Remus J. Lupin stared broodingly into the fire from his favorite chair in the Gryffindor common room. It was Friday night, technically the start of the Christmas holidays. He had chosen to stay at school with his best friends, Sirius Black and James Potter. Peter had gone home to his mother this year, and Remus could honestly say he didn't mind. Peter Pettigrew, he thought a bit ruefully, would most definitely be just as tormented as Severus Snape if it weren't for James, Sirius, and himself. He only added himself as an afterthought, because when he had come to school five years ago he had fully intended on staying as far away from everyone as possible. So goes the life of his kind. But on that fateful train ride to Hogwarts, he had met Sirius and James. Sirius was a good-looking guy, his long-ish, dark hair falling casually across his eyes with aristocratic grace. James had jet-black hair that was stubbornly untidy and laughing hazel eyes to match his ever-present smile that was nearly a smirk. He instantly liked them both, Sirius for his charm and fun attitude toward life, James for his quick wit and the sense of companionship he was surrounded with. Of course he tried to keep them from knowing him secret, fearing their rejection as much as he thought they would fear him. He made excuses for his monthly absence, telling them his mother had taken ill (what with her weak immune system and all), he told them these little white lies, hoping to retain their brotherly love, as it were. Of course they figured it out in no time. They hadn't rejected him at all; they became Animagi. Three years of difficult spells and training; all for him. Sirius became Padfoot, a great black dog. James became Prongs, the handsome stag. Peter became a rat; Wormtail. "Only fitting", Remus thought savagely. Somehow he'd never considered Peter as much a friend as James and Sirius.
During his change, they would run with the moon. He kept his mind when he was with them… no longer did he long to bite; to damn others to his curse. The guilt of his betrayal was starting to drive him crazy. He didn't want to betray Dumbledore, the only one who would take him. But he pushed these feelings aside, knowing that once it was time again for the change, he would run in the baleful moonlight among comrades in animal guise. Losing them would be to lose everything. Sadness filled him, knowing deep within himself, not even their friendship could fully fill this void, this uncompleted soul. He allowed these thoughts to engulf him, causing tears to form in his blue-gray eyes. He needed more. "I want more" Remus admitted regretfully.
"Remus"?
A light, musical voice called him out of his reverie.
"Cassandra? What are you doing up at this hour"? He questioned the girl, who had come down the Girl's Dormitory steps without a sound.
"I was going to ask you the same thing. I couldn't sleep; I noticed how aloof you've been as of late. I thought you might be down here." She said, coming around the front of his chair and kneeling on the floor beside him. How lovely she looked, her deep, chestnut hair flowing down her back and those gorgeous crystalline blue eyes looking up at him. Cassandra was in the same year as Remus, and they'd gotten to be close friends in their five years of Hogwarts.
"It's nothing Cassandra, really. You shouldn't worry about me so much. I'm fine."
She narrowed her eyes slightly and calmly stated, "You tell me one thing Remus, but your eyes will always give you away. Don't act like Sirius."
"What's that supposed to mean"? Remus asked a little defensively. He made it a point to be loyal to his friends.
"Don't be mad," she laughed softly, "I only meant you'll never get away with lying, however many times James and Sirius do. I don't mean anything bad, just that you shouldn't try to lie if people can tell you're hiding something. Not to me at any rate." She added with a smile.
"Really," he began, giving her an appraising look, "and what makes you so special Cassandra O' Brian"?
She stood up and with one liquid movement was on the arm of the chair, her hand upon his shoulder.
"You've made it all too easy for me to tell when something is on your mind."
Remus thought she looked a little sad. "There's nothing you, or anyone can do."
"Please tell me your troubles, Remus. Whatever your keeping bottled up, it's tearing you apart."
He was deeply touched by her words. Touched and scarred. He could never tell her. Finding someone to understand it was a rare thing- he couldn't hope she'd be as accepting as the others. Remus wanted to tell her suddenly, he wanted to pour out his troubles to her and make them all go away. He longed for her to know, to be…
(…To be loved by her.)
A small but rapidly growing part of him said. The thought hit Remus hard, making him sit up straighter and look to Cassandra.
"I want to tell you. I really do, Cassandra, but you'd never…"
"I will understand Remus," she interrupted. "In fact I think I already know."
He leapt up off the chair, whirling around on Cassandra.
"You couldn't possibly know or comprehend." He quietly raged, startling himself a bit. Cassandra raised her eyebrows slightly, and in a cool, measured voice said,
"Remus, you have no reason to insult me or to get mad. I came down here worried about you, and I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way. I'll go if you like."
Her lack of surprise and something in her voice intrigued and calmed him. But he had to ask why. He didn't want her to leave him here, alone with his fears.
"No, don't go, but why do you worry about me so much? Why lose sleep over trivial nonsense"?
She looked at him, as though considering her answer carefully before voicing it. After awhile, she spoke.
"Well, it isn't trivial nonsense, Remus. Isn't it obvious? I thought by now someone of your intellectual caliber would have noticed."
"Noticed what"? He asked, wondering what she could mean.
"I've known you for nearly five years now, and I think I've…"
She broke off, looking for the first time like what she was- an unsure girl of fifteen.
"Yes"? He gently prompted, feeling more like himself than he had all day. What was it she was getting at?
She took a deep breath, and tried to calm her nerves.
"Remus," she began slowly, "I think I've fallen in love with you."
For a moment Remus was speechless. Why hadn't he seen that coming? He considered the information she had just admitted to him, and then sat back down. He smiled.
"You needn't be ashamed," he said, turning her face towards him once more, "for if love is blind, we are both in the darkness of each other's shadow."
He enjoyed the after effect of his poetic side as Cassandra's eyes widened while what he confessed to her sunk in. She smiled. Remus pulled her down onto his lap and, without thinking he kissed her. She was naturally surprised, but then she succumbed to his embrace, letting him hold her. Then Remus became aware of what he was doing, and pulled away. He turned his face away from Cassandra. She sounded both confused and hurt. "Remus…"
"Don't. You'll only make this harder for both of us."
"But what…"
"I can't say. I don't want to hurt you."
Cassandra seemed to be caught in a battle between her mind and her heart. In the end, it was her heart that told her it was right, that he should know.
"I know what you are Remus."
He turned abruptly to face her.
"What"? He questioned fearfully.
She leaned closer to him and gently whispered into his ear
"Werewolf."
Remus's eyes widened in shock and fear bordering on terror. He couldn't speak. But Cassandra wasn't finished.
"I've always known. I'm not afraid, and it doesn't matter what you are. You're still Remus Lupin, and I love you."
Remus was still trying to put what had just happened together. When he finally spoke, he said
"You honestly don't care? You know and it doesn't bother you? You haven't told anyone"?
"No. I care for you- I wouldn't betray you." She kissed his neck softly.
"Love me, Remus."
This was surely heaven. Cassandra teased him a little more, gently biting him, making him moan. This completed him. This was all he'd ever wanted- this ecstasy. "Just don't leave me", he thought as they formed their own silent pack of loyalty to one another, "never leave. Yes, I love you Cassandra"… They were running with the moon.