In Sunshine or In Shadow - Part 13
Creek Johnson & Nance Hurt
Disclaimer: Paramount owns what it owns. We own what we own. No infringement intended - hopefully, none taken.
She knew she was standing in a recreation of Ops.
Standing at the central control table were four men. As her eyes adjusted she realized that each and every one of them looked exactly like Odo.
No, upon closer inspection, they were not exactly the same. With her heart pounding in her chest, she realized that while each wore the face of Odo, it was not the same Odo. One wore the pinched, slightly Cardassian face of the Odo she had first met on Terok Nor. Standing next to him was a Changeling with the rounded face and rumpled appearance of the Odo she had known when she first came to DS9. The third wore the angular face of Odo as she had last seen him. The fourth was the most disturbing of all, for he wore the face of the older Odo she had encountered on Gaia.
It frightened and saddened her to think that it took her this long to realize exactly how much he had changed in the years she knew him. Finding it all too much to take in, she stepped back, intent on finding the door and putting as much distance as possible between her and the occupants of the room. Her attempt at flight was halted by Jack.
"It's okay," he whispered. "They thought this would make you more comfortable."
"Well they were wrong," she whispered back.
"Stay," said the Terok Nor Odo. "Please." The please was an afterthought.
Pulling herself together, she nodded her consent, but remained where she was.
"The information you bring us is disturbing," announced the early DS9 Odo, his voice thin and reedy.
"Disturbing," volunteered the later DS9 Odo. "In that a decision must be made before we begin. A decision that will effect his future."
"A decision not to be taken lightly," cautioned the Terok Nor Odo. "A decision only you can make."
"Me?" asked Kira. "What have I got to do with this?"
"The Odo you know," replied the early Odo. "Has been prepared for the Cleansing."
"The erasure of memory," confirmed the late Odo. "If allowed to remain as he is, he will remain permanently in shadow."
"Neither alive," volunteered the Terok Nor Odo. "Nor dead."
This is worse than talking to the Prophets, thought Kira. She felt as though she were trapped in a nightmare, having his face before her, hearing his voice, and knowing she could not reach out and touch any of them, that she could not even trust any of them. Knowing this was not a dream she could wake from, she was determined to get through the ordeal as quickly as possible. "Can we just cut to the chase?" she asked. "How do you cure him? What is this decision you want me to make?" She ignored Jack's slight short of laughter.
The three exchanged glances as though trying to decide who was to proceed. She took the opportunity to steal a look at the Gaia Odo. He remained silent and impassive, seemingly content to allow the others to deal with the situation.
"Very well," said the Terok Nor Odo. "There are two paths available for a cure."
"One path," remarked early Odo. "Will lead to a new life for him. A life in which he has no memory of all that has gone before."
"The second path," concluded the late Odo. "Will lead to much pain, but will restore Odo as he was when you knew him."
"If that's all," interrupted Kira. "If that's the decision you want me to make then I'll make it right now…."
"Do not be so hasty," cautioned the Terok Nor Odo. "Think not of yourself in the decision."
"But think of him who you decide for," counseled the early Odo.
"But…"
Jack placed his hand on Kira's arm. "They are giving you an out," he whispered. "You're all he has remaining from his former life. The only thing he has to hold on to…"
"Don't you think I know that?" she replied, anger showing in her voice.
"Listen to me, Colonel. I'm telling you that restoring his life is going to be very hard on both of you, but it's going to be hardest on him. Think of him as you decide. He has no real understanding of everything that has happened to him and when he finally comes around, he's going to feel as though the weight of the Universe were upon on his shoulders. The sacrifice he made will seem to him to have been in vain. He's going to need all the support he can get. We can only give him part of that support, the rest is up to you. Now, if you can't or won't be there for him…."
"Is that what this is about….?"
"...after this is all over, then do us all a favor and just let him be cleansed."
"You think that….what?…. that I would grow bored with him? That after all this time I would just cast him off like…"
"Time," remarked the Terok Nor Odo. "Much time has passed. Two years to be exact. What may happen in two years?"
"Time," cautioned the early Odo. "Two long years to you, but an instant to him."
"What they are saying, Colonel," continued Jack. "Is that if you ever felt your affection for Odo falter. If you want to back out. Now is the time to say so."
"Say so," agreed the later Odo. "And let him slip into a new life. A life without the old pain."
"Without the old attachments," remarked Jack.
She placed her hands over her ears in an attempt to shut them out. She knew in her heart that Odo would not wish for any life but his old one. She wouldn't wish for any life, but one in which he were a part. Nothing else mattered. And yet, she had made a new life for herself in the past two years, a life without him. That she wanted him back was certain, but what kind of life could he expect to live? She mentally slammed the door on her doubts. Whatever future they faced, they would face it together. "But don't you understand, I would do anything for him." she shouted. "I would walk away from everyone and everything but him. I would even give my life for him."
Her declaration was met with silence. She found them staring at her as though she had suddenly grown another head.
"It is not your life we seek," remarked the late Odo. "But another."
"Would you kill for him?" asked the Terok Nor Odo.
What were they really asking? Kill who? She thought of Quark sitting alone in his cabin. She thought of herself and the earlier attempt on her life. "Yes," she said. "If it would save Odo, yes, I would kill for him."
Hearing the sound of a throat being cleared, she turned to find the Gaia Odo looking at her.
"While that is very admirable, Colonel." he remarked. "Would you kill Odo, if it meant saving him?"
She shook her head. She could not have heard him correctly. "What?" she asked.
"In order to save Odo, you must kill him. We cannot."
"Only one Changeling," said the Terok Nor Odo.
"Has ever harmed another," continued the early Odo.
"It cannot be allowed to happen again," concluded the late Odo.
"Which is why it must be your decision," emphasized the Gaia Odo.
Don't be a fool. Your death will be your salvation. The Founders last words rang in her mind. She silently sent a prayer to the Prophets to take this away from her, knowing that they brought her here in the first place. The dream. Why?
A familiar voice sounded in her head. I don't think I have time to explain it. Besides, I think you know the answer. She remembered asking him about the Link. The Link, he had said, was paradise. But it appeared he was not ready for paradise. After all these years, it appeared paradise was not ready for him.
"Yes." Her voice sounded odd even to her.
The Gaia Odo nodded in understanding. He turned to the others. "Leave us," he said.
"But Elder…." began Jack.
"There are preparations to be made," suggested the Terok Nor Odo.
"Then make them," replied the Gaia Odo gently. "You have your answer. No go. The Colonel and I have much to discuss."
Quark leapt to his feet as the door to the cabin opened. Instead of Kira, he was disappointed to see Pilgrim with two of his crew.
"The decision as been made," said Pilgrim, motioning for Quark to follow. The two crewmen busied themselves with Odo.
"What decision?" asked Quark, suddenly not liking the turn of events. "Where's Kira?"
"Busy elsewhere."
"Then what do you need me for?"
"In case she fails," replied Pilgrim, steering him out into the corridor.
"Fails what?"
Pilgrim gave no reply.
Kira watched as the others filed out of the holosuite. Once they were alone, she turned to the Gaia version of Odo, the one they called Elder.
"Well?" she asked. "What happens next?"
"We talk," he said simply.
"You know what I mean."
"Patience my dear Colonel," he softly cautioned her. "There is time. Shall we talk in more pleasant surroundings?" He gave an order to the computer and she found Ops drop away to be replaced by a green meadow. A large shade tree overlooked a shallow stream.
He sat in the shade of the tree and invited her to join him.
"It is difficult, I know," he said. "It strikes at the very nature of existence does it not? We know what defines life, but what defines living? Is the process of existence enough? Your Odo is currently alive but can his current state be defined as living? Are we nothing more than the sum of our parts? What part do our memories play in our existence? Do our memories shape our existence, or does our existence shape our memories? How many things have occurred in your life that you would like to forget? How many memories would you like to have plucked from your mind? If you were able to remove even one memory, how would that shape your future? If you were able to remove even the smallest memory, would you cease to be you? All interesting questions don't you think?"
"I have never had much use for philosophical discussions," she replied, clearly showing her displeasure. "Just tell me what happens next."
"Of course. And you have many questions." He nodded in understanding. "Very well, what happens next is we apply science to nature and let nature take it's course."
"And that means?" She was quickly losing her patience.
"Odo suffers from what in a humanoid would be classified as an occlusion in the brain. A condition that would cause the synapses in the brain to malfunction and result in loss of memory. A lobotomy of sorts."
"If he were a humanoid…" she prompted.
"Which he is not," agreed the Elder. "We do not have brains as such and therefore no synapses. To put it in terms of our body, he has been injected with a chemical, which causes that which functions as our memory to become masked. Memory exists, but is disassociated from the rest of our thought patterns.
"So, what do we do?" asked Kira. "Remove the chemical?"
"There is only one way to purge him of the chemical."
"By killing him?"
He thought about her remark for a moment. "Do you know how to make non-potable water potable?" he asked apropos of nothing.
"You boil it," she was starting to get confused. "You don't intend on boiling him?"
"Boiling causes the water molecules and the molecules of the contaminant to disassociate. A phaser, set high enough will also cause matter to disassociate. A setting of 6 for a sufficient amount of time will deeply penetrate organic tissue…."
"And burn the chemical from his system," she replied. "But what if you are wrong?"
"We are not wrong in the treatment. But there always exists the possibility that the cure may be too extreme."
"So it is possible he may not survive?"
"Yes," he replied looking her in the eye. "I will not deceive you, there exists the possibility he will not survive. And the recovery may not be instantaneous or complete. There may be some memories he never recovers."
Kira gave some thought to his statement. Well, she chided herself, you decided to go along with it, you'll just have to live with the consequences.
"You sound," she hazarded a guess. "As though you have personal experience with this process."
"I do," he said with a smile. "I survived a…cure…many years ago. It seems there exists in our line a rebellious streak that destines us to live apart from the Link."
"Your line?" asked Kira with growing unease. "Are you related to Odo?"
"Related is hardly the correct term," he said with what Kira thought was a sad smile on his face. "To use a term favored by the Vorta, I am merely his illustrious progenitor."
"But that would make you…You're clones!" She thought of the Vorta and the Jem'Hadar. How else did the Dominion perfect the process of cloning? It made perfect sense.
"Yes. It is one of the sacrifices we made when we transcended humanoid form. No reproductive system, no reproduction."
"But why didn't you ever find him? Why let him live his entire life thinking he was an outsider? You said yourself that…."
He shook his head sadly. "I am fully aware of his pain, Colonel. But it is not our way to interfere in the lives of others."
"Not your way?" she felt the anger rising up within her. "What to you call this?"
"I call this survival, Colonel. This is quite different from the business of living."
Watching to see if Kira understood, he continued. "Who am I? Where do I come from? What is my purpose in life? Am I alone in the Universe? These are the eternal questions. Each of us has their own quest, their own search for identity. No one can give you the answers, they must be found on your own."
"But….?"
"But why? Let me put it to you this way: what if we had come forth and declared ourselves? What would have happened? How would that really have made a difference to Odo? He knew the Hundred existed and yet he made no move to find them and when the opportunity presented itself he chose to remain with you instead. If we had come forward, it would have only pushed us into public awareness. Yes, we would have been novelties for awhile. But what would have happened once it became known we would not fight the Dominion? We would have been reviled. And what of Odo? How would that have benefited him, other than to put him at odds with another of his people? What purpose would have been served in causing him even more pain?"
"But Jack and Gus chose to fight."
"As was their right. You see, Colonel. We do not seek, for lack of a better word, dominion over others. Not even over ourselves. Our people are free to do as they wish, as long as they do not compromise the anonymity of the rest. Any one of us could have made contact with Odo if they wished, only we believe that everyone must find their own way."
"And what about the Link?" she asked. "Doesn't it have a hold on you as well?"
"The Link," he replied. Kira was interested to hear the tone of his voice was not in the least bit reverential. "Do you know how the Link began? The Link started as a repository of information. It was never intended to be what it became."
"You mean it was a library?"
"In a manner of speaking. We have no written language, we have no need for one. When our people set out to explore the Universe, a need to return to the Link was engineered in their genetic makeup. The sole purpose of that need was for them to return to share what they had learned and then resume their lives. The Elders of our people remained behind to organize and disseminate the information. It was never intended to be a form of government. It was never intended to be a seat of authority."
"Which is why you left," ventured Kira.
"Exactly. Would you allow your Station computer to dictate your life and the lives of others?"
"No." Although she sometimes felt as though her life was ruled by a schedule.
"Neither would I. However, the need to share what we have learned is still very much a part of our lives. So, we formed a Link, here in the Alpha Quadrant, but we only allow it to be used for its intended purpose. I and the others you met here today are the keepers of the Link. The librarians, if you will."
"You say you refuse to fight the Dominion," said Kira. "And yet Jack said that you couldn't afford to allow the Dominion to take the Alpha Quadrant."
"That is correct."
"Then would you mind explaining why?"
"The simple answer is that the Alpha Quadrant is not ours. It belongs to the other races that live here. Do you ever wonder how the Dominion was allowed to exist?"
"Through conquest," stated Kira.
"Not at first. You see, Colonel, we are one of the oldest races in existence. We were gathering information and exploring space while most of you humanoids were still fashioning weapons out of stone. If you care to look at your own records you will find each and every culture has legends of Changelings, of creatures who appear to be one thing, but in reality are another. We are the basis of those legends."
"But if you have accumulated all that knowledge, why don't you use it to help people?"
"We did at first. In the early days of our existence as changelings, we reached out as an adult would reach out to help a child. To guide and assist in the development of alien cultures. However, as with most children, there comes a time when you have to allowed them to stand on their own. The process is painful and sometimes violent, but necessary for their development. Painful for both the parent and the child and sometimes the process of separation leads to resentment, anger, and in some even a desire for revenge. Those that make up the Dominion saw each instance of rebellion against us as a slight - as justification that we should no longer have direct contact with alien races. That we should no longer simply offer assistance, but demand compliance, for the greater good."
"We disagree with that philosophy. To lead lives separate from others, yes, to dominate them, no. To reemerge as a power in the Alpha Quadrant would be to invite others to look to us for assistance. To reemerge as a power in the Alpha Quadrant would be to encourage others to seek us out in the pursuit of dominance. We will do neither. We will content ourselves with seeking knowledge and with passing that knowledge on to other generations. What our descendants do with that knowledge is entirely up to them."
"And the not so simple answer?" asked Kira.
"Are you sure you want to hear it?" he asked with a laugh.
"Yes." Kira did not find the situation all that amusing. As a matter of fact, she found their refusal to 'interfere' as frustrating as she found the Dominions insistence on imposing order.
"The let me ask you this: do you believe in the Prophets?"
"With all my heart."
"Do you believe in the Pah Wraiths?"
She hesitated. "I did not, but now I do," she admitted. "But what has this to do with anything?"
"It has to do with everything, Colonel. Everything in the Universe has an equal and opposite member. Male/female. Vertebrate/invertebrate. Darkness/light. Good/evil."
"Gamma Quadrant Changeling/Alpha Quadrant Changeling."
"It is the yen and the yang. It is the balance of nature. We cannot exist in the Gamma Quadrant and they cannot exist in this Quadrant. Neither of us can afford it."
"I wish someone would tell the Dominion that," remarked Kira, thinking about what Jack had said about the plot to kill Odo and blame it on the Solids. What had he called it? A holy war.
"Once we restore Odo, they will understand."
Echoes of what the Founders had said in the past stirred in her memory - the implication that Odo's return to the Link was more important than the conguest of the Alpha Quadrant. "Why?" she asked. "What's so important about Odo?"
He carefully studied her. "You don't know?" he asked. "You really have no idea?"
"I know why he is important to me…"
"Colonel, Odo is one of us…"
"Well, I know that…"
"No," he said. "I don't think you do. When I say he is one of us, I do not simply mean he is a Changeling, I mean that he is of us…"
Kira closed her eyes feeling as though she were stunned. "Wait a minute," she gasped, thoughts swirling through her mind. "Are you saving he is not from the Link?"
"Exactly."
"He wasn't sent out? He didn't come through the wormhole as an infant?
"He was sent out, but he was sent out by us."
"So, he never belonged to the Dominion?"
"Yes."
"But why then did he feel the need to return to the Omari Nebula?" She struggled to make sense out of what she was hearing.
"We all have that desire," replied the Elder. "It is a part of us. The desire to return home is joined with the desire to share knowledge. If we destroy one desire, we destroy the other as well. It was unfortunate for Odo that he lived so close to the wormhole."
"But, when Odo found the Founders, they recognized him as one of the Hundred…"
"Which was the start of his troubles. He was the first of our new breed to ever reach the Link."
"Yes!" agreed Kira. "They said as much. But they never mentioned…."
"No. And I imagine they treated him with a certain amount of suspicion in the beginning."
Kira nodded in agreement remembering the frustration Odo felt in receiving such an unsatisfactory first experience with his own people. On reflection she realized that they were little more than distant relations.
"But if they knew," she asked. "Then why was it so important to get him to return to the Link?"
"Because they refused to believe that any of us could exist outside the Link," replied the Elder "It was an affront to them to realize that we could not only survive without them, but thrive without them."
"So in converting Odo?"
"They believed we would all eventually return."
"And when they realized that Odo would never condone taking action against the Alpha Quadrant," surmised Kira. "They decided not only to brainwash him into staying but making it so he could never return."
"Which is why it is so important that Odo survive. Not only to us, but to the Link as well."
"To hell with the Link," remarked Kira. "If I never run across another Founder…."
"Do not allow bitterness to consume you," replied the Elder gently placing a hand over hers. "The Link is not worth your anger or your tears."
"But after what they have done to Odo…."
"They have done more for Odo than they ever imagined. As part of the Link, Odo would have been but one voice. Outside the Link, he will serve as a beacon for all within the Link who wish for reform from within or seek a life away from their influence."
"So," said Kira not genuinely pleased with his remarks. "You plan on exploiting Odo just as the Link exploited him."
"That is one way of looking at it," agreed the Elder. "But only with Odo's consent…"
He was interrupted by a door opening in the hills beyond the steam. Pilgrim stood in the doorway.
"It is time," he announced.
The Elder stood and extended his hand to Kira. "Come," he said. "We must go. I am sorry that you feel as you do. We have taken a great risk in involving you, we can only hope that you understand in some small way the nature of our self imposed isolation, and respect it."
Kira merely nodded and followed Pilgrim out of the holosuite. She was lead to a room further into the Station. Pilgrim keyed in a code and the door slid open. He did not follow her inside.
As the door slid closed, she found herself in a darkened room. In the center of the room was a depression similar to a reflecting pool. Small globes of light were placed around the pool, providing the only illumination.
"Colonel!" cried a voice she recognized as belonging to Quark. "You have no idea how glad I am so see you." He stepped forward out of the darkness, but kept at least an arms length away from her. "You're not going to hit me again are you?"
"No," she replied through clenched teeth.
"Can I ask why?"
She turned to look at him. "Because I no longer care."
"Are you okay?" asked Quark. "You look…..upset." Receiving no reply, he continued. "Listen, just what the hell is going on here? For days they haven't told me anything and now that Pilgrim fellow brings me here and tells me I'm their backup in case you fail. Fail at what? What do you have to do?"
"It's simple," she said with a bitter laugh. "I only have to shoot Odo."