Only In My Dreams
A/N: Hey everyone I just came up with this idea one day and decided to get it out there for everyone of you to read. I hope you enjoy it. Some things might not be very accurate but consider the fact that I haven't seen the latest episodes of Degrassi and have only read summaries of them but I'm trying my best. This is my first Ashley Fan Fic and I hope it's good.
Chapter One: Once Again
(I don't know where to start. I'm not happy. Um, that was surprising but if you just look close enough then you'll know what I'm talking about. I can't help it. I'm not happy but could you honestly blame me? My boyfriend cheated on me, won the band contest and now I'm depressed because of it. Why does life have to be so horrible? God, can you answer that? I don't want to walk outside and I don't want people to worry about me. I've done enough worrying for everybody. This is not like me. What is happening? Who am I? Now you might think I'm overreacting but I'm not at least I don't think so. Seriously since when have I become the Princess Of Gloom? It's not the kind of thing that guy's look for in a girl. They don't want to date a freak and definitely not be seen with one. Where did I go wrong? Which path did I take? Oh so many questions but not very many answers. Maybe I'm meant to be alone, dateless, and single. Call it whatever you like but it all involves the same feeling, emptiness.(
"Ashley are you going to school today?" Mom shouted from outside my door. I'm not deaf but I might be now.
"Uh I really don't feel good. I think I need one more day to recover."
"But you've missed two days this week. I don't want you to get behind in school. That's all you need."
"Mom Paige can give me the homework after school."
"Whatever you say. It's your life."
"Exactly. Now can I get some sleep?"
"Sure. Call me if you need anything."
"Ah ha. Bye now!"
"I'm leaving!" Yeah mother I kind of got the point. She shouldn't worry so much about me. I need time to be left alone, just some peaceful time to myself. I need time to recover from everything. Craig's on top of world and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I try, and try to be happy but I can't. I try to smile but I can't. Somebody knocks on my door. I answer it.
"Toby what do you want?" I asked.
"I want to know what's wrong with you?"
"I'm sick." And then I cough, "See, now can you please leave me alone."
"You're not sick."
"Yes I am. Now leave!"
"You can't hide from the world forever. One day you'll have to step outside."
"Aren't I supposed to be the one giving you advice?"
"Not exactly."
"I underestimate you sometimes but you're pretty grown up for a little dweeb."
"Don't joke around with me. I'll see you later."
"Have a good day!" I shout as he goes downstairs. At least somebody is concerned about me but I'm not hiding. I'm just laying low for a while. I need time to think. I need some time to make sense of everything. The days go slow because I don't have much to do. My mom tells me I should do some chores but I say I'm too sick, heartsick. Oh I know that sounds corny but it's true. I mean I really was in love with Craig and then I get stabbed in the back for it. He told me he loved me and then behind my back he's with Manny. I can't believe he got her pregnant and as crazy as it seems I miss him even after all the stupid things he did. Now I know I sound insane but I would never take him back but I still have feelings for him. What a jerk!
(I usually spend most of the day writing. Yeah I've been doing a lot that lately, just a little bit of everything but mostly poems. They aren't exactly the happiest poems but it's feels like the only way I can express myself. I can't talk to anybody and my mother seems clueless when it comes to advice. I know that sounds a little harsh but it's true. She's never been in my place and if she has it was so long ago and she probably wouldn't remember. And I couldn't talk to Paige because she has it perfect and on top of the world. What kind of advice could she possibly give? It would probably be the same advice: look at the bright side of things. Um and exactly what side is that? We would be there all day trying to come up with something. Paige might also say something like: take the good in with the bad but what good is there? Yeah once again her advice would fail. Considering everything that's been happening I think I'm handling it pretty good . . . maybe not. Perhaps I should be hopeful. I've heard that hope gets you through life along with love, faith, and blah, blah, blah. (
Prayer
I pray every night
But it doesn't seem to come out right
Perhaps it's because I don't know what I want
Maybe being hopeful was something I wasn't taught
Praying is supposed to be good for the soul
But I'm just being left out in the cold
Not sure which way to go
Not sure when to say no
I pray every night
Trying to figure out what's right
But what I really need is my prayer to be answered
( Is that too much to ask? I really want some answers or have I already lost the battle?(
A/N So what did you think? Tell me in your review! Thanks!
~~~Sister-Cousin~~~
A/N: Hey everyone I just came up with this idea one day and decided to get it out there for everyone of you to read. I hope you enjoy it. Some things might not be very accurate but consider the fact that I haven't seen the latest episodes of Degrassi and have only read summaries of them but I'm trying my best. This is my first Ashley Fan Fic and I hope it's good.
Chapter One: Once Again
(I don't know where to start. I'm not happy. Um, that was surprising but if you just look close enough then you'll know what I'm talking about. I can't help it. I'm not happy but could you honestly blame me? My boyfriend cheated on me, won the band contest and now I'm depressed because of it. Why does life have to be so horrible? God, can you answer that? I don't want to walk outside and I don't want people to worry about me. I've done enough worrying for everybody. This is not like me. What is happening? Who am I? Now you might think I'm overreacting but I'm not at least I don't think so. Seriously since when have I become the Princess Of Gloom? It's not the kind of thing that guy's look for in a girl. They don't want to date a freak and definitely not be seen with one. Where did I go wrong? Which path did I take? Oh so many questions but not very many answers. Maybe I'm meant to be alone, dateless, and single. Call it whatever you like but it all involves the same feeling, emptiness.(
"Ashley are you going to school today?" Mom shouted from outside my door. I'm not deaf but I might be now.
"Uh I really don't feel good. I think I need one more day to recover."
"But you've missed two days this week. I don't want you to get behind in school. That's all you need."
"Mom Paige can give me the homework after school."
"Whatever you say. It's your life."
"Exactly. Now can I get some sleep?"
"Sure. Call me if you need anything."
"Ah ha. Bye now!"
"I'm leaving!" Yeah mother I kind of got the point. She shouldn't worry so much about me. I need time to be left alone, just some peaceful time to myself. I need time to recover from everything. Craig's on top of world and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I try, and try to be happy but I can't. I try to smile but I can't. Somebody knocks on my door. I answer it.
"Toby what do you want?" I asked.
"I want to know what's wrong with you?"
"I'm sick." And then I cough, "See, now can you please leave me alone."
"You're not sick."
"Yes I am. Now leave!"
"You can't hide from the world forever. One day you'll have to step outside."
"Aren't I supposed to be the one giving you advice?"
"Not exactly."
"I underestimate you sometimes but you're pretty grown up for a little dweeb."
"Don't joke around with me. I'll see you later."
"Have a good day!" I shout as he goes downstairs. At least somebody is concerned about me but I'm not hiding. I'm just laying low for a while. I need time to think. I need some time to make sense of everything. The days go slow because I don't have much to do. My mom tells me I should do some chores but I say I'm too sick, heartsick. Oh I know that sounds corny but it's true. I mean I really was in love with Craig and then I get stabbed in the back for it. He told me he loved me and then behind my back he's with Manny. I can't believe he got her pregnant and as crazy as it seems I miss him even after all the stupid things he did. Now I know I sound insane but I would never take him back but I still have feelings for him. What a jerk!
(I usually spend most of the day writing. Yeah I've been doing a lot that lately, just a little bit of everything but mostly poems. They aren't exactly the happiest poems but it's feels like the only way I can express myself. I can't talk to anybody and my mother seems clueless when it comes to advice. I know that sounds a little harsh but it's true. She's never been in my place and if she has it was so long ago and she probably wouldn't remember. And I couldn't talk to Paige because she has it perfect and on top of the world. What kind of advice could she possibly give? It would probably be the same advice: look at the bright side of things. Um and exactly what side is that? We would be there all day trying to come up with something. Paige might also say something like: take the good in with the bad but what good is there? Yeah once again her advice would fail. Considering everything that's been happening I think I'm handling it pretty good . . . maybe not. Perhaps I should be hopeful. I've heard that hope gets you through life along with love, faith, and blah, blah, blah. (
Prayer
I pray every night
But it doesn't seem to come out right
Perhaps it's because I don't know what I want
Maybe being hopeful was something I wasn't taught
Praying is supposed to be good for the soul
But I'm just being left out in the cold
Not sure which way to go
Not sure when to say no
I pray every night
Trying to figure out what's right
But what I really need is my prayer to be answered
( Is that too much to ask? I really want some answers or have I already lost the battle?(
A/N So what did you think? Tell me in your review! Thanks!
~~~Sister-Cousin~~~