Disclaimer: "Harry Potter" and all other aspects of this fic that you recognize (unless they're from any of my other fics) all belong to J.K. Rowling, and not to me! The lyrics of the song involved in this chapter are from "Until I Find You Again", which belongs to Richard Marx
Summary: A dark force haunts the trio. When the dead come back to life, can you deal with what they might have to tell you? This is a story about loss, damnation, and a dead man's second chance at redemption...
.
Road to Redemption
.
Chapter Four: Understanding
.
A shadow moved in the midst of the fires and darkness. There was a shuffling sound, and a very large shape could be distinguished slowly pacing the area. There appeared to be six pinpricks of red light in the upper part of the shape, and a sudden howl pierced the air. It was a howl of frustration, and of utter and undeniable apprehension. The creature was by no means looking forward to what was coming. Knowing his luck, his career (and life, in a manner of speaking) was over.
"Cerberus," said an irritated voice, "How many times must I warn you not to make that infernal racket in my private chambers?"
The three-headed dog, whose red pinpricks were revealed to be three pairs of eyes, jumped and whined in a soft and frightened manner. He looked up as Lord Hades approached him, tall and immaculate, from his silk red-and-black robes to his perfectly shaped goatee. He stammered gruffly: "I – I'm sorry, Sire."
"So I should hope," said Hades silkily.
"S-Sire?"
"Don't play games with me, Cerberus. I gave you a task. You have not brought me results. Do you know what that means? That means I can send you straight to the Mists, in which all those who fail or displease me rot forever. WHERE IS SIRIUS BLACK'S SOUL?"
Cerberus would gladly have sold his soul – if he still had it, of course – to avoid answering that question. But as he stood there, staring back at his master, he realized that there really was no getting away from it. Perhaps the roofs of Hell would crumble, he thought hopefully. An avalanche? An earthquake? A volcano? A tornado? A new and exciting soul that would seize the master's attention? Anything ... he scowled bitterly with all three of his faces, around the place. Rumbles and earthquakes and volcanoes were so wretchedly common here that Hades wouldn't pay attention to it anyway.
"Cerberus ..." Hades whispered in a deceptively soft voice, "I'm waiting."
The three-headed dog scrunched up his three faces and braced himself for his punishment. "Sirius B-Black's s-soul is on – on E-Earth, Sire," he mumbled, trying not to look at the master, "The Elders in Heaven offered him a chance at redemption."
"WHAT?" bellowed Hades, and the entire Underworld shook violently.
"He took up their offer," Cerberus said, now quickly as if to get it over with faster, "And they gave him a task. My – my spies reveal that he has been given the task of protecting some girl from a Dark Lord – yes, the same one who caught your attention, Sire – and if he succeeds in protecting her, he will earn his rightful entrance to the Golden Gates."
For a long moment, there was terrible silence in the Underworld. Then –
"ARE YOU TELLING ME," screamed Hades with such fury that the fires roared and doubled around them, "THAT PETER HAS SENT A SOUL THAT BELONGS TO ME BACK TO EARTH – AND THAT I MAY JUST LOSE THAT SOUL?"
"Y-yes, Sire." Cerberus prepared for a blast into the Mists.
But nothing happened.
"I see," said Hades coldly. "But I will not lose Black's soul. Not only will I never accept defeat against the Golden Gaters, but that soul is far too rare and full of possible dark potential to lose! Think of that wonderfully imaginative way he slashed the portrait in that school's tower! And the way he recklessly broke the law and escaped from prison – the first ever to do it. Such potential ..." Hades happy smile faded, and a dangerous gleam came into his eyes. "There is only one option, isn't there, Cerberus? I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself now. It is now your task to make sure Sirius Black fails at the task Peter gave him. HE MUST FAIL – or else."
Cerberus stared at his master. He was full of relief to have escaped punishment, torture and the Mists, but Hades was undoubtedly mad! To interfere in the affairs of the Golden Gaters – to sabotage an important task – to show himself on Earth – yes, Hades was undoubtedly insane ...
"Need I remind you, Cerberus," said Hades in a dangerous voice, "That I have always been able to read your mind."
"I-I beg pardon, Sire," Cerberus's third head flinched while the other two looked contrite and ashamed of themselves. He hesitated, not sure what to do. Could Hades have really been serious about what he wanted done? Surely not ...
"Go, Cerberus," Hades barked at him, "Don't waste my time."
Nearly crying, Cerberus trotted towards the door. The Golden Gaters would destroy him for interfering in their matters. But if he didn't, Hades would destroy him. And Hades was infinitely more cruel ... besides, where did his loyalties lie? He whimpered and had just reached the door when the warning, dangerous voice stopped him:
"And remember, Cerberus ... I will not accept failure."
. . .
Rubbing his watery eyes weakly, Wormtail crept into his room and looked around
It was dingy and dirty and utterly depressing ... but he had to make do with it. He thought about the Burrow, where he had spent twelve years, and his weak face scrunched up in disgust. Good riddance, he thought. He crawled into his bed, gingerly laying his metal hand down in a good position. Such power ... and more was to come once the Dark Lord won ...
He was almost asleep, drifting into sweet dreams in which he saw himself at the Dark Lord's right-hand man, ruling over the wizarding world with an iron fist (literally, he thought with a delighted, rat-like smile) and terrorizing the pathetic little Muggles. They would have no hope once do- gooders like Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and all of their friends were dead and out of the way! Wormtail was relishing the thought of his future, and of tasting his future in his dreams.
But it wasn't meant to be.
There was a crunching noise in his room, and Wormtail bolted upright, uttering a squeak of fear. He nearly screamed out loud when he saw the shape of a dog ...
"S-Sirius?" he moaned. "No ... you're dead ..."
Then there was a flash of light, and the entire room was illuminated. Wormtail saw a far more frightening sight than Padfoot, the big black dog. He saw a much larger dog, with vicious teeth and vindictive eyes – THREE SETS OF VICIOUS TEETH AND VINDICTIVE EYES!!!!
"AAAAHHHH!" Wormtail screamed, and went on screaming.
Nobody came.
"You can go on screaming," barked the three-headed dog irritably, its voice gruff and echoing (although the echo could be attributed to the fact that all three heads were speaking). "No one can hear you. I've made myself visible to you for a reason."
"AAAAAHHHH!"
"You have a master ... I have a master," the dog went on, as if Wormtail was not screaming at the same time, "I'm here to help you. By helping you, you will gain favour with your master. And when you do that, and your master acts on my information, I will gain favour with MY master. Is that simple enough for your pitiful little brain to understand?"
Wormtail stopped screaming. He stared at the dog, his eyes watering, sniffing pathetically. He cocked his head to one side, his ears lifting like a rat's. Could this be true? Could this spectral dog really help him at all? Could it?
"Tell me," he whispered.
The dog rolled all six of its eyes. "I know of your master's latest desire."
"How?"
"I know everything," said the dog irritably, "The point is: I know what he wants and I can help you help him to get it. I can give you two names that will be very important. You deal with those two people, and your path is that much clearer to your target."
Wormtail leaned forward greedily: "What are the two names?"
The dog told him – and was gone.
Wormtail stayed where he was for a long time. Had he been dreaming? Was he going mad? No ... he had a feeling it had been real. The entire experience had been real. That dog ...
And then he began to smile.
. . .
Sirius and Lupin were having a rather unusual conversation, incidentally in Professor McGonagall's office. She had given it to Lupin's request to use the room for a little while and was now in the staff room with Hermione, whom she had asked to speak to in private. Hermione was sitting in one of the uncomfortable staff's chairs, feeling out-of-place. She could just picture the expression on Snape's face if he was to walk in now.
"Miss Granger," said Professor McGonagall in a surprisingly gentle voice, "I have been informed that Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks have revealed You-Know-Who's latest – whim. At dinner in Grimmauld Place, I hear?" As Hermione nodded mutely, Professor McGonagall went on to say, "I can, of course, understand that you must be frightened, Miss Granger ... but I must ask you to remain calm and strong in the face of danger. You have excellent people keeping a close eye on you. There is a possibility that you might have a guard while outside Hogwarts, like Mr Potter does." She suddenly smiled. "I hardly think you could ask for more devoted protectors than Misters Potter and Weasley."
Hermione smiled. "Don't worry, Professor," she said, "I'm not going to panic."
"You've been a cool head and a strong shoulder to lean on in times of crisis before, Miss Granger," said McGonagall, "Professor Dumbledore and I both commend you for it. I know it's asking a great deal of you, but I must ask you to remain so. Particularly since – since Sirius Black's death – things have been rather difficult for all of us. You have borne your own worries and the grief of others admirably. Please continue doing so."
"Of course I will," Hermione said, surprised that the professor should even ask her such a thing. She felt a moment's pang of indignation. It was always Harry that they worried about. Not that she blamed them, but surely they could spare a moment's thought for the others involved in all of this. Even now, although she would have done so anyway, she was being asked to stay strong and calm for Harry's sake. She sometimes wondered sadly if any of them really cared about the lowly people like Ron and herself. No wonder St. Peter had thought she needed extra protection in the form of a dead man! Clearly, she wasn't going to get too much of it from the living people.
If V-Voldemort does manage to find me and capture me, she thought savagely, Then they'll all regret it.- She was instantly mortified and ashamed at her selfishness. For pity's sake, Harry needed her, especially after losing his godfather! Harry was V-Voldemort's main target! Of course they had to worry about him.
"You take care of yourself, Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall said when Hermione was leaving the staff room. "And perhaps you could be so kind as to find out from Mr Lupin next door, if he's finished using my office."
Hermione cracked a smile and went across the corridor to the next room, which was McGonagall's office. She knocked lightly on the door. Lupin's face appeared in the crack as he opened it. He smiled when he saw Hermione, and let her in. Sirius, she could see, was sitting on the edge of McGonagall's desk with a small chalkboard in his hand and a grim frown across his brow. He looked up at her and grinned. She rolled her eyes, and turned to Lupin.
"Professor McGonagall wants to know if you're done," said Hermione.
"Yes, I think we are," Remus nodded, and glanced in the direction of the desk for confirmation.
"Just about."
"He agrees," Hermione said dryly.
Remus laughed. Over the past two days, since dinner at Grimmauld Place, the shadows had lifted right out of his eyes and the lines of worry seemed to have faded to very few. Hermione could only smile as she saw the effect having his best friend back was having on him, but she could only want to cry as she thought about Harry.
Sirius brought the topic up much later. It was a little before dusk, and Hermione was sitting by the edge of the lake. Naturally, due to his obligation to protect her, Sirius had rather reluctantly followed.
"You'd think that someone whose being is in danger would be willing to stay indoors," he said grumpily.
Hermione smiled. "I've grown to like solitude."
"I wanted to stay where I could see Harry."
"Harry's in no danger while he's here at Hogwarts," she assured him.
"It's not that," Sirius muttered, frowning, "I want to see him – just see him."
At that, Hermione turned her head from where she was watching the giant squid at play, and surveyed Sirius with a mixture of compassion and hesitancy. "Listen to me, Sirius," she said at last, gently, "You've got to understand that it's dangerous for you to grow attached again. Eventually – " her voice broke, but she quickly regrouped herself, "Eventually you've got to go back, and it'll be a wrench for you to leave all over again if you don't start getting used to being without Harry. In fact, it'll be far worse than falling into the Veil, because there you didn't know you were about to – to die."
Could he tell, that it hurt for her to talk about it?
"Is that why you haven't yet allowed me to talk to Harry like you did with Remus?" He asked, looking at her closely.
Hermione nodded. "No matter how happy it may make him to talk to you again, Sirius, it'll break his heart all over again when you have to leave. He's just beginning to get over losing you the way he did. If he gets you back now – briefly – it'll destroy him again to lose you all over again. Can't you see why I don't think it's a good idea?"
"I suppose so," Sirius said grudgingly. He stared out across the water, and muttered: "I wish I'd been given a task to protect Harry ..."
Hermione flinched, and immediately tried to conceal it, but he caught the look.
He looked genuinely remorseful. "Damn it. Hermione, I'm sorry – I didn't mean that. I mean – you know what I meant when I said that. Of course I'm glad that I'm supposed to watch over you. It means I know that someone reliable is – " he grinned, "I didn't mean – "
"You don't have to explain, Sirius, I understand," she said, forcing a smile.
"But why did you let me talk to Remus and let him know I was here, and you won't do the same with Harry?"
"Professor Lupin," Hermione said loftily, "Is an adult and has far fewer volatile emotions. He is not teetering between a breakdown and sanity, I assure you."
"It's just that I wish – "
"Listen," Hermione said quietly, "I don't think you realize what it's been for many of the others to lose you the way they did. I've been watching it for three months ... I don't know how to explain it." Her brow furrowed in thought as she grasped at a way to make Sirius see just what life had been like for Harry, Lupin and all the others who had cared. Then she thought of something: "There's this Muggle song," she explained, "Its lyrics are worth listening to. Don't expect me to sing them, but I can tell you what they are – I used to love the song:
'Lately, I've been trying
To fill up my days since you're gone.
The speed of love is blinding,
And I didn't know how to hold on.
My mind won't clear.
I'm out of tears.
My heart's got no room left inside.
How many dreams will end?
How long can I pretend?
How many times will love pass me by,
Until I find you again?'
- Forget about lines like 'the speed of love is blinding' and 'how many times will love pass me by'," Hermione added hastily, smiling slightly, "It's essentially a love song, but some of those lyrics really do explain things. Don't you see, Sirius? That's what it's been like for them – especially Harry. It's as if all the light and feeling has been sucked away, and there's no room left inside for anything. The way you d-died – it was so sudden that it doesn't seem real, even now. It's as if they're all holding on to this hope that you'll be back ... it's like they're waiting ..." Her voice had become a little more than a whisper, and her eyes were oddly bright as they fixed on the shimmering ripples of the lake. "It's like they're waiting for you to come back."
She paused, sighing softly, and then added: "That's why I'm afraid to let Harry know you're here. He'd feel that his wait was not in vain and that his dream has come true ... and then when you go, he'll be shattered all over again and he'll start hoping and waiting again. And I don't think I can let him go through that again. He – and the others – are just beginning to realize that – " she looked at him directly in the eye "– That there's more to life than Sirius Black."
Sirius was neither angry nor hurt to hear her last words; he was not so arrogant as to assume the world revolved around him. On the contrary, he was rather amused. Hermione had always been the one to make him see his faults. She had called him reckless, a fool, an idiot, selfish and Merlin knew what else! To his face! She'd been the harshest of all ... and the most honest.
Because he was all of those things and more.
But predominantly, at that moment, he was thinking hard. Hermione saw the understanding cross his handsome features and registered a moment's satisfaction that at least he now knew why. Instead of commenting on it, however, his words were unexpected:
"What about you? Do the words of those songs apply to you as well?"
Hermione stared at him. "Well, I won't deny that I've missed you – possibly as much as Ron has," she said cautiously, "But as for spending my life waiting for you to come back ... I think that would be taking it a little too far."
Which, she realized with a flash of horror, was a lie.
She had, unconsciously, been waiting for him to come back. Not just for Harry's sake or for any of the others, but for herself as well.
This, she realized furiously, was not good. The man was dead, for pity's sake! He was dead, he was reckless, he was a Marauder and a rule-breaker and most certainly not the kind of man a person like her could have a crush on. Hadn't she always told herself that? Yet all that effort seemed to have amounted to nothing, because her latest revelation shattered her illusions.
"What are you staring at?" she demanded, realizing he was still looking at her.
"The bee hovering near your ear," Sirius replied sarcastically.
"There's no need to be clever. Perhaps I should phrase the question differently, so that your limited intellectual capacity can comprehend it: Why are you staring at me with that intent and mind-reading sort of look?"
Sirius burst out laughing. "You amuse me."
"Thrilled to hear it," Hermione said tartly.
"Do you hate me?"
"Hate you?" Hermione blinked, startled out of humour.
"Yes ... do you hate me? No, don't interrupt. I remember a time in Grimmauld Place, a little before you, Harry and Ron left to start your fifth-year. I'd been behaving awfully – grouchy, moody, depressed – because you were all leaving, Harry was leaving, and I'd have no one. I was on my way to ask Harry something when I heard the three of you inside the room, talking. Harry was telling you that he felt rather guilty for being excited about going back to school, when I had nothing to look forward to. You told him, very angrily (and rightly) that he shouldn't worry about me, that I was just being selfish." Hermione opened her mouth again, but Sirius stopped her by clapping a hand over her mouth. "Believe it or not, you made me realize that I had been behaving selfishly. You could always do that. But that was when I first started to wonder whether you hated me ... for making Harry worry, for hurting Harry, for just being me, Sirius Black ...?"
Hermione stared at him for a long moment, and was about to speak when she was cut off by the sounds of running footsteps and loud voices calling her name. She and Sirius both turned, and saw Harry and Ron racing down the hillside towards her. As they drew nearer, she saw expressions of distress and concern on their faces.
"What is it?" she asked at once, as Sirius looked at Harry worriedly, "What's happened?"
"Ambush near Diagon Alley," Ron gasped.
"What?"
"Emmeline Vance, Mundungus Fletcher and Tonks were ambushed," Harry explained, panting hard but capable of coherence, "Vance – Vance was killed; Dumbledore's furious and upset – he says she wasn't young and fit enough to fight off the hexes for long. Dung and Tonks have been captured. There's no sign of any of them."
Hermione stared at her two best friends in horror. How could it be possible? Three obscure, secret members of the Order of the Phoenix were ambushed, killed and captured? She couldn't believe it ... she shot a look of fear at Sirius.
It was strange, but whenever she felt the need for help or reassurance, she'd always turned to him.
"Why them?" Sirius demanded, looking at her.
"Why those three, Harry?" Hermione asked, frowning.
They hesitated, looking at each other with mingled despair and apprehension. Then Ron sank down onto the nearest rock, and Harry said quietly: "Vance, Dung and Tonks were the three people Dumbledore assigned as your Guard."
.
TBC.
.
A/N: I'm terribly sorry for how long this chapter has taken to be uploaded, but there have been so many things to do that things have been utterly crazy! Anyway, please review this chapter and I promise I'll get the rest of the story up as soon as I finish each chapter. Thanks ...