Chapter 20: The Rise and Fall of the House of Richard


"Now, Richard, please sign this form," said Lucius Malfoy, handing Richard a form and a quill.

"Being fondued in 5 tons of cheese may result in....: severe burns, frizzy hair, slight headaches, an inability to stop smiling, death, etc." Richard read out, his ineloquent voice trembling.

"Especially the etc.," added Severus Snape, who stood sneering happily behind Lucius.

"Yes, you would not want to miss the etc.," said Lucius, grinning maniacally.

"I'm not going to sign that!" shrieked Richard.

"Suit yourself," said Lucius, and pushed him into the vat of 5 tons of boiling cheese.

"Thousands flock to charity cheese fondue"
by Daily Prophet reporter L. Foymal

A world record was set yesterday when the ever generous Lucius Malfoy organised the largest cheese fondue in recorded history. Proceeds were donated to the Wet and Weedy Orphanage for the Orphaned Evil. The cheesey charity dinner attracted a mass audience of great diversity; eaters ranged from rabid fangirls to rabid fanwomen, all of whom continually shrieked about 'putting the cheese where your mouth is' and went on about 'the sheer size of the thing'. Also, Richard was reported missing yesterday, but this has absolutely nothing at all to do with the charity cheese fondue, nor with Lucius Malfoy.
Nothing whatsoever.
Honestly.

(A/N: Gentle readers! Goodbyes are sweet, sticky and delicious, and here we have ours. And Richard's, obviously. Alas, he had to die. As the real Richard will hopefully disappear quite soon from the author's life, considering his academic achievements, no more of his frustrating stupidity will be the inspiration for equally stupid works of fiction, and so it seemed folly to keep him. Indeed, the next series (the fourth! Such lasting success even we never imagined) will probably take a while in materialising, though of course that depends on our Muse, but it probably will arrive some time in the future, so keep your attractive eyes directed towards our dwelling, and keep those Crème Eggs ready and waiting always. Stay tasty, The Duchess.)