"Are you okay?"

"No, Mom, I'm not okay. I just broke up a marriage!" said Rory as she got to her feet.

"Oh, Rory..." Lorelai began.

"No, Mom. There's no 'Oh, Rory, but--' on this. I did it. I mean I know I wasn't alone, but I was a pretty big part of the whole sordid operation. Because that's what it all is, just sordid..."

"Rory, I don't know what to say," said Lorelai as she crossed over to her daughter.

"There is nothing you can say," said Rory and paused a moment. "I'm just... I think I'm just going to go to my room for awhile."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather—"

"No! I'm going to my room."

"All right, all right," Lorelai gave up as she watched her daughter walk into the other room.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lorelai sat in her room later that evening stewing on the restrictions her life had now.

Rory had gone sullenly off to the diner.

Sookie was putting Davey down about now.

Michel had everything under control at The Dragonfly and had told her never to call him again.

Even Babette and Maury were gone into the city.

And she still had days and days to go before she had to go back in for the Tilt Table test again. Maybe then they would let her go back to work. But that seemed a long way away right now. Truth was she had felt pretty good today and all she wanted to do was go visit the Inn a little (check on the washing machine repair and the latest reservations,) then walk slowly through Stars' Hollow, see a movie maybe, and then hit the diner for coffee. And, of course, see Luke. She wanted life the way it used to be. 'Cause frankly, she observed for the millionth time, change really sucked.

She walked restlessly over to her window then and looked down into the yard. The new walk-way lights glowed prettily... But then, she saw him. Or rather, she saw his truck on the road and then peered into the dark and saw a shadowy Luke struggling with something large under her big tree. She about-faced immediately and hurried down the stairs and outside.

"Caught ya!" she called out from the back door.

"Jeez Lorelai, don't do that!"

She walked down to where he stood under the tree.

"What are you doing?"

"I am setting up a hammock," he said as if this were the most normal thing in the world.

"You're setting up a hammock?"

"Yes."

"In the dark?"

"Well, it was the only time I had," he reasoned as he began fitting the stand together.

"You're wearing your suit," she observed.

"Stupid lawyer meeting in Hartford to finish up settling the estate. They say that legally they have to give me that percentage—because I was the executor and all. Damn lawyers," he said in some frustration.

"Well, sorry about that," said Lorelai.

"What are you gonna do?" asked Luke and switched to the other end of the hammock stand.

"Luke..."

"You like to be outside," he told her as he continued working.

"Yes, I do," she said in irritation.

"So, I thought a hammock... you know, so you could rest... outside."

"Very nice. But, Luke..."

"This weekend I thought maybe a fountain or a birdbath or something.... You know, to look at..." he went on as he stretched the canvas between the opposing end stands. "I got the solid canvas instead of the net kind, it just looked more comfortable..."

"Luke! For the love of God, stop!" she finally yelled, unable to take it any longer.

He looked up at her.

"You have to stop: You are 'This Old House-ing' me to distraction!. We. Must. Talk."

He looked at the ground where he was crouching, "I don't want to," he said softly.

She sighed and her eyes filled with tears.

"I know you don't," she understood gently.

He looked up at her across the hammock.

"I love you so much..." he whispered.

"I know..." she nodded.

"And there you were... and they were putting you in an ambulance...."

"I know... I am so sorry..."

"There wasn't a fucking thing I could do..." he said and sat down fully on the ground, his hands on his knees, his head down. "I thought maybe.. I thought maybe you might be... or something..."

"Oh Luke..." there was no controlling her tears now.

"And I haven't prayed... I haven't prayed since I was a kid... before my Mom, for all the good that did... I mean I just never... pray..."

She crossed over to him and knelt next to him.

"But seeing you in that ambulance," he swallowed, "I did... I prayed, I mean."

"Oh Luke... It's all right... I'm all right..." she assured him.

"But you're not. Not really," he said and looked up at her. "No, you're right, not really," she agreed.

She met his gaze for a moment, then pulled his head to her shoulder and subsequently felt rather than heard his sobs shudder through them both. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::

With no further words between them, they eventually lay back on the grass spent, hands just touching.

"This is going to ruin your suit," she eventually said.

"I don't care."

They looked up at the emerging stars through the tree branches for awhile.

"What's going to happen, Lorelai?" he asked at last.

"Oh Luke, I wish I knew."

"How can I make sure you're going to be okay?"

"You can't," she said as kindly as she could.

"Is this how you felt when Rory broke her arm?"

"I guess... I think so," she shuddered at the memory. "Luke, I could say that things are going to be the same. But they aren't."

"God dammit!" said Luke through his clenched jaw. "Just... God dammit." He passed a hand over his face.

"So, I guess we need to make a decision," she went on, closing her eyes tight, trying to do the right thing. "We need to decide what's best for both of us... And what's best may not be what makes us both happy in the short run...."

They both lifted their heads then to see a Stars' Hollow Security vehicle pull into the drive. They both sat up and shielded their eyes from the bright headlights then, until the driver switched off the engine.

"Luke!" they heard Kirk call.

Luke and Lorelai both groaned.

"Crap. Crap. Crap. I had to spend all afternoon with that guy and his crazy brothers. What the hell does he want now?" groused Luke. "Oh there you are," said Kirk as he approached them. "I apologize if I'm interrupting your evening tryst."

"There is no evening tryst, Kirk," barked Luke.

"Lorelai, how are you feeling this evening?" he asked politely.

"I'm feeling pretty good, Kirk, thank you," said Lorelai wiping at her cheeks.

"It's probably the lima bean casserole that Lulu made. I swear it has healing properties. I've been thinking about sending a sample to the AMA to have it studied."

"Kirk, what do you want?" snapped Luke.

"Oh, I need your advice," said Kirk.

"Kirk, I'm not really in the mood to give advice right now."

"It'll only take a minute. And actually, Lorelai, I'm glad you're here too. I think I could also use the woman's perspective on this."

"Well there is nothing I like better than representing all women, Kirk."

"That's what I thought," he nodded, "You like telling people what to do."

"What do you want, Kirk?" Lorelai being the one to snap now.

"Well Lulu and I had a pivotal talk about our relationship this evening."

"Well, that's good, Kirk," she told him.

"Kirk, get to the damn point!"

"All right, Luke. Calm down. The thing is, I think I've decided to ask Lulu to marry me."

"Oh Kirk, that's wonderful. Congratulations," said Lorelai in sincerity.

"Thank you. So I just have this one question for Luke here."

"What is it, Kirk?"

"How exactly do I go about proposing? I mean, you've been married before. And I'm sure you and Lorelai here have talked about..."

"I am not the person for you to ask, Kirk," Luke interrupted gruffly.

"But, I want to do it right. I want to be manly about it, like you...—"

"I haven't done anything right or manly, have you got that, Kirk?!" yelled Luke as he got to his feet menacingly.

"Luke..." Lorelai got up and put a restraining hand on his forearm.

"No!" he turned to Lorelai, "I have screwed up and screwed up and fucking screwed up again!" he whirled the other direction now, "Have you got that, Kirk!" Luke yelled in the younger man's face.

"Luke..." Lorelai tried again.

"If I had gotten off my ass years ago, maybe... But no, I couldn't do that, could I? I couldn't make a fucking move, could I? No, I just have to let her move on without me... Always without me... And then I get drunk and get married on a ship just to prove that I could, Kirk! Just to prove that I could! And that I could have someone too! Is that screwed up enough for you, is it? Is that the manly guy you want romantic advice from? Huh, Kirk? Some fucking great role model right here!" yelled Luke slapping himself on the chest.

"I've come at a bad time..." said Kirk backing up.

"That's right, Kirk, you sure as hell have! Cause it's too late...I screwed up. And Lorelai's sick... And I can't do anything... And Lorelai's sick..." repeated Luke, crying again.

"Luke..." whispered Lorelai in tears, "Please, stop it..."

"All I can do... Is Build. A. Fucking. Hammock!" he yelled, punctuating each word with a vicious kick at the fucking hammock itself, until it fell apart with a clamoring sound.

The three of them looked down at the very dead hammock now.

Luke looked over at Lorelai then, "I don't want you to be sick," he said hoarsely.

"I know you don't."

"I wanted something else..."

"I know you did. So did I. I'm sorry," said Lorelai crying openly herself now. "I um... I just need... to go in..." she said and turned to hurry into the house.

"Lorelai... wait!..." called Luke making a move for her.

But she ignored him and slammed the kitchen door behind her.

Once inside she tried to breathe for a moment, but decided that maybe if she kept moving it would be better... so she quickly moved about downstairs turning off lights, shutting windows and locking doors. Then she climbed the stairs and repeated the process, finally closing her own curtains with a jerk (determinedly not looking down to see if Luke and Kirk were still in the yard.)

She sat down on the floor under her window then and cried harder than she ever remembered having done before. At some point she heard the phone ringing, but that was far away. And then later Rory was there putting her to bed. She thought she heard her talking on the phone as well... but she was tired now, and just answering a simple question like 'how do you feel?' or 'do you want a drink?' was just too exhausting to answer...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When she finally awoke her body ached and ached and there was this dull fuzziness to her thinking, and lifting her head seemed to require the strength of Hercules.

"Lorelai.."

She turned to see her mother sitting next to her.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

"Rory called and said you seemed to be doing worse. I called to talk to your doctor. We think you're overdoing. She wants you to stay in bed completely today and rest."

"Where's Rory?"

"I sent her ahead to work. She wanted to stay..."

"No, that's good... I'm glad you did. Um..." she cleared her dry throat. "Could I have a drink of water?"

"Certainly," said Emily and handed one over to her.

"Lorelai, I know there was something with Luke... Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"All right. Well, try to rest, then."

Lorelai rolled over and closed her eyes, it being the easiest thing to do really.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Later, when she opened her eyes again, the room was much darker. Her head felt clearer. She sighed and sat up and looked over at Rory sitting in the chair next to the bed. She smiled at that. Her beautiful daughter sitting there reading. That was something she could always count on.

Wait a minute...

"Rory! What the hell are you reading?!" she barked.

"Jeez Mom, you scared me. I didn't know you were awake."

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, I told Grandma a little about Dean's letter and she gave me this book to read..."

"No... Oh Rory..."

"Now I know it looks kind of goofy, but there's----"

"Just something about it?" supplied Lorelai.

"Yeah, how'd you know?' asked Rory.

"Aauugh..." groaned Lorelai and collapsed back into the sheets.