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ELIMIDATE: MIDDLE EARTH – EPISODE TWO

Chapter Two: Still Round One - "She's Not as Think as You Drunk She Is"

"All right, let's get started everyone," Aragorn says, putting away his pipe. "I think that first, we'll head over to Treebeard's in the Forest here, and have some drinks."

"YAY!" cheers Daisy. She skips cheerfully ahead. Arwen and Eowyn, still glaring at each other, take Aragorn's elbows and lean in as close to him as each possibly can. Aragorn looks uncomfortable. "Um, some air, ladies? Please?!" Helga brings up the rear, still shaking her ax menacingly at what sounds like the trees growling.

Just as Aragorn is starting to turn blue, they arrive at Treebeard's, which proves to be naught more than a clearing in the forest, next to a small pool with a waterfall running into it from some hidden spring. A wooden sign with sloppily painted letters reads "Treebeard's Draughts and Hot Tub". The only places to sit are large roots that poke from the ground.

Daisy looks disappointed. "THIS is Treebeard's? Where's the bar?"

Aragorn points to the waterfall and pool. "There."

Daisy looks at it askance. "That's it? This water is what we're going to drink? You're daft, man!"

Aragorn winks at her. (Arwen and Eowyn look daggers at her.) "Just try it, I promise it's potent!"

Aragorn: I had a hard time convincing Daisy Took that Treebeard's special draught was potent enough for her. She'll see though! It has some interesting after-effects.

Daisy: Eh…we'll see. I'll drink anything! (grins widely and holds up "Old Bessie")

The taller ladies release Aragorn and wait for him to choose a root to sit on. Then they both try to squeeze on with him. They can't all fit, so Eowyn grabs this chance to sit on his lap. Arwen grumbles, and Eowyn sticks her tongue out at her. "Neener."

Arwen to camera: Oh, it's ON now!

Eowyn to camera: (grinning) The elf better BRING it!

Daisy chooses a root right next to the waterfall, where she can reach it easily with "Old Bessie". Helga, still holding her great, sharp ax, tries to sit on a root…but the root makes a growling sound and moves and Helga sits down hard on the ground. She tries again, but the same thing happens. Finally she just gives up and sits cross-legged at Aragorn's feet.

Arwen to camera: Does she have to sit so CLOSE to me? Ick!

Aragorn whistles, and Gandalf the Grey appears, wearing a barwench costume, only where the cleavage should be is an extremely hairy chest. He is carrying a tray of drinking glasses. He sets the tray down, and Aragorn pinches his butt. "Thanks, cutie," he tells Gandalf cheerfully. Gandalf grumbles and acts as though he is going to hit Aragorn with his staff…but then he catches sight of Helga's ax and thinks better of it. Still muttering expletives, he stalks off behind a tree.

Everyone but Daisy takes a glass and dips it under the waterfall (Daisy dips her own). They toast Aragorn's health (like it's necessary) and drink.

The others sip, but Daisy tosses back hers as if it were mere water. "My, but that's good stuff! Better than the Gaffer's home brew!" She fills her tankard again and again.

"I told you." Aragorn watches her with concern. "Don't you worry about drinking too much?"

Daisy waved him off. "Pshaw! My clan is notorious for their tolerance. Besides, we're all so clumsy, it's hard to tell when we've been drinking and when we're sober!" As if to prove her point, she promptly fell off the root she'd been sitting on. She tried to climb back up, and fell again.

Eowyn to camera: Daisy is just a clumsy drunk. No competition there.

Daisy to camera: (a trifle unsteadily) I am NOT a drumsy clunk!

A light dawns in Aragorn's eyes. "By the Valar! So that's where I've heard that name before! Took! You have got to be related to Pippin, to be so drunk and so clumsy!"

Daisy hiccups. "You – hic! – betcha! We're first cousins." She falls over backward, and doesn't get up…just lays there laughing hysterically.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf mutters from behind his tree.

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: Who will Aragorn elimidate first?

Arwen to camera: Helga is acting so unladylike! What do you expect from a dwarf? And where is that voice coming from?

Eowyn to camera: I heard it too. I think he should elimidate Daisy. She is too drunk to even sit up straight.

Helga to camera: I think the pointy-eared freak should have to go back to the grey haven from whence she came!

Daisy to camera: Hiccup! (crazy laughter)

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: Who will Aragorn cut? Find out, after this!…

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