Disclaimer: as before

Lily slowly opened her eyes and found herself staring in to blackness. Where was she? Was she dead? She turned her head and saw out the window, the bright stars shining. She wasn't dead, was she? She was in the hospital wing. Lily sighed and fell asleep again.

"Lily, please wake up," James said that morning, sitting next to the bed and holding her hand tightly. "You can't die . . . you just can't!"

"Apparently you're right," Lily said softly, opening her eyes. For a second or so she just looked at him and smiled. Then she turned away. "I – I said I never want to see you again, Potter, and I still mean it."

James' face fell. He'd waited with her all that time, all that time, just to be told that she never wanted to see him again. He looked at her head resting on the pillow, her red hair splayed across the pillow, and then he walked out.

"Madame Pomphrey!" Lily called, and the lady came rushing in.

"You're awake, dear!"

"When can I leave?"

"Why, whenever you want to, dear, your wrist has healed perfectly."

"Oh, that's great," Lily said sarcastically. "What day is it?"

"Monday, dear."

"Thanks." Lily said, leaving the hospital wing. She hurried back to her room where she sat at her desk and began writing a letter.

Dear Jenni,

I hope this letter finds you well, not locked up in jail or anything! I don't want you to worry about me, I'm fine, I just, I keep on dreaming about him and I needed to tell someone. No one here knows, I just can't bring myself to tell them, not even Dana. On top of that I'm stuck in a dorm with the Head Boy, he's such a bastard! Grrrrrrr. I'm so frustrated and there's absolutely nothing I can do! I just want to know that everything will be okay. But that's enough of my complaining, I don't want you to worry, I know you worry.

See you at Christmas,

Love Lils

She sealed the letter and walked up to the owlery to post it. She had posted it and was about to leave when Josh walked in.

"Lily!" He exclaimed. "Are you okay? I was just about to head up to the hospital wing to see you!"

"I'm fine," Lily said.

Josh came over and gave her a hug, saying, "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?"

Lily nodded and walked away. She felt like a robot, going through the motions, but detached. She rounded a corner in the hallway and saw James and Cass at it again. Lily turned the other way and fled, though she didn't know why. What did she care if James fucked Cass? She didn't. Oh, but you do care. No, I don't. He's such an unfeeling bastard. But you don't really think that, do you? You want him, just admit it. No! But don't you just love it when he walks out of his room in the morning and he's only wearing his boxers, and his hair is all messy from sleeping. Okay, maybe just a little. See? You're in luuuuuuurrve. Oh, God help me, I can't be in love with James Potter!

Lily began to cry again as she reached her room. She couldn't help crying. She didn't want to be here. Why was she still here? In this place where her dreams were haunted, where everywhere she turned James was there with Cass. An owl arrived at her window and Lily let it in, taking the letter, thinking that was real quick.

Dear Lils,

Everything is going to be okay.

See you at Christmas,

Jenni

Lily smiled. Jenni had told her just what she needed. Lily heard the door slam and wondered what James' problem was. She poked her head out of the door to see. He was walking to his bedroom, glowering.

"James," Lily said, stepping out of her bedroom.

He stopped and turned. "Look, I don't want to hear it Lily, I stayed with you all that fucking time, I saved your life, and you tell me to piss off. Then let me piss off!"

"I just wanted to say thankyou. For waiting with me, I mean."

James turned to leave.

"Oh, and I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE!" Lily yelled at him.

James slammed his bedroom door. Lily slammed hers. What the hell? Why did I just yell at him? I thought I was in love with him? Once again, Lily sat at her desk and began writing a letter.

Dear James,

I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm just a bit emotional at the moment. I didn't mean to say I never want to see you again, James. I was just frustrated with you and Cass. I'll admit it, that I am in love with you, and I'm jealous, so I got angry. But there is so much more that you don't understand . . . So much more.

Just remember, James, I love you.

Love,

Lily Evans

She sealed the letter, taped it to the front of James' door and went to bed. Tomorrow she had classes again.

And a big thankyou to my reviewers:

Flame Of Desire

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