Eriol started to play the first few keys of the song he was creating. His fingers flew over the ivory keys as he translated his music sheets into the more fluid poetry of his grand piano.
"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet is already enough for me…" His hands suddenly stopped moving; his thoughts ceased flowing.
Why was he bothering to write another love song again anyway? Had not he vowed not to touch the piano keys again with a melody of a love song?
It was futile anyway, since the very melody of his life was gone. Forever.
Mortality. Why didn't he create a spell against mankind's biggest curse? Was it not the same thing that limited his powers in his first lifetime?
What was forever for someone as wise as him? His magic may not be infinite, but surely, forever would not go beyond infinity, at least not for his clow magic.
His fists banged against the keys, making a startling sound of crashing toneless notes.
But damn him, he knew he could never find the moral fiber to play god.
He was scared, and the same fear made him stand by and watch helplessly as fate took away the two people he cherished the most.
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What I Really Want: chapter 9
For my kitten, Aburame Shino-chan. She couldn't read, but she insisted to stay on my lap and watch me type this fic.
Truly gifted my cat is.
Horrible my sentence syntax is.
But admit, you must, that it rhymes…uh…as it is.
Please.
(insert your colorful profanities here)
Btw, if you recognize the song that I used here in this fanfic, you will receive a special thank you from me Clue: It was sung by a Taiwanese hunk who starred in a well-known Chinese drama about a flower.
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"Hadn't much luck with your songs lately?" asked Tomoyo sympathetically as she finished stirring the mushroom soup which would serve as their late breakfast for today.
"Musician's block," he shrugged. "I just need a fresh fusion of inspiration, and I know I can finish my pieces."
"You work too hard," she said, turning her attention to the rice cooker. It was just about ready to be served, along with the sunny side-up eggs she cooked earlier.
"Unfortunately, not hard enough." He looked outside the window moodily. "I shouldn't have touched that damn piano!" he muttered angrily. "If I only knew it would be this bothersome…"
"Don't curse the piano," she said wryly as she scooped a bowl of the creamy soup from the pot. "It's not like it seduced you to make music with it."
He threw her a dry glance. "Your remarks never fail to astound me every time."
"I hope that it's a compliment, or I'll sprinkle poison on your soup." She served him the first course of the breakfast. "There! The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so I'm going to test that maxim."
"The BEST way to THIS man's heart is through his bed," he said sourly.
She laughed. A month ago, she could have been scandalized by this, or worse, she could have been hurt.
But thirty something days with him helped her understand how brutal his candidness could be, and he was just testing how far her patience would go. It was one of the small little things that helped her see this outrageous marriage in a more positive light.
He glared at her pointedly. He never really like being laughed at without him knowing why. Not even his deceased wife had the guts to do that. He then turned his attention to his breakfast. "It's not edible. It's disgusting," he recited his comments like a litany. "The eggs came out too raw—"
"You said you wanted them half-done."
"The rice is still sticky and wet—"
"Sue the manufacturer of the rice cooker we're using, not me."
"The soup's…" He struggled for other comments. "…not the way Kaho cooks it."
She winced. "She didn't follow the instructions at the back of the can?" She looked at the ready-to-cook mushroom soup label of the can.
"And the orange juice is too sour!"
"Were you expecting it to be salty?"
"Kaho's juice is—"
"I'm not her, husband dear." She sat down beside him, taking her own plate on the table. "You're married to me, so why don't you lower your standards? You have to learn to get used to my raw eggs, sticky rice, and sour juice. You're living with me, if you still haven't realized that."
"And may I remind you too that I want her, not you. So you have to live with me and my standards, no matter how impossible they are."
She shrugged. "I will be the mother of your child, so why don't you at least give me respect for THAT fact?"
He fell silent.
She sighed, relieved. Ever since that afternoon some days ago when he ended his music composition session with a frustrating bang on the piano, he had reverted to his moody personality. Somehow, she knew that it was yet another Mizuki Kaho-related angst, and here she was again, trying to cheer him out of his blues. The fact though was, he was stubbornly clinging to his blues, as if it was a cocoon protecting him from his own issues.
He wanted to drown in depression so he wouldn't have to swim against the currents of life.
Cowardly. Something she never thought Hiiragizawa Eriol was, basing on how she knew him back in their elementary days.
But things change—it was inevitable. Even for someone like him, former most powerful Clow Reed.
"When?"
The question startled her. She stopped chewing on her supposedly undercooked sunny-side up eggs and looked at him. "Come again?"
"When will you give me my child?" he asked, somewhat wearily.
She looked down. She knew a silent pressure when she encounters one. Yet she could see the genuine pain on his face, and her heart—her stupid, stupid heart—was crying out for him.
Her silence must have prompted him to reconsider what he said. "I know I promised not to ask…forget what I said," he said quietly before continuing his meal.
"Nine months."
His head shot up.
"Nine months…from this night," she said slowly. She wasn't sure about her decision, but she knew she would regret nothing. The moment she saw Hiiragizawa Eriol standing in front of the Tsukimine Shrine, she knew she had found the man she had waited all her life. And she was willing to give him her all, in the name of sweet, sweet surrender.
"Tomoyo, I said, forget it. I…I just lost my control awhile ago…"
"If it will take a child for you to free yourself from the past, then a child you will have." Her voice didn't even shake, although deep within her, she trembled.
But at least a part of her dream would come true, wouldn't it? That she would give herself to the one she loves?
"No, forget it," he said firmly. "I shouldn't have brought it up."
"Tonight. I'll wait for you in my room." She then continued her interrupted meal.
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Eriol watched his wife, forehead creased. Why did he open his big mouth anyway?
But is she serious? He wondered quietly. He watched her eat quietly, not without noticing that her usual cheerfully twinkling eyes weren't there.
If it will take a child for you to free yourself from the past, then a child you will have.
No one had ever cared about him that way, and he could not understand why she had to care so much. He couldn't accept it easily that she was doing all of this because she loved him.
Loved him.
No, it was impossible.
He was not someone to love. Even Kaho didn't love him—he knew pity, and that was what she had given him.
So who did she think she was, telling him that she would mother his child for love?
She said she loves you, so that's why you're trying to push her away, right? Because you're afraid to believe on something and someone with all your heart after what Kaho and Luna did to you?
And worse, you already are starting to believe.
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Tomoyo groaned for the nth time. She had spent the whole afternoon in front of the computer, researching in the web for information and advice on successful seduction.
She felt a little silly—how should someone seduce her own husband? It was something that shouldn't be asked for anyway. As one article stated, it only required knowing his preferences and wants, meaning intimate knowledge about the partner.
And that was something she didn't have.
Petals of roses and scented candles would also work wonders, another article suggested. Anything that could help make the mood provocatively romantic, like sultry jazz would be a plus.
Oh, and of course, the right type of lingerie. Black was the general first choice, but white could also produce the "virginal" effect. Red could be promising too for Adam. Lilac would make the scene luxuriously delicious. Every color could mean something, but in the end, it would be the wearer's sexy confidence that would carry it all of.
Confidence? She didn't have even an ounce of self-esteem within her now! Not to mention self-respect too!
She looked at the taskbar containing the window on fetus gender determination through sexual positions. She had earlier felt courageous when she entered her search on that topic in Google, but now that she was to actually see the result—
"Mistress?" Nakuru's face peeked in through the slightly ajar door.
Flustered, Tomoyo dragged the taskbar down. "O-Oh, h-hi!"
"You said you wanted me to buy something downtown?" asked the servant, sitting down on her bed.
She blushed involuntarily. "Y-Yes. A… a friend wanted me to buy a few things…but I can't find the time to go out, s-so if you don't mind doing the errand for me…" She started to jot down the materials the websites stated.
"Of course! How could I mind?" Nakuru laughed. "Sure, draw up your list!"
"Huh? Ginseng? What dish will you be cooking tonight?" Nakuru asked, blinking naively.
Her cheeks burned. According to another article she read, ginseng was supposed to be one of the premier aphrodisiac foods there was.
"Hmm…your friend is pretty queer," commented the servant when she came upon the scented candles part. "Is she a guru or something? Or was their power failure in their house?"
Tomoyo hoped that her hair could curtain her very embarrassed expression. "I-I can't understand myself what went to her mind when she jotted them down."
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Later, she went down the stairs, grateful that Nakuru didn't encounter Eriol in the hallway, lest the moon servant would be interrogated on the ginseng thingie.
She paused when she heard the familiar strains of piano music. It had the same tune as the one he had been playing over and over this week. It was lonely, yet poignant kind of lonely.
"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet is already enough for me…"
And then the music stopped.
She opened her eyes—she just realized that she had closed her eyes already as she was enjoying the music—and peeked through the music room. Eriol was staring at the keys, frowning. He was at lost as to how to continue the piano piece.
Before she could stop herself, she went into the room and sat down the bench. "Hey…"
He grunted to acknowledge her presence.
"Your intro was…beautiful," she whispered shyly.
"I could continue the music…but I ran out of lines." He looked at the notes moodily.
"Will you play the song again for me?"
"The song is not for you."
"I never said it was." She laughed quietly. But if you play for me, I can always pretend otherwise.
So he did as told.
"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet again is already enough for me…" he sang softly.
"…knowing that there were certain incident and certain people remaining on the day when it happened and leaving not," she put in. He stiffened, but recovering at once, he continued the piano music as Tomoyo continued her own vocal contribution.
"Gazing into the cruelty of time, Unwilling to be forgotten, I am very satisfied with this fate—the happiness of having you around me," she sang.
I want to open for you the key to time, to let you love freely, And set free the bounds it sets upon you.
One by one, her tears dropped down her cheeks. How could she be a fool to assume that she was good enough to compete with Mizuki Kaho, the woman he looked up at as a goddess?
"Tomoyo?" his worried voice made her eyes flap open. She tried to smile, even if her tears were still cascading down.
"I can feel your music penetrating my soul," she said softly. "You have to continue this song. This will be your obra maestra. This will be the pride among your pieces."
"We will continue this. You and I." He smiled, taking her breath away. "I found the lines I were looking for in your voice. I think I finally found the inspiration I needed the most."
She tried not to blush. "N-No more musician's block eh?"
"We'll try to finish the half of the song tonight," he said, nodding.
"B-But…" What about the child-seeding? Her eyes asked silently.
"We will make love too…with music." He laughed gently. "We have all the time in the world for that, but flashes of inspirations…" He cupped her face tenderly and planted a soft, feathery kiss on her slightly parted mouth. "…should not be dismissed easily."
"Eriol-kun…" Her eyes twinkled.
"Mistress!" Nakuru appeared in the room, smiling. "I got everything you ordered…except for the ginseng."
Tomoyo felt herself blush from head to toe as Eriol gazed at her, first confused, then knowingly.
"I think we still have onions in the kitchen," said her husband, smirking devilishly.
"T-Tomorrow…we can get that tomorrow." She turned away so as not to see the playful mockery on his face.
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to be continued