Chapter Three
Fully Alive

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures
--Flyleaf, "Fully Alive"

Auron led the group through the woods with a minimal amount of attacks. Rikku marveled at how brave and strong he was. Oh, for crying out loud, I'm acting like a ninny, she thought to herself. But still . . . She wanted so badly to tell Yunie what was going on, but she wasn't even sure she knew.

After a few hours of wandering through the magical forest, Auron suddenly stopped. Tidus wasn't paying attention and ran smack into Auron's back. "Ow! Hey, what's the big idea?" Tidus exclaimed.

"There's something here to see," Auron said. With a mighty swoosh of his enormous blade, he cut through some brambles and branches, and motioned for Tidus to go through.

"This place is all water!" Tidus cried.

"This is what spheres are made of," Auron began. He continued, but Rikku began daydreaming again, and didn't really hear the rest of what he was talking about.

Suddenly, a gigantic blob rose from the water and began casting powerful spells at the group. "Fiends are also attracted to these places," Auron said, signaling everyone to commence fighting.

The battle against the Spherimorph was tough. Lulu and Yuna both used up almost all of their magic, but finally, finally, the battle was won. Everyone was weakened after the fight, but Tidus saw something glittering in the water, and for some reason, he felt compelled to pick it up.

It was a sphere. "That looks pretty old," Wakka said. "Don't know if you'll be able to play it back."

"Jecht left it here," Auron affirmed. "Play it back."

Tidus flipped the switch, and was shocked to see his old man appear. Jecht was homesick, Jecht missed his son. Rikku felt herself getting teary. I have become such a baby! she thought to herself with disgust.

Everyone left the sphere spring area, save Tidus. He was deep in thought, thinking of his father. Auron stopped just shy of exiting the area. "He loved you," he told the young boy. Then he shrugged, and went on to find the others.

When everyone was back in one place, Lulu announced that they needed to rest at the next inn. "Everyone is exhausted from that last battle," she reasoned. Nobody argued with the pretty black mage. They just trudged on through the newly fallen snow to the nearest Travel Agency and prayed for no encounters.

Later that evening, at the Inn, Rikku walked down the hall and knocked softly on her cousin's door. "Yunie?" she asked softly.

"Come in!" Yuna's voice rang out happily.

Rikku smiled at her when she opened the door. "Lulu said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Come sit," Yuna said, patting the spot on the bed next to where she sat. "There's much to say."

Rikku looked at her cousin quizzically. "What's going on?" she asked uncertainly.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Yuna began.

Rikku nodded. "Of course . . ."

"Good! So, talk to me Rikku. What's going on with you? You're acting so – swooshy, I guess," Yuna laughed at her choice of words. She was even starting to talk like her cousin!

"Swooshy?" Rikku asked, arching an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. You're acting – like I acted – when I realized that I . . ."

"That you what?" Rikku pressed. She knew what Yuna was implying, but she was going to make her say it.

"Realized that I was in love," Yuna finished in a voice barely above a whisper.

Rikku smiled triumphantly. "I knew it! It's Tidus, isn't it?"

"Shh, Rikku! Not so loud!" Yuna shushed her. "That is not the point. Rikku, who is he? Please tell me. I won't tell a soul, I swear."

"Well . . ." Rikku began, biting her bottom lip. "Yunie, I – I can't. I don't even know what's going on with us, if there's anything going on at all." Rikku's words were coming out in a rush. "Idon'twannajinxitIlovehimsomuch!"

Yuna's eyebrows shot up. "Love? You are in love?" She touched Rikku's hand. "Does he reciprocate?"

"I – I don't know. I'm so confused about it right now. I promise, Yunie, that I will tell you when there's something to tell. Right now, I don't know if it's just the stress of the journey that is throwing us together or . . ." She trailed off, knowing that she had just effectively screwed herself. Vilg! Now Yunie knows it's someone on the pilgrimage! Vilg, vilg, VILG!

"So he's with us," Yuna said softly. "It's not ... Wakka is it?"

Rikku burst into peals of laugher. "Oh, goodness, no!" Finally, she knew it was futile to resist. Yuna wouldn't say anything, and she wouldn't make her feel bad – at least, she hoped she wouldn't. Rikku saw Yuna's brow furrow and knew immediately what she was thinking. "Oh, Yunie, no. It's not Tidus either. He's so obviously meant for you, he doesn't even know anyone else exists."

"So that means that . . . Oh, Rikku."

"What?" Rikku said, suddenly defensive.

"Does he know?" Yuna asked gently. She didn't want to see Rikku's heart get broken by this crush.

Rikku nodded. "Last night . . . When I disappeared? I was – we were – together."

Yuna looked up, a nearly horrified expression on her face. "You didn't . . ."

"No, Yunie." Rikku rolled her eyes. "We talked. He – he hugged me. So tight. I could've died right there. It was just – magic, Yunie," Rikku said, feeling the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "But I don't know if it's serious. I mean, like I said, everyone's really stressed and emotional right now."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think Auron does things unless he's serious about them and willing to commit to all the way," Yuna said quietly.

Rikku mustered a smile at the beautiful summoner. "Thanks, Yunie. You won't say anything will you?"

"Of course not. You'll tell everyone when you're ready for them to know. But just so you know, Rikku? You could've done much worse for yourself," Yuna teased. Rikku laughed as she walked out of the room.

xoxoxox

When Rikku entered the lobby a little while later, she was greeted with the grim faces of her companions. "Sir Auron wishes to speak with you, Rikku," Lulu told her firmly, but not unkindly.

Immediately, Rikku's heartbeat sped up.

Wakka looked at her congenially. "He seemed pretty pissed, too," he said.

"That's helpful, Wakka, thanks," Lulu said coolly. Sometimes Wakka just had no tact. It was bad enough that the poor girl had to deal with a lecture from the older guardian, but to go in knowing she'd done something offensive? That was even worse.

Rikku looked at Tidus for reassurance. Tidus shrugged. "Well, he didn't seem happy," he said honestly.

Suddenly, she began to worry that she really had done something wrong. Maybe he wants to tell me this is all a mistake. That we're being stupid. Yeah, that's probably it. Break it off before anyone else knows about it. Hell, break it off before there's anything to break off!

Instead she looked at Lulu. "Did he say where to meet him?" she asked, hoping she was keeping her fraying wits about her.

"In his room. It's at the end of the hall," Lulu told her kindly. She looked at the younger girl with affection. "Will you be all right?"

"Oh, sure," Rikku said breezily. "I can handle the big meanie!" She hoped she sounded convincing.

Lulu smiled. "You better go, ya? Don't want to make him even more mad," Wakka prodded.

Rikku nodded. "Okay. I am . . . going now. Wish me luck!"

Everyone watched her walk down the hall, their minds working overtime. They all wanted to know what she had done to get on Sir Auron's bad side. "This could take awhile," Tidus finally said. "I mean, when Auron gets going . . . he really gets going."

Rikku walked down the hall and knocked with a bit of trepidation on Auron's door. "Um, Sir Auron?" she said meekly. She was formal because she didn't really know what was going on.

"Rikku?" his voice asked from the other side of the door.

"Yessir."

"Enter." His voice was gruff. Rikku could feel the bile rising in her throat. Maybe he really was pissed at her. But – what had she done?

Slowly, she opened the door and peeked around the corner. What she saw took her breath away.

Somehow, somewhere, he had gotten candles – dozens of them – and they were lit all around his room. There were petals from the starflowers and moonlilies that were so abundant in Macalania spread all over the floor, the bed, the tables, everywhere.

She must have stood in the doorway, staring, a bit longer than was to Auron's liking, because he grabbed her arm and pulled her in. "Get in here, you little fool," he said roughly. "Do you want everyone else in the inn to see?"

Rikku laughed sheepishly. "S – Sorry. I just – what is this?"

"This is best I can do given the situation. You have no idea how much planning went into this night," Auron told her.

"It's – beautiful. But – I, ah, what are you expecting? I mean, I'm not – you're not . . . Are we?"

Auron smiled at her flustered demeanor. "This isn't a seduction, Rikku," he told her.

"It's not?" Rikku asked. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed or not.

This time, Auron let out a long, hearty laugh. "Oh, Rikku," he said tenderly, putting his hand to her cheek, the same way he had the previous night at the spring. "There's so much I need to tell you, before this goes any further."

Rikku's brow furrowed. "Tell me? What is there to tell me?"

He motioned for her to sit, and handed her a glass of some kind of amber liquid. She took a sip, and blanched at the way it burned her throat. She set the glass down. "Thanks," she said quietly.

He sat down beside her on the bed, and took both of her tiny hands in one of his. "What I'm going to tell you – I have never told anyone. I was supposed to be here, to do a duty. To fulfill a promise." Rikku looked at him, those emerald whirlpools entrancing him. "I made a promise to Braska, and to Jecht, that I would watch over Yuna and Tidus. That I would make sure they grew up strong and brave, and good.

"I watched as the only friends I had ever had died. Right in front of me. And I was powerless to stop it. And it killed me to watch them go. It is a sick joke that Yevon is playing on everyone, Rikku. There's nothing noble about the sacrifice of the summoners. Nothing noble about watching a guardian become Sin. I went back to face Yunalesca, to tell her exactly what I thought of her."

Rikku leaned forward. "What happened?" she breathed.

Auron looked down. "She – bested me."

He looked at her, to see what her reaction would be. "But if she bested you, you would be . . ." Rikku's eyes widened in shock. "You are."

"I am unsent," he said bluntly. "I felt that I had to tell you, to be fair to you. You can now make a decision about what you want to do. But there is one more thing I must tell you."

Rikku looked up at him, and he could see the tears sparkling in her eyes. "Yes?"

"In all my years, both living and in death, I have never felt the feelings that you make me feel," he said, and his voice broke. "I didn't even know such feelings existed. I thought people were fools when they talked of love . . ."

"Love?" Rikku cut him off. "Auron, do you . . ."

He nodded. "I do." He said it so matter-of-factly that Rikku almost laughed, but she refrained when she saw the serious look in his eye.

"You said you were here to do a duty. What happens when that duty is done?" Rikku asked, afraid of the answer.

"I go to the Farplane. For good."

Rikku looked up at the ceiling. Why? Why is this happening? Oh, but I love him. I do. With resolve, she shook her head. "E tuh'd lyna!"

He looked at her. "You don't care? You don't care about what?"

Ever so gently, she reached up and touched his face, his scar. "I don't care that you're – dead. You're not dead to me. You're in front of me, I can touch you, I can feel your breath on my skin. You live here." She took his hand and placed it over her heart. "I told you, Auron. Hu syddan fryd. And I meant that."

With those words, he gathered Rikku into his arms and held her close. After a few moments, she pulled away from him, and looked him in the eye. His good eye darted back and forth between her eyes and her lips, and her heart began to race as he lowered his mouth to hers.

There was nothing but life in that kiss. Life, and love.