Chapter Seven
Heartbeat

Why does your pride
Make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
I know it's a lie
But you keep it inside
This is not how you want it to be
--Elliot Yamin, "Wait For You"

Lulu was concerned about Rikku. She had grown quite fond of the young Al Bhed – she looked upon her as another younger sister. She went in search of Rikku herself after Auron had not returned after a half an hour.

She saw Kimahri standing by the door to the deck. "Have you seen Rikku?" she asked the blue-furred Ronso.

"Rikku busy," Kimahri told the mage.

"Is she on the deck?" When Kimahri refused to answer, Lulu shook her head. "Kimahri, I'm worried about her! Is she out there?"

Kimahri still stood silent. Finally, Lulu grew exasperated and pushed the Ronso out of her way and opened the door. She stopped in her tracks as soon as the door slid open.

Sir Auron and Rikku were locked in an embrace, kissing each other as if their very existences depended on it. Lulu's eyebrows shot up. Unsure of whether to interrupt the clearly private moment or to just leave them be, her sensitivity finally won out, and she turned and left them alone.

Later that evening, Rikku sat alone in her sleeping chambers, contemplating her fate. She was scared. Every day she spent with Auron, she grew closer and closer to him. But they were also drawing nearer Sin, and that would mean the final battle would ensue. If they didn't think of something fast Yunie would die. And either way – if Yuna died, or lived – Auron would be gone.

Lulu entered the young Al Bhed's room and found the girl sitting with her knees tucked up under her chin, staring out the window. "Rikku?" she said softly.

Rikku jumped at the unexpected voice. "Oh. Hi, Lulu," she said softly.

"May I sit?" the older girl asked her.

Rikku shrugged. She was a little uncertain. Lulu wasn't the type to just pop into your room for a little friendly conversation. "Is something wrong, Lulu?"

"You tell me," Lulu said. "I went looking for you this afternoon. We were all concerned about you."

"I'm sorry about that," Rikku said. "It's been a really rough couple of days, you know?"

"I conceded that, when I happened to go up on deck in search of you," Lulu pressed softly. "I must admit, I was quite shocked."

Rikku's eyes widened. "Up on deck?" she squeaked. "This afternoon?"

"Rikku, enough!" Lulu exclaimed. "What in Yevon's name was going on out there?"

Rikku mustered her courage against the intimidating mage. "What did it look like?" she said shortly.

"It looked like it wasn't the first time that – that – has happened," Lulu responded.

Rikku shrugged. "Well, that's probably because it wasn't."

"Must you be so blasé about it?" Lulu asked, clearly taken back by the young girl's surprisingly worldly attitude.

"What would you rather I do? Lie?"

"Isn't that what you've been doing?" Lulu accused.

"No, it's not!" Rikku protested, jumping to her feet to stare Lulu down. "Just because we didn't run out and tell everyone about it doesn't mean we lied!"

"Rikku, he's nearly twenty years older than you," Lulu said softly.

"Age isn't the issue here, Lulu. Age has nothing to do with this. My mother was fifteen years younger than my father, and they were sublimely happy. And besides, Auron only actually lived twenty-five years!" Rikku froze. "Cred," she whispered. Her emotions had, once again, taken over her entire being, and she had shared too much.

Lulu's eyes widened in shock. "You mean to tell me . . ."

Rikku burst into tears then. "Oh, Lulu, please! You can't tell anyone. I shouldn't have said anything . . . Please, Lulu, please don't say anything!" Rikku was begging, which, for all the girl's faults, was not usually one of them.

It was unnecessary. Lulu wasn't going to say anything. She knew how important it was to keep things quiet. Besides, news such as this would put a strain on the entire party. She also knew it was futile to lecture Rikku on her illicit behavior. Quietly, she took the sobbing girl into her arms. "Shh, Rikku, it's okay. I'm not going to say a word."

No, lectures weren't necessary. This girl was going to be punished enough as it was. A lifetime of purgatory awaited her after the final battle. Lulu only wished there was some way to prevent it.

Auron lay alone that night. He felt sure that she wouldn't come to him – too much had happened, and she had told him that she needed some time to herself, to think about all that was going on. He didn't like it, but he understood.

Hell, he would've understood if she told him later that she couldn't be around him any more. That they must avoid each other for the rest of the journey. It would have felt like he was dying all over again, but he would have accepted it, if it was what the girl wanted.

The girl. What was it she had done? Had she been anybody else, he would have been able to ignore the feelings, been able to squash them. But she had been Rikku – she had been his opposite. She was the light to his darkness, the life to his death, the everything to his nothing. The heaven to his hell. And oh, how he wanted, for the first time since his death, to stay. Eternal rest on the Farplane now seemed like a worse punishment than no rest at all.

Given the choice, he would relinquish his chance for eternal peace on the Farplane, if it meant he could be with her forever.

For the first time in his entire existence, he truly wanted life.

xoxoxox

After that night, Rikku came to a command decision. She must avoid Auron, for no other reason than that of the preservation of her sanity. It was stupid and childish of her to think that they could ever have any kind of life -- he was dead – and it was only going to get her hurt in the end. The larger the gulf she put between them, the safer she would be.

Lulu felt sorry for the girl. It was like watching herself a year ago, when Chappu had died. She watched the Al Bhed purposefully avoid any encounters with the older man. If he entered a room, Rikku made an excuse to leave.

And Sir Auron . . . he had no idea what he had done wrong to make Rikku run from him. Lulu could tell just by looking in his eyes that he truly loved that girl, and that she was breaking his heart. But he never said anything – just kept a stoic expression on his face.

It was nearly five o'clock the next evening when they approached Bevelle. The city's guardian – the great flying serpent, Evrae, awaited them. Evrae turned out to be a much tougher foe than any they had encountered before, and it was even more difficult to defeat the monster without Yuna's healing powers or her aeons.

Rikku ended up using all her Al Bhed potions on various party members as they became poisoned or struck with some other status ailment. The supply of potions, hi-potions, antidotes, and ethers was also depleted.

Finally, Rikku's father, Cid, leader of the Al Bhed, managed to defeat the serpent with his final salvo of missiles. However, Evrae wasn't about to go down without getting his final say. As he screamed and started falling for the sky, he swiped at the nearest target – Rikku – with his poisonous claws, and then disappeared from sight.

The flesh across Rikku's midsection was torn and bleeding profusely. The toxin made her dizzy, and her vision began to blur. She collapsed on the airship's deck – was vaguely aware of voices talking frantically around her. Then everything went black.

Auron watched in horror as Rikku collapsed. "Shit!" he cried out, dropping to his knees beside her. "Does anyone have an antidote?"

Everyone shook their head "no." "I have one hi-potion left," Lulu offered. "That will heal the wound, at least." She knelt on the other side of Rikku, and lifted the younger girl's torn shirt so that she could apply the medication to the torn flesh. Immediately, it stopped bleeding and the wounds closed up. However, the hi-potion did nothing to stop the poison that was spreading throughout the Al Bhed's body.

"When we land in Bevelle, we'll get an antidote for her, ya?" Wakka said, trying to be helpful.

"It may be too late," Auron said softly. Rikku's breath was already growing shallow and raspy. He stroked her hair off her sweaty forehead, paying no attention to anyone else.

"Wait!" Tidus cried out, after digging around in his pouch. "I found a Remedy!"

"Well, it's no antidote, but it may just work," Lulu said, taking the tiny vial of red liquid from the boy. "Sir Auron, hold her head up. We have to get her to swallow this."

Auron complied with Lulu, and the mage ever so gently parted Rikku's lips and forced the liquid down her throat. "All we can do now – is wait," she said quietly. "Sir Auron, will you carry her to her room?"

Auron nodded, and lifted the girl into his arms. She was completely limp, and he could tell that her pulse was thready – and that terrified him. "Wait!" Wakka said as Auron reached the door to go back inside the airship.

"This just fell outta Rikku's pocket," he said, holding up a small bottle of an emerald green potion. "It's an Al Bhed potion, ya?"

Lulu clapped her hands together and fought the urge to kiss Wakka. "Oh, praise Yevon!" she cried. She administered the potion to Rikku, who coughed and sputtered before her eyelids finally flew open.

When she saw that Auron was holding her, she jerked, causing him to lose his grip on her and send her thudding to the hard metal deck. "Wha – What happened?" she asked, straightening herself. "Why is my shirt torn?"

"Evrae got ya," Wakka told her. "He poisoned ya – and no one had any antidotes left. Luckily, when Sir Auron picked you up, your last Al Bhed potion fell outta your pocket."

"I see," Rikku said softly, looking at everyone except Auron. She could feel his stare burning holes into the back of her head. Be strong, Rikku! she told herself. Remember, this is for your own good. "Well, thank you all for being so concerned. But I'm fine now, really. And, um, I think we've landed." She used the term "landed" lightly, for her father had anchored the airship into a few of the stone buildings of Bevelle. That meant that she, and all the others, had to do a little "rope-skiing."

Everyone began their descent down the ropes, but Auron held Rikku back. "Rikku," he began. "You are angry. Why?"

Oh, no, Rikku thought frantically. Not this. Please, I don't want to have to talk to him! Taking a deep breath, she held her head high. "I'm not mad, Sir Auron," she said as coolly as she could.

He flinched at the formality with which she had addressed him. "Since when is it 'Sir' Auron?" he asked her. "I'd say we are far past that . . ." He touched her shoulder and let his hand languidly stroke her arm.

She caught her breath, trying to fight the sweet sensations he was stirring in her with just the simple touch of his hand. "We were. But it was – a mistake," she lied, and then closed her eyes for the inevitable fallout.

"A mistake?" Auron spat angrily. "You're saying that everything – everything – we've shared has been a mistake?"

Rikku swallowed hard. "Yes," she whispered. "It's just – it can never be, right? So why should we kid ourselves? It was a momentary diversion from the task at hand, nothing more." Seeing the look of pain on Auron's face, Rikku laughed, a bit derisively. "Don't be sad, Sir Auron," she told him. "Soon enough, you won't be feeling any pain."

Then she turned and slid down the rope.

Auron felt as though she had slapped him in the face. "Oh, Rikku," he whispered to himself. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pang in his chest – and then he felt something that he hadn't felt in ten years. It was only fleeting – just for a second. So fleeting was it, in fact, that he thought he had imagined it . . . but if he hadn't . . .

His cold, dead heart had just given a single, almost imperceptible beat.