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ELIMIDATE: MIDDLE EARTH – EPISODE TWO

Chapter Three: Round Two – "A Hairy Development"

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: We're back on Elimidate, and Aragorn has to eliminate one girl and move on to the next round.

This time, Helga looks around too. "All right, now I heard it." She hefts her axe and shakes it at the trees again. The growling from the trees begins again. "This place is cursed! Milord, where have you brought us?"

Aragorn rolls his eyes. "Helga! Put your axe down! The trees think you're going to chop them with it! It unnerves them."

Helga to camera: (sneers…or maybe she doesn't…hard to tell with that thick beard and mustache.) I unnerve them? Sheeyeah right! The only one I want to unnerve is that meddling elf! (She cackles.)

Aragorn to camera: Helga is about to disturb the natural order of this forest…(creepy organ music begins to play in the background) I fear for her life…I fear her facial hair…I fear…for the rest of the show! (a loud chord from the organ!)

"All right already! Enough with the freaky music!" Arwen stood with her hands on her hips, looking as though she dared Aragorn to eliminate her first. "It's time to make your first cut."

Aragorn to camera: I'd like to cut Helga, because she's upsetting the trees, but I can't stand the thought of having to sit through another round with Daisy the Drunken Took!

Aragorn sighs, "Ah, yes. It is. Well, I'm sorry Daisy, but I'm going to have to cut you."

Daisy looks shocked. "What? Cut me? What do I did? I mean, Do I did what? I mean…um…" She scratches her head. "What do I mean?"

Arwen rolls her eyes. "No, stupid! He doesn't mean CUT you, like with a dagger…he means eliminate you from this show. You lose." She grins and waves, mouthing "bye-bye."

Daisy shrugs. "If you say so, but I dill ston't see what's – hic! – wrong with me." She stands and trips over a tree root.

Aragorn hides a smile. "See why? You're too drunk to carry on a decent conversation."

Daisy stands up and puts her hands on Aragorn's shoulders to steady herself. (Arwen and Eowyn look ready to pounce on her for touching him.) "Maybe you're right. I need some coffee…hey, weren't you taller?"

Aragorn gasps. Suddenly, the waist-high Daisy Took is up to his shoulders. "Oh yeah!" Aragorn smacks himself in the forehead. "I forgot – Treebeard's draught makes you taller! It's really for trees, not for people or animals."

Daisy falls over another tree root on her way out of the clearing. She kisses "Old Bessie". "Now he tells me – hic!" And Daisy is out of the picture. Down to three!

Aragorn rubs his hands together. "All righty. Now that the first unpleasantness is out of the way, let's head over to the hot tub!"

Aragorn to camera: I may have to make another cut before we get to the hot tub. I don't really want to see Helga the Hairy scantily clothed!

Arwen to camera: I think he made the right choice for the first cut. Although I hope he cuts the…(sigh)…dwarf next.

Helga to camera: All right! A hot tub! I forgot my bathing suit, though…(winks slyly)

They troop across the clearing and start to head down a freshly cut path. Suddenly the trees start to close in around them.

"Eek!" shrieks Eowyn, jumping up into Aragorn's arms. "What's happening?"

Arwen pulls her hair hard enough to drag her off of Aragorn. "Enough!"

"Owie!" sulks Eowyn, rubbing her head.

Helga deftly hefts her axe again. "All right, this has gone far enough!" She begins to hack away at the moving trees. One tries to use a branch shaped like a hand to pull the axe away from her, but Helga chops the branch off. The tree makes a loud moaning sound.

Aragorn is looking frightened. "We mean you no harm! We come in peace! Uh…she's not with us!"

Helga looks at him in surprise. "What?" She forgets to chop and a branch grabs her by the ankle and dangles her in the air. She turns her attention back to the tree, and manages to chop herself loose. She turns back to Aragorn. "What do you mean I'm not with you?"

Aragorn is looking panicky, but he notices that Eowyn and Arwen have once again stationed themselves at his sides very closely. He obviously likes this. "Who are you again?" he asks Helga.

Helga casts him a shrewd glance. "I see how it is with you." She starts toward the threesome, brandishing her axe menacingly. "I will chop all of you down to my eye-level!"

Suddenly, a large tree-like foot stomps Helga flat!

Arwen to camera: (gleefully) Wow! What a date this is!

Eowyn looks up in alarm. "What is this? What is happening?"

The tree looks at her. "Hoom! I am called Treebeard!" his deep growling voice says very slowly.

Arwen looks up in awe. "The Keeper of the Forest! He is as old as this place."

Treebeard looks at her angrily. "Are you calling me old?" He makes as if to stomp on her too, but Aragorn pulls her out of the way just in time.

"Oops!" says Arwen, hiding a smile.

Arwen to camera: All right, that was a close one…but I'm still in this game!

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: Who will Aragorn, son of Arathorn, eliminate next? Stay tuned to find out, here on…ELIMIDATE!

Treebeard looks around quickly (as quickly as an Ent can). "What is this? Little orcs?" He stomps off to find where the voice is coming from.

Arwen to camera: Now, it's just down to me and Eowyn. She doesn't have a chance!

Eowyn to camera: That elf is gonna go DOWN! (Cracks knuckles and does karate chop)

Aragorn to camera: That was close, with Treebeard. But, on to the hot tub, with two hot ladies! What a date, indeed! (grins like the Cheshire Cat)

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