A/N: Horribly sorry for the lateness of this update, but I have several
very excellent excuses, most of which centre around school and teachers.
There was also the unfortunate business of my dad having to go to the
hospital (he's fine now, by the way), plus the fact that I've been
practicing for a voice competition coming up in four days (wish me luck!).
All that, on top of the bitchy-ness of one school librarian, has made
updating rather difficult. The next chapter shouldn't take nearly as long,
though. Also, as many of you will have noticed, we're nearing the end of
the first book. STAY TUNED, the next few chapters will hold VERY IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENTS regarding the future of this fic.
Disclaimers: Subliminal! SJGPSWEDNiMOIWHdon'tWOIHFGMownGKJWOKlordQMCFZPEofXIWtheAIVESrings.
Chapter 28: Beside the River ~ ~ ~
Frodo picked his way through thick undergrowth, not saying anything. Birds chirped serenely in the air.
Look, maybe you're not familiar with what "having a talk" is really like. Let me explain. It customarily involves *talking*. You can't call walking around in a forest conversation, see. Because it's not. Long moments of silence followed by short periods of quiet isn't what people generally mean when they say "Let's talk."
Frodo ignored me. "I've been thinking," he announced.
Geen, I hope you didn't hurt yourself doin' that...did you do warm-up exercises first?
"Shut up and listen. What I am about to say will undoubtedly make you very happy."
What? You're gonna gimme a lap dance?
"You have no lap," Frodo observed. "And that is not what we're talking about," he added firmly, not letting me sidetrack him again. "We need to talk about your evilness."
Oh, not this again. Frodo, baby, for the 762 444th time, I am NOT evil.
"I know."
The whole evil powers things is just a story made up by---wait. What did you say?
Frodo smirked. "I know. I believe you. You're not evil. Ring, I've had a lot of time to think during these past few weeks, and I've come to realize several things. Firstly, you have never physically hurt anyone. Well, you've tried to hurt Gimli, but no one can really blame you for that... Secondly, you've never shown any actual allegiance to Sauron. Thirdly, Gandalf the Gray seemed to believe that you're not evil---indeed, you were quite upset at his passing. And fourth, I don't think you have any of the powers of evil that legends of old speak of. You are an animated Ring, but beyond your life and your ability to make people invisible, you do not seem to possess any strong magic. You certainly do not possess the ability to tempt men into evil, as lore suggests. You definitely don't tempt me."
You just had to tack on that insult at the end, didn't you? But I'll ignore that, since I'm so happy right now. I'm saved!!! You finally believe I'm not evil!!! I don't have to get thrown into the fires of Mount Doom after all!!!!!!!!!
"Uh...about that."
Oh no. Do not use that tone of voice, Frodo. I do not like that tone of voice. That's the tone of voice you use when you kick Sam out of your bed. That's your "no, you're not getting lucky" voice. And I don't like it.
"Ring, you have to understand. You may not have evil powers, but since you symbolize evil. For hundreds upon hundreds of year's Man's greed and hate have manifested in desire for you. In order for goodness to win this battle, the symbol of all that is bad must be destroyed."
Thanks. That's. Just. Fuck. Yeah, I feel a lot better now, since you've cleared up the whole matter of my INEVITABLE ASSASINATION.
"Oh, don't be like that, Ring. I'm working on a plan, okay?"
That's really fucking reassuring, Frodo, thank you. Even though I'm perfectly innocent and you know it, I have to get killed anyway. But don't worry, you may or may not think of a plan before my agonizing death occurs. Thanks a million!
Frodo, who had continued walking as we talked, arrived at some old stone ruins half-covered with moss. He sat down on a crumbling old step. "At least now you have someone on your side, right? This is not easy for me either. Hobbits were not made to go traipsing about the country like this. I---" He broke off.
What?
I looked in the direction he was looking in. Oh. Boromir.
Boromir walked towards us with an armload of firewood, looking a little uglier than usual. "None of us should be alone," he said to Frodo, "you least of all." And then he winked.
Ew, is that a come-on?
He came closer.
Ew! It is!!!
Frodo bravely ignored the way Boromir was leering at him. Instead, he said, "I had to have a private conversation with the Ring. I was explaining to it why I believe it has been telling the truth. I believe that it is not evil."
"What?! That's---why, that's *blasphemous*! The Evil Ring has finally gotten to you!" Boromir exclaimed, eyes wide. "Its powers of mind-control were too strong, even for you!"
'Mind-control'? I don't have any powers of mind-control. I mean, yeah, I'm irresistible...but I'm not *that* irresistible!
"The Ring does not have those powers," Frodo said patiently. "In fact, the Ring hardly has *any* powers. It was only through unfortunate chance that its owner turned out to be a dark overlord with a heart of tar and unimaginable evil."
Boromir freaked. "No powers?!?! But of course it has powers! Special powers that I can channel, and use to make me a smoking-hot hobbit love- magnet!!!"
::silence::
"Um, I mean, use to help my city. Yes. ...Oh, just gimme the damn thing!"
He reached forward.
No, Frodo, don't let him get me! RUN!!!!!!!
I'd like it to go on the record that Frodo *actually listened* to me this time. He ran. Unfortunately, his short little hobbit legs were no match for Boromir, who quickly caught him. Boromir tackled him, and there was a short scuffle. Frodo ended up on the ground with Boromir on top of him.
EW!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!!! Get away from us, you dirty child molester!
"Ah ha, I've got you now," Boromir said, eyeing me through a slit in Frodo's shirt.
"Oh no you don't," Frodo muttered, hurriedly slipping me onto his finger. He didn't even need to tell me what to do.
Boromir looked around, confused.
Oh yeah, he forgot to tell you. I do actually have one special power. I can make things invisible.
Boromir searched for us desperately, eyes darting here and there. But we were long gone.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC
Disclaimers: Subliminal! SJGPSWEDNiMOIWHdon'tWOIHFGMownGKJWOKlordQMCFZPEofXIWtheAIVESrings.
Chapter 28: Beside the River ~ ~ ~
Frodo picked his way through thick undergrowth, not saying anything. Birds chirped serenely in the air.
Look, maybe you're not familiar with what "having a talk" is really like. Let me explain. It customarily involves *talking*. You can't call walking around in a forest conversation, see. Because it's not. Long moments of silence followed by short periods of quiet isn't what people generally mean when they say "Let's talk."
Frodo ignored me. "I've been thinking," he announced.
Geen, I hope you didn't hurt yourself doin' that...did you do warm-up exercises first?
"Shut up and listen. What I am about to say will undoubtedly make you very happy."
What? You're gonna gimme a lap dance?
"You have no lap," Frodo observed. "And that is not what we're talking about," he added firmly, not letting me sidetrack him again. "We need to talk about your evilness."
Oh, not this again. Frodo, baby, for the 762 444th time, I am NOT evil.
"I know."
The whole evil powers things is just a story made up by---wait. What did you say?
Frodo smirked. "I know. I believe you. You're not evil. Ring, I've had a lot of time to think during these past few weeks, and I've come to realize several things. Firstly, you have never physically hurt anyone. Well, you've tried to hurt Gimli, but no one can really blame you for that... Secondly, you've never shown any actual allegiance to Sauron. Thirdly, Gandalf the Gray seemed to believe that you're not evil---indeed, you were quite upset at his passing. And fourth, I don't think you have any of the powers of evil that legends of old speak of. You are an animated Ring, but beyond your life and your ability to make people invisible, you do not seem to possess any strong magic. You certainly do not possess the ability to tempt men into evil, as lore suggests. You definitely don't tempt me."
You just had to tack on that insult at the end, didn't you? But I'll ignore that, since I'm so happy right now. I'm saved!!! You finally believe I'm not evil!!! I don't have to get thrown into the fires of Mount Doom after all!!!!!!!!!
"Uh...about that."
Oh no. Do not use that tone of voice, Frodo. I do not like that tone of voice. That's the tone of voice you use when you kick Sam out of your bed. That's your "no, you're not getting lucky" voice. And I don't like it.
"Ring, you have to understand. You may not have evil powers, but since you symbolize evil. For hundreds upon hundreds of year's Man's greed and hate have manifested in desire for you. In order for goodness to win this battle, the symbol of all that is bad must be destroyed."
Thanks. That's. Just. Fuck. Yeah, I feel a lot better now, since you've cleared up the whole matter of my INEVITABLE ASSASINATION.
"Oh, don't be like that, Ring. I'm working on a plan, okay?"
That's really fucking reassuring, Frodo, thank you. Even though I'm perfectly innocent and you know it, I have to get killed anyway. But don't worry, you may or may not think of a plan before my agonizing death occurs. Thanks a million!
Frodo, who had continued walking as we talked, arrived at some old stone ruins half-covered with moss. He sat down on a crumbling old step. "At least now you have someone on your side, right? This is not easy for me either. Hobbits were not made to go traipsing about the country like this. I---" He broke off.
What?
I looked in the direction he was looking in. Oh. Boromir.
Boromir walked towards us with an armload of firewood, looking a little uglier than usual. "None of us should be alone," he said to Frodo, "you least of all." And then he winked.
Ew, is that a come-on?
He came closer.
Ew! It is!!!
Frodo bravely ignored the way Boromir was leering at him. Instead, he said, "I had to have a private conversation with the Ring. I was explaining to it why I believe it has been telling the truth. I believe that it is not evil."
"What?! That's---why, that's *blasphemous*! The Evil Ring has finally gotten to you!" Boromir exclaimed, eyes wide. "Its powers of mind-control were too strong, even for you!"
'Mind-control'? I don't have any powers of mind-control. I mean, yeah, I'm irresistible...but I'm not *that* irresistible!
"The Ring does not have those powers," Frodo said patiently. "In fact, the Ring hardly has *any* powers. It was only through unfortunate chance that its owner turned out to be a dark overlord with a heart of tar and unimaginable evil."
Boromir freaked. "No powers?!?! But of course it has powers! Special powers that I can channel, and use to make me a smoking-hot hobbit love- magnet!!!"
::silence::
"Um, I mean, use to help my city. Yes. ...Oh, just gimme the damn thing!"
He reached forward.
No, Frodo, don't let him get me! RUN!!!!!!!
I'd like it to go on the record that Frodo *actually listened* to me this time. He ran. Unfortunately, his short little hobbit legs were no match for Boromir, who quickly caught him. Boromir tackled him, and there was a short scuffle. Frodo ended up on the ground with Boromir on top of him.
EW!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!!! Get away from us, you dirty child molester!
"Ah ha, I've got you now," Boromir said, eyeing me through a slit in Frodo's shirt.
"Oh no you don't," Frodo muttered, hurriedly slipping me onto his finger. He didn't even need to tell me what to do.
Boromir looked around, confused.
Oh yeah, he forgot to tell you. I do actually have one special power. I can make things invisible.
Boromir searched for us desperately, eyes darting here and there. But we were long gone.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ TBC