"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein
"Reality is always such a drag…" - Ace of Base
Carrie sat on the bed in her room, the chalice in her hands, her decision made. Now all she had to do was work up the nerve to go through with it. All she had been looking for from Legolas was affirmation. All she needed was for him to support her decision to stay and that would have been the end of it, they could have figured the rest out together. But instead, here she was, moments away from drinking a drink that would send her home.
Instead of affirmation, she had been met with a rejection of sorts. Those damn seagulls. Could that have been the longing that Eomer had felt from him? Maybe it had nothing to do with her! Maybe all that had happened between them did so because he thought that he was going to die anyway, and that she was eventually going to go home. Well, she definitely was now, knowing his feelings about the sea.
But what about this afternoon? Even in her anger and hurting she had to admit to herself that he must feel something for her. Maybe he did love her. Maybe she should go back and talk to him. No, it wouldn't matter. She knew herself too well. She knew that she could never live here like this, knowing that his heart was somewhere else. She had been through it before. It didn't matter if the other object of desire was another person or not. Knowing that he would never be truly happy would simply eat away at her. Maybe it was too much to ask for, total devotion and commitment, but she knew she couldn't live with anything less. And she was too old to change her views.
No, the sea longing was not some temporary ailment that they could overcome together.
Taking a deep breath, she gulped down the liquid in the chalice and then for no explainable reason threw it across the room where it hit the wall with a clang. She lay back on the bed, her tears overcoming her. She cried until she had no more tears left. Eventually she got up and retrieved the chalice. When she turned around, she was met with an unexpected surprise, as she came face to face with Aragorn.
"I expected to find you in here," he said kindly.
"Why?" Carrie asked, and the raggedness of her voice surprised her.
"I walked outside to bid you and Legolas return for the start of the main banquet. I found him staring distractedly into the distance." Carrie bit her lip and looked away, feeling her eyes start to burn again as Aragorn continued. "He seemed quite surprised that you were not with him." He exhaled in a laugh, but there was no mirth to it. "I was able to surmise what had happened."
"Yeah?" Carrie said bitterly, turning back to him and raising her eyebrows.
He touched the chalice in her hands and smiled sadly at her. "Yeah," he said in an imitation of her word. If he was trying to lighten the mood and get her to smile, it did not work. "It is for the best, Carrie." He sat down on the bed and motioned for her to join him. "Had anything happened that morning in Helms Deep, I would feel otherwise, but no," he shook his head, "this is for the best."
Carrie slowly sat down next to him and regarded him with narrow eyes. "How would it be different, if something had happened that morning?" she asked warily.
Aragorn looked slightly uncomfortable and Carrie grew nervous as to what he was going to say. "Elves are not like you and me, Carrie. To them, the act of bodily union is all that is needed to form the bond that Men call marriage."
Carrie's jaw dropped and she felt the blood rush from her face. "So, if something had happened…" she trailed off.
"If something had happened that morning," Aragorn continued for her, "you would have been bonded. Any ceremony to them is just that; a ceremony. The bond is made by the union of love." He smiled grimly at her. "So you see why my counsel would have been different."
Carrie was unable to move. She sat staring at Aragorn with her mouth open and her eyes wide. Her heart started to race as the full meaning of what he had just said hit her like a freight train at full speed.
Aragorn's eyes narrowed and he regarded Carrie apprehensively. "Am I wrong in my understanding that nothing indeed happened that morning?" he asked quietly.
"No," Carrie finally managed to murmur. "You would be correct in saying that nothing happened that morning in Helms Deep." Her shock was slowly fading, replaced by new emotions. She became torn between nervousness and anger; nervousness at her most likely upcoming confession to Aragorn, and anger at Legolas for not telling her the significance of what had happened between them. She continued to look at the cup in her hands since in her current state she couldn't bring herself to look at Aragorn.
Aragorn, having been raised by the Elves, was far more perceptive than normal Men were. He noticed the qualifier that Carrie put on the end of her answer. "But something did happen."
Carrie looked up at him, for his voice seemed to be filled more with concern than upset. She couldn't bring herself to answer him so she bit her lip and nodded. Aragorn sighed deeply and looked down at the ground. After a moment he stood up.
"Where are you going?" she asked plaintively.
He was halfway out the door when he turned around and answered. "I go to find Legolas."
"Wait!" Carrie couldn't tell his mood or his intentions from the tone of his voice, and she was worried about what his conversation with Legolas would consist of.
His expression softened and he regarded Carrie with what could only be described as guilt. "I am sorry, Carrie. Had I known, I would have told you earlier." He looked on her a moment longer before turning and striding out of the room.
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Carrie sat on the bed staring down at the empty chalice in her hands. She didn't hear the door open. She didn't hear anybody enter. She didn't even stir when a voice spoke to her.
"I see you've made your decision."
Carrie did not look up for a long time. When she did she was met with the intensity of his blue-gray eyes. She held his gaze for several minutes before she spoke, her voice choked and quiet. "Why...didn't...you...tell me?"
He kneeled down in front of her. The chalice loudly dropped to the floor. He picked it up and walked it over to the bedside table. When he returned to his kneeling position, she had not moved.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she repeated. He tried to take her hands in his, but she pulled them away. She looked in his eyes and saw immense sadness, but it did not move her this time.
"Aragorn told me. He told me what it meant, what we did." She shook her head angrily. "Why didn't you tell me?" she said for the third time.
He stood up and walked across the room. He stood facing the wall for an eternity before he turned and spoke to her. "It would have influenced your decision."
Carrie was on her feet. "Oh, and like telling me that your heart lay over the sea didn't influence my decision at all!" she shouted at him. "All I wanted," she continued in a tightly controlled voice, "was for you to tell me you wanted me here." He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand. "No, I don't want to hear anything now. It's too late. It's over." She started crying. "It's set, there is nothing we can do now. As soon as I fall asleep, I will no longer exist in this world. All we will be anymore is a memory to each other."
"Carrie..." he started across the room towards her, but she continued on her rant.
"I can't believe that you wouldn't tell me something like that!" A memory hit her and she started to laugh. "Estella! Estella tried to tell me and I didn't listen." She sunk back down on the bed. "I can't believe this!" She turned an angry gaze towards him. "I would have stayed!" She dropped her head in her hands and started to sob. Her next words came out in a whisper among the sobs. "I would have stayed..."
He crossed the rest of the distance to the bed and sat down next to her. He held her as she sobbed against his chest. When she calmed he released her and moved to get up. She grabbed his arm and he turned back to her.
"Please..." she begged. "stay with me until I fall asleep. It won't be too long." The tears pooled in her eyes again. He sat back down and replaced his arms around her shoulders. She lay her head against his chest and let the tears fall.
Her last moments of awareness in middle earth were filled with a voice, a beautiful voice, saying softly to her, "Melin le, Carrie..."
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"...Carrie...Carrie..."
Carrie opened one eye and closed it again. She felt someone shaking her shoulders. "Carrie...wake up..."
She opened both eyes and blinked several times, taking in her surroundings. There was a man standing over her, shaking her awake and calling her name. He looked vaguely familiar. Her mind fished around for a name and it finally came.
"Trevor?" she croaked out. "Where am I?"
"Oh no," he moaned. "I'm afraid you hit your head pretty hard. You must have tripped over the tree root here and fallen down."
"What?" Carrie was completely bewildered. "How long did you look for me?"
Trevor looked at her questioningly. "I don't know, a few minutes. Come on, let's get you home."
"Home?" Carrie asked. "But how?"
"Maybe I should bring you to a hospital." He looked at her anxiously. "You are awfully disoriented." He helped Carrie to her feet and began to lead her home when she stopped short.
"It was all a dream..." she mused, and began to laugh. "It was all a dream?" Her laughter turned into sobs. She sunk back onto the ground and alternated laughing and crying, repeating desperately, "It was a dream!"
Trevor looked at her worriedly. "Ok, Carrie. You are hysterical. We're going to a hospital."
"No." Carrie gulped down the last of her emotions and tried to still her queasy stomach. "No. I'm fine." She gave him a brave smile. "I just want to go home."
No, that is not the end of the story; there is still more to come, though not a whole lot. --sniffs-- I never thought I'd be sad about this story drawing to a close, but I think I am. Oh well, just have to write more I guess.
Thank you reviewers. You still rule!
Lainfaer: Sorry, obviously the potion worked. Poor, rash Carrie…
Alagdelothiel: Thanks for the review! Hope this chapter came quickly enough for you…
Jack-Sparrow-Lover: Sorry I made you cry…Glad you were moved though.
moonbunny77: Sorry, no sequel. But I am working on a bunch more stories. They may not be along these lines, but who knows. Everything I try to write seems to turn into a romance, so we'll see.
PsycoPixie: I just realized I've been spelling your name wrong all this time! Sorry about that! So much for attention to detail… Hope you'll get a chance to read when you get back from vacation.
Moralinde: Ah, yes. My penchant to write cliffhangers has returned. But how else would I keep you reading?
Lopus: Oh dear. Please don't kill me. At least hold off the execution until I get a chance to post the remaining chapters…
ElvenDragon: Thanks!
the original sessy: Um, I'm glad you hate and love me? And I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
allgoodfungall247: Thanks!