I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not own it in a box. I do not own it with a fox. I do not own it here or there. I do not own it anywhere. I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not own most anything.
Do you see what boredom will do to you? Misquoting Dr. Seuss, I swear!
Here's the chapter. Read. Enjoy. Review.
Carrie was shaken. Legolas had left to go fight and she was back in the caves, thinking about what had just happened. Could what he said be true? Had she changed everything? Could they all die? She heard the banging coming from outside. She guessed it was the Uruks. She hadn't heard the elf army arrive. Had she changed that too? Was Elrond so mad at her that he decided to not send help?
No. Carrie reassured herself. He wouldn't put all these people – the very fate of middle earth – in jeopardy because of her rash actions. She started to regret coming. It was a bad idea. If she were in Rivendell right now, at least she would know that everything would turn out ok. Now, she was unsure. How much effect could her presence make? She didn't think she was being overly self-important. She just knew of the ripple effect. One small change ripples out and causes great havoc the further it goes on.
And to top that off, it seemed that her journey here was futile anyway. She hadn't gotten to talk to Aragorn, and it was clear that any relationship with Legolas would be a dead end. No, it would be worse than a dead end. It would never even start.
She heard what she could only imagine was the battle raging outside. She tried to direct her thoughts to something more pleasant, but everything as of late had been bittersweet. She knew that Legolas felt something for her. Their last encounter had made that clear. But he could be killed and it would be her fault. Even if he wasn't, he made it plain that nothing could ever happen. She knew that. They were from two different worlds, and she had to somehow get back to hers. And even if she didn't they were two different races. He was an elf. And no matter who it ended up that she was related to, she was not.
A woman stormed past Carrie towards the door, nearly knocking her over and effectively startling her out of her thoughts. Carrie folded her arms across her chest, annoyed at the rudeness of some people. She irritably eyed the pacing, agitated woman, who obviously did not want to be in there. Carrie shook her head. This could only be one person.
"Eowyn," Carrie whispered quietly to herself under her breath. It had to be. Annoyance turned to awe, at seeing for the first time, in flesh and blood, a character that Carrie had so strongly identified with. She took in the woman's appearance. Eowyn, if that was indeed who she was, had long blonde hair and a pretty face, but also a rough look about her. She looked like she could seriously hurt someone if they crossed her or got in her way. Eowyn turned and spotted Carrie watching her, and Carrie quickly dropped her gaze. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see Eowyn looking at her intently. She sat there unmoving, hoping that Eowyn would not come over. She hadn't wanted to draw any attention to herself, but she realized the impossibility of that, with her clothing being from Rivendell and so different from what everyone else was wearing.
She risked another glance at Eowyn and saw the woman starting to walk towards her. 'Oh shit,' thought Carrie. She didn't want to talk to this woman, not yet. For the one thing, she knew that Eowyn thought she was in love with Aragorn, and might possibly bring him up. Carrie didn't know what, if questioned, she would say of her own relationship with Aragorn. It wasn't common knowledge that he had had a child, and she didn't feel like it was her place to make that known. And if she said she was a friend, Eowyn might believe Carrie to be in love with him as well, and this was not a woman that Carrie wanted to be in contention with.
Besides all that, Carrie knew that Eowyn wanted to be out fighting with the men. When this woman was a character in a book to Carrie, she found that to be an admirable trait. However, now that Carrie was actually here, she realized that this trait would probably put her at odds with Eowyn, since Carrie wanted more than anything to stay in the caves and not risk her neck out there with 10,000 crazy Orcs.
Luckily, halfway over to Carrie, a woman grabbed Eowyn, howling and bawling for her son that was out in the battle. Carrie felt tears spring to her eyes in sympathy for this poor woman. But she took the opportunity of Eowyn's distraction to pick herself up and move deeper into the caves, where she was out of the eyesight of Eowyn.
She sat down, curled her legs into her body and hugged herself. 'I guess gas heat is a little to much to ask for,' she thought bitterly to herself. She shivered and wondered how long it was she would be in there. She knew the battle was going to take all night, and it was only going to be once Gandalf appeared with Eomer at sunrise that it would be over. But how long after that was it before they let the women and children out of the caves? Carrie didn't know. She resigned herself to be in there for the long haul and tried to get comfortable so she could maybe get some sleep.
She didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until she was woken up. She heard banging and screaming. What was going on? This was not good! Then she heard "They've entered the Keep. Move out. Go through to the mountain pass. Save yourselves!" She heard a deep horn blowing. Carrie couldn't believe she had slept through all that noise. She realized that the battle was almost over, one way or the other.
She half-heartedly followed the other women up towards the back of the caves. They trudged along for what Carrie estimated to be almost an hour. It was slow going. Most of the women stopped frequently to cry and hug each other. They hadn't gotten very far, when Carrie heard a man shouting behind them. "We have victory! The Uruks flee! Come out of the caves!" A huge cheer went up. Carrie didn't share in their joy. She knew what was waiting outside for them. Most of them had probably lost their husbands and sons. And what had she lost? Was this history intact enough that the three people she cared about here were still alive and ok?
She followed the other women out of the caves and back into the Keep. It was there that she saw the most horrifying sight she had ever seen. For all of the tolerance she had built up over the years from seeing this sort of thing in movies, she was still sick. It was completely different in person. Gruesome was the only word for it. She looked away and began to cry.
But then she saw something else. Something she hadn't expected. There were lots more men who survived than she had imagined. And they were coming in and the women were crying with joy and hugging their men. She saw Aragorn and ran to embrace him but another woman beat her to it. It was the woman that Carrie had seen in the caves, the one she believed to be Eowyn. Well, since she was now hugging Aragorn, Carrie figured she was probably right.
Deciding not to interrupt them for the time being, she looked around to see if she could see Gimli or Legolas. She saw the dwarf walking up some steps. Carrie began crying even more when she saw him. She had no idea she would be so happy to see him. She ran to him and gave him a huge hug.
"Oh Gimli, I'm so glad you're alright!"
"Carrie?" Gimli sounded shocked. "You're here!" He hugged her back. "That elf said you were, but who can trust an elf?"
At the mention of Legolas, Carrie got nervous. Where was he? When she and Gimli came out of their hug she asked him. "Where is he? Is he ok?"
"Yeah." And Gimli waved her off. "He's around here somewhere. Probably trying to look for some more Uruk-hai to kill so that he can beat my total." Carrie stopped crying and smiled at that, relieved that he was ok. She turned and watched Gimli go greet someone or other when she heard her name being called behind her.
"Carrie!" she whirled around. There was Legolas, running up the stairs towards her. "Carrie!" he reached her and grabbed her and hugged her against him. She heard him breathily saying her name in her ear as he hugged her tightly. Carrie didn't realize that she had started crying again until he pulled away and wiped the tears off her face.
"Come with me." She looked in his eyes. He was no longer guarding his feelings and she knew exactly why he wanted her to go with him. She faltered.
"Um...right now? There are many injured." Carrie stalled. "These people may need me to help..." He had said nothing could happen between them. What had changed? One of them had to continue to think rationally.
"I need you more." Carrie looked at him, her eyes wide in shock. There were so many people around that could have heard that! She looked in his eyes and saw the same fire that was there that day back at her house. Before she could figure out what to think or what to do, he had grabbed her wrist and was pulling her after him out of the hall.
As soon as they had entered the corridor and were alone, he spun around and grabbed her, pulling her in and kissing her urgently. Thoughts flew through Carrie's mind. 'What had changed? What if someone came and saw them? Did battle do this to someone? Was this post-traumatic stress or something? Why was he now being so careless when he was so careful and guarded before? Why am I thinking so much?' As if he could hear her thoughts he stopped kissing her, although he didn't release her or stop holding her against him.
"I realized something Carrie." He barely choked out the words. Hearing him say her name sent shivers down her spine. "Life is too fragile to not go after what you want." He kissed her again, walking her backwards towards one of the rooms along the corridor. He stopped and ran his hand through her hair and looked into her eyes. "It is potentially too short to not be with the people that you care about." He kissed her again for a long time. When they broke apart they were in one of the rooms and Legolas was closing the door. He turned back to her.
"You can spend your whole life worrying about consequences. And in a split second it can be over."
Carrie looked at him. 'So that's what this is about,' she realized. She had to stop him. He wasn't thinking straight. He was distraught over the battle and this was how he was handling it. "Legolas..." she began, intending to put a stop to what he wanted to do.
He misunderstood and took it as an invitation. He was kissing her again, all the while removing articles of clothing and weapons – his cloak, his bow and quiver full of arrows, his knives, his sword. She pulled back. He looked at her. He looked deep into her eyes and she forgot why it was she was resisting. Carrie realized that she wanted this just as much as he did, and any protestations she had died right there in his eyes.
Carrie removed her cloak and tunic as he lay her down on the bed. He started kissing her neck and Carrie thought she had never felt anything so wonderful in her life. She helped him remove his tunic and wrist gauntlets so all they were wearing was their pants and thin under-shirts. She ran her hands up and down his back and thought about how wonderfully amazing he felt there. He started to run his hand down her side and across her stomach when suddenly he stopped and before she knew it he was standing next to the bed.
"Someone approaches. Quick!" He threw her tunic to her. Carrie scrambled to put it on and managed to get it most of the way on before the unwelcome intruder arrived.
Aragorn knocked and opened the door. He looked first at Legolas. Carrie looked over at Legolas and noticed that he showed no signs of what had just happened. Every hair was in place, his eyes were completely calm, his clothing perfect, cloak back on and weapons in his hands as if he were about to put them down. Aragorn looked over at Carrie and she looked down at herself. She was a mess. She ran a hand through her tousled hair and realized that she had thrown her tunic on backwards and her cloak was in a ball on the floor. And she was still somewhat out of breath. Aragorn raised an eyebrow at her. Carrie silently swore at all elves in general.
Aragorn didn't say anything but turned to Legolas. "Theoden King wishes to speak with us."
Legolas looked at him, completely calm and collected. "I will be there shortly."
Aragorn regarded him for a moment and then Carrie saw the faintest hint of a smile cross his face. "Very well. But try not to keep the king waiting too long." Legolas visibly relaxed. Aragorn's silent approval of what he obviously interrupted was apparently very important to the elf.
Aragorn turned to Carrie and gave her a big smile. "Good to see you again, Carrie." Carrie ran over and embraced him. He hugged her back for a moment and then moved her away. "Please join me later in the great hall. We have much to speak about." Carrie nodded. With that Aragorn turned and left the room, closing the door behind him, but not before giving Legolas a knowing smirk.
When he was out the door, Carrie exhaled a huge sigh. Then suddenly she felt very uncomfortable standing there in the room with Legolas, since he wasn't making any move towards her, and not saying anything. She looked over at him and saw him looking at her thoughtfully. She sighed again, knowing that the moment had definitely passed and she was probably in for another heartbreaking admission on his part that he shouldn't have acted the way he did.
"Close that, huh?" he smiled at her when she said that, but still made no move and stayed silent. "So...." Carrie looked down at the floor. She didn't know what to say so she started righting her backward tunic. Finally Legolas crossed over to her. He used his fingers to tilt her chin up towards him and bent down and gently kissed her mouth. The look he gave her as he pulled away pierced her to her very soul and she had to ask.
"Legolas, if Aragorn hadn't come in...?" she left the phrase there, not sure what she wanted to ask. Not sure what answer she wanted to hear. He looked at her sadly and nodded. Sad because they were interrupted? Or sad because of what could have happened? She was going to regret this but....
"And now...?" she looked him expectantly. He slowly shook his head no. She closed her eyes to the pain she felt in her chest. She sat down on the bed and dropped her head down into her hands. Why? Why, then, had he just kissed her? Why did he keep doing this to her? She realized he hadn't spoken since Aragorn left the room so she looked up at him. "Say something."
He sat down on the bed next to her, staring straight ahead. "The battle was terrible. I saw many die. And I realized it could be me. Death is not something that we as elves usually face." He took a breath and looked at Carrie. She smiled at him and tried to appear calmer than she felt.
"I understand. You're trying to say that you were distraught and that you weren't thinking straight and that you're sorry for what almost happened. It's ok. I figured." She gave him a tight smile. He may have believed her if he hadn't seen a single tear fall down her cheek.
"No!" he exclaimed. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. "What I'm trying to say is yes, I was distraught. Yes, I wasn't thinking straight before." Carrie regarded him sadly. She saw him swallow and she saw torment in his beautiful blue eyes. She dropped her eyes and almost missed what he said next, for all it came out in a whisper. "But my mind is clear now." She looked up into his eyes and saw that the torment had been replaced with a resolute expression.
He leaned towards her and she put her hands on his chest to hold him away. "I can't do this," she said softly. "I can't play this hot and cold game anymore," She took a deep breath and continued. "I need something, I don't know, something to hold on to that's real." She dropped her hands to her lap and looked down at them.
"I don't have all the answers, Carrie," he said gently.
"I don't need all the answers," she whispered. "Just one." Carrie took a deep breath and wrung her hands. "Why do you pull me in, and then keep pushing me away?" She looked up for his answer.
He looked at her for what seemed like forever, his eyes thoughtful, as if he were trying to put feelings into words, and had none that would fit. Finally he shook his head. "I don't know." He sounded tired, as someone might after carrying a heavy weight, afraid to drop it, afraid of what might happen. But when you finally drop the burden, it is a great freedom and relief. "But, I can't push anymore," he said as he shook his head slowly.
Carrie looked at him, amazed. He had been doing the same thing she had in the beginning. She had felt the need to keep him at arms length, and apparently he had felt the same way. She just gave in to it sooner. But he had finally caved under the weight of whatever it was that drew them to each other.
"No more pushing?" she asked timidly.
He pulled her hand up and kissed her palm. "No more pushing."
"No more running?" she questioned gently.
He leaned in and softly kissed her cheek. "No more running."
"No more-"
He kissed her mouth gently, silencing her question. When he pulled away he looked at her, a tender expression on his face. "No more. I can't fight it anymore. I tried. I can't," he said in a mere whisper. He smiled warmly at her. "Nor do I want to."
She looked into his eyes and believed him. Anything she needed to know was right there. He kissed her and she knew that this time they wouldn't be interrupted.
Thank you reviewers Miriellar, XxgemxX, Jack-Sparrow-Lover, nap-003, WhIPpeD CrEaM 0, PsychoPixie, Gina, Linda19, Shadowfax04, rain137 and especially LtSonya who I am very happy to say has agreed to be my new beta reader. If you notice a marked improvement in my writing, you can thank her for it!