A & D, and A & D, and A & D . . .
I do not own anybody in here except Griffin, Vannie, Jack, and anyone else I add.
Note: I have never played the game that Alucard is from, so if I get something totally wrong, I'm sorry. (The game is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night) Oh yeah, this Alucard is NOT the Hellsing Alucard . . .
Oh yeah, and I don't own Truly Nolen . . . or the Wizard of Oz, Escaflowne, that Vampire Hunter game with Anita in it . . . whatever it was called . . . or Tomb Raider . . . I'll list more if I think of it. . . yeah . . . ok . . .
Chapter 2: oO???????
"What the crap?? Will you leave me alone? GET OUTTA MY HAT!!!"
Alucard clung to the inside of D's hat, to avoid the sun.
"Get out of there, you stupid bat!" D shrieked, losing his temper (A/N: I mean, it's his HAT after all . . .)
D reached into his mega-brimmed hat with his left hand to remove the pest.
"Yeech!" exclaimed Left Hand, "Get the rat away from me!"
"SCREECH!! Eeek, eek chirp eek chirpie squeak! CHEEP!" (Translation: /RAT/??? I'm a freaking bat, you no-brain, hideous, moronic parasite! Drop dead!) Alucard smacked Left Hand in the face with his wings.
"What the Hell?" Left Hand tried to escape the onslaught, but couldn't, without D letting him, "D, get someone else to take care of your pest problem. Like Truly Nolen or whatever."
D grabbed a hold of Alucard, and lifted him out, squeaking in protest. Moments later, when Alucard was exposed to the sunlight, he burst into flames again.
"OWW!! CRAP!!" D released the squeaking fireball and blew on his hand, which was already blistering.
Alucard flew back into the hat and dug his claws in.
"Hey! Don't set my hat on fire!"
"CHEEK!" (translation: Bite me!)
Thoroughly annoyed, D replaced his hat, and tried to ignore the small mammal settling down in his hair and falling asleep.
LATER . . .
Alucard yawned and peeked out from underneath the hat. The sun was down, so he could leave.
"Thank goodness. When was the last time you used shampoo, anyway?" Alucard made a face, straightened out his hair, and made a big show off brushing off D's dandruff.
"You always drool when you sleep?" D countered.
"I don't drool!" shrieked Alucard indignantly.
"Whoa! Would you check that out?" interrupted Left Hand.
D and Alucard looked up. Before them wais a many spyred castle reaching far up into the night sky. The outer wall was so long that neither of them could see the end in either direction.
"It's like a mountain!" Alucard observed.
"Wake up, moron! It IS a mountain!" Left Hand snapped.
It's a vampire's lair," D informed them in his normal, totally calm tone.
"Ah, so THAT'S what you're up to," Left Hand smiled.
Alucard: (eyes sparkly with joy) I can go vampire hunting!
D: -- …………….
D rode forward to the gate. It swung open ominously before him.
Alucard and D's hand: oo;; . . .
" Say, D, why don't we just turn back, huh?" Left Hand implored nervously, "This guy seems way too powerful. I mean, come on, there are other fish in the ocean, right? I mean, the last castle we came across that was even HALF this size belonged to Carmella, and she nearly—"
"Quiet," said D.
Alucard drew his sword and followed D, both half-vampires ignoring the nervous complaints coming from his hand.
At the end of the long causeway, a pair of twenty-foot doors stood. The knockers were a good foot across, in the shape of vampire bat heads. D grabbed the tongue of one of the bats and brought the knocker down hard.
BOOOONG!! BOOOONG!! BOOOOOONG!!
At once the doors swung creakily open, and Alucard did his best to hide his sweatbead under his hair. D dismounted and coolly entered the vast entrance hall. A strange, booming voice suddenly rang out, echoing off of the marble and stone walls and floors. The very force of it caused Alucard to shake a bit on the floor.
"D, the Dunpeal Hunter, is it you who have come?" cried the powerful voice.
"It's Darth Vader!" Left Hand squeaked.
"Stop playing games and come out here already," D sounded just as calm as usual.
"What have you to say for yourself? I have to search to the end of the world to find you, and discover that you've been hunting vampires for the last few millennia!!" scolded the Vader voice.
D walked over to some tall, green curtains and pulled them aside, revealing a middle-aged vampire (vampires get middle-aged . . ? Don't they live forever . . ?), with a microphone. D rubs his eyes with his right hand as if in pain.
"What have I told you about watching the Wizard of Oz just before I come over to visit?" D murmured quietly.
"Pardon me for trying to create some levity," the middle-aged vampire snapped defensively.
Alucard: OO;; . . . what-the-crap . . ?
"I think you've gone senile, father."
"WAIT A MINUTE!!!" Alucard screeched, waving his arms up and down in protest, "DRACULA HAD WHITE HAIR ! Where do you think mine comes from?? (and a stupid little beard thing)"
"Maybe . . . Dracula had a twin brother?" Left Hand offered.
"In order to have a twin you have to have two people who LOOK the same," D noted.
Dracula squinted at Alucard and scratched his chin before saying,
"You look familiar."
"I'm Alucard. I'm the son of Dracula . . . and I don't think it's you."
Dracula thought for a moment, then slapped his forehead.
"Wait a minute!" he cried, "I remember there was this one time Carmilla threw a costume ball, and I went as an albino. I don't really remember what happened, I was so full of booze after I saw Carmilla dressed like Anita. I vaguely remember there was this really beautiful woman there, she was dressed like Laura Croft," he shrugged, "I think she was supposed to be the complementary meal or whatever. Ah . . . anyway . . ."
Alucard: oOX!!!
"That had better NOT be how I came about . . !" he groaned.
D's hand chuckled. D shook his head. All at once muffled screams and banging were heard. D drew his sword and turned towards his father.
"I'm sure you know what that is," D stated.
Dracula shook his head slowly.
"I don't know, I got kind of stoned last night. Some girl came over, she said she was looking for Count D, and thought that maybe this was his address."
D decided not to ask, and headed for the red marble stair case. Turning to Alucard, he instructed him to search downstairs. Alucard nodded and, seeing a pair of imposing, and skillfully sculpted pewter doors, approached them. Pressing his ear to the doors, he could hear the shouts more clearly. The handles, which were in the shape of hissing snakes, were cold to the touch, and the door only opened with great force. A dark staircase confronted the white-haired vampire when the doors were finally swung open. Gathering his courage, Alucard stepped into the darkness and began descending the staircase. The stone steps reverberated the clump of his boots (Probably more the heels). After nearly a minute, Alucard bumped into wooden doors which were vibrating with the fist falls of whoever was trapped inside. Without thinking about it first, he unlatched the doors. And, of course, the doors flew outwards, catching him firmly in the nose, before someone fell onto him, and then they both wound up on the floor.
"Yay! I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!" came a girl's voice.
She clapped her hands joyously before realizing that the soft substance upon which she had landed was actually a person (ok, a half-vampire . . . but it's dark . . .).
"Ah! I'm sorry!" she apologized, sitting up, after which there followed a pause, "Wait a minute! Are you Dracula? I'll kill you if you are."
Alucard rubbed the large bump on the back of his head, which he was sure was messing up his hair.
"No! I'm Alucard!" he corrected.
The girl was silent for a moment.
"Really? / Alucard? / EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!"
Alucard was suddenly and unceremoniously glomped.
Alucard: oO???
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
"What the Hell is wrong with you?? Who are you?? Get off of me, Anita!"
"Who?" the girl wondered, as Alucard pried her off of his body.
"She's—never mind. Who are you, and why were you glomping me?"
"My name is Vannie Zespaz. I'm a fan-girl who's married to Folken and Van online (hence the origin of my first name), and I was searching for the ever-so-beautiful Count D with a box full of Godiva chocolates (which cost me all of my allowance) when I was rudely thrown in this dungeon!" she took a deep breath before continuing, "And I'm gonna KILL whoever did this to me! WHERE ARE THOSE CHOCOLATES?!"
Alucard tried to hide behind his sweat bead.
"Maybe we should both just go back upstairs," he suggeseted.
"Yay! Upstairs!" she pushed past him and bounded up the stairs before tripping in the dark.
"Ouch."
She continued the rest of the way a little more slowly. Alucard tried not to be too frightened.
When he emerged from the large, pewter doors, he discovered Vannie with her fingers in Dracula's mouth and pulling his cheeks as far apart as they would go.
"Where'd you put them? You ugly old-man vampire who's not a great bishonen!!"
"Get off of him!" Alucard ran forward and caught her about the waist and pulled her off. Dracula rubbed his cheeks and glared at her.
"Lemme go!" she waved her arms about wildly, "I gotta find my chocolates so I can pay homage to Count D!!"
"Who the Hell is Count D, if you don't mean Count Dracula?" Alucard wondered.
"What the Hell is going on down here?" D demanded, coming down the stairs.
"OHMYGOSH!!" Vannie slipped out of Alucard's arms and disappeared into a streak of light. She reappeared in time to glomp D and send him careening backwards into the railing on the marble staircase.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY?!??" he cried, "WHO ARE YOU??"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I LOVE YOU D!!" Vannie exclaimed, squeezing him tighter.
"Let go of me!!!" he tried without success to extricate himself from her grasp.
"No!" she protested, squeezing him more tightly, so that he couldn't breathe.
"Hey, look, chocolate!"
"WHAT??!!"
Vannie leapt over the balcony and landed on Dracula's head.
"Where?" she looked around.
"Look, there's a smear on the door here," ALucard pointed to a side door near the stairs.
"Aha!" Vannie whipped open the doors and ran inside. Alucard followed soon after, and, once D had caught his breath, also followed, but made sure that Dracula was ok first. (Needless to say he was quite squashed).
"WAAAAAA!! NO!!!! BASTARD OLD, ICKY, NON-BEAUTIFUL MAN!!!"
"What was that?" Alucard asked D, as they followed a winding wrought-iron stair case down into a dark room.
D only shrugged as an answer.
At long last the pair reached the bottom of the stair case, and tripped over Vannie.
"What the crap did you stop here for?" Alucard demanded, annoyed that his hair was once again mussed.
In response, Vannie only sniffed and pointed behind him. Alucard turned and nearly shrieked.
"WHAT IS THAT???"
"It's a monster!" D cried, horrified.
"It's hideous!" agreed his hand.
"It's stupid Dornkirk!!" Vannie whined.
"WHO??" everyone else demanded.
Sitting in a wheelchair about twenty feet away, near a service elevator, was the most disgusting looking, creepy, emaciated, pasty white, bare-chested old man that anyone had ever seen. His hideousness was so immense that only after a few moments of staring wild-eyed at the spectacle did D notice chocolate smears all over Dornkirk's long white beard.
"Ugh! It ATE it!" Left Hand spat, as if speaking about the old man was distasteful.
Dornkirk noticed that he had an audience, and tried to wheel himself over to the elevator. Not that this worked very well, since he was so old, and decrepit, and emaciated and such.
"Don't let him get away!" Vannie cried, leaping to her feet and giving chase. She made as if to jump on him, but thought better of it when she was close enough to notice in even greater detail how ugly he was.
Alucard crawled underneath the stairs, transformed into a wolf, and whimpered with his tail between his legs.
"AAGH!! I can't take it anymore!"
With that said, D launched himself forward, drew his sword and performed an excellent mako-giri (i.e.: cut the old-man straight down the middle, like he did Grove in the Bloodlust movie)
At once a revolting green liquid sprayed out from the wound and drenched both him and Vannie. After a moment of complete silence . . .
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
That was the first time that D discovered that he could shriek like a girl.
Please review!!