A/N: I look around, look around, and what do I see? Fics the same length
as this one, with over 100 reviews. Know how many this one has? 78. That
displeases me muchly. Either this fic sucks, or the audience isn't
reviewing quite enough. And since I know for a fact that this fic doesn't
suck... I want more reviews, dammit. I mean, please.
Disclaimers: Do you knoooooooow the muffin maaaaaaaaaan, the muffin maaaaaaaaan, the muffin maaaaaaa--- oops, sorry, wrong song. Okay, here. I don't oooooooooown Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, I don't ooooooooooown Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Tolkein doooooooooes. ::bows:: Thank you.
Chapter 13: Walking to the Mountain ~ ~ ~
Bright and early the next morning, way too early to be alive, much less awake. The damn birds were already up and at it though, chirping their fucking heads off. Yeah, I'm a little cranky in the mornings. Especially on those mornings where you wake up with that feeling of foreboding; the one where you feel like the world is out to get you and only you. Those are the mornings when I'd bite your head off if I had teeth.
The most annoying thing about that morning was that I was the only one not cheerful. It wasn't just the birds that were all "lalala, look at me, I'm a happy birdy," it was *ev-er-y-one*. In fact, Merry was actually singing a song just like that while flitting around the foothills, waving and flailing his arms like the idiot he his. And Gandalf was reminding me of Santa, all jolly and old and long-bearded. Even Gimli was relatively nice, and Aragorn and Legolas were even more lovey-dovey than usual, if that was possible. Frodo, who had taken to brooding, was joking with Sam, who was overjoyed that Master Frodo was paying attention to him. And Boromir would crack crazy grins for no reason. Which was actually more disturbing than happy-looking, but we'll let that slide. The point is, I was the only one miserable. How fitting. I'm the condemned one, I should be pissed. And shit, I am sooooooo pissed. Even more pissed, if Merry insists on keeping up with that stupid little dance, or whatever the hell he calls it. You are *not* a birdy, ya wanker.
Gandalf frowned at me in disapproval. "The fact that you are in a grumpy mood, Evil Ring, does not give you the right to pull everyone down with you. Have some consideration."
Oh, shut up. Since when have you been on Merry's side? Besides, *you* pull everyone down with you when *you're* in a bad mood.
"I am old and wise and venerated. I am respected far and wide. I think I should be allowed a little leeway when I decide to vent my feelings."
Yeah, quit foolin' yourself, Gandalf. You're only one of those things you listed, and it's not 'wise,' 'venerated,' or 'respected far and wide.' Gandalf stalked off in a huff. See, told you I was cranky. After about two hours of walking, Frodo began lagging behind. "C'mon, Frodo, we have much land to cover before lunch," Aragorn called out encouragingly.
"But I'm tired," Frodo whimpered, sitting down to rub his sore feet.
"Aww," Legolas said, coming over and petting the top of Frodo's head. "Come, brave hobbit. The road is long, and we must travel before while the weather is favourable."
Tch, when has the weather *not* been favourable. The only time I can remember it being even close to unfavourable is at the very beginning of the journey, when it rained like a billion cats and dogs pissing from the heavens. Ever since Rivendell, the weather has just been one long perfect spell of favourableness. Either the elf has been communicating with nature's spirits or whatever, or Gandalf has been doing his freaky world- control spells again.
Legolas frowned at me, but he quickly returned his expression to neutral again, before his smooth forehead could be marred by wrinkles. "The weather is liable to change at anytime, with no warning whatsoever. We must take advantage of this sunny spell. Come, Frodo. Up we go." He took Frodo's little tiny hand and yanked him up.
Frodo mewed and sighed. "But it's so hard..."
Legolas nodded understandingly. "Yes, I can only imagine the hardships of bearing this bur---"
Don't even say it. I am NOT a fucking burden, okay?
Frodo sighed in defeat, and we continued on our way. Frodo trailed after Legolas and Aragorn like a little puppy. "Can I call you Fido?" Legolas suddenly asked.
"Excuse me?" Frodo looked up, surprised.
"Fido. Can I call you that? You're so cute! Can I handfeed you? And groom you? Can I train you to do tricks?"
"Umm...no. Why?"
"Because I want a pet! My daddy never let me have that dog I saw 105 years ago. But you're even cuter than that dog! Can I, pleeeeease? Pretty pleasepleaseplease?" Legolas gave him the full Spoiled Elf Prince Pout (TM).
Frodo was about to say no again, but Aragorn jumped in. "Hey, what ever my sweetie-poo wants, he gets. Frodo, you will from now on act like a puppy."
How will you be able to tell the difference?
"Good point." (OH MY GAWD...history has been made. Not only did Aragorn actually acknowledge my comment, he actually agreed with it---praised it, even. Call the record books.) "Alright, Frodo. From now on, you will also wear a jingly collar and answer to whatever name Legolas decides to call you. Boromir's probably carrying a dog collar in his bag somewhere."
"Hey, you're not the boss of him!" Sam objected. I think he was mostly appalled by the collar bit. I thought it was sexy. Although I didn't really wanna think about why Boromir would carry one around. Nope, not going there.
Legolas got all aggressive (again). "He's the next king! He *is* the boss, of EVERYBODY!!! You owe him your allegiance!!!"
"It's alright, Wegowas, my darling. C'mere." A quick make-out session followed. Legolas came out of it somewhat sated, but still glared at Sam with a half-deranged look in his eyes.
Being the good hobbit he is, Frodo tried to appease everyone. "How about I do everything Aragorn said, except I won't wear a collar. We can just pretend I lost it."
"Okay," Legolas said happily, then walked off, seeming to forget the entire matter. That elf worries me sometimes.
"Wheeeeeee, I'm a birdy, a happy birdy, a happy happy ha---" Merry's song was thankfully interrupted by him running his face smack dab into a rocky surface covered with snow. "Oww," he muttered, rubbing his nose.
Pippin looked up at the rock wall his hobbit buddy had run into. It was huge, seeming to jut up straight into the sky and beyond. "Whoooaaaaaa...what's that?"
"That," announced Gandalf grandly, "is the mountain we will be scaling."
Oh. I took another look at the giant pillar of stone and snow. Shit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
Disclaimers: Do you knoooooooow the muffin maaaaaaaaaan, the muffin maaaaaaaaan, the muffin maaaaaaa--- oops, sorry, wrong song. Okay, here. I don't oooooooooown Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, I don't ooooooooooown Lord of the Riiiiiiiiiiiiings, Tolkein doooooooooes. ::bows:: Thank you.
Chapter 13: Walking to the Mountain ~ ~ ~
Bright and early the next morning, way too early to be alive, much less awake. The damn birds were already up and at it though, chirping their fucking heads off. Yeah, I'm a little cranky in the mornings. Especially on those mornings where you wake up with that feeling of foreboding; the one where you feel like the world is out to get you and only you. Those are the mornings when I'd bite your head off if I had teeth.
The most annoying thing about that morning was that I was the only one not cheerful. It wasn't just the birds that were all "lalala, look at me, I'm a happy birdy," it was *ev-er-y-one*. In fact, Merry was actually singing a song just like that while flitting around the foothills, waving and flailing his arms like the idiot he his. And Gandalf was reminding me of Santa, all jolly and old and long-bearded. Even Gimli was relatively nice, and Aragorn and Legolas were even more lovey-dovey than usual, if that was possible. Frodo, who had taken to brooding, was joking with Sam, who was overjoyed that Master Frodo was paying attention to him. And Boromir would crack crazy grins for no reason. Which was actually more disturbing than happy-looking, but we'll let that slide. The point is, I was the only one miserable. How fitting. I'm the condemned one, I should be pissed. And shit, I am sooooooo pissed. Even more pissed, if Merry insists on keeping up with that stupid little dance, or whatever the hell he calls it. You are *not* a birdy, ya wanker.
Gandalf frowned at me in disapproval. "The fact that you are in a grumpy mood, Evil Ring, does not give you the right to pull everyone down with you. Have some consideration."
Oh, shut up. Since when have you been on Merry's side? Besides, *you* pull everyone down with you when *you're* in a bad mood.
"I am old and wise and venerated. I am respected far and wide. I think I should be allowed a little leeway when I decide to vent my feelings."
Yeah, quit foolin' yourself, Gandalf. You're only one of those things you listed, and it's not 'wise,' 'venerated,' or 'respected far and wide.' Gandalf stalked off in a huff. See, told you I was cranky. After about two hours of walking, Frodo began lagging behind. "C'mon, Frodo, we have much land to cover before lunch," Aragorn called out encouragingly.
"But I'm tired," Frodo whimpered, sitting down to rub his sore feet.
"Aww," Legolas said, coming over and petting the top of Frodo's head. "Come, brave hobbit. The road is long, and we must travel before while the weather is favourable."
Tch, when has the weather *not* been favourable. The only time I can remember it being even close to unfavourable is at the very beginning of the journey, when it rained like a billion cats and dogs pissing from the heavens. Ever since Rivendell, the weather has just been one long perfect spell of favourableness. Either the elf has been communicating with nature's spirits or whatever, or Gandalf has been doing his freaky world- control spells again.
Legolas frowned at me, but he quickly returned his expression to neutral again, before his smooth forehead could be marred by wrinkles. "The weather is liable to change at anytime, with no warning whatsoever. We must take advantage of this sunny spell. Come, Frodo. Up we go." He took Frodo's little tiny hand and yanked him up.
Frodo mewed and sighed. "But it's so hard..."
Legolas nodded understandingly. "Yes, I can only imagine the hardships of bearing this bur---"
Don't even say it. I am NOT a fucking burden, okay?
Frodo sighed in defeat, and we continued on our way. Frodo trailed after Legolas and Aragorn like a little puppy. "Can I call you Fido?" Legolas suddenly asked.
"Excuse me?" Frodo looked up, surprised.
"Fido. Can I call you that? You're so cute! Can I handfeed you? And groom you? Can I train you to do tricks?"
"Umm...no. Why?"
"Because I want a pet! My daddy never let me have that dog I saw 105 years ago. But you're even cuter than that dog! Can I, pleeeeease? Pretty pleasepleaseplease?" Legolas gave him the full Spoiled Elf Prince Pout (TM).
Frodo was about to say no again, but Aragorn jumped in. "Hey, what ever my sweetie-poo wants, he gets. Frodo, you will from now on act like a puppy."
How will you be able to tell the difference?
"Good point." (OH MY GAWD...history has been made. Not only did Aragorn actually acknowledge my comment, he actually agreed with it---praised it, even. Call the record books.) "Alright, Frodo. From now on, you will also wear a jingly collar and answer to whatever name Legolas decides to call you. Boromir's probably carrying a dog collar in his bag somewhere."
"Hey, you're not the boss of him!" Sam objected. I think he was mostly appalled by the collar bit. I thought it was sexy. Although I didn't really wanna think about why Boromir would carry one around. Nope, not going there.
Legolas got all aggressive (again). "He's the next king! He *is* the boss, of EVERYBODY!!! You owe him your allegiance!!!"
"It's alright, Wegowas, my darling. C'mere." A quick make-out session followed. Legolas came out of it somewhat sated, but still glared at Sam with a half-deranged look in his eyes.
Being the good hobbit he is, Frodo tried to appease everyone. "How about I do everything Aragorn said, except I won't wear a collar. We can just pretend I lost it."
"Okay," Legolas said happily, then walked off, seeming to forget the entire matter. That elf worries me sometimes.
"Wheeeeeee, I'm a birdy, a happy birdy, a happy happy ha---" Merry's song was thankfully interrupted by him running his face smack dab into a rocky surface covered with snow. "Oww," he muttered, rubbing his nose.
Pippin looked up at the rock wall his hobbit buddy had run into. It was huge, seeming to jut up straight into the sky and beyond. "Whoooaaaaaa...what's that?"
"That," announced Gandalf grandly, "is the mountain we will be scaling."
Oh. I took another look at the giant pillar of stone and snow. Shit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC