Chapter Seven
Broken Hallelujah
Baby, I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
--Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"
Rikku couldn't even cry. She thought about it several times, but she couldn't. It was as though she was completely empty inside. And why shouldn't she be? The events of the past forty-eight hours had been the most horrific of her life.
First they had killed Seymour. And then they'd been chased out of Bevelle by Guado guards. They'd fallen through the ice, and Yuna had been knocked unconscious. Then, as if it wasn't bad enough, Sin made an appearance.
After that, they had ended up on Bikanel Island – minus one summoner. Rikku was sure that Yuna had been taken to the Al Bhed's Home, so she had led the other five through the scorching Sanubia Desert.
But when they'd finally reached Home, they found it under siege by the Guado. Rikku had held her dear childhood friend, Keyakku's head in her hands as he bled to death. And even after all that, Yuna had not been there.
They had sadly boarded the airship, and Rikku was completely broken. She would speak to no one – not even Auron. She had watched with hollow eyes while her brother and father destroyed their home. Wakka had tried to cheer her up – he had come to peace with her being Al Bhed after seeing the torture her race was subjected to at Home. But she had yelled at him and ran off.
Auron's face was cloudy – Lulu thought that he was showing much more concern for Rikku than that of a friend. It seemed to her that the moment Rikku's heart had been broken, Auron's had also been shattered.
Slowly, she made her way to his side. "Sir Auron?" she ventured.
He barely acknowledged Lulu's presence. "I have to find her," was all he said. Lulu swore that his voice broke, but she was given no more time to contemplate it, for the red-clad guardian took off toward the other end of the airship. He searched the airship high and low, to no avail. Rikku was nowhere to be found. He was becoming frantic, when Kimahri showed up.
"Auron follow. Kimahri knows where Rikku is."
Auron obediently followed the gentle giant. He had never led him wrong in the past – Auron felt sure that he wouldn't start now.
Kimahri led Auron to the hatch that led to the airship's deck. "Rikku," was all Kimahri said, gesturing for Auron to go to the ship's deck.
Auron went through the mechanized door. Sure enough, sitting at the back edge of the airship, was his Rikku. He immediately gave thanks to the Higher Power that she was all right.
Rikku heard the noise behind her, and slowly turned. She saw Auron, and he was just staring at her, as if he'd never seen her.
Listlessly, she stood up and walked to him. "There's nothing you can say," she said woodenly. "It's just ... all wrong now. Everything's wrong here."
He looked down, into her face. Her eyes – once dancing and full of life, were now haunted, empty. He did the only thing he could at that moment. He gathered her into his arms and simply held her. "I'm sorry, Rikku," he whispered. "I'm so very sorry."
Rikku closed her eyes and buried her face in the crook of his neck and mindlessly ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "It doesn't matter any more, Auron," she said stiffly. "And I don't even care. Everything I have ever loved has been taken from me. First my mother, now my Home – next will be you. Face it. I'm not meant to be happy."
Auron pushed her away from him gently, his hands on her shoulders. He looked in her eyes, his face solemn and serious. "That's not true," he told her. "You deserve more happiness than anyone I have ever known. And you'll have it, I promise you."
Rikku looked him squarely in the eye. "But I don't want it if it's not with you!" She said it as though it should be the most obvious thing in all of Spira. It was then that the dam broke and Rikku burst into tears. "I don't want anything if I can't be with you," she repeated, throwing herself into his arms again.
He held her, and rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair, not saying anything. Words wouldn't help either of them at this moment. He, of all people, knew that sometimes words were just ... overrated. Rikku didn't need words now. She just needed him to be there. And he was. For as long as he could be.
Then she said it. Ever so quietly, ever so tentatively. "I want to go with you."
Auron was shocked. He jerked away from her as though she were on fire. "Rikku. No!"
Rikku jumped. It was the first time he had ever yelled at her. "Why should I have to suffer through alone?" she demanded. "Life will be meaningless without you!"
Auron grabbed her wrist firmly. "Your life will never be meaningless, Rikku. No matter where I am, knowing that you are living and breathing somewhere will mean something to me. And if that's not enough . . ."
Rikku cut him off by taking his face in her hands and kissing him – hard. Auron was shocked by the young girl's boldness.
Shocked, but not appalled.
He pulled her into his arms, and lifting her feet off the ground, kissed her back with raw emotion he had never known before. Finally, he broke the kiss. "Promise me something, Rikku," he said, lowering her so that he feet were back on the airship's deck.
"What?" Rikku asked him.
"Don't ever let me hear you talk like that again."