AN: You know, I REALLY need to stop typing in the middle of the night and get some sleep... I don't know, it seems that Yoh looks up to Hao in this ficcie a bit...
Warnings: Err, switches from third person to first person, but that's about it...
Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. Wow, big surprise there.
Can't Cry
It was night. A peaceful breeze slandered across the graveyard, though the only person currently there was as far from peace as possible.
Asakura Yoh was at the graveyard again.
Normally, it wouldn't have seemed all that suspicious, seeing as he often goes there in the first place to stargaze.
Not this time.
Yoh's POV
My friends always look at me as their leader. Their forever problem free leader that'll always be there if they need it. Why would they choose a laid back person as me? I guess the reason that they choose me was BECAUSE I was laid back.
Isn't that ironic? I don't WANT to be a leader, yet everyone looks at me as a leader! Even Anna! Isn't that funny?
I'm always so CHEERFUL, so NICE, so CAREFREE, damnit! Can't I be moody for once in my life? If I act just the least upset, they all go "ohhhhh, what's wrong Yoh? Is something the matter? Can we do something to help you?" and all that kinda crap. Yeesh, can't I be angry for once? Everyone's always going on about how one emotional Anna is. How she's always cold, and unfeeling. What about me? I'm one emotional too dammit! I'm always 'HAPPY'!!! I don't want to be!
They say that Anna can't cry. Neither can I. I have never cried before in my entire life. Never. No one would have suspected it you know. Horo Horo cried before. Tamao cried. Amidamaru cried. Manta cried. Heck, even Ren cried before! So has Marco, and Iron Maiden Jeanne. Grandpa told me that when I was born, I was one of the few rare babies that never cried. In all my friends and family, there is only one person I know who has never cried before. And I killed him.
Asakura Hao.
My dear twin brother. We are so alike, yet different at the same time... His smile was like mine, carefree, but with a tingle of a smirk in there telling you not to play with fire, for you will only get burnt... And against what everyone thinks, he just wanted the best for us, in his own twisted way. You could hardly blame him, his soul divided in half. His own father trying to kill him when he was young, his only friend betraying him, and killing him. And they wonder. They actually wonder why he's like the way he is. Wouldn't you be like him as well? If your entire life was filled with pain, anger, and betrayal?
I think I would.
They ask me why I'm upset about killing Hao.
Why?
Because he's my twin brother! He's my brother dammit! I've NEVER killed in my life! Not a insect, not an animal, NOTHING! ...So how can you expect me to kill a family member and BE HAPPY ABOUT IT?!!? Not just any family member, oh noooo... it HAS to be my twin brother!
...Did you know that I always wanted a twin?
I had no friends. I don't think any of my friends did. It's hard to have friends when you are a shaman. Other kids had their friends to talk to if they got hurt, or if they got a good mark in school, if they needed a shoulder to cry on. I had ghosts.
I never did tell any of the ghosts about my life you know.
I hardly think that any of the ghosts would like to hear the ramblings of a 7 year old (which was how old I was at the time). So I never said a word.
If any of the spirits asked, it was always a "Not bad," or "Couldn't complain." I had no one to talk to, so, I pretended that I had a friend.
A twin brother.
I told him all my secrets. He was the other half of my soul. He would play with me, laugh with me if I was happy, ruffling up my hair, and hold me in an embrace if the bullies were picking me again. He smelt of cinders and pine oak. He made me feel safe and wanted.
But I knew that he wasn't real.
He left when I was ten. I remember that day so vividly. I asked him to play checkers with me (even though I would always lose) and he said he couldn't. I asked him why. He didn't reply for a long time. Finally, he said "It is my time to go for you will have real friends soon. And I don't think that the rest of your family will want me here for much longer." That was true. When I told my family about my 'twin', they all acted surprised, and then apprehensive. They couldn't see him, but the told me that hanging out with imaginary friends wasn't good for my health.
My friend left me.
I almost cried.
Almost.
But I didn't. For Asakura Yoh never cries. Not even if his best and only friend was leaving him. I never shed a tear. He gave a sad smile, hugged me for one final time, and disappeared. I never saw him again.
Can you believe my shock when I found out that I had a twin brother? I was so happy! And he was just as I imagined him to be!
And then I found out that I had to kill him.
...Can you possibly understand how crushed I felt? I finally had my wish come true, and I had to destroy it. I had to take away my brother's life. I wanted to cry!
But I didn't.
Do you know who I think of when I want to just give up? I think of Hao. For my brother never cried. Never shed a shingle tear through all he's been through. So many hardships, but he never cried. So I won't either.
I remembered Hao. Smirking down at me on his Fire Spirit, laughing, chatting at our 'coffee date', frowning, and playful. He didn't deserve to die...
I frowned, something was wrong... I held a hand up to my cheek and I felt... dampness?
But
No
that's
matter
impossible,
what,
because
Asakura
I
Yoh
can't
can't
cry.
cry...
End of chapter one
A/N: And incase you were wondering, he WAS crying, for Hao! Isn't that just sweet! I decided to make this in to a three part story, all three of the chapters can be read separately, or together (But if you read them together, I suggest that you read them in order). And yes, that WAS a totally pointless story/chapter, no need to rub it in...