In Sunshine or In Shadow - Part 14
Creek Johnson & Nance Hurt
Disclaimer: Paramount owns what it owns. We own what we own. No infringement intended - hopefully, none taken.
Commander Bryan Landis waited for the turbo lift doors to close before letting out a heartfelt sigh of relief. To use an old phrase, it had been one of those days. He allowed the troubles of the day to slide gently from his mind as he thought of a quiet evening at home with his wife.
He closed his eyes, slightly surprised that after twenty years of marriage and a dozen children he still felt a warm glow at the thought of her. As surprising as the stupid grin he always felt cross his face at the unexpected sight of her in a crowd. He was just starting to entertain the notion of changing the quiet night to a romantic night when his comm. badge provided an unwelcome interruption.
"Landis here," he said sharply.
"I hate to be a bother now that you are off duty," said the calm voice of John Marshall. "However, I have just received notice that the Indianapolis is reported overdue on Vulcan. Even allowing for the Colonel's little side trip to the Thelos System….."
"Damn."
"I beg your pardon?" asked Marshall.
"Nothing. Has anyone been able to raise them on sub-space?" Landis knew the answer before asking the question. So much for a quiet night.
"Negative. Nor, I might add, have any ships in the area reported seeing her."
"Very well," said Landis with a sigh. "When's the Defiant scheduled to be back from patrol?"
"Approximately 2200 hours."
Two hours, thought Landis, well at least he could have a decent meal and a hot shower before having to take off. "Right," he replied. "Tell them not to stand down and let me know as soon as they dock."
On reflection, he thought, maybe he should make that a cold shower.
"What?" asked Quark.
"You heard me," replied Kira quietly.
"Well, of course I heard you," insisted Quark indicating his ears. "But you couldn't have said what I think you said."
They were interrupted by the opening of the door. Kira turned and stepped aside as four robed figures entered the room. Quark scurried to the farthest corner. As the figures approached, Kira realized they were wearing the smooth faces of Changelings. Two were female and two were male, or at least as close as Changelings came to being either sex. Of the four only one wore the face of Odo.
She was startled as each approached her one at a time and bowed to her.
"Colonel," said the last, the one who looked like Odo.
"Elder?"
"Yes." He smiled slightly as he took her arm and led her to a position in front of the depression in the floor. "You will stand here," he instructed handing her a phaser. "The setting is programmed. Ten seconds, no more, no less."
Finding it hard to swallow with a lump in her throat, she merely nodded. The Elder patted her gently on the arm and joined the others standing in the depression.
She starting to feel decidedly uncomfortable standing staring at the assembled Changelings, when the door opened again and three more entered. Two male Changelings, supporting a third. The third she knew was Odo, wearing a purple flight suit two sizes too small for him. She glanced at the two Changeling escorting him. One was another Odo and one was…Laas?
They placed Odo in front of her, his back to the depression.
"Laas?" she asked.
"No," it was Jack's voice. "But one of his line. Surprised?"
"Yes," she answered. "Although after today, I don't think anything will ever be a surprise again. And you are?" she asked of the second Changeling with Odo's face.
"We've met," was the curt reply. She recognized Pilgrim's voice although he did not wait for an answer. Jack took up position behind her as Pilgrim stepped away to stand near Quark. Quark did not look in the least bit happy with the arrangement.
The door opened again and a handful of additional Changelings entered the room and stood in a cluster just inside the doorway.
"Third one from the left," whispered Jack.
"What?"
"Gus. In case you were wondering. Third one from the left."
Her eyes sought out the Changeling indicated and she was slightly amused to find Gus was a female. As she looked at the assembled group of Changelings, her blood suddenly ran cold. She remembered Jack's words from a previous conversation. 'At the moment of our death we cannot lie.' They don't expect Odo to survive, she thought. She looked at Odo, he stood in place like a marionette, his eyes vacant. What if this were to be the last time I see him alive, she thought.
"Does he know?" she asked Jack. "Does he have any idea what is about to happen?"
"No," he replied. "Not at this moment. But he will once it's over."
She looked past Odo to the Elder. "May I have a moment to speak to him?" she asked.
"Certainly," he replied. "Proceed when you are ready."
"Thank you." She glanced over her shoulder at Jack, who taking the hint, stepped back to allow her some privacy.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and ran her hands lightly down the length of his arms, uncertain what to say. Dear Prophets, she thought, give me the words. Taking a deep breath she rested her left hand against the back of his neck and pulled his head down, their foreheads touching. She left she would not be able to do this if she had to stare into those eyes.
"Do you know," she said softly. "What happened after you left Vic's - the night of our first date? You never asked, I guess you really didn't want to know. I never said, because…because I thought there would always be time. Then we ran out of time, and it just didn't seem to matter much after that."
She fought back her tears. "After you left Vic's, I went back to my quarters, and spent most of the night trying to make sense of everything. But no matter what, I kept coming back to me siting at that table, you had just asked if I wanted to dance, and you stood there, your hand reaching out for mine. It was at that moment that I realized that from the moment we first met, you had always offered me an open hand. I never expected that from someone who wasn't Bajoran and you, you after all you had gone through in the lab, had no reason to offer your hand to anyone, much less me."
"Why me? I couldn't fathom why of all people me. I started to think of all that we had gone through over the last seven years and I began to realize that no matter what… it didn't matter if I was the one to hurt you, or you were the one to hurt me, you were always there offering me your hand.
"Foolishly, I thought of how much I had changed over the years when it was you who had changed. I thought about everything from small changes, like that ridiculous belt and you learning how to dance to big changes such as your turning your back on your people and realized that I had been the cause of a lot of the changes you had put yourself through. I didn't know why at the time, but it dawned on me that you did it because you loved me, although I couldn't figure out what I had ever done to deserve it. You should have hated me for being so blind and yet there you stood with your hand reaching out for mine."
"And how placing my hand in yours was the most natural thing in the world for me to do. How stepping into your arms was as easy and as normal as breathing."
"You have no idea how much I've missed you. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you. When I don't look for your face in the crowds on the Promenade. Or hear a voice like yours or a laugh that is the same and it's all I can do to keep my composure."
She slid her left hand from the back of his neck and grabbed hold of the front of his flight suit with all her might. Her right hand tightened on her phaser.
"You are my heart."
"My anchor."
"My true north."
"The love of my life."
She kissed him and put all her emotions into that kiss.
As their lips parted…
She touched the trigger on the phaser.
She felt his body jerk as the energy blast coursed through his body. Concentrating on her count, she ignored the smell of burnt clothing, tears running down her cheeks.
The seconds passed in what seemed a lifetime. Finally reaching ten seconds, she released him, the phaser dropping to the floor. His body wavered in place for a moment before falling backward only to be caught by the four Changelings waiting in the pool below.
She watched fascinated as the four began to shift, taking Odo with them. She was vaguely aware of Jack stepping up from behind. He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She was just about to turn and ask him a question when she felt pressure on her neck and heard the hiss of the hypospray.
Jack and Gus gently placed Kira on the bunk in the quest quarters of the Indianapolis and stepped aside as Pilgrim unceremoniously dumped Quark on the other. Picking up a tricorder, Jack carefully assessed their condition.
"That should keep them out for a couple of hours," he remarked. "With any luck the Elders will have finished by then and we can be on our way. Sure you don't want to hang around Pilgrim? Maybe play some springball?"
"Unlike you, I have work to be done. I hope you know what you are doing," remarked Pilgrim. "If they die…"
"I was a doctor once," Jack reminded him.
"I'm a doctor, dammit," said Gus mockingly as he squeezed past them and left the cabin. "Not a damned shapeshifter."
"Three hundred years ago," said Pilgrim ignoring Gus. "A lot has changed since then."
"People haven't," Jack put the tricorder away. "Besides that, I keep current. You never know when it might come in handy."
"You know what you have to do?"
"Yes," said Jack with good humor. "I know. I've been thinking…"
"Why is it when I hear you speak those words I feel impending disaster?"
"Maybe it's because your a…."
"Enough," interrupted Pilgrim. "Do what you must, but spare me the constant chatter."
"Didn't you say something about having work to do?"
"Yes." Pilgrim reached the door of the cabin and turned to look back at the two unconscious figures. "Do you believe they can be trusted?"
"Has anyone ever called you their true north?" asked Jack.
Pilgrim stared long and hard at him. "No," he replied softly.
"Nobody's called me that either." Although I wish they had, Jack thought.
"And the Ferengi?" asked Pilgrim. "Do you believe we can trust him?"
"Despite his bluster, yes. Look, he risked his life in a move he thought would save Odo. The money was just a side issue. And besides that…."
"He still stands to make a profit," replied Pilgrim nodding his head thoughtfully. "Till the rendezvous then."
"Over the Mountains of the Moon," said Jack holding out his hand.
After a moments hesitation, Pilgrim took the proffered hand. "Down the Valley of the Shadow," he replied.
Jack watched Pilgrim as he made his way to the airlock. "Ride, boldly ride," he said softly to himself. "If you seek for Eldorado."
Out of the darkness, he felt the sharp bite of pain. Through the darkness, he felt as though every bit of him separated and scattered in a thousand directions, disbursing the darkness into light.
Hundreds of thoughts formed, only to be replaced by another as soon as they were realized. It was as though he were living every moment of his life at exactly the same time.
In the darkness he had been absolutely alone. Here in the light, he became aware of another presence. Of other minds gently touching his. Gathering his scattered wits, putting some sense of order in the chaos that he embodied.
And granted him peace.
The alarm klaxon sounded it's relentless warning as Jack and Gus carried the last of their burdens to the escape pod.
"I saw a peanut stand," shouted Jack over the noise of the alarm.
"I seen a rubber band," sang back Gus.
"I saw a needle that winked it's eye."
"But I done seen just about everything,"
"When I see a Ferengi fly," concluded Jack with a laugh. "You know something Gus, these humanoids are a lot heavier than they look."
They placed the still unconscious Quark next to Kira Nerys.
"Warning. Warp core breach in ten minutes," calmly announced the ships computer.
Turning Quark's body, Gus gently took his arm and placed it across the body of Kira.
"Nice touch," remarked Jack as Gus stepped out of the pod.
"Yeah, well, it's the closest he'll ever get," remarked Gus with a slight smile. "You know, I think I'm going to miss this life."
Jack draped his arm across Gus' shoulder. "Me too."
Gus closed the hatch and stepped back as Jack pushed the release, sending the escape pod racing away from the ship.
"Warp core breach in eight minutes," the computer reminded them.
They stood for a moment watching the pod quickly disappear from view.
"Think they are going to be okay?" asked Jack.
"As okay as anybody in love ever is," replied Gus.
Arm in arm they made their way back into the heart of the ship.
"So," asked Jack. "Would you say that I was your true north?"
"What is it with you and this 'true north' business anyway?
"Just answer the question."
"I'm sitting on top of this hill, enjoying the view, living my own life, minding my own business and you come up and convince me to run off with you in this broken down freighter so we can 'see the universe'. And we see the universe. Then you get this idiotic idea to take over this Starfleet ship so we can get into the war. Then the war is over and I'm thinking I can go back to my hill. But no. You think you can pull some strings and get us the milk run from Vulcan to the Gamma Quadrant. So, we do that. And now you want to know if you're my true north?"
"Exactly," replied Jack. "In your considered opinion."
"Why?" asked Gus. "What's it to you?"
"I don't know. Maybe it would be nice to think someone would do for me what she did for Odo."
"You think it would be nice for someone to shoot you?"
"In a manner of speaking."
"Believe me, Jack. I've thought about shooting you more times than you want to know…"
"So, in your considered opinion, I would be your true north?"
"In my considered opinion," replied Gus after a moments consideration. "You are the most stubborn, pigheaded, interfering, bucket of gelatinous snot I have ever had the misfortune to encounter in my life."
"Warp core breach in three minutes," remarked the ships computer.
"Yeah? Well," remarked Jack. "I love you too."
I've been drugged, Kira thought, sitting up suddenly. In the glare of light that stuck her eyes she felt hands restraining her. She blinked and recognized a face.
"Julian?"
"Easy," he cautioned her. "You've been through a lot. Now, just lie back and get your bearings."
"What happened?"
"We were hoping you could tell us." He opened his tricorder and began checking her status. "What do you remember?"
She looked at him closely, and decided to lie. "Nothing much," she replied. "How long have I been here?"
"On the Defiant? Two days. In the escape pod? We think three days, maybe four."
"Escape pod?"
He looked at the tricorder more closely. "I don't see any indication of a cranial injury, but if you are having trouble with your memory, perhaps I should run a few more tests…."
"No," insisted Kira. "Where's Quark?"
"Quark was released this morning. I believe he is in the quarters assigned to him if you would like to see him, but he was even less cooperative about the whole incident than you are. You were very lucky to have gotten off the Indianapolis when you did. The debris field is huge, it must have been a remarkable…"
"Debris field?"
"Yes." He turned to his nurse and handed her the tricorder. "There must be something wrong with this one. Thank you." He began running a second scan. "The Indianapolis is gone. Warp core breach, we aren't sure what exactly happened. We found the three of you in an escape pod. You and Quark were given enough triptacederine to keep you out for a week."
Three? "Odo?" Kira sat up again. "Where?"
"Resting," he said gently pushing her back down onto the biobed. "As you should be. When the Indianapolis was reported overdue by the Vulcan authorities, we came looking for you. We found what was left of the Indianapolis and picked up the signal from the escape pod shortly thereafter. And you know nothing about what might have caused the explosion?"
"No," replied Kira clearly puzzled. "How is he?"
"Physically fine. I mean, back to normal. Mentally, I have no idea. How did you find them?"
"I didn't," she replied. "They found me." She was desperately trying to make sense of the situation. Last thing she remembered was being on the station. Shooting Odo. She winced at the thought. Then the elders…and then Jack… "Where there any other escape pods?"
"None that we have been able to locate," confessed Julian. "We scanned the area and found nothing. With any luck someone else may have found Captain Fellows and Mr. Ferguson."
I wouldn't count on it, she thought. Knowing what they were, she was convinced they were light years away from here. And she never go the chance to thank them.
"Where's Kira," he asked. It was clear to Ezri he was stalling for time. He was good at that.
"Kira is in her office," she reminded him. Whenever Odo needed a little extra time remembering the answer to her questions, he always asked for Kira. "A lot of work piled up while you were away. Now, answer the question."
He sat on the edge of the biobed and crossed his arm across his chest. "Of course, I remember who you are," he replied testily. "I was at your zhian'tara."
Ezri tilted her head to the side and sighed. Things had not been going well, and her patient was less than cooperative. "Not my zhian'tara, Odo." she reminded him. "Jadzia's."
"I really don't see the point of all of this," he said gruffly, but it was clear the tricks his memory was playing on him were a constant source of irritation and embarrassment. "May I go home now?"
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"Waking us this morning…"
"You know what I mean." They stared at each other, neither willing to concede defeat.
"If I tell you," asked Odo eventually. "Will you let me go home?"
"For the day? Yes."
Finally, he thought with relief. "The last thing I remember clearly was sitting in a meeting with Gevrik and the head of Security for the Embassy."
"And your next clear memory?"
"Waking up on the Defiant. Everything in between is just bits and pieces."
"Right," she said. "One last question."
"Well?"
"Odo, where's home?"
He opened his mouth to reply and halted.
He had no idea.
"Well?" asked Julian Bashir as Odo stalked out of the Infirmary and disappeared into the crowded Promenade.
"Poor Odo," replied Ezri. "Nobody should have to go through what he's having to go through."
"His memory is coming back, just not as quickly as any of us would like."
"That's true," she agreed. "And he remembers more when he isn't trying to. Ask him a direct question and he's likely to go blank, then two minutes later, after you've moved on to something else, he remembers. It's as though he's two sentences behind in a conversation. It can't be easy for him."
"He will work through it," Julian assured her. "If I know Odo, he will work it through."
Feeling relieved to be free at last from the confines of the Infirmary, Odo allowed himself to be pushed along with the traffic of the Promenade, pleased he remembered the location of the majority of the storefronts. Once he reached the Security Office, he separated from the throng and stood to the side, occasionally spying a face he recognized.
He briefly glanced over as the door to the office slid open and a tall, blonde headed man stepped out. In a flash, he recognized him. The noise of the Promenade slipped away as in Odo's mind he saw that man standing over the limp body of Kira. He shook his head, and the vision was replaced by the same man standing over him. 'Don't be a fool," he remembered him saying. 'Your death will be your salvation.'
He felt his body jerk involuntarily at the memory of a phaser blast burning it's way through him. Trembling, he moved away as quickly as possible, but not before he had been spotted. The man called his name and he pretended not to hear, ducking into the nearest doorway. Looking around, he recognized this place, this was Quark's. He made his way to the end of the bar farthest from the door and hid.
"Well, when did they let you out?" asked a voice.
"What?" He look up into the face of Quark. He nearly laughed with relief.
"Odo, are you okay?" Quark asked clearly concerned. "You look….odd."
"I'm fine."
"If you say so. Listen, I need to talk to you about something. As soon as we got back, I checked to see how my accounts were doing and I found something strange. A rather large amount of latinum was deposited into a new account and there was a message left for me that said it was a deposit for future services. Was that sent from who I think….?"
Odo no longer heard him. In his mind, he and Quark were standing in a nearly empty hanger. A Founder was there with them. 'It it not necessary for you to return to the Link,' she said. 'We can kill you now.' He stiffened as in his memory he could feel the phaser scatter his molecules.
"Odo?" asked Quark. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes," he replied, startled by Quark's touch on his arm.
"Maybe we'd better go back to the Infirmary." Quark turned to motion to one of his waiters to take care of the bar and when he turned back, Odo was gone.
Fighting panic, Odo allowed himself to be swept away until he could find a quiet corner to hide in. I need to go home, he thought. I need to find Kira.
Looking around to make sure neither Quark nor the blonde headed man were anywhere near, he started to make his way toward the turbolifts. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the flash of a red uniform. Turning, thinking it was Kira, he found himself remembering standing in a darkened room. She was pressed close to him, whispering softly. Their lips met and she...shot him. Shot him? He could feel the energy burning it's way through his body, see her face before him, tears running down her cheeks as she...
shot him…
Someone in the crowd jostled him. Drunkenly he turned to see who had walked into him and when he turned back, he saw Julian and Quark talking to the blonde headed man. Again, he caught the flash of a red uniform, much closer to him now. He felt his body jerk at the memory of the phaser blast.
And he ran.
"What do you mean he ran off?" demanded Kira of the somewhat shame faced group that met her in the Infirmary.
"He was on the Promenade one minute," began Marshall.
"Behaving oddly, I might add," volunteered Quark. "Even for Odo."
"And then he ran," said Julian.
"Where?"
"We don't know," said Marshall. "He wasn't wearing a comm. badge."
"And in his humanoid form we can't find him with a scan."
"Well, that's just great," growled Kira. "What happened to cause him to run?"
"We don't know that either," replied Julian. "It could be anything."
"Is there anything you can remember that happened to him," asked Ezri. "That may have caused him to be afraid?"
Kira and Quark exchanged looks. She could think of several things, but none she could discuss openly. "No."
"Especially something remembered out of context."
"Remembered out of context?" she asked.
"You see," said Ezri. "Recovered memories don't always come back in any recognizable order. It could be a little bit of one memory, a part of another. Like a puzzle, it takes time for them to fit into a whole picture."
Great, thought Kira. He could remember a part of anything. He could even remember only that she…shot him…and know nothing of the reason why. She found the idea deeply disturbing.
"Should we organize a search party?" asked Marshall.
"But he could be anywhere," protested Julian. "Or anything."
"But you can't just allow him to run around out there," said Quark. "Think of the trouble he could cause."
"And you think a staionwide search would go unnoticed?" asked Marshall.
"Julian's right," said Kira. "And if he is still confused, a search party would only drive him deeper into hiding. We'll just have to wait for him to come home on his own."
"If he remembers where that is," said Ezri softly to herself.
With each step Kira felt exhaustion weigh heavily on her. She had been through so much in the last month and now she felt she had she had lost Odo all over again. By the time she reached her quarters her body felt as though it was an unfamiliar and heavy burden. All she wanted now was a hot bath, a warm bed, and Odo. Her heart ached at the thought of him, alone and frightened somewhere on the station.
She keyed in her access code, the door slid open and she stepped thorough not noticing how dark the rooms were until the door slid closed behind her. Ordering the lights up, she heard a rasping cry and turned to find a figure cowering in the corner, his arms thrown protectively around his head.
"Odo?" she said and was at his side in an instant.
"I'm sorry," he stammered. "I apologize for the mistake. I thought these were my quarters."
"Odo," she said kneeling next to him and gently pulling his arms down so she could see his face. "These are our quarters. Come on, look at me." She lifted his head and gently caressed his face.
He blinked as though the light hurt his eyes. "Nerys?" he asked uncertainly.
She made soothing noises as one would to a child, silently breathing thanks to the Prophets for sending him home. "It's okay," she assured him. "Everything will be okay."
"No!" he replied attempting to move away from her. "No, I remember things. Frightening things. Terrible things. Please," he pleaded. "Please, tell me it was just a dream."
"I know," she replied gently pulling him into her arms. She rested his head in her lap. "I know. I'll tell you everything. But it's a long story."
"I have the time."
She paused unsure how to begin. How was she to tell him that everything he thought about his life, everything he had assumed about himself and his people was a falsehood? How was she to tell him that all the sacrifices he had made were in vain? How could she tell him that although the Founders were not his people, the Hundred appeared to want even less to do with him? Sweet Prophets, she thought, how could she be expected to destroy his entire world with just a few words?
She stroked his hair and leaned to drop a kiss on his head. The simple matter was that his world was all ready destroyed. He had the right to know the truth and if anyone were to break the news to him, she would just as well do it herself. She could do this, she chided herself, she would do it for him. And she would be there to pick up the pieces. With a sigh she launched into her narrative. "Let's see, I believe it all started…"
And late into the night she talked, telling him everything she remembered. Throughout the night she found herself crying for him and grieving with him. The pent up anguish of two years was released as two wounded souls found it possible to fall in love for a second time, without ever having falling out of love in the first place.
The morning found them still on the floor, asleep in each others arms.
The End