A/N: I've decided to take a chance and update on a Thursday night, even if
it is rather close to the disgustingly busy weekend. See, I already had
this chapter all lined up and ready on Tuesday, but during the school day I
got blindsided by a physics exam. My teacher thought it'd be funny if he
gave us a surprise exam, and only told us the day before. So, I had to set
aside more important things like fanfiction in order to cram like hell.
But yeah, y'all probably don't care, so we'll move on. Oh, about the
fanart. It was ff.net's fault, not mine---I complained to them so much
that they fixed it last week. So I'll be putting up the link again, at the
bottom of the chapter...let's hope it works this time.
Disclaimers: If I were J.R.R. Tolkein, I'd be way too busy using my money and power to crush the weak to be here writing this story.
Chapter 26: Elf-Lady Goes Nutters ~ ~ ~
This place is actually a lot nicer at night. Everyone's in bed, for one, so there's no creepy soundless elves to follow us around, stalking us and marking our every move. Like we're gonna steal something, or make secret plans to burn down the forest. They're very paranoid, those elves. And look at the way the moon's reflecting off of everything. See? Very nice. And the shadows over there, cast by---
"Would you hush?" Frodo stuck me inside his shirt. "And how do you always fall out of my shirt, anyway?"
Well if you'd stop tucking me in there, I wouldn't even have to tell you that, now would I? A guy gets tired of being smothered in cotton, blind to the world and ignorant of what's happening. Not that it's not just absolutely wonderful to be pressed against your skin, of course. It's just that there are other parts of your skin I could be pressed up against...your lips, for example, or your---
Frodo shushed me.
What?
He pulled me back out of his shirt so I could see. It was Lady Galadriel, looking as beautiful as ever, walking in barefoot towards a pool. She dipped a jug in, drawing up some water, which she then took over to a silver basin. Hey, sweet, is she getting ready to bathe?
"Should we leave? This looks rather private," Frodo whispered.
Hell no!!! There's a chance she could be taking a bath. Do you know what happens when someone takes a bath? They get naked! We are staying right here until she gets naked.
She looked up and saw us. "Do you wish to look in the pool?" she asked irrelevantly.
Frodo blinked. "Um, no...?"
"Yes you do," she decided. "Come look at the pool."
Frodo looked around for a means of escape, but couldn't find an excuse way that wasn't too obvious. "Okay..." He shuffled forward, not too willingly, and looked half-heartedly into the basin. Nothing happened. After several minutes of staring at clear, still water, Frodo asked "What am I looking at?"
"Things that have passed, things that are," she paused dramatically. "And some things that will be."
Frodo eyed the water. A gentle breeze came by, slightly rippling its surface. That was the most exciting thing that happened to it for about ten minutes. "I do not see anything," Frodo finally said, looking at her.
The Lady of the Lake raised her eyebrows. "You do not see the fall of the Shire? You do not see your friends and loved ones being torn from their homes? You do not see the bloody carnage of a world ravaged by tragedy? You do not see the Dark Lord's power, horrible and cruel, taking over the world with the power of the Ring?!!!"
A cricket chirped in the distance. The basin of water sat there, bored. Frodo cleared his throat. "Uh, no."
"Well you should," she said, her eerily deep eyes drilling into Frodo's eerily large ones. "For that is what will happen in the future, if you fail."
::coughcoughLUNATICcough:: I nudged Frodo and whispered, Someone's not quite right in the head, if ya know what I mean...
The Lady continued, "Frodo Baggins, you must not fail! If you fail, everything you love will turn to ashes!"
Frodo paled. Noooooo! She got to him, with that 'do your duty or else the Shire is in deep shit' stuff! "If you ask it of me, I will give you the Ring," he said, offering me up on his palm. Don't you dare, Frodo, DO NOT DARE.
"I will admit that my heart desires it," she said, reaching out for me.
Oh, and you couldn't have desired me back when I thought you were sane, and was actually attracted to you? You have to desire me now, now that I can see you're abso-fucking-lutely *NUTS*, and am really really reeeeeaally afraid of you?!
Frodo moved closer, offering me up to the psycho.
She snapped. She just started *freaking*, raising her arms above her head and speaking with this weird voice, like she was doing an impression of a really powerful god. And good lord, is she *glowing*? "In place of the Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark, but beautiful, and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me...and despair!!!"
......
Ooooookay. Well. If you're quite finished singing your own praises and talking about how incredible you are, we'll just mosey on out of here.
"I have passed the test. I will now diminish, and go to the West," she mumbled, making perfect sense.
Do you believe me now, hobbit-boy? See? She's delusional and schizophrenic and psychotic, not to mention weird as all get-out.
"Yeah," Frodo muttered, putting me back on around his neck, finally seeing the truth. "We should go," he whispered, attempting to tiptoe back up the path we came from while Galadriel's back was turned.
She whirled around. "Ring-bearer! Bearer of the Ring of power!"
Frodo froze. What, you answer to that now? Weird. That's, like, worse than when Legolas calls Strider "Elfstone". And it's almost as bad as when Strider calls Legolas "Lovebunny" or whatever. "I am going to hit you," Frodo warned. Fine, I'll be quiet.
"Frodo Baggins, your task is difficult. The quest is fragile, and the Company is starting to fall apart. You must persevere and accomplish what you have set out to do, for it is the only way."
"But I cannot do it alone," Frodo said wistfully, forgetting for a moment that he was talking to a nutbag who won't give him any helpful advice.
"To be a ring-bearer means to be alone," she said, nodding wisely.
Hey, doesn't being a ring-bearer actually mean being that guy at the weddings who have the rings on a little lace pillow? "Just humour the madwoman," Frodo said to me quietly, while nodding to Galadriel. "Yes," he said to her, very seriously, "it is a burden I must bear."
She smiled serenely, curtsied, climbed up a tree, and disappeared.
"*Don't* even say anything," Frodo said, already walking back to where my Fellowship was sleeping.
Legolas and Aragorn had finished shagging, thank god. Aragorn was sitting on a log, enjoying the clichéd post-coital smoke. He smiled when he saw us, taking the pipe out of his mouth to say "Lovely evening for a walk, is it not?"
Maybe for someone who just banged a gorgeous elf prince, I grumbled.
"Now, now, what is it that brings such a negative tone into your voice, and such a black look onto Frodo's sweet face?"
Well, I'd tell you, but you made me promise not to diss the Lady while we're still in her Woods.
Aragorn looked at Frodo inquisitively.
Go ahead, Frodo, do the honours.
"Lady Galadriel is insane," he blurted out. Straight and to the point.
"Well, yes, she is a little eccentric, but she is an elf of high power, and we must allow her some little oddities."
"Strider, she is not a 'little' eccentric, and her oddities are rather large. She scares me. She scares Merry and Pippin. She scares the Ring. And though he may not admit it, she really scares Boromir."
Boromir? Well, at least she's good for something...
Aragorn tapped out his pipe and pushed himself up. "We will leave soon then, if this place is so uncomfortable for you. A few days more, when we've had sufficient rest, and we will leave."
And never come back, I hope.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
That chapter had a lot of dialogue, and very little else. Sorry if anyone really hated that, but I felt like writing dialogue, so. Yeah, hey, my fanart! Let's see if ff.net really did fix the problem. I'm going to put the URL here, and hope it shows check it out and give me feedback on the picture and the chapter!
Disclaimers: If I were J.R.R. Tolkein, I'd be way too busy using my money and power to crush the weak to be here writing this story.
Chapter 26: Elf-Lady Goes Nutters ~ ~ ~
This place is actually a lot nicer at night. Everyone's in bed, for one, so there's no creepy soundless elves to follow us around, stalking us and marking our every move. Like we're gonna steal something, or make secret plans to burn down the forest. They're very paranoid, those elves. And look at the way the moon's reflecting off of everything. See? Very nice. And the shadows over there, cast by---
"Would you hush?" Frodo stuck me inside his shirt. "And how do you always fall out of my shirt, anyway?"
Well if you'd stop tucking me in there, I wouldn't even have to tell you that, now would I? A guy gets tired of being smothered in cotton, blind to the world and ignorant of what's happening. Not that it's not just absolutely wonderful to be pressed against your skin, of course. It's just that there are other parts of your skin I could be pressed up against...your lips, for example, or your---
Frodo shushed me.
What?
He pulled me back out of his shirt so I could see. It was Lady Galadriel, looking as beautiful as ever, walking in barefoot towards a pool. She dipped a jug in, drawing up some water, which she then took over to a silver basin. Hey, sweet, is she getting ready to bathe?
"Should we leave? This looks rather private," Frodo whispered.
Hell no!!! There's a chance she could be taking a bath. Do you know what happens when someone takes a bath? They get naked! We are staying right here until she gets naked.
She looked up and saw us. "Do you wish to look in the pool?" she asked irrelevantly.
Frodo blinked. "Um, no...?"
"Yes you do," she decided. "Come look at the pool."
Frodo looked around for a means of escape, but couldn't find an excuse way that wasn't too obvious. "Okay..." He shuffled forward, not too willingly, and looked half-heartedly into the basin. Nothing happened. After several minutes of staring at clear, still water, Frodo asked "What am I looking at?"
"Things that have passed, things that are," she paused dramatically. "And some things that will be."
Frodo eyed the water. A gentle breeze came by, slightly rippling its surface. That was the most exciting thing that happened to it for about ten minutes. "I do not see anything," Frodo finally said, looking at her.
The Lady of the Lake raised her eyebrows. "You do not see the fall of the Shire? You do not see your friends and loved ones being torn from their homes? You do not see the bloody carnage of a world ravaged by tragedy? You do not see the Dark Lord's power, horrible and cruel, taking over the world with the power of the Ring?!!!"
A cricket chirped in the distance. The basin of water sat there, bored. Frodo cleared his throat. "Uh, no."
"Well you should," she said, her eerily deep eyes drilling into Frodo's eerily large ones. "For that is what will happen in the future, if you fail."
::coughcoughLUNATICcough:: I nudged Frodo and whispered, Someone's not quite right in the head, if ya know what I mean...
The Lady continued, "Frodo Baggins, you must not fail! If you fail, everything you love will turn to ashes!"
Frodo paled. Noooooo! She got to him, with that 'do your duty or else the Shire is in deep shit' stuff! "If you ask it of me, I will give you the Ring," he said, offering me up on his palm. Don't you dare, Frodo, DO NOT DARE.
"I will admit that my heart desires it," she said, reaching out for me.
Oh, and you couldn't have desired me back when I thought you were sane, and was actually attracted to you? You have to desire me now, now that I can see you're abso-fucking-lutely *NUTS*, and am really really reeeeeaally afraid of you?!
Frodo moved closer, offering me up to the psycho.
She snapped. She just started *freaking*, raising her arms above her head and speaking with this weird voice, like she was doing an impression of a really powerful god. And good lord, is she *glowing*? "In place of the Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark, but beautiful, and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me...and despair!!!"
......
Ooooookay. Well. If you're quite finished singing your own praises and talking about how incredible you are, we'll just mosey on out of here.
"I have passed the test. I will now diminish, and go to the West," she mumbled, making perfect sense.
Do you believe me now, hobbit-boy? See? She's delusional and schizophrenic and psychotic, not to mention weird as all get-out.
"Yeah," Frodo muttered, putting me back on around his neck, finally seeing the truth. "We should go," he whispered, attempting to tiptoe back up the path we came from while Galadriel's back was turned.
She whirled around. "Ring-bearer! Bearer of the Ring of power!"
Frodo froze. What, you answer to that now? Weird. That's, like, worse than when Legolas calls Strider "Elfstone". And it's almost as bad as when Strider calls Legolas "Lovebunny" or whatever. "I am going to hit you," Frodo warned. Fine, I'll be quiet.
"Frodo Baggins, your task is difficult. The quest is fragile, and the Company is starting to fall apart. You must persevere and accomplish what you have set out to do, for it is the only way."
"But I cannot do it alone," Frodo said wistfully, forgetting for a moment that he was talking to a nutbag who won't give him any helpful advice.
"To be a ring-bearer means to be alone," she said, nodding wisely.
Hey, doesn't being a ring-bearer actually mean being that guy at the weddings who have the rings on a little lace pillow? "Just humour the madwoman," Frodo said to me quietly, while nodding to Galadriel. "Yes," he said to her, very seriously, "it is a burden I must bear."
She smiled serenely, curtsied, climbed up a tree, and disappeared.
"*Don't* even say anything," Frodo said, already walking back to where my Fellowship was sleeping.
Legolas and Aragorn had finished shagging, thank god. Aragorn was sitting on a log, enjoying the clichéd post-coital smoke. He smiled when he saw us, taking the pipe out of his mouth to say "Lovely evening for a walk, is it not?"
Maybe for someone who just banged a gorgeous elf prince, I grumbled.
"Now, now, what is it that brings such a negative tone into your voice, and such a black look onto Frodo's sweet face?"
Well, I'd tell you, but you made me promise not to diss the Lady while we're still in her Woods.
Aragorn looked at Frodo inquisitively.
Go ahead, Frodo, do the honours.
"Lady Galadriel is insane," he blurted out. Straight and to the point.
"Well, yes, she is a little eccentric, but she is an elf of high power, and we must allow her some little oddities."
"Strider, she is not a 'little' eccentric, and her oddities are rather large. She scares me. She scares Merry and Pippin. She scares the Ring. And though he may not admit it, she really scares Boromir."
Boromir? Well, at least she's good for something...
Aragorn tapped out his pipe and pushed himself up. "We will leave soon then, if this place is so uncomfortable for you. A few days more, when we've had sufficient rest, and we will leave."
And never come back, I hope.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
That chapter had a lot of dialogue, and very little else. Sorry if anyone really hated that, but I felt like writing dialogue, so. Yeah, hey, my fanart! Let's see if ff.net really did fix the problem. I'm going to put the URL here, and hope it shows check it out and give me feedback on the picture and the chapter!