A/N: This chapter is a little long, but it's the final chapter in this story. If I get good enough reviews, I might do another Elimidate…with Leggy, or even with Eowyn getting to choose between 4 guys! Who knows? The Shadow knows… R/R!

DISCLAIMER: Neither LOTR nor Elimidate are mine!! (Darn it!)

ELIMIDATE: MIDDLE EARTH – EPISODE TWO

Chapter Four: Round Three – "She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny…"

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: Welcome back to Elimidate! We're still in Middle Earth, and let's see who Aragorn will elimi---

STOMP!!!!

Treebeard steps out from behind a tree. "Got him this time. Stupid little orcs. Always trying to overrun my forest and scare my trees." He scrapes his foot on a rock, like he's scraping off chewing gum.

Eowyn to camera: Um…that is a little sickening!

Aragorn shrugs, then he smiles. "Thanks, Treebeard. That voice was getting a little creepy."

Treebeard nods. "Yes, Elessar. Now if you will excuse me, I have an Ent-moot, and I must go talk slowly! Hoom!" And with that, Treebeard stalks off (pardon the pun ) into the forest.

Aragorn turns his head to either side, where Arwen and Eowyn are still on his arms. "Shall we? To the hot tub!"

Arwen to camera: Yay! The hot tub! Now I can blow him away with my incredible body!

Aragorn to camera: If I'm lucky, the girls will have forgotten they were supposed to bring swimsuits. (winks)

The group rounds a corner. The hot tub turns out to be a hot spring, which empties into a bathtub-sized pool of water. Aragorn claps his hands twice, and a quiet cough comes from behind a tree next to the pool. Then the pool begins to bubble invitingly.

"Ah!" exclaims Aragorn, as he drops his clothes to reveal white boxers with pink hearts on them.

Eowyn to camera: (shaking her head in disgust) Oh, how ridiculous!

Arwen to camera: (clasping her hands together) Oh, how cute!

Aragorn to camera: Yeah, I think I had the ladies drooling over my new shorts. Heh, we'll just have to see how it goes from here!

Aragorn slides into the hot tub, where he can get a good view of what the ladies have on. Eowyn discards her dress, to reveal a bikini made of brown leather. Arwen is wearing a bikini made of mallorn leaves sewn together, in just the right places.

Aragorn looks like the cat who swallowed the canary.

Aragorn to camera: Oh yeah, these girls are hot! (thumbs up!)

Eowyn to camera: Oh, please, who makes a bikini out of leaves?

Arwen to camera: I think her bikini is appropriate – a cow wearing a cow.

The girls slide in next to Aragorn and proceed to cut each other to ribbons.

"Who do you think you are? Peter Pan? I mean, leaves?" Eowyn gloats.

Arwen to camera: Peter who?

"Peter who? You're no Martha Stewart yourself, raw-hide!" Arwen shoots back.

Eowyn to camera: Martha who?

"Martha who? Leaf-girl!"

Aragorn is watching them like a tennis match.

"Oh yeah?" Eowyn counters. "You're not even human! Why should he want you?"

"Well, I'm much prettier than you, and he's already HAD me!" Arwen shouts.

Arwen to camera: Yeah, it was low…but it was true!

Eowyn grabs her by the hair. "Oh, it's ON, now!" She dunks Arwen.

Arwen grabs the front of her bikini and tugs her down too.

Eowyn takes Arwen by the hair again and pulls out the Evenstar. She tries to stab Arwen with it.

Arwen to camera: She has tainted my Evenstar! She must die!

Arwen manages to take her pendant back, and slings her hair around to smack Eowyn in the face with it. Her hair is wet, so it hurts.

"Ow!" Eowyn cried, holding her reddening cheek. "You {CENSORED}!!" She dunks her again and this time holds her underwater.

Eowyn to camera: Can you say that on TV? Oops! (grins mischievously)

Aragorn is sitting back with a Mai Tai cocktail, watching the action blissfully.

Aragorn to camera: Ah, the joys of being King!

Arwen wrenches herself loose and comes up for air with a gasp. "Oh, now you've gone too far!" She hurls herself on Aragorn and kisses him for all she's worth.

Aragorn looks surprised, but doesn't pull away. In fact, he seems to be enjoying it.

Eowyn to camera: Oh no, she doesn't!

Eowyn yanks her off of him by the back of her swimsuit. "Two can play at this, elf!" She plants a firm one on him as well.

Aragorn finally pulls away, and sighs.

Aragorn to camera: It is good to be King!

 Regretfully, he sits up a little. "You're both great kissers. However, it is time for me to make the final cut, and decide which of you goes home with me, and which one goes home alone."

Arwen smiles and fixes her hair. Eowyn adjusts her bathing suit, and rubs her red cheek again.

Arwen to camera: I totally showed her up. There is no way he'll pick her.

Eowyn to camera: I cannot have lost to an elf!

Aragorn pauses for effect. "I choose……Arwen."

Eowyn apparently has water in her ears, for she doesn't hear that she is cut. "Oh, Milord Aragorn! You don't mean it! Oh, thank you, thank you!" She hugs him. "Oh, I shall make you very happy!"

"WHAT?!" shouts Arwen. "You? He just chose me!"

"Oh yeah? Well…" She stops short, shocked. Eowyn looks at Aragorn. "Is this true?"

Aragorn hangs his head and nods sheepishly.

Eowyn to camera: I have been humiliated. I must go to the healing houses at Minas Tirith and hope that my pride can be healed.

Eowyn splashes him angrily. "WHAT?! You would dare to eliminate me? I am royalty! You would pick an elf over me?!" She hops out of the pool and starts getting dressed.

Arwen smirks at her over Aragorn's head.

Aragorn starts to get out of the pool. "Now wait a minute here! No sore losers, please!"

Eowyn pushes him back in. "You made your choice, if you want to be with that elven witch, then go right ahead. Good luck and good day, your Majesty!" She starts to leave…then turns around for a final slam: "And your boxers are retarded!" With that, she marches off through the woods in the direction of Minas Tirith.

Aragorn shrugs and pulls Arwen out of the tub. She smiles and they embrace for another kiss. "You are always who I have dreamed of. Even in the depths of despair and pain, your face was the one I would see above me, comforting me."

Arwen pushes a wet lock of hair out of his eyes. "I never thought your boxers were dumb. I thought they were cute." She gestures at the camera. "You can watch it later and see for yourself."

"How?" asks Aragorn. "None of this equipment has been invented yet!" They laugh hysterically and walk off together into the forest.

As they are leaving the clearing, a loud, hacking cough is heard from behind the same tree that was mentioned earlier, and abruptly the bubbles in the pool stop. Radagast the Brown steps out from behind the tree with a long straw in his hand. He tosses it aside and wipes his mouth. "Enough of this! No wonder the Blue Wizards got out of here so quickly!" He walks wearily from the pool and disappears into the Forest.

End

A/N: You knew Arwen was going to win! She had to! Besides, I was nice: I set Eowyn up to be in the healing houses of Minas Tirith, cause she has to meet you-know-who there! It works in my mind! LOL. Review!

Orlandosgirl21 – Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like these stories!