Disclaimer: as before

"Please, please, stop it!" Lily begged. "NO! It hurts so badly. Oh, God, please stop! Leave me alone!" Tears were streaming down her face.

"I love virgins," he whispered into her ear.

"Well, I'm not a virgin anymore," Lily said with fake courage.

"No, not anymore."

"So then, if I'm not a virgin you won't be wanting me anymore?"

He threw his head back and laughed.

"Lily! Wake up!"

Lily's eyes shot open to see James staring at her intently.

"Lily, what's wrong? What do you keep on dreaming about?" James asked, sitting down on the bed.

Lily flung her arms around him and cried. And James sat there, holding her tightly. Eventually she stopped crying and she pulled away from him, wiping her eyes.

"You can tell me, Lily."

Lily looked away.

"I love you too, Lily."

Lily turned back to him. "You really want to know?"

"Yes. If it will help you."

"This summer my mum got married again. The horrible pig raped me a few times. That's all."

"Oh, Lily!" James wrapped his arms around her again, holding onto her for dear life. "Is that why you tried to . . .?" He asked.

"Yes. That's why I tried to kill myself. I've done it before."

"Oh, Merlin, Lily!" James kissed her gently on the forehead. Lily lifted up her head and kissed him properly. After he got over the initial shock, he kissed her back.

When Lily went to classes the next morning she could feel everyone looking at her strangely. The Head Girl who had tried to kill herself on the weekend. But what the fuck did she care what they thought?

That night Lily had mountains of homework to finish; from all the things she hadn't had time to do over the weekend. She stayed in the library to finish her potions essay until 1 am, when she decided to go and get some sleep. Walking into the Head's common room, she found James still up, busily writing something.

"Lily!" He jumped up when he saw her. "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Library," Lily said sighing and falling into one of the armchairs.

James walked over to her and planted a kiss on her lips. Lily pulled him back to her, kissing him passionately. Before long, James' hands were around her, his lips on her neck. Lily moaned softly, then pushed him away.

"As much as I would love to do this all night," she said slowly, "I really need to get a good night's sleep."

James nodded and stood away, to let her pass.

Lily woke up in the morning, cold. As she got out of bed she realised why.

"JAMES!" She yelled.

"LILY!" He yelled at exactly the same time.

As Lily flung her bedroom door open, James did the same across the hallway.

"What did you do with my clothes?" Lily demanded.

"What did you do with m-" James began at the same time, but was distracted by Lily standing there in only underwear.

"What do you mean what did I do with your clothes?" Lily demanded.

"Uh . . . uuuhh . . ." James stumbled as he failed to close his mouth and look Lily in the eyes. Finally, he managed. "I didn't do anything with your clothes!! Mine are gone too!"

"Well, who did it then?" Lily asked, stepping out into the hallway.

James just couldn't get his eyes of her smooth, firm thighs. His eyes travelled up and rested on her breasts.

Lily disappeared into her room and came back with her bedspread wrapped around her. "So, who did it?"

James shrugged.

There was a knock at the door and both of them rushed to it. It was Sirius, who proudly stepped inside.

"Hey, Evans," he said to Lily and turned to James. "So, anything exciting happen lately?"

James glared. "You did this?"

Sirius smiled. "Thought it was time you got some encouragement."

"GET MY CLOTHES BACK, BLACK!" Lily screamed at him.

Sirius shrugged, waved his wand, and Lily was dressed again.

"NOW GET OUT!" Lily yelled.

Sirius turned to James, about to say something, when James yelled at him too.

"GET OUT, PADFOOT!"

Sirius shrugged again and walked out.

Lily let out a scream of frustration and stalked back to her room.

Later that day, at lunch, Lily saw Dana again for the first time in days.

"Are you okay, Lils?" Dana asked, concerned.

"I suppose," Lily said, starting to eat her lunch. She didn't feel like talking about it.

"Do you want to talk?"

Lily turned to face Dana. "Maybe later. Right now, I'm just a bit . . ."

"It's okay, I understand." Dana said softly.

"No you don't. You can't." Lily said matter-of-factly.

Dana looked shocked. Oh God, what have I done now? Lily thought. I am such an idiot!

"I'm sorry," Lily said softly, getting up from the table and leaving. She walked as fast as she could back to her bedroom.

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Lily walked over to her desk and got out a quill and some parchment. She had just written the date on the parchment when there was a soft knocking at the door.

"Who is it?" Lily asked.

"James. Can I come in?"

Lily sighed. "Please don't."

"Are you okay?"

"Don't worry, I'm not slitting my wrists again."

"Are you sure I can't come in?"

"Yes. I'll be done soon, then I'll come out, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

Lily rolled her eyes and began to write.

no updates for about two weeks - i have no access to a computer