Chapter 13: Robin Fag And The Sheriff Of Not-in-my-pants
(A/N: In this chapter, Lucius is suffering from a fever, causing him to hallucinate slightly. Even he would not so mad as to do this without being ill. Poor Lumpin. I did try to make it a happy ending for him, but apparently fate had other plans. I do not think Narcissa will intend to divorce him. He's far too good a shag. Well, as one can see, the rating has been changed to PG. Apparently that means 'Parental Guidance Recommended'. However, I should not recommend you to read this with your parents, unless you very badly want them to think your brains have imploded)
"Halt!" a grave voice declared as Remus Lupin was crossing the grounds of Malfoy Manor on his way to where-ever he was going. He stopped, and looked around. Lucius Malfoy was standing in the middle of the lawn, wearing nifty green robes, and holding a make-shift bow and arrow.
"Lucius," said Lupin. "Are you okay?"
"Quiet, knave!" said Lucius. "Robin Fag demands a sum in trade for safe passage through Sherwood Forest!"
"Robin Fag??" said Lupin, raising his eyebrows.
"Robin Hood!" answered Lucius, offended. "Thou insulteth me, knave."
"Well, I don't have any money," said Lupin.
"Do not attempt to trick the noble Robin Hood!" said Lucius, aiming his arrow at Lupin. "He steals from the poor and gives to the rich!"
"No, he doesn't, he.." Lupin began, but was interrupted by Snape, who came running towards the both of them.
"Lucius, get back into bed," he said. "Narcissa specifically told me...."
"Back! It is the evil Sheriff of Not-in-my-pants!" Lucius said, swinging around and aiming at Snape.
"......Not-in-my-pants?" asked Snape. "Stop being so ridiculous, Lucius, and get back in bed."
"Never! This bully refuses to give up his bloodmoney to help the rich!" said Lucius.
"Lupin, give him his money so he will get back into bed. He needs his rest, said Dr Blifter." Snape said to Lupin impatiently, holding out his hand.
"But I only have two Knuts and a chocolate frog!" said Lupin, his bottom lip trembling.
"Well, give them to him, then," Snape replied irritably. With reluctance, Lupin gave his two Knuts to Lucius, whose face immediately turned from angry to happy, and skipped away across the lawn to his house, followed by Snape who hurried after him. Lupin took the chocolate frog from his pocket.
"At least I still have you," he said. Just then, the frog wriggled from his hand and quickly hopped away, into the sunset.
(A/N: In this chapter, Lucius is suffering from a fever, causing him to hallucinate slightly. Even he would not so mad as to do this without being ill. Poor Lumpin. I did try to make it a happy ending for him, but apparently fate had other plans. I do not think Narcissa will intend to divorce him. He's far too good a shag. Well, as one can see, the rating has been changed to PG. Apparently that means 'Parental Guidance Recommended'. However, I should not recommend you to read this with your parents, unless you very badly want them to think your brains have imploded)
"Halt!" a grave voice declared as Remus Lupin was crossing the grounds of Malfoy Manor on his way to where-ever he was going. He stopped, and looked around. Lucius Malfoy was standing in the middle of the lawn, wearing nifty green robes, and holding a make-shift bow and arrow.
"Lucius," said Lupin. "Are you okay?"
"Quiet, knave!" said Lucius. "Robin Fag demands a sum in trade for safe passage through Sherwood Forest!"
"Robin Fag??" said Lupin, raising his eyebrows.
"Robin Hood!" answered Lucius, offended. "Thou insulteth me, knave."
"Well, I don't have any money," said Lupin.
"Do not attempt to trick the noble Robin Hood!" said Lucius, aiming his arrow at Lupin. "He steals from the poor and gives to the rich!"
"No, he doesn't, he.." Lupin began, but was interrupted by Snape, who came running towards the both of them.
"Lucius, get back into bed," he said. "Narcissa specifically told me...."
"Back! It is the evil Sheriff of Not-in-my-pants!" Lucius said, swinging around and aiming at Snape.
"......Not-in-my-pants?" asked Snape. "Stop being so ridiculous, Lucius, and get back in bed."
"Never! This bully refuses to give up his bloodmoney to help the rich!" said Lucius.
"Lupin, give him his money so he will get back into bed. He needs his rest, said Dr Blifter." Snape said to Lupin impatiently, holding out his hand.
"But I only have two Knuts and a chocolate frog!" said Lupin, his bottom lip trembling.
"Well, give them to him, then," Snape replied irritably. With reluctance, Lupin gave his two Knuts to Lucius, whose face immediately turned from angry to happy, and skipped away across the lawn to his house, followed by Snape who hurried after him. Lupin took the chocolate frog from his pocket.
"At least I still have you," he said. Just then, the frog wriggled from his hand and quickly hopped away, into the sunset.