DISCLAIMER- The characters belong to Meg Cabot!
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August, 23
Life is WONDERFUL!
I know I'm not usually one to feel optimistic and find that life is great, but today I really feel like life is wonderful.
Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that:
- my name is so long I can't even take part in all those free contests, as it cannot fit the space under the name category.
- Grandmère is a monstrous dictator with whom I just spent TWO full months (I actually wonder why I'm still alive).
- my father has like a new girlfriend every week.
- the whole world knows about my father's dysfunctional testicles. (I'm sorry but I, for one, wish I had never known)
- my mother is married to my algebra teacher
- Rocky, my baby brother has been screaming non-stop for three hours
- Rommel, Grandmère's ridiculous and ugly bold dog – though some would say rat- tried to bite Fat Louie (my wonderful and beautiful beloved cat)
- I'm 15 and yet my chest is desperately keeping flat! It's in fact so flat I'm thinking of calling it "Holland", since, as everybody knows, Holland is a very flat country
- Lilly, my so-called best friend, didn't even write me a line when I was away in Genovia
- I'm a freaking princess
No, I'm happy because:
- I'm back from my horrible (and that's an euphemism) summer in Genovia
- I can hug Fat Louie as much as I want
- I won't have algebra anymore!
- I'm going to be able to spend some time with Michael, the brightest, funniest and hottest guy on Earth, again
Of course, I spent the last two months whining about how unfair life is, considering I had to be in Genovia, which happens to be very, very far away from Michael.
I'm telling you being a princess is not an easy task. I mean I used to be perfectly fine when I was a regular kid.
But now I have to attend all these galas, I have to go to Genovia whenever I'm on break, I have to be nice to people like René and, worse of all, I have to take princess lessons!
PRINCESS LESSONS!! I mean none of my friends have to take princess lessons.
It's not the kind of hobbies that you usually discuss at lunch. Which means that when Ling Su is speaking about her art, Tina about her romance novels, Shameeka about that new move she learnt during cheerleader training and Lilly about her last episode of "Lilly Tells It Like It Is", I'm stuck speaking about what happened last in Baywatch, as I could not really bore my friends to death with tales about Princess Lessons.
I know Baywatch might not be the most interesting subject ever, but believe me it is far more thrilling than whatever Grandmère has been lecturing me about!
But ok, I could accept the Princess Lesson thing, if only Grandmère was not the one giving them!
I'm telling you, that is not humane!
But enough rambling for now. I have to get ready and make myself look good. Cause tonight I'm going to see Michael, my boyfriend. BOYFRIEND. I just love that word.
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To Matt Moscovitz ilovechicksyippee.com
From Michael Moscovitz linuxrulesabhs.com
Subject: Wazzup?
Hi Matt,
How are things going at Grand'ma?
Have you met Sam, her extremely hot neighbour yet?
I know what you're thinking, but no, I'm not speaking about the 70 year-old one. I'm speaking about that other neighbour, the 19-year old hottie neighbour.
I mean, man, this girl would be perfect for you. I'm telling you, she's much better than that Maria-girl you used to date.
Speaking about girls, today is a happy day! For me, anyway.
Why? Because my girlfriend is, at last, back from her summer holiday!
I mean she has been away for two whole months! I sure felt lonely. And the worst of it all was that I could almost not contact her AT ALL.
You see, she was staying in that tiny European country. The least I can say is that Europe doesn't qualify as being close by.
Plus, I don't think my parents would have approved if I had spent much time with her on the phone.
Meaning that we just spoke three or four times over the phone and then we sent each other a couple of mails.
I'm speaking about real mails! The kind which actually takes more than a week to reach its destination.
Not e-mails! (Gosh that would have been easier!) No, cause she didn't have access to the net over there.
So we're gonna meet up some time later today. I'm thinking I'll bring her to the movies first and then to that romantic place up town. I'm sure she'll be thrilled about it.
Plus, I think tonight is going to be the BIG night. You see what I mean?
I know what you're thinking! Oh, yes! You have been teasing me far too many times about that!
And it's true, I'm 18 and should have lost my virginity a long time ago, but… well, it never happened.
I guess I just needed to find the right girl.
But now I have.
We have been going out for some months already. Meaning I've been considering doing it with her for some time, so I think it's indeed a good time to start practising.
Also she wrote me a couple of hot letters last month. I take it as a sign that she is ready too.
There's a little problem though: my stalker is back too. Yep, that sucks.
I'm afraid she's gonna show up and ruin the day, or rather, the night.
Who would have known that I, Michael Moscovitz, computer geek and amateur musician, could end up with a stalker?
Ok, so the stalker is actually stalking Lilly as well but she, still being the very same crazy bitchy Lilly, actually finds it funny.
Plus it's not like it's her first stalker. Oh no! She already had a foot-addicted freak stalker! Norman, was it?
You know I wouldn't have been surprised if you, my dear cousin, had had a stalker! I mean girls are always running after you! But I, huh? I'm not even considered cool!
In fact, I would never have had a stalker if my parents weren't psychoanalysts!
Yes, that's right! It's their entire fault. Cause of course it's one of their customers. The stalker, I mean.
So ok, the good point is that I actually know who is my stalker. Makes it slightly less worrying.
Just SLIGHTLY. Cause you never know with those crazy loony mad people.
Besides, I'm really tired with her sick love letters.
But at least I won't see her at school anymore! With me starting college and all. And that's a relief!
Also I kind of didn't tell my girlfriend I have a stalker. I didn't want to worry her.
Although maybe Lilly told her.
Anyhow, I might just mention it to her as well. That way she wouldn't think I actually like the other girl.
Ok, I have to go now. Don't wanna be late for the big night.
TTYL,
Michael
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August, 24
Last night was a blast! Michael is such a sweetie! And so hot as well!
I had the most perfect night ever!
Or actually ALMOST the most perfect night ever! God, I know, I should get down with my bad self!
I mean Michael had just made so many efforts to please me! And here I am, almost complaining.
What an ungrateful witch I am!
I mean, sure, I had been thinking we were gonna have sex… And well, it didn't happen.
Meaning that now I'm very frustrated. What with all the stress and all?
Plus, it really looked like Michael wanted to have sex as well.
I mean after that extreme making out session (and that included some second-base action as well) in the movie theatre, I had thought that… But oh, well!
He sure seemed to be turned on though.
The dinner was very romantic and all, and of course he kept brushing his leg against mine under the table.
But then, things went totally out of control.
Yep, for some strange reason, Michael got totally pissed off. I'm not sure if he was pissed off because of me or because of Judith.
Nay! Of course it couldn't have been because of me. Why would he have organised such a great evening for us, if he couldn't stand me anymore. I mean, breaking up over the phone is just so easier.
So I guess it was because of Judith! It has to be.
After all, wasn't it such a strange coincidence that Judith happened to come to the exact same movie as us.
Alone, besides! God, that was a romantic movie! Why would she go to see a romantic movie alone?
Then again, maybe she's that desperate. No boyfriend and no friends at all…
Anyhow, Judith –being Judith- decided that, since she knew us and was so alone, she could as well sit by Michael's!
Hello! Couldn't she see we wanted to be alone?
To be honest, Michael didn't seem to give a damn about her! I guess he was too busy kissing me.
So things were still going fairly well. Until we got to the restaurant that is.
And, bizarre, bizarre… Who turned out to be at the restaurant as well?
Judith!
I mean, I have nothing against Judith especially, but really was she following us around or what?
Yeah, I suspect she was. I think she might have a thing for Michael.
My luck!
Anyhow, we acted as if we just hadn't seen her and tried to enjoy our meal.
But after 45 minutes or so, she came to sit at our table! The nerve of it!
And so the night was kind of ruined.
I mean Michael was in a real bad mood after that, that is to say, no longer in the mood for extreme physical contact.
I didn't even end up at his place. No, I went back to the loft…
OMG! Maybe he had a secret meeting with Judith for the night!
Nay! He wouldn't do that! He couldn't do that!
Anyway, I think I'm gonna surprise him tonight and make the first move.
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To Matt Moscovitz ilovechicksyippee.com
From Michael Moscovitz linuxrulesabhs.com
Subject: I hate my life!
Hiya dude!
You wouldn't believe what happened yesterday!
No, it's not what you're thinking! Unfortunately. Sigh.
The big night was ruined by none other than… my stalker! My luck!
I mean the night had started pretty well. We were both so hot! I mean my girlfriend and I! Not the stalker and I!
Although I suspect the stalker was kinda having it bad for me as well.
So we get to the movies, and the fucking bitch shows up and actually sits by my side!
I couldn't believe it! I swear I nearly choked! (Thankfully, I know my girlfriend is good at CPR! I mean, she sure is great at kissing!)
It must have been my lucky day though, cause my GF didn't seem to notice anything special. I mean or at least she didn't care much about what creepy stalker girl was doing.
On the positive side, creepy stalker girl didn't jump my bones or anything. She just sat and looked at us.
I'm sure she was dreaming about it though. Jumping my bones, I mean.
Anyhow we make out a lot, then we go out of the theatre, we head to the restaurant and start to share a very romantical moment when suddenly I notice stalker girl is right behind us.
At that point, I started to be really pissed off. And that was only the beginning!
Cause after that, she even came to sit with us. I swear I almost puked!
Anyhow after that I was no longer in the mood for love or for sex, for that matter.
So I just made sure my GF went back home safely. Cause you know I'm a bit worried with that stalker around; and then I headed back home.
Gosh, it's so frustrating!
I'm gonna ask my parents to do something about their crazy little patient!
I can't take it anymore.
TTYL,
Michael
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To Matt Moscovitz ilovechicksyippee.com
From Michael Moscovitz linuxrulesabhs.com
Subject: Still hate my life!
I think my life is over! And I'm not exaggerating…
I mean my GF doesn't want to hear about me anymore! I'm sure you can guess why. Or at least WHOSE fault!
I don't think I can live without her. I mean she's just so beautiful, funny and bright. Sigh.
Oh, the day had started very well. I mean first of all, Lilly was not home. Definitely a plus!
I then had gone to buy some new CDs and books in that new second-hand store round the corner.
And lucky me, I bumped into my GF on the way out. Which was just perfect.
Anyhow she tells me she'd come to see me. And I can see from the shine in her eyes and the passion of her kisses, that we are really gonna do it this time.
So we head back to the apartment and practically run to my room.
Yeah, that's how excited we were. I swear I almost undressed her in the hall.
I don't think it would have been a good idea though.
What if my parents or Lilly would have come back at that point?
Or worse if they had found her bra or her string lying on the floor.
Anyway… So we spring to my room, full of lust…
Only to find my stalker lying completely naked on my bed!
And I'm not kidding!
This girl has no sense of shame!
I was so shocked! I think my GF was too, seeing as she dropped her jaw.
And what do you think she –stalker, not GF- told me but "Oh, darling. I know you want it as much as I want."
Hello, I was still grabbing my GF's butt at that point! Couldn't she see I was so NOT into her?
After a minute or so –and that could have been hilarious hadn't the situation been so freaking serious, Judith and Mia started fighting! For real!
In the beginning I though Judith was going to win. I mean she's a bit older so… but no!
After 10 minutes of slapping and biting and pulling of hair and such, Judith just grabbed her bag and ran away, screaming that she never wanted to see me again.
I was still in shock at that point. I had been in shock for more than 10 minutes actually.
Meaning I hadn't moved at all during the whole fight. I had just been standing there like a moron.
The only difference was that I was no longer grabbing my GF's ass.
Anyhow, I suddenly came back to reality, as I felt someone kissing my neck! Gosh, I know that's not gonna sound very masculine and all but I nearly fainted.
It was Mia.
And she was literary sucking my face!
How gross!
Oh yeah! In case you are wondering, Mia is the name of my stalker! Or should I call her Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo of Genovia?
That's how she likes to be called, yeah!
She's gone totally schizo! She really believes that she's a princess and all! My parents have tried proving her wrong many times.
They thought if they showed her the map of Europe where there is absolutely no Genovia (the name she's made up for her country), she might have come to her senses.
Gosh, my parents might be psychoanalysts but they sure are delusional!
They also thought that after these two months she just spent in that special institution for loonies, she might have improved. Ha! Let me laugh!
Of course they usually don't speak about their cases at home. But this time was different.
I mean the girl was stalking me! They say she's not really dangerous and that she suffers from erotomania.
Meaning that the schizo loony erotomaniac stalker girl really thinks that I'm in love with her!
Oh please! Just kill me! Not dangerous, my ass!
She, after all, just ruined my relationship with Judith!
And that easily! Two days only after Judith's return from San Marino!
I swear, I'm gonna force mom to go and explain things to Judith!
Gosh, I hate my life!
TTYL,
Michael
PS: So, have you and Sam hooked up yet?
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August, 25
My life is so over! I have been crying for hours!
Grandmère and dad told me yesterday evening that I have to go back to Genovia already! I can't believe it!
I don't want to go! I want to stay with Michael!
I'm afraid he'll think I don't love him anymore.
Especially after yesterday's fiasco! I hate Judith Greshner!
I mean we were about to have sex, Michael and I. I was already all naked and all when who else but Judith Greshner pops up?
And she even tried to kill me! I swear! She's a loony psycho!
But nothing matters anymore for I have to go back to Genovia and accomplish my royal duties now.
They say it will only be for a couple of months! But I don't believe them.
I know they won't let me go back ever again.
Oh, Michael, what will I do without you? I promise I will always love you.
I know you're gonna wait for me too. And I'm sure we'll make it someday.
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Ok so you all probably hate me at that point but hey, I was just trying to write something a bit different.
So p-uh-lease review!