A/N: In reply to Sunrunner of Summer's question/comment about Al dying at
the end, I have about six working endings right now, and I haven't really
decided what I want to do with them, but you can rest assured that All will
*not* die. Logically, he can't die, since the fic is told in past tense,
from his POV, meaning he has to be alive in order to tell the story.
Anyhow, what I really wanted to tell you guys was that I will be going to
Hong Kong for two weeks starting tomorrow night. Depending on the amount
of internet access, I'll probably still be able to post there, but in case
I can't, now you'll know why.
Disclaimers: Yeah, I was flipping through the ol' Sears catalogue, and guess what I saw? The LOTR universe, up for sale. The retail price was $ 440 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000, shipping and handling not included. Needless to say, I was a little short in the monetary department. So, I don't own it.
Chapter 16: Going Into the Mines ~ ~ ~
"Oh, Moria, Moria, sweet home Moria..." Gimli sighed, no doubt longing for the good dwarf lovin' he's been missing. Sick. I can smell the underground orgy already. Thank god Gandalf seemed to have trouble opening the door.
"I don't get it. See, the door's outlined in this stuff that only reflects moonlight," Gandalf pointed out. (Funny how we have a full moon at this precise moment, conveniently lighting the door up for us.) "I'm supposed to say the password, and it opens up. I've said the password, and it won't open!" Gandalf sat down on a boulder next to the door, no doubt to ponder this problem while having a smoke. Should he be smoking this much at his age? Should I care?
Nah.
Gandalf took a damn long time pondering. Frodo went to go join Sam, sitting on the shore of the puddle and watching Pippin throw rocks into the water out of pure boredom. Once, he threw one a little too hard, splashing Legolas's silky robes. Legolas yelped, and Aragorn growled. "Pippin," he said, grabbing the little hobbit arm, "stop throwing things into the water. Or else."
Everyone's a little afraid of Mr. Ranger when it concerned his blonde boy toy. Pippin agreed to stop. Deprived of watching him throw stuff, Frodo wandered over to look at the glowing door. The glowing, *closed* door. Gandalf was next to it, still smoking, muttering "I just don't get it! What else can I do?"
Frodo cocked his head to look at the pig-Latin written across the arch of the door, and said "Perhaps it's a riddle."
Gandalf looked up.
"Speak, friend, and enter. They want you to say 'friend.' What's friend in El---"
Pig-Latin, I interrupted.
"In Elvish," Frodo finished, glaring at me. Essentially, he was glaring at the hollow between his neck and his chest, where I dangled, and boy did he look weird.
Gandalf laughed. I think he laughed at the fact that he didn't figure out the riddle and Frodo did, but he might have been just laughing at how dumb Frodo looked. It was hard to tell. Anyhow, he said, "Hey, perhaps you're right!" and stood up, yelling "FRIEND" in pig-Latin impressively. The stone doors creaked open.
That's one for Legolas's little dog, zero for the old geezer.
"HOME!" Gimli shoved pass us and ran into the black abyss behind the door. The rest of us were a touch more reluctant to go in, taking little steps and trying to think of excuses to pass through the Gap of Rohan instead.
"Mines are bad for ponies," Aragorn decided, sending our loyal pack horse Bill back the way we came. Mountains, avalanches, dwarf swearing, monkey sex between a male elf and a male human probably aren't too good for ponies either, so I guess Bill had had enough. Watching him grow smaller and smaller, getting further and further away from the Mines of Moria, I was consumed with the sudden urge to yell for Bill to take me with him. Hey, can you blame me? He's probably gonna be the only one of us who's coming home alive.
We wandered into the mines, and I could smell the putrid smell of death and rotting. *Oh sweet heavens, help me!* I couldn't see anything, because it was black as pitch. *If god won't help, will you, dear Satan?* A sliver of moonlight managed to find its way into the room, though, and it was just enough to illuminate......a skull with an arrow through it?!?! GAH! *Help me, please! Jesus? Buddha? Odin? Zeus?* A low, pulsing sound of impending doom echoed from the depths of the mines. *ANYONE???*
With no warning at all, a tentacle appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Frodo's ankle and dragging him out of the mine. I was maybe a little more relieved than I should be. A giant squid thing just grabbed us, after all, and I was glad? But then again, a giant squid thing just got us out of a creepy-ass mine, and boy I was glad. Frodo wasn't very happy about it, though.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Help, Aragorn!"
Sam screamed. "Strider!"
"Elessar!" Legolas called, already stringing up his bow.
To anyone else, it would have sounded like they were yelling for three different people. But nope, it's the same wet Ranger, about to get wetter.
Just what was that squid thing doing, anyway? It had a billion tentacles, and billion more teeth, and wild eyes. It gnashed its fangs and thrashed around, making me a little motion-sick and more than a little worried. Was it going to eat us?
The squid squealed as one of Legolas's arrows found it's way to it. It dropped us, but before we could plummet the 25 feet into the murky water, another tentacle caught us. Okay, guys, I appreciate the rescue you're attempting and all, but could we please NOT do that again?!?!?! Hobbits and Rings can't swim.
I turned to the squid. Who the fuck are you and what do you want?
The squid roared and made threatening gestures with its (many) tentacles.
Hey, if you're angry about having rocks thrown at you, you should really be going after that blonde hobbit over there, not us.
The squid chomped at the air, inches from Frodo's head.
Okay, so that wasn't it. What do you want? Do you want me? Do you work for Sauron? No, that can't be it, because I don't recognize you, and I know all of Daddy---I mean, *Sauron's* employees. Do you want me for my powers, then? Well, I got news for you, I have no powers.
The squid paused, confused. Then, it waved its tentacles some more. Meanwhile, Boromir and Aragorn and Gimli were hacking at it. They could probably make a fortune making sushi with the quid pieces flying around.
That's it, isn't it? You want the Ring of Power. What the hell would a squid do with ultimate power, anyway? You can't rule the world from an aquarium, you know.
The squid made some rather impressive snarling sounds and attempted to eat us again. "Evil Ring? Could we please refrain from taunting the monster?" Frodo asked, losing his composure. The poor kid was completely pale---no small feat for a person hanging upside down. Usually, all the blood rushes to your head, making you bright red.
At that moment, Legolas managed to shoot the thing in the eye, presumably piercing its brain. Or just stunning it. I'd be stunned too, suddenly finding out that the delicate little queer elf could shoot with such deadly accuracy. In either case, the squid flopped down, motionless, and dropped us. Oh shit. It dropped us. Um, remember what I said about the 25-foot drop and not doing that? I prepared, for a face plant into the dirty water, but Aragorn, bless him, caught us.
The big manly warriors (I mean, including Legolas...thought I should add that, because you can't count him as "manly") stood around panting, congratulating themselves on a heroic and manly deed well done. Without warning, the squid began to stir once more. So I guess it was just stunned at Legolas's ability, and not really dead. It began to come after us again, and we ran for it. Unfortunately, the only place we could run to was back into the freaky mines. Gimli was all for it, of course. The squid roared. We ran.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
Disclaimers: Yeah, I was flipping through the ol' Sears catalogue, and guess what I saw? The LOTR universe, up for sale. The retail price was $ 440 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000, shipping and handling not included. Needless to say, I was a little short in the monetary department. So, I don't own it.
Chapter 16: Going Into the Mines ~ ~ ~
"Oh, Moria, Moria, sweet home Moria..." Gimli sighed, no doubt longing for the good dwarf lovin' he's been missing. Sick. I can smell the underground orgy already. Thank god Gandalf seemed to have trouble opening the door.
"I don't get it. See, the door's outlined in this stuff that only reflects moonlight," Gandalf pointed out. (Funny how we have a full moon at this precise moment, conveniently lighting the door up for us.) "I'm supposed to say the password, and it opens up. I've said the password, and it won't open!" Gandalf sat down on a boulder next to the door, no doubt to ponder this problem while having a smoke. Should he be smoking this much at his age? Should I care?
Nah.
Gandalf took a damn long time pondering. Frodo went to go join Sam, sitting on the shore of the puddle and watching Pippin throw rocks into the water out of pure boredom. Once, he threw one a little too hard, splashing Legolas's silky robes. Legolas yelped, and Aragorn growled. "Pippin," he said, grabbing the little hobbit arm, "stop throwing things into the water. Or else."
Everyone's a little afraid of Mr. Ranger when it concerned his blonde boy toy. Pippin agreed to stop. Deprived of watching him throw stuff, Frodo wandered over to look at the glowing door. The glowing, *closed* door. Gandalf was next to it, still smoking, muttering "I just don't get it! What else can I do?"
Frodo cocked his head to look at the pig-Latin written across the arch of the door, and said "Perhaps it's a riddle."
Gandalf looked up.
"Speak, friend, and enter. They want you to say 'friend.' What's friend in El---"
Pig-Latin, I interrupted.
"In Elvish," Frodo finished, glaring at me. Essentially, he was glaring at the hollow between his neck and his chest, where I dangled, and boy did he look weird.
Gandalf laughed. I think he laughed at the fact that he didn't figure out the riddle and Frodo did, but he might have been just laughing at how dumb Frodo looked. It was hard to tell. Anyhow, he said, "Hey, perhaps you're right!" and stood up, yelling "FRIEND" in pig-Latin impressively. The stone doors creaked open.
That's one for Legolas's little dog, zero for the old geezer.
"HOME!" Gimli shoved pass us and ran into the black abyss behind the door. The rest of us were a touch more reluctant to go in, taking little steps and trying to think of excuses to pass through the Gap of Rohan instead.
"Mines are bad for ponies," Aragorn decided, sending our loyal pack horse Bill back the way we came. Mountains, avalanches, dwarf swearing, monkey sex between a male elf and a male human probably aren't too good for ponies either, so I guess Bill had had enough. Watching him grow smaller and smaller, getting further and further away from the Mines of Moria, I was consumed with the sudden urge to yell for Bill to take me with him. Hey, can you blame me? He's probably gonna be the only one of us who's coming home alive.
We wandered into the mines, and I could smell the putrid smell of death and rotting. *Oh sweet heavens, help me!* I couldn't see anything, because it was black as pitch. *If god won't help, will you, dear Satan?* A sliver of moonlight managed to find its way into the room, though, and it was just enough to illuminate......a skull with an arrow through it?!?! GAH! *Help me, please! Jesus? Buddha? Odin? Zeus?* A low, pulsing sound of impending doom echoed from the depths of the mines. *ANYONE???*
With no warning at all, a tentacle appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Frodo's ankle and dragging him out of the mine. I was maybe a little more relieved than I should be. A giant squid thing just grabbed us, after all, and I was glad? But then again, a giant squid thing just got us out of a creepy-ass mine, and boy I was glad. Frodo wasn't very happy about it, though.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Help, Aragorn!"
Sam screamed. "Strider!"
"Elessar!" Legolas called, already stringing up his bow.
To anyone else, it would have sounded like they were yelling for three different people. But nope, it's the same wet Ranger, about to get wetter.
Just what was that squid thing doing, anyway? It had a billion tentacles, and billion more teeth, and wild eyes. It gnashed its fangs and thrashed around, making me a little motion-sick and more than a little worried. Was it going to eat us?
The squid squealed as one of Legolas's arrows found it's way to it. It dropped us, but before we could plummet the 25 feet into the murky water, another tentacle caught us. Okay, guys, I appreciate the rescue you're attempting and all, but could we please NOT do that again?!?!?! Hobbits and Rings can't swim.
I turned to the squid. Who the fuck are you and what do you want?
The squid roared and made threatening gestures with its (many) tentacles.
Hey, if you're angry about having rocks thrown at you, you should really be going after that blonde hobbit over there, not us.
The squid chomped at the air, inches from Frodo's head.
Okay, so that wasn't it. What do you want? Do you want me? Do you work for Sauron? No, that can't be it, because I don't recognize you, and I know all of Daddy---I mean, *Sauron's* employees. Do you want me for my powers, then? Well, I got news for you, I have no powers.
The squid paused, confused. Then, it waved its tentacles some more. Meanwhile, Boromir and Aragorn and Gimli were hacking at it. They could probably make a fortune making sushi with the quid pieces flying around.
That's it, isn't it? You want the Ring of Power. What the hell would a squid do with ultimate power, anyway? You can't rule the world from an aquarium, you know.
The squid made some rather impressive snarling sounds and attempted to eat us again. "Evil Ring? Could we please refrain from taunting the monster?" Frodo asked, losing his composure. The poor kid was completely pale---no small feat for a person hanging upside down. Usually, all the blood rushes to your head, making you bright red.
At that moment, Legolas managed to shoot the thing in the eye, presumably piercing its brain. Or just stunning it. I'd be stunned too, suddenly finding out that the delicate little queer elf could shoot with such deadly accuracy. In either case, the squid flopped down, motionless, and dropped us. Oh shit. It dropped us. Um, remember what I said about the 25-foot drop and not doing that? I prepared, for a face plant into the dirty water, but Aragorn, bless him, caught us.
The big manly warriors (I mean, including Legolas...thought I should add that, because you can't count him as "manly") stood around panting, congratulating themselves on a heroic and manly deed well done. Without warning, the squid began to stir once more. So I guess it was just stunned at Legolas's ability, and not really dead. It began to come after us again, and we ran for it. Unfortunately, the only place we could run to was back into the freaky mines. Gimli was all for it, of course. The squid roared. We ran.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC