Chapter Nine
False Hope

There's so, so many
There's too, too many
Too many of us
Everyone's hoping to be the one
Spun straw into gold and outshine the sun
--Adrienne Pierce, "Fool's Gold"

He watched her the next day, as the group made their way through the woods. She stayed close to Kimahri. Auron figured it was because she knew that Kimahri wouldn't ask any questions. Smart girl, he thought.

Yuna walked behind Auron, a bemused and dreamy expression on her face. It seemed that the previous evening, while one love was crashing to the ground, another one had just begun to take flight. Tidus walked beside his summoner, stealing glances at her when he thought no one was looking.

It made Rikku sad to watch her cousin and her new love. Of course, Rikku was happy for the two of them, but her heart ached with every torturous beat that it took. She kept trying to avoid Auron's gaze, but she felt him looking at her at all times. He was shaking the resolve that she had so firmly lay in place. Every time her eyes happened to meet his soft look, she was so tempted to run into his arms and hold him and kiss him and never let him go. But she couldn't do that. Not if she wanted her heart to remain intact.

It seemed like hours of trekking through the dense forest, but finally, they reached the Calm Lands. Yuna took a deep breath and smiled over the serene plains. "This means we're halfway there," she told Tidus.

"The road ends here," Lulu said, explaining that there were no roads, no towns, nothing beyond this point. For some unknown reason, the thought of being at the end of the world came into Rikku's mind. And she felt sad.

Everyone decided to split up into groups of two for exploratory purposes. Kimahri went off with Yuna and Tidus, but kept a respectable distance from them, and Lulu and Wakka immediately joined up. Rikku bit her lip. Figures, she thought to herself. Everyone's against me.

Auron looked at the girl tenderly. "Come," he said, reaching out his hand.

"I'm not holding your hand," Rikku told him, swatting it away. "Just – keep your distance, 'kay?"

Auron looked pained. Braska . . .

Do whatever she asks you to do . . . Braska's voice came back to him.

"As you wish," the stoic guardian told his love.

Rikku gave him a sidelong glance. He walked far ahead of her. Eventually, she tired of trailing him, and ran toward him. "He-ey! Wait up!" she cried as she caught up to him.

He turned to look at her, an amused twinkle in his eye. Why does he have to be so gorgeous? Rikku thought to herself. "I still want to be your friend, Auron." She locked her arm with his. "There's no reason that we can't walk together, right?"

Beneath his cowl, Auron smiled. It's a start.

The assorted pairs met back at their designated campsite later that evening. Rikku had been exceptionally quiet on the walk back with Auron. Am I being stupid? I am. I should take advantage of every last second with him. No one could ever kiss me like he does – Shouldn't I enjoy his kisses while I can? And I do love him. He is – mine.

"Wait," she said softly, before they reached the camp. "Auron, I – I'm sorry. I got confused – But I . . ."

Auron sucked in his breath. Could this be it? Could it really be that easy?

Before he could find out, Wakka came rushing over. "'Ey you two! Dinner's ready, ya? C'mon!"

Auron exhaled loudly. Damn you, Wakka! he cursed to himself. He looked back at Rikku, hopefully, but the girl was gone. She had run ahead of him to camp.

I can't believe you, Rikku! she scolded herself as she ran. You almost let yourself give in. You must be strong! Remember, he's dead. He'll be gone soon – and you will be alone! You just – you can't be alone with him any more. He plays mind tricks on you, makes you forget your resolve. And you don't need that! He makes you weak, and you need to be STRONG!

The whole rest of their time in the Calm Lands, and in the Sunken Cave below the Calm Lands, she avoided him. She walked at the opposite end of the group from him, and made sure she always had someone to converse with. She thought she was doing well, until they got to Mt. Gagazet. Rikku was a desert-dweller, and she was ill-equipped for cold weather. She shivered violently. Everyone felt sorry for the poor girl. Auron wanted to run to her and wrap her in his coat and hold her close to his body. But he knew she would just push him away again.

She seemed to be battling herself. It was as though her mind and her heart were at war, and she was bound and determined to see that her mind won out. But every step closer to Zanarkand that they got, the more his heart sank. He was running out of time.

They reached the summit of Gagazet in just over two days, and were horrified to find that Seymour awaited them. And he was much stronger, much more evil this time around. Luckily, their party was strong, and they ultimately overcame him.

"Why won't that guy just leave already?" Tidus asked.

"Too many ties to this world," Auron said quietly. He nodded off in the not-so-far distance. "Zanarkand awaits. Yunalesca is there."

Rikku's eyes darkened at the name. That bitch, she thought coldly. She's the reason I can't have what I want. She cast one lonely, forlorn glance at her guardian before heading down the deep slope into the City of the Dead.

xoxoxox

Rikku couldn't believe all that had happened in the past day. They had gone to Zanarkand, and discovered that Yevon was based on nothing but lies. That had shaken Yuna, for it was all she had ever believed. The seven of them had overtaken the Lady Yunalesca – and because of that, the Final Aeon was no more.

But the most shocking thing to everyone had come after the battle. The pyreflies had begun to dance, and they acted out a very grisly replaying of the day that Auron had gone back to confront Yunalesca, after the deaths of Braska and Jecht. Rikku had watched the scene with everyone else, and it had completely emptied out her already barren heart. Yunalesca, that stupid bitch, had ruined Rikku's one chance for happiness. She had killed the only man Rikku would ever love – long before Rikku even knew he was the only man she would ever love.

It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. But it made her all the more certain that she had made the right choice when it came to Auron and herself. There was no way they could ever be, so why torture herself with a fantasy? Besides, she would always have their one magical night back at the Macalania Travel Agency to look back on and keep her warm on the long lonely nights she was sure to have plenty of.

Cid brought the airship to Zanarkand and found the shocked party. They all boarded the airship, and sat silently around the bridge. Rikku tried to put as much distance between herself and everyone else as possible. She listened with only half an ear while Tidus described his plan for defeating Sin, without the sacrifice of Yuna. Tidus knew that his father, Jecht, had become Sin ten years ago. He also knew that the Hymn of the Fayth had been soothing to Jecht back in Zanarkand. He thought that if they could get everyone in Spira to sing the Hymn at the same time, it would subdue Jecht enough for them to execute their attack. But defeating Sin was only part of it. They also had to defeat Yu Yevon, and to do that, they had to destroy all of the aeons so that he had nothing to jump into.

"Do you think you can do that, Yuna?" Lulu asked the summoner softly.

Yuna nodded. "Yes," she said with resolve. "I will do whatever it takes to ensure that Sin never returns to Spira."

"Good," Auron said gruffly. "Tomorrow, we will begin our quests for the Ultimate Weapons. We will need their power for the fight that is to ensue." He didn't add that he also hoped that the extra time would be enough to get Rikku back to him.

Much later that night, when he was sure that everyone else had gone to bed, Auron went down to the bridge to speak with Cid. He had a mission that he needed Cid's help with.

He had left the bridge and was heading down the airship's hall back to his sleeping chambers when he passed Rikku in the hall. "Rikku . . ." he began as they passed.

She stopped and looked at him. Her eyes looked haunted, pained. "Did it hurt?" she asked quietly.

Auron knew what she was referring to. Lady Yunalesca, killing him. "Only for a few minutes," he said, even though it was a lie, and he knew that she knew it. It had been a most excruciating experience, and only death had relieved him from the pain. But being unsent was a completely different kind of pain.

Rikku shook her head, wisely choosing not to call him on his falsehood. "I can't stand to think of you like that."

"So don't," he said. "Think of me as you always have."

"I can't do that any more," she said hollowly.

He grabbed her wrist. "Yes, you can, Rikku. Stop pushing me away!"

"Why are you doing this?" Rikku asked. "Why are you trying to make this hard for me?"

"Because it's hard for me," Auron told her honestly. He reached up to touch the soft skin of her face. "Every second I waste on Spira without you is one second too many! Please, Rikku. Come with me. Sleep with me in my room – I'm not asking you to make love with me. Just lay in my arms, like you used to. I miss holding you." He rubbed some of her flaxen hair between his fingers. "I miss you."

Rikku's breath caught in her throat. Oh, how tempting it was to follow him back to his room, to fall asleep wrapped in his arms. And there wouldn't be many more opportunities. With a deep breath, she tentatively smiled. "I miss you, too," she admitted. She thought for a minute. "Just sleep? Nothing funny?"

"I swear," Auron said, holding his breath. Was she going to come with him?

Her smile widened, and she nodded once. "Okay."

Auron wanted to kiss her then and there, but he remembered what Braska had told him . . . she had to be the one to initiate it. She had to come to him of her own free will. Instead, he just took her hand and led her into his room.

Rikku slept peacefully for the first time in a long time, lying there in the arms of the man she loved. In the middle of the night, she woke, and found herself face to face with him. His lips were mere inches from hers; she could feel his breath on her skin. She wanted so badly to kiss him, but she knew she couldn't. Not and keep her wits about her.

Sighing, she snuggled her head into the crook of his neck and went back to sleep.

When Auron woke up in the morning, at first he couldn't figure out why he felt so complete. And then he looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms. He gently kissed her forehead. That's not breaking any rules, he told himself.

Rikku stirred. "Mm," she murmured in her sleep. She breathed in, and she smelled Auron. Immediately her eyes flew open. When she saw him staring down at her, she smiled. And then she didn't care any more. She was going to love him forever, no matter what – and she was going to be devastated when he left her no matter what. She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity and a mere second all at once. And then she began to lean in.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging noise on the door. Damn it! Auron cursed in his head. "Yes?" he said out loud.

"It's Wakka. Are you 'bout ready?" Without waiting, Wakka opened the door. His jaw went slack when he saw Rikku curled up in bed with a shirtless Sir Auron. "Oh, man, I am sorry! I'm sorry, I'm leavin'! Whenever you're ready, ya? You too, Rikku."

Rikku giggled as Wakka nearly tripped over himself leaving. She smiled back at Auron and then crawled out of bed, the magic of the previous moment having been shattered. "Guess we better get going, if they're all waiting, huh?" She looked down at her feet and then back at him. "But, uh, I do want to talk to you later, at some point."