Red String
Hurts to Deep
"Love is blossoming here in Buckland, I do say!"
Merry and Pippin looked up from their chess game. They were once again in their favorite spot of the bar in Buckland. Pearl Proudfoot, a waitress here at the bar, stood beside them and refilled their cups. Merry glanced at Pippin, who glanced back.
"Whatever do you mean by that, dear Pearl?" Pippin asked in an innocent tone. Merry shook his head, hoping that Pippin just did not blow their scheme.
Pearl smiled. "Well, I've seen Mr. Baggins being accompanied by that Ms. Chubb more and more each day." She raised an eyebrow for a moment as both cousins smiled at one another. "Both seem to get along quiet nicely…and I heard they played a game with the children the other day. Little Lass Rosemary, Ms. Chubb's niece, told my younger sis all about it."
"Gossiping must be part of the female gene." Merry muttered.
"What did she say?" Pippin inquired.
Pearl thought a moment, trying to recall. "She said that Mr. Baggins and Ms. Chubb played 'Lords and Ladies' with them."
"That game? I used to play that!" Pippin smiled, taking a drink of his ale. "I never was really picked as the Lord; Frodo always stole that honor from me."
"Seems like he has again." Pearl commented. Merry turned his attention back to her now. "The children picked Ms. Chub to be the Lady and Mr. Baggins to be the Lord…" Merry and Pippin looked at one another in confusion. "I asked Rosemary why she did, and she said that when she was thinking about whom to make the Lord and Lady, they seemed like they'd be prefect for one another."
"Matchmaker in the works." Merry muttered.
Pearl nodded and saw some elderly men calling her over. "Well, good afternoon to you, gentlemen!" she then headed over.
"Mira as the Lady and Frodo as the Lord." Pippin mused, moving his knight forward on the chessboard. Merry was silent. "That's a cute little fantasy; don't you think so, Merry?"
There was a silence.
"Only a fantasy, Pippin." Merry said, moving his rook. Pippin looked up at him in confusion. "I don't think Frodo can handle a romantic relationship. I heard him once say to Samwise, on the way home, that 'Some hurts go to deep to be healed.'" Pippin lowered his eyes. "At least Frodo knows he has a friend that he can trust, and that is better than nothing, Pip. Don't worry something good will come from it."
"Like what? So far our dear cousin's life has had nothing good come from it."
Merry smiled sadly. "You strike hard enough at an apple on a tree long enough, you'll eventually get it down." There was a pause. "Checkmate."
"What!?"
~*~
"We stood outside the doors for many hours." Frodo said. He and Miranda were now inside, him sharing more of his adventure over the remains of afternoon tea. The dinner bell of Brandy Hall had rung an hour ago, but both did not notice. "Gandalf tried many combinations as he could to get the Gates to open. The moonlight did not fail us, though. While Gandalf tried, Merry and Pippin entertained one another by throwing rocks into the lake behind us. Sam and Aragorn let Bill wander back to Bree. 'The Mines are no place for a pony, even one so much as brave as Bill.' Aragorn told Sam."
Miranda smiled, leaning forward in her seat to hear more of the story, as if she were there along side Frodo battling Black Riders and traveling through these wonderful places.
"Finally Gandalf figured it was a riddle marked upon the door. 'Speak friend and enter.' You remember me tell you that is what it had said? Well, Gandalf recited the word for friend in Elvish, and the doors open. You see, when the Mines were made Elves and Dwarves were still friends with each other." Frodo explained. "We entered the dark cave; Gandalf lit his staff with the small stone Arnor, upon it. It lit the way, and we then found that the Mines had been attacked….and all the dwarves were dead." He paused for a moment; a smile of grimace came upon his face.
"Merry and Pippin had awoken something in the lake outside. While we were trying to run out, the Lake Watcher had grabbed me and pulled me up into the air. He was unable to reach Sting, so Boromir and Aragorn came to my rescue."
"Why would Boromir save you?" Miranda pondered out loud. Frodo turned his attention over to her, looking at her steadily. "Wasn't he after the Ring?"
Frodo gave a short nod. "Boromir was effected by the Ring, but he was a good and loyal man at heart, a true splendor of Gondor." He sighed and leaned back in his seat, looking up at the ceiling. "Boromir was a good man, do not let the evils of the Ring cloud that. Because if you were too….." his voice dropped to a soft and toneless speaking manner again. "Then you would have to say that I was evil as well."
Miranda reached over and put her hand over his wounded shoulder. This time he did not turn to look at her. "You are not an evil being, Frodo. I didn't mean to say Boromir was an evil man….you didn't explain exactly how he was…I suppose I shouldn't jump to such conclusions, I am sorry." Frodo didn't answer, and began to run his left thumb over the stub of his ring finger on his right hand. "Frodo…?" she asked worriedly, but he still didn't answer. Miranda stood, coming beside his chair and standing at his side.
Frodo closed his eyes sadly, lowering his head and placing his forehead upon his hands, which were arched due to the elbows on the arms of the chair. Miranda put her hands on his shoulders, bending down to see silver tears silently water falling down his face. Miranda felt horrible, she had caused him to remember something painful because of her curiosity! Miranda squeezed his shoulders to let him know that he wasn't alone, that someone was there to comfort him. Frodo's shoulders sagged in response and his head lowered, still silently tears ran down his face.
Miranda bit her lip, unsure what to do. She then moved her arms around his shoulders, giving him a comfortable and concerning hug. Miranda was surprised to find that he leaned back into her embrace, but his head was still lowered in shame. She wasn't sure what caused Frodo to cry…and maybe now, she didn't want to. Miranda leaned her head against his and closed her eyes, trying to comfort the broken soul. He began to shake with his tears, and Miranda's hug became tighter and opened her eyes.
After a few moments he stopped shaking, and was silent.
"Miranda, please leave." He asked softly, his head still lowered.
Miranda pulled back, moving her hands back to his shoulders. "No, Frodo….you need to be with someone….someone needs to be here with you."
"Miranda, please."
Miranda looked down, eyes narrowed. "I'm not leaving, Frodo." She tried to see his eyes but he hid them from her. "Frodo, how can you heal if you keep yourself locked away from others? How can you possibly think of being better when you do not allow others to be close…especially those who care?"
There was a slight pause. "No one can understand…."
"If you allow others to help heal you then they can understand as much as you allow them too!" Miranda fought to keep from yelling. It would do nothing but make Frodo push her away more. "Merry and Pippin, your cousins that love you, they are worried! They hate sitting by and watching you despair more and more, knowing they can do nothing."
"Because they cannot." He said softly. "Not even Sam can do anything….nor fully understand, no one can."
"What makes you say that…?" Miranda's voice fell to a soft one, she looked down sadly.
"If the Elves, most talented at healing….if Aragorn, could not heal my wounds, then what should make me believe that anything can?"
"Frodo…."
Frodo removed his hands from in front of his eyes, revealing clouded ones. The light Miranda had seen the day before was gone, not even a trace was left, as if it were snatched away from him. All that she could see was pain, hurt and remorse. He looked down at his hands, his norm and his maimed, and said nothing for a long moment. "Some hurts are to deep to heal with medicine." He said softly. "Some hurts may never heal."
"There is always a chance they may…" Miranda said softly. Frodo stood and walked away from her, to the large window. He kept his back to her, his right hand at his side while the other was in the pocket of his breeches. Miranda took a step towards him.
"They say that I can only heal by going into the Far West." Frodo answered tonelessly. "To sail with the rest of the Elves over to the Undying Lands, and there I can heal….I would have to leave all of my friends and family behind, the Shire….everything."
Miranda came up behind him, and stared at his back. She wished he'd turn around and let her comfort him. Her right hand moved up and held his maimed one, her fingers lacing between his. He returned the motion, but still did not turn back. Miranda put her forehead against his shoulder blade, lowering it sadness. For some reason, hearing Frodo say that he would leave made her heart hurt. Her grip on his hand tightened suddenly, as if she were clinging him not to go.
"If….you went to the west, would you return?" she asked softly. Her voice was so soft that if Frodo's hearing was not changed by the Morgul Blade, then he would not have heard it.
"I…don't think that they'd let me return. Those who sail to the Undying Lands are privileged…" He said softly. Miranda looked down at their hands, seeing that he was moving his thumb in a caressing motion on her thumb, as if he felt the same pain she did. "If one would sail to get away from grief, sorrow…why they would want to return…."
"Because, you cannot have happiness without suffering." Miranda said softly. "There's a balance….."
Frodo finally turned around to face her. He brought her hand up, still holding it. "Yes, but not everyone is able to have the balance you speak of, Mira." Miranda looked down, unable to look at his solemn face. "I know you want to help me, Mira….but, you can't…" Miranda shut her eyes and let her bangs cover them, feeling worse now. Frodo squeezed her hand. "Sam can't even help me, Miranda…it's not your fault, don't think it is, please."
Miranda didn't respond. She bit her lip inside her mouth, to keep from crying. She knew this feeling inside, the dark feeling of uselessness. Being unable to help the ones you cared about, watching them waste away and finally being out of your reach for the rest of your life. Miranda kept her breathing even, having trained herself over many nights after her brother and mother died to seem like she was fine.
Frodo released her hand at her side. "Miranda, you should leave…."
Miranda gave no argument this time, she grabbed her coat and left, closing the door before Frodo could finish his sentence.
~*~
The door to the bar opened. Pippin looked up from their third match of chess (Merry winning the last two), to see that Miranda had entered. She paid for a drink and sat in a corner near the back of the bar, staring at the wood. Pippin looked at Merry, who looked back at him. Both stood and came over with their mugs, sitting next to her.
"Good evening, Mira, friend of mine!" Pippin said, leaning back and smiling at her. Miranda nodded to show she knew he was there, but didn't answer. Pippin looked over at Merry, who looked back.
"Mira." Merry leaned over to her. "Mind tellin' us what's so wrong?"
Miranda didn't look up. "I can't help you." She said softly. "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with Frodo….I can't…."
"Miranda, calm down." Pippin said, placing a hand on her shoulder as she began to shake. "What do you mean that you can't help us with Frodo? You've already done what we've asked you to! You've given him a friend."
Miranda shook her head side to side, tears running down her face. "Frodo won't let me…..he wont' let me help him, he said I couldn't…." she glared at the table and pounded her fist down on it, making Pippin and Merry jump from their shock. "Every time that…that I try to help someone I care about, I am never able to help them heal….never…" she pounded her fist again, anger now taking over her sadness. People turned heads to the scene. "I'm tried of not being able to help!"
Merry watched her sadly as her anger melted and she slumped back against the bench they sat on, lowering her head and her hair covering her face and tears. He put his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her, but not knowing how to. Pippin looked down sadly.
~*~
"You think we asked too much?" Pippin asked later that night. They were now walking back to Brandy Hall as the pub had closed for the night; Miranda had gone home hours ago. Pippin kicked a rock, sending it down the path way.
"Frodo has to let himself be healed." Merry stated, looking up at the stars. "He is pushing people away for some reason, something happened to him in Mordor…the only person he'll let close is Sam, but I don't think he even lets Sam be close."
Pippin sighed. "I just wanted to help him, Merry….both of them needed someone, I agree with Little Miss Rosemary." Merry looked at him. "Both Mira and Frodo seems prefect for each other, both have lost so much and are looking for someone to heal them. Mira is ready for it…but, I don't know if Frodo is, or if he will be."
"Well, Miranda said that he did begin to tell her the tale." Merry said thoughtfully. "Maybe he is starting to open up….Miranda shouldn't blame herself so much for Frodo's reaction….some hurts are to deep, like he said."
"There is always a cure for everything." Pippin said. "You just have to find …..it….." he stopped. Merry stopped as well, seeing Frodo standing outside Merry's door. The two looked at each other, and then invited Frodo in.
"So what is it you wanted to speak about?" Pippin asked, watching his cousin from the seat near the window. Frodo was standing by the window that was placed near the main street outside. He had his right hand in his pocket, his other hand held the cup of tea that Merry had given him.
Frodo didn't turn. "Did either of you two see Miranda this evening?" he asked straight forward. Merry and Pippin looked at each other.
"Well, yes we did." Pippin answered.
Frodo nodded and looked down at his steaming tea. "I suppose she wasn't all too happy."
Merry covered Pippin's mouth and carefully thought out how to say this conversation without blowing their large scheme. "She was….upset about something, I think." He said. Frodo's shoulders sagged. "She mentioned something about not being able to help her brother or mother when they were sick, and that she felt angered about not being able to help…but, also she was hurt." Frodo didn't answer. Merry continued how to think out this predicament. "She had a few drinks and left…probably to occupy herself."
"I hope she didn't hurt herself." Frodo said softly.
"I'm sure she didn't." Pippin spoke up. "After all, she isn't the kind of person to hurt herself to release her emotions. Did you see her today, Frodo?"
"….yes." Frodo answered hesitantly. "She and I were together this afternoon, I was speaking with her….and, remembered something that I wish I didn't." he paused, collecting his thoughts. "She tried to comfort me, and…I asked her to leave." Merry and Pippin looked at one another again. "I don't want her to be hurt because of my quest…she or no one should be hurt because of it."
"So you'll bear the scares without letting anyone else help you bear them?" Merry asked lowly. Frodo set the cup of tea down. "Frodo, Mira had to sit and watch as the last three people she's loved, her mother, father and youngest brother, she's had to watch them die slowly due to death and disease. She wants to help you before something horrible happens to you."
Frodo turned to them. "How do you know?"
"She told us." Pippin said. "Miranda cares a lot about you, Frodo. As Merry said, she just wants to help you heal…she doesn't know how, but she wants to. She's tried of feeling like she cannot help anyone…"
"Like a failure." Frodo finished. He looked at the two. "Thank you for seeing me, I'll be heading to bed now." He turned and left the quarters quickly. Pippin sighed and placed his head on the table in defeat. Merry frowned.
"We were just checked…." Merry said, referring to the chess game.
-*-
A/N: That one was a long one! ^_^;; good, I need a long one here once in a while. I love you all for reviewing so much! *tear*
Diadora: Nope! I won't leave unless I state so ^^
No Everyone the Angst Won't Last Long
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