A/N: Okay, I've never done this before, and it's a complete shot in the
dark, but I'd like to give a big ol' shout-out to the father of my friend,
F-Y T. He's supposedly reading this, so if you are, Mr. T, Hi!!! Glad to
know you're enjoying my story. Please review.
Disclaimers: Um, okay, like, I so totally, like, don't own LOTR. Like, this totally, like, smart guy called, like, uh, J.R.R. Tolkein like came up with the idea and, like, characters, and, like, everything else. So, like, don't, like, sue me or anything, because I, like, am completely, like, totally harmless. (You wanna know something sad? There actually are people who speak like that)
Chapter 12: Happenings on Top of the Big Hill ~ ~ ~
Half and hour later, Legolas and Aragorn appeared with enough wood to excuse their lengthy absence, but everyone knew what they'd been up to anyway. Legolas looked perfect and glowing, of course, not a shimmery blond hair out of place. Damn him. But Aragorn's appearance was...more telling. Man. I mean, even *he* doesn't normally have that many mud stains on him. And um, wow, was he limping? Huh.
Legolas flitted over to go sit on a rock that was relatively close to Gimli. Gimli immediately took personal offense to that, and said something gruffly. You can probably guess the rest. Aragorn looked on with concern, making sure that his elfboy-toy wouldn't tumble off the rocks during his enthusiastic attempts to bash Gimli's ugly face in. When it became apparent that the only one in any danger was Gimli, Aragorn turned away and came to help out with the fire.
"C'mon Pippin! Harder! Yes, that's it!"
Grunting.
"Unh! Faster, now. Yes!"
Ummm...okay...Boromir is either a very bad sword instructor, of he's having sex with the hobbits. Shocked silence around the fire. "Why don't I...go...check that out?" Aragorn suggested reluctantly. Ahhh, Strider, ever the hero; willing to sacrifice himself for the rest of the team.
"Yes, go," Sam shoved him towards the direction of Boromir and the hobbits.
He cautiously walked closer. "Boromir?" No answer, just grunting. He stepped over the boulder blocking our view of their activities. There was an audible sigh of relief from Aragorn. "It's okay, guys," he called over to us. "They're just fencing." And then he sat down to watch. Everything seemed so tranquil right then, with everything in its place and everyone doing what they should be. Legolas and Gimli were trying to kill each other, Gandalf was out of the way, Sam and Frodo were cooking, Aragorn was sitting still, and Boromir was not having sex with the hobbits. Everything seemed so perfect. It was almost enough to make one forget that one's seemingly nice comrades are actually one's worst enemies, attempting to kill one. Almost enough.
I should know from experience that any almost-peace we get never *ever* fuckin' lasts. Frodo just had to go look up at the sky. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at some weird black cloud in the distance. I informed him that it was just some weird black cloud in the distance. Gimli agreed. Which means, of course, that Legolas had to disagree.
"No, it mustn't be, for it is moving against the wind." We looked at him expectantly. His eyes widened a little (which was a stretch for him, since his facial expressions normally range from none to vague interest). "Sauruman's spies!"
Mr. Heroic Aragorn's super-protectiveness kicked in pretty fast at that. He managed to get every single one of us bundled up and under some giant rocks in record time. Shortly, a bunch of birds flew over us. A flock of crows. Sauruman's pretty cheap about his hired help...
"Those were *not* Sauruman's spies," Gandalf exclaimed accusingly, glaring at Legolas.
Legolas laughed. "Gotcha!"
"You mean that was a joke? I'll have you know that I am a real warrior, and I do not take kindly to jokes!" Gimli roared.
"If you had any sense of humour at all, maybe you wouldn't be so ugly!" Legolas shot back.
"I am the epitome of dwarfish beauty! And what would you know, you're only an airhead of an elf!"
"I'm smarter than you could ever be, and prettier, too. You're only jealous!"
And yeah, so on and so forth. Aragorn sighed and patted Frodo on the head. "Alright, maybe it was a bad joke, but think of it as a fire drill---at least we know we're okay if actual spies did come along."
Sure, take his side. We got camp set up all over again. Maybe you should rein your stud muffin in a little, I said to Aragorn when I saw him notching an arrow onto his bow. Not that I don't want him to kill Gimli, but they were pointblank distance to each other, and the arrow wouldn't be effective at all. Better to not waste it. Trees died to make arrows, y'know.
Aragorn agreed and sauntered on over to them and tried to pry them apart, then tried pulling, then tried pushing in between them, then tried joining in. They didn't stop. He looked stumped. "Tell them supper's ready," Frodo suggested.
"Hey, break it up, okay? Supper is ready, and it will get cold if you keep on fighting."
Well, that got Gimli's attention. He forgot all about Legolas at the mention of food. Unfortunately, Legolas didn't forget all about him, and he jumped onto the little dwarf back, nearly breaking it. Aragorn acted quickly. He grabbed Legolas by the shoulders and crushed their lips together. Legolas let go of Gimli, who came running to the fire. Aragorn and Legolas won't be coming to dinner anytime soon. Especially not if they keep on moaning that way.
We eventually finished up supper. Gandalf said that we should all try to get a good night's sleep, as we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow. Meaning, tomorrow, we get to haul our tired asses up a huge mountain covered with snow, oh boy! Yay! And Aragorn is probably thinking the same thing, only not sarcastically. He's looking forward to yet more rugged outdoor adventures, and Legolas will be happy he's happy, and Frodo won't love me, and everything will suck. Damn them all.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
Disclaimers: Um, okay, like, I so totally, like, don't own LOTR. Like, this totally, like, smart guy called, like, uh, J.R.R. Tolkein like came up with the idea and, like, characters, and, like, everything else. So, like, don't, like, sue me or anything, because I, like, am completely, like, totally harmless. (You wanna know something sad? There actually are people who speak like that)
Chapter 12: Happenings on Top of the Big Hill ~ ~ ~
Half and hour later, Legolas and Aragorn appeared with enough wood to excuse their lengthy absence, but everyone knew what they'd been up to anyway. Legolas looked perfect and glowing, of course, not a shimmery blond hair out of place. Damn him. But Aragorn's appearance was...more telling. Man. I mean, even *he* doesn't normally have that many mud stains on him. And um, wow, was he limping? Huh.
Legolas flitted over to go sit on a rock that was relatively close to Gimli. Gimli immediately took personal offense to that, and said something gruffly. You can probably guess the rest. Aragorn looked on with concern, making sure that his elfboy-toy wouldn't tumble off the rocks during his enthusiastic attempts to bash Gimli's ugly face in. When it became apparent that the only one in any danger was Gimli, Aragorn turned away and came to help out with the fire.
"C'mon Pippin! Harder! Yes, that's it!"
Grunting.
"Unh! Faster, now. Yes!"
Ummm...okay...Boromir is either a very bad sword instructor, of he's having sex with the hobbits. Shocked silence around the fire. "Why don't I...go...check that out?" Aragorn suggested reluctantly. Ahhh, Strider, ever the hero; willing to sacrifice himself for the rest of the team.
"Yes, go," Sam shoved him towards the direction of Boromir and the hobbits.
He cautiously walked closer. "Boromir?" No answer, just grunting. He stepped over the boulder blocking our view of their activities. There was an audible sigh of relief from Aragorn. "It's okay, guys," he called over to us. "They're just fencing." And then he sat down to watch. Everything seemed so tranquil right then, with everything in its place and everyone doing what they should be. Legolas and Gimli were trying to kill each other, Gandalf was out of the way, Sam and Frodo were cooking, Aragorn was sitting still, and Boromir was not having sex with the hobbits. Everything seemed so perfect. It was almost enough to make one forget that one's seemingly nice comrades are actually one's worst enemies, attempting to kill one. Almost enough.
I should know from experience that any almost-peace we get never *ever* fuckin' lasts. Frodo just had to go look up at the sky. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at some weird black cloud in the distance. I informed him that it was just some weird black cloud in the distance. Gimli agreed. Which means, of course, that Legolas had to disagree.
"No, it mustn't be, for it is moving against the wind." We looked at him expectantly. His eyes widened a little (which was a stretch for him, since his facial expressions normally range from none to vague interest). "Sauruman's spies!"
Mr. Heroic Aragorn's super-protectiveness kicked in pretty fast at that. He managed to get every single one of us bundled up and under some giant rocks in record time. Shortly, a bunch of birds flew over us. A flock of crows. Sauruman's pretty cheap about his hired help...
"Those were *not* Sauruman's spies," Gandalf exclaimed accusingly, glaring at Legolas.
Legolas laughed. "Gotcha!"
"You mean that was a joke? I'll have you know that I am a real warrior, and I do not take kindly to jokes!" Gimli roared.
"If you had any sense of humour at all, maybe you wouldn't be so ugly!" Legolas shot back.
"I am the epitome of dwarfish beauty! And what would you know, you're only an airhead of an elf!"
"I'm smarter than you could ever be, and prettier, too. You're only jealous!"
And yeah, so on and so forth. Aragorn sighed and patted Frodo on the head. "Alright, maybe it was a bad joke, but think of it as a fire drill---at least we know we're okay if actual spies did come along."
Sure, take his side. We got camp set up all over again. Maybe you should rein your stud muffin in a little, I said to Aragorn when I saw him notching an arrow onto his bow. Not that I don't want him to kill Gimli, but they were pointblank distance to each other, and the arrow wouldn't be effective at all. Better to not waste it. Trees died to make arrows, y'know.
Aragorn agreed and sauntered on over to them and tried to pry them apart, then tried pulling, then tried pushing in between them, then tried joining in. They didn't stop. He looked stumped. "Tell them supper's ready," Frodo suggested.
"Hey, break it up, okay? Supper is ready, and it will get cold if you keep on fighting."
Well, that got Gimli's attention. He forgot all about Legolas at the mention of food. Unfortunately, Legolas didn't forget all about him, and he jumped onto the little dwarf back, nearly breaking it. Aragorn acted quickly. He grabbed Legolas by the shoulders and crushed their lips together. Legolas let go of Gimli, who came running to the fire. Aragorn and Legolas won't be coming to dinner anytime soon. Especially not if they keep on moaning that way.
We eventually finished up supper. Gandalf said that we should all try to get a good night's sleep, as we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow. Meaning, tomorrow, we get to haul our tired asses up a huge mountain covered with snow, oh boy! Yay! And Aragorn is probably thinking the same thing, only not sarcastically. He's looking forward to yet more rugged outdoor adventures, and Legolas will be happy he's happy, and Frodo won't love me, and everything will suck. Damn them all.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC