Well, it's time for the dreaded second installment in the
[fanfare] Great Mary-Sue Extravaganza! Featuring slightly better spelling!
And Grammar check!
The Great Mary-Sue Extravaganza, part 2
The first Mary Sue has been destroyed. Adrian gave thanks to the Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction for small blessings. I bet you didn't know the was a Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction, did you?
Rob and Adrian sat on a rock somewhere near Vault. They had been in this fanfic for about a week now. Thankfully, the writer had changed on the second chapter (with way too many author's notes, but at least this new author used spell check). The adepts (Now Proxian) had been hanging around Vale for an awful long time while the authoress wrote Proxian romance.
"What's happening now?" Adrian asked. He was lying on the ground, looking up at the clouds. Rob closed his eyes, entering the meditative trance that all PPC agents used to read The Words.
"Saturos and Menardi are... no wait, never mind. There are some new people named Satires and Mansard. They are having a 'romantic' evening in Isaac's house." Rob said.
"Remember kids," Adrian said in that annoying "old video announcer" voice, "Never take spell check's suggestions automatically."
"I wonder if Satires is funny?" Rob asked sarcastically.
"Nah," Said Adrian, "He just has a weird tendency to talk in spoonerisms*. Hey, do you play Magic*?"
"It depends. Are you talking about the card game, or the ritual of the Alhiro people of the Migy river valley?*" Rob asked.
"The card game." Adrian replied.
As it turns out, Rob does play that particular card game, and our intrepid heroes spent many happy hours playing and cursing at each other. Friggin' dragons. Things were going just great until...
"Holy Crap!" Rob said.
"What is it?" Adrian asked.
"They left." Rob replied, "I was sure that Satires and Mansard would be all romantic for a while longer."
"Oh." Adrian said, "Now what?"
"Well, somehow they catch Garet and Jenna in Vault, along with their respective sues." Rob said.
"Can I kill Garet's?" Adrian asked. PPC agents tended to get rather close to their favorite characters, and ended up closer to these characters than anyone else. This peculiar behavior has been attributed to the much closer relationship that PPC agents have with canon characters.
"Only after they kill Satires about two months two early." Rob said.
"Deal." Adrian said. The agents got up and walked toward Vault.
{Satires and Mansard walked into the pristine town of Vault. "Where are we?" asked Satires. "I don't know" Mansard replied. "Why don't you check the GPS"}
"And charge number one. Blatant 21st century knowledge and technology." Rob said, "There is no way in a frozen hell that either of them would even know what a GPS is, much less have one." The agents watched as Satires produced a GPS and determined their location, the town of Vault.
{"Halt!" Said a mysterious voice. Satires and Mansard turned around and looked. For people stood there. Garet and Jenna, accompanied by two people Satires had never seen before. "Who are you?" He asked. "My name is Neoma." Said the girl standing by Garet. "There is a huge problem here. You are supposed to be helping light the lighthouses, not trying to stop-" Before she could finish, Satires interrupted. "What are you talking about? You are evil!" Satires drew his sword, and with Mansard at his side, he leaped at Garet. Suddenly he felt a stinging sensation. He was thrown backwards. He stared at his side, in shock at seeing the sword sticking out of it, and the other Proxian he didn't know... wait a minute. Who the hell are you two? You aren't supposed to be here! Satires is supposed to die! Don't save him! WTF? Neoma is dead? What are you talking about? Charges? WTF?}
"I always love watching the words when we start screwing everything up." Rob said.
"Yes," Adrian agreed, "It is nice watching the confusion in the author's words when we start dispensing justice on their creations. So what do we do with this one?" He pointed at the unconscious (and unnamed) mary sue.
"Well, I'm religious, sort of." Rob said.
"I didn't know that." Adrian commented.
"Well stop interrupting," Rob said, "Anyway, the Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction requires ritual sacrifices, and...well..."
"Sacrifice," Adrian said, "I like! Let's do it!"
And so the agents didst openeth a portale to the sacrede lands, and they didst throweth the Mary sue upon the sacrede alter, and covereth her with the sacrede oil, and they didst lighteth it on fire, and lo, there was a bonfire, and they didst roasteth marshmallowse, and haveth a feaste, of holy s'mores, and they didst eateth the lambe. And the goate. And the other lambe. And lo, the holy ceremony endeth, and the author stopped using those stupid fake olde english words.
Footnotes:
*A strange reference to the American political satire group The Capitol Steps, who have a feature called "Lirty dies" that involves discussing current events in spoonerism.
*A Trading Card Game from Wizards of the Coast, which I do not own.
* Something I just made up
It's the end! For now!
The Great Mary-Sue Extravaganza, part 2
The first Mary Sue has been destroyed. Adrian gave thanks to the Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction for small blessings. I bet you didn't know the was a Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction, did you?
Rob and Adrian sat on a rock somewhere near Vault. They had been in this fanfic for about a week now. Thankfully, the writer had changed on the second chapter (with way too many author's notes, but at least this new author used spell check). The adepts (Now Proxian) had been hanging around Vale for an awful long time while the authoress wrote Proxian romance.
"What's happening now?" Adrian asked. He was lying on the ground, looking up at the clouds. Rob closed his eyes, entering the meditative trance that all PPC agents used to read The Words.
"Saturos and Menardi are... no wait, never mind. There are some new people named Satires and Mansard. They are having a 'romantic' evening in Isaac's house." Rob said.
"Remember kids," Adrian said in that annoying "old video announcer" voice, "Never take spell check's suggestions automatically."
"I wonder if Satires is funny?" Rob asked sarcastically.
"Nah," Said Adrian, "He just has a weird tendency to talk in spoonerisms*. Hey, do you play Magic*?"
"It depends. Are you talking about the card game, or the ritual of the Alhiro people of the Migy river valley?*" Rob asked.
"The card game." Adrian replied.
As it turns out, Rob does play that particular card game, and our intrepid heroes spent many happy hours playing and cursing at each other. Friggin' dragons. Things were going just great until...
"Holy Crap!" Rob said.
"What is it?" Adrian asked.
"They left." Rob replied, "I was sure that Satires and Mansard would be all romantic for a while longer."
"Oh." Adrian said, "Now what?"
"Well, somehow they catch Garet and Jenna in Vault, along with their respective sues." Rob said.
"Can I kill Garet's?" Adrian asked. PPC agents tended to get rather close to their favorite characters, and ended up closer to these characters than anyone else. This peculiar behavior has been attributed to the much closer relationship that PPC agents have with canon characters.
"Only after they kill Satires about two months two early." Rob said.
"Deal." Adrian said. The agents got up and walked toward Vault.
{Satires and Mansard walked into the pristine town of Vault. "Where are we?" asked Satires. "I don't know" Mansard replied. "Why don't you check the GPS"}
"And charge number one. Blatant 21st century knowledge and technology." Rob said, "There is no way in a frozen hell that either of them would even know what a GPS is, much less have one." The agents watched as Satires produced a GPS and determined their location, the town of Vault.
{"Halt!" Said a mysterious voice. Satires and Mansard turned around and looked. For people stood there. Garet and Jenna, accompanied by two people Satires had never seen before. "Who are you?" He asked. "My name is Neoma." Said the girl standing by Garet. "There is a huge problem here. You are supposed to be helping light the lighthouses, not trying to stop-" Before she could finish, Satires interrupted. "What are you talking about? You are evil!" Satires drew his sword, and with Mansard at his side, he leaped at Garet. Suddenly he felt a stinging sensation. He was thrown backwards. He stared at his side, in shock at seeing the sword sticking out of it, and the other Proxian he didn't know... wait a minute. Who the hell are you two? You aren't supposed to be here! Satires is supposed to die! Don't save him! WTF? Neoma is dead? What are you talking about? Charges? WTF?}
"I always love watching the words when we start screwing everything up." Rob said.
"Yes," Adrian agreed, "It is nice watching the confusion in the author's words when we start dispensing justice on their creations. So what do we do with this one?" He pointed at the unconscious (and unnamed) mary sue.
"Well, I'm religious, sort of." Rob said.
"I didn't know that." Adrian commented.
"Well stop interrupting," Rob said, "Anyway, the Benevolent Goddess of Fanfiction requires ritual sacrifices, and...well..."
"Sacrifice," Adrian said, "I like! Let's do it!"
And so the agents didst openeth a portale to the sacrede lands, and they didst throweth the Mary sue upon the sacrede alter, and covereth her with the sacrede oil, and they didst lighteth it on fire, and lo, there was a bonfire, and they didst roasteth marshmallowse, and haveth a feaste, of holy s'mores, and they didst eateth the lambe. And the goate. And the other lambe. And lo, the holy ceremony endeth, and the author stopped using those stupid fake olde english words.
Footnotes:
*A strange reference to the American political satire group The Capitol Steps, who have a feature called "Lirty dies" that involves discussing current events in spoonerism.
*A Trading Card Game from Wizards of the Coast, which I do not own.
* Something I just made up
It's the end! For now!