"Save Me"
A/N : I do not own Ellie or Sean, and I do not own "Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls, but for anyone who has seen the detention episode of the new season of Degrassi, you would know where this came from. Enjoy.
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees
I watched her spiraling downward again, the cuts increasing and getting harsher by the day. I didn't know how to help myself, much less help her. Ratidge was noticing that the equipment was disappearing and now that Emma had ratted me out, I was the main suspect. I didn't worry about that though, I was too busy worrying about Ellie. She had grown reckless, doing things that I had never known her to do. At times it didn't even seem that she needed me, but in the end, we still saw eye to eye. Two kindred spirits who were lost and alone; the only problem was that her darkness and aloneness were far worse than mine.
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb
I wanted to help her so much, but it was only very rarely that she let me into her world, showed me what pained her and plagued her. I did get through to her sometimes, watching as her deadened eyes met mine and I could see into her, even for just a second. That was all that mattered, though, getting through to her to save her...from herself. Maybe it was the darkness that drew her to me, or vice versa, no one really knew. Sometimes I thought that I loved her, loved her so damn much that she couldn't understand it. She understood me, but I didn't think that I would ever understand her. I wouldn't even claim to do so.
Comin' down, the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer
It was rare that I saw her happy, saw the true light that shone through her and illuminated her very soul. Those times I cherished, wanting them to never end. Ellie was so different from Emma, her troubles were real, worthwhile. I always thought that Ellie was some sort of fallen angel, sent here to endure this suffering because of some unknown cosmic balance that shifted out of her favor. She had to be...there was no other explanation as to why what happened to her did. It isn't fair! She's just one person, just one person who needs to be saved.
You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room
I began to understand why Ellie had fallen so hard when I went to her house for the first time. Her dad was in Iraq and her mother was a drunk who laid on the couch and didn't think about her daughter; she only found solace in her vodka bottles laying near her. She reminded me of my own parents, a memory I didn't want to have. Her mother didn't care, and her father couldn't help her. Neither knew anything, but only one of them could remedy such a problem. That is why Ellie stayed alone in her room, her only friend her razor blade and her portrait the cuts and scars on her arms. If her mother only knew...maybe Ellie would be different.
Comin' down, the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
And there's no time left for losin'
When you stand they fall
I tried to be her rock, tried to be her everything, but she couldn't, wouldn't let me. I needed her too, but I couldn't tell her that; she couldn't handle it. I needed Ellie to need me, it helped me quell my own demons, but without that I was left with nothing to support me. Ellie didn't know that, want to know because it would mean she would have to leave her world, leave the darkness behind and try to find the light...something she wasn't prepared to do.
Comin' down, the years turn over
And angels without you there
And I'll go to bring you home
Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on her, not like I gave up on Emma and my brother gave up on me. I can't give up on her, it would be like giving up on myself. I will save her one of these days, save her from everything that she couldn't save herself from. She meant everything to me and I would help her stay with me. She was strong, she just didn't know it. I know she could beat this, she just needed strength.
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me
I know that one day she will be able to beat this, will be able to face what she knows is too hard right now. I know she will be, I have faith in her. Maybe if I save her, help her to find the way out of how she felt, things would be different. And maybe...just maybe, she could save me too.