Note: Due to this site's policies (ie. account deletion), this is the watered-down version. Personally, I think oral sex counts as an R rating, but I'm not willing to risk it. The complete version can be found on my website.
It was more difficult than Cid expected. Although Vincent had tentatively agreed to test out a relationship, the stoic man was not easily won over. 'Stupid me, thinking that he'd just fall into my fuckin' arms.' The stout man lit up a cigarette, inhaling the fumes appreciatively. He was standing outside the hospital at which Yuffie was still a patient. Her wounds were serious, requiring intensive recuperation time. He felt a pang of guilt as he thought about the accident. Sure, it had been her materia that caused the explosion, but he had been flying the plane. 'Great fuckin' hero I turned out to be,' Cid thought bitterly. He ignored the wind that beat at his back, threatening to extinguish his cigarette. He sighed, tossing the butt to the ground and crushing it under his boot.
Vincent shivered underneath the down quilt on Cid's bed. He had stayed the previous night, although only with much cajoling. He had recognized the disappointed look in Cid's blue eyes when he insisted on sleeping on the couch. He could have slept in Shera's old room, since she had previously moved out. When Cid left for the hospital, he had forced Vincent to take over his bed, insisting that it would be more comfortable for him. The pale man had reluctantly agreed, but only because he would be alone. He now burrowed under the covers for warmth, wishing that he indeed had Cid there to keep him warm. 'Or at least make a fire,' he mused. Vincent shifted, trying to keep his long raven hair away from his eyes.
Over the past two weeks, Cid had gone out of his way to woo him, bringing him flowers, late-night trips to the park, even convincing him to go out to dinner. During that incident, Cid had done his utmost to make Vincent feel at ease, glaring at diners whose wayward stares would make the sensitive man sink in his chair. In turn, the ex-Turk had tried to be amicable, going along with most of Cid's plans, trying to smile when deemed appropriate. Still, Vincent couldn't help but shrink away from the man's affections, he thought guiltily.
Cid entered the dim hospital room, lit by a single mellow lamp. He eased closer to the bed silently, carefully pulling up a chair as not to wake the sleeping girl. He sighed, gazing down at her. Yuffie's eyes were shut tightly, her brows furrowed as she dreamed. Her burns lie before him like a lewd magazine. Cid flinched, turning his eyes away from the injuries. ' Fuckin' materia,'he thought angrily. 'Thank the fuckin' gods that Vin wasn't in that plane.' He fumbled for a cigarette then cursed, letting his hands fall into his lap. Goddamn hospital rules. He wasn't sure how long to stay at the hospital. It would get boring rather fast, considering that Yuffie was unconscious still. 'Two weeks...' Cid sighed, shaking his head absently.
"You'd better get well soon, kid. We're countin' on ya to surprise us like usual," he said softly, laying his palm on the girl's raven head. Restlessly, Cid stood and walked to the door, hesitating before closing it behind him. 'Better get home so I can have a fuckin' smoke.'
Vincent heard the front door open and footsteps. The cursing followed, and he knew that Cid had returned. Wiggling slightly out from under the blankets, Vincent prepared himself. 'I'm acting like I have to protect myself,' he realized. 'But I do...don't I?'
"She's still sleepin'," the gruff man said as he entered the room, throwing down his goggles and reaching for a cigarette. Vincent watched as the lighter flared and illuminated the tobacco stuffed inside the paper, making it glow orange. 'Like the flames from the Highwind.' He shuddered. Cid took notice, sitting beside him and turning his pale blue eyes to his companion.
"You alright, Vin? It's kinda cold, ain't it. Ya want me to get some more blankets?"
The former Turk shook his head.
"...I should be getting back to the couch now, Cid."
The blonde man blinked, hiding the flash of pain in his eyes.
"Ah, yeah...I'll get ya some blankets for yer room, then. Don't want ya freezin' to death." He smiled slightly, sadly, and went to retrieve the blankets. Vincent lowered his head and eyes, guilt eating at him. He had seen the pain in Cid's eyes, the disappointment. He ran his slender, pale fingers over his claws, feeling the shock of cold that resulted. The red and gold metal was freezing, so much colder than the air.
Cid returned several minutes later, a proud look on his rough face.
"There ya go, nice toasty blankets for the beauty. If ya need more, let me know." He hesitated for a moment because Vincent was still sitting on his bed.
"Uh...I guess it's nearly time for this beast to go to bed," he joked.
Vincent nodded slowly, exiting the bed. He went to pass Cid to leave the room. One of the man's hands reached out and touched his own metal hand, nearly jerking back from the coldness of it. Luckily for Cid, he didn't.
"Vin..." At a loss for words, he reached out, his fingers trembling right above a section of long raven hair. Vincent turned his head away and kept walking. The pilot's hand dropped to his side and he closed his eyes in frustration.
Vincent threw himself onto the couch, burying his face in the pillows. 'Idiot! That was cruel,' he thought self-loathingly.
Of course it was cruel. That's the only emotion you've shown him.
Vincent cringed, not in the mood for Chaos' antagonizing words. The others never talked anymore unless they were summoned. He would have preferred one of them urging him to kill something rather than Chaos' cold, calculated torment.
'Where did he come from...' Vincent wondered. 'Did Hojo create him just to torment me, or did he exist before...?'
I come from that place in your chest. It's called your heart.
"No, you don't," he growled softly. The raven-haired man sighed and leaned back, trying to relax. That wasn't likely to happen.
Wouldn't it be lovely to kill him in his sleep? Rip out his throat, claw open his abdomen. Or maybe you have something else in mind...something involving his lower anatomy...
Vincent gritted his teeth, trying desperately to ignore Chaos' words.
"Why don't you just leave me alone?"
Oh, but it's so much fun tormenting you. And you know I can't do that, Valentine. I AM you. How could I ever let you forget that?
The tortured man didn't respond to the demon. He closed his eyes, envisioning sleep in his mind.
Cid didn't want to face Vincent that morning. He was feeling especially discouraged in his efforts to get the pale man to trust him. He lit another cigarette, the third one in an hour. 'This ain't good,' he thought. 'Three fuckin' cigs and I haven't even been up that long. I'm lettin' this shit get to me.' He put his forehead to the cool tabletop, groaning.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck," he exhaled. "Fuck." He sat up and rested his head in his palm. 'Maybe I should write him a letter or somethin'. People always do that in those sappy movies Shera watched. 'A letter...and what would I write? Dear Vin, I'm sick of this moping shit and ya just need to trust me. Yeah, not to mention I wanna throw ya down and - "
His thoughts were interrupted as Vincent entered the kitchen. He gave Cid a small smile, hesitantly sitting down at the table near him.
"Good morning..." Vincent said softly. He looked up when Cid didn't respond after a minute. Cid was staring at him with an intense expression, his eyes locking with Vincent's. The latter shifted uncomfortably, wanting to break the eye contact but unwilling to do so. Finally, Cid spoke, but averted his eyes first.
"Vin...I just want ya to know...I love you. I don't care if you never love me back, I just want ya to know that that's how I feel. I mean it."
Red eyes blinked, unable to express anything but outright shock at the bold words. Reason told Vincent that he should bolt, leave and never return. His heart, however, forced him to stay seated, staring incredulously at the pilot across from him. Said pilot was fidgeting slightly, his cheeks flushed and eyes nervous.
"......" Vincent was sure that he had meant to say something, that words were supposed to be coming out of his mouth. Of course, nothing ever went as planned.
'He almost died for me,' Vincent remembered. He could think of thousands of reasons why he could, should trust Cid Highwind. So many reasons why he should love him... He was loyal, truthful, certainly better than Lucrecia ever was, and he was persistent. Most of all, he loved Vincent.
I wouldn't count on it.
'I don't doubt him, Chaos.'
Then why do you hesitate? Why do you hide?
'...Because I doubt myself...'
He heard Cid sigh. It was a sad, resigned sigh. The blonde man began to stand.
"Wait!" Vincent heard himself whisper. Cid paused and looked at him.
"What?"
A faint blush spread across the pale man's cheeks.
"I don't know...I just don't want you to leave..."
The blonde man blinked, his heart speeding up with hope. Retaking his seat, Cid glanced at Vincent and smiled.
"Ya know, you look fuckin' gorgeous when you blush like that."
Vincent's cheeks flamed even redder and he started to lower his head. Cid's palm suddenly cradled the man's chin and he lifted Vincent's head back up. The raven-haired man was startled by the intensity of the blue eyes staring into his. Slowly, so as not to startle him, Cid leaned forward and placed his lips over Vincent's. He felt the man stiffen beneath him. Slowly, he moved his lips against Vincent's, pulling their bodies together gently.
Vincent's mind panicked. 'What do I do?!' it screamed as Cid Highwind's lips possessed his. He felt his body being tugged, felt the warm heat of Cid's chest hovering near his own. The man smelled of cigarette smoke and, strangely, chamomile. Vincent felt his heart pump more furiously as he breathed in the scent.
Your body wants him.
He tried to ignore Chaos as he felt his mouth being invaded, indeed, violated, by Cid's tongue.
Just give in to it. Let him.
'Let him,' Vincent thought dreamily, his defenses weakening with every passing second. His body felt like it was on fire, and his mouth opened for Cid. He closed his eyes, which only magnified the exquisite sensations he was being pounded with. Dimly, he heard himself mewl softly.
Mewl! Like a cat! Honestly...
But he didn't hear Chaos' muttering. The only sound he heard was his blood rushing, his heard thumping. The painfully sweet feeling of his erection only mutely alarmed him. His body and Cid's were pressed together, as if each was trying to swallow the other.
So you're going to fuck him?
Vincent stopped suddenly, the monster's crude words reaching past his lust, pulling him back into his senses. He pushed away from Cid, having to use more strength than he preferred to.
"Vin?" The Highwind pilot tried to reach out for him, but Vincent raised a slender, pale hand to stop him.
"No...I cannot be touched right now. It is...too much. Too much..."
He slumped down in his chair, holding his head in his hands. He was waiting for his lust to abide, trying not to succumb to it yet again. He had been foolish to give in to such feelings, to open himself up to the same vulnerability which Lucrecia had used to crush his heart.
Cid took a deep, shuddering breath. He was terribly disappointed, but that was life. 'I'm used to shit like that, anyway. 'Sides, what am I gonna do, rape him? I gotta wait...just wait. At least I got a kiss from him. Usually, I'd be damn lucky to get a handshake.'
"I am sorry, Cid," Vincent whispered.
The blonde man shrugged, laughing it off.
"Hey, don't be sorry - I'm not! Or be sorry more often." He gave a false grin to reassure his love.
Vincent stared at the man as he stood and pulled another cigarette out from his seemingly endless stash. Lighting it, he stood with his back toward the taller man, staring out the window silently.
Defeated by both himself and Cid, Vincent carefully stood, walking into the living room and sat on his couch-bed. 'This is going to be a very long day...'
Tifa ran up to Cid, nearly knocking him down in her excitement. He lifted his arm slightly, protecting his precious cigarette so he could enjoy it before entering the hospital.
"She woke up! She was awake long enough for the nurses to get some water in her, but she woke up! Isn't this great?!"
"Yeah...puff So I guess I don't hafta come here every fuckin' day now outta guilt, huh?"
Tifa gave him a reproachful look.
"So how are you healing?"
Cid shrugged. "Pretty damn good. Don't gotta wear that stupid sling, anyway."
"They couldn't get you to wear it. How would you light your cigarette, after all?" Vincent's remark startled them, both for its sarcasm and the fact that he had even spoken.
Cid looked at him, startled, but then began to laugh.
"Well, if that ain't a fuckin' surprise. We all knew ya had it in ya, Vin."
The pale man blushed, looking at the ground. Tifa looked from one man to the other, coughing delicately.
"Well, I thought you would want to know. She should be okay from here on out...we'll just have to watch out for her." Tifa smiled, waving goodbye to her two comrades.
Returning the gesture, the blonde man glanced secretively toward his companion, who was watching Tifa as she retreated.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?"
Crimson eyes turned to regard Cid, hiding the surprise in their depths.
"...I was thinking of how peaceful the others seem."
Cid grunted, smoke billowing around him.
"Ya think it's 'cause they're not in danger now, that they got what they wanted in life? If ya think about it," he mused, "Cloud and Tifa have each other, Barrett's got Marlene ta take care of, Red knows about his dad, Reeve's not tied down by fuckin' Shinra no more..." His voice trailed off slightly.
"But us? We don't have anything. I don't know what it is you want... and I can't have the one thing I want in this world."
Vincent looked at him, his face carefully devoid of feeling.
"You can always rebuild the rocket..."
Cid rolled his eyes. "Fuck the rocket! That's not what I'm talkin' about and you know it!"
The pale man flinched slightly, looking down at the ground, his thick hair shielding him. He seemed to be having effort breathing properly.
"I...Why don't you see it?! Everyone else does - why don't you? I'm a monster! I'm not even human anymore, Highwind. Don't you understand what that means?!"
His outburst caught Cid off guard, his pale eyes widening. Not easily shaken, however, the resilient man quickly grabbed one pale arm and dragged his companion over to the waiting Chocobo. Mounting it and turning awkwardly to face Vincent made him wish for the old days when automobiles were in style.
"I thought we'd been through this, Vin," he started, careful to keep his voice low. "Shit, have ya forgotten how long we've been travelin' together? If you were a monster, I'da figured it out by now. Besides, give an old man some credit. I'm not an idiot, Vincent. I wish ya could trust me, but yer stuck with me one way or another. 'Cause I ain't never lettin' ya go, not 'til this corpse is rottin' in the ground." His eyes lit with sudden excitement.
"Hey! I just got an idea that'll help." He studied his hopefully future lover, trying to figure out how to say the words.
"Why don't ya, you know, move in with me... There's Shera's old room, if ya don't feel like sleepin' with me an' all. C'mon, Vin, it'll be good for us both. Please."
The last word had a pleading undertone to it, one that Vincent heard all too clearly. The sullen man was torn. 'Cid...I just wish I could let go, let you hold me... I wish I could tell you that none of this is your fault.'
"I do not believe that it-"
"Dammit, Vin! What do you believe, then? Yer the only fuckin' thing that matters in my life, but I can't stand anymore of this bullshit! Just tell me something, anything except 'I don't know'!"
Vincent did the only thing he could think of - he slapped Cid. The blonde man stared at his ruby eyes in shock, unable to utter a single word before the ex-Turk was off, running too fast to catch up with.
Cid lay down on his nice, cozy bed, cigarette in tow. His usually clear eyes were troubled; he hadn't been able to find Vincent, and had been forced to return to Rocket Town without him. 'Gods, I hope he's alright. Poor Vin...I don't mean ta push ya away like that, but I hate this! Ah, there I go again, dumbshit that I am...' He turned his head to the side, feeling a burning in his eyes that was suspiciously similar to tears. 'I just keep fuckin' up.'
"C-Cid..."
The pilot sat up to see Vincent peeking through the doorframe. The man looked too pale, he noticed, and was shivering.
"Cid, I'm sorry. I...I don't know why I cannot seem to allow myself to become close to you. Nor do I know why you haven't given up on me yet. I think...I think you may be right about my moving in, however. Perhaps that will help. Please forgive me."
"Heh, no problem babe. Why don'tcha come over here, though. Ya look like yer freezin'."
Vincent complied, sitting beside Cid, who wrapped his arms around the former. He kissed that soft, black hair, loving the way that Vincent clung to him. It was as if he was melting, feeling that soft hair and even softer skin. Somewhere in his mind, Cid realized that he was enjoying the moment too much, but the thought never got through to him. He could feel Vincent's body trembling against his own.
"Hey, Vin, will you do somethin' for me? Ya don't have to, but...Well, never mind," Highwind muttered.
Crimson eyes peeked up, focusing on blonde stubble.
"What is it?"
Cid laughed nervously. "Heh, well...wouldja let me kiss ya? Just one kiss. Please."
Vincent looked at the man skeptically, but knew how much damage he would do if he said no. Sitting up reluctantly, the dark man nodded.
Taking his opportunity, the pilot leaned inward gently, as not to distress his companion. He closed his eyes when he felt the other's soft lips underneath his own.
'Please enjoy this, please enjoy this,' he thought, worried that Vincent's reaction would not be enthusiastic, despite his consent.
Vincent let Cid kiss him, ignoring Chaos' taunting and his own trepidation. He remembered the sensation of being kissed by the older man, however, and felt his face flush slightly despite the cold. 'Sweet...and warm...' He knew that he cared for Cid, but was that enough? Nothing he had ever done had been enough. Not enough to stop Hojo, or to save Lucrecia...
He was startled out of his misery as he felt Cid's body meld closer into his. Dimly, a panic button went off in Vincent's mind, but he had already started to respond to the tempting kiss. Maybe he was even pulling Cid's body toward his own.
Do you realize just how weak you are? Resorting to clinging to that idiot?
The dark-haired man cringed slightly. 'Chaos...'
He felt the pilot's arms tighten around him, however, further spreading warmth throughout his body. He wanted that heat so badly, that security that he felt when he was around the gruff man.
"Highwind..." His voice was thick with want. Vincent leaned upward again, pressing their lips together firmly. Not one to miss an opportunity, Cid's response was immediate, his arms sliding across the frail man's back and over his pale skin. Vincent, possessed by desire suddenly, ran his slender fingers through the man's blonde locks, causing Cid to groan in approval as he continued to assault the ex-Turk's senses. He kissed that pale neck, running his tongue experimentally over the half-hidden collarbone, then frowned.
"Take this off," he grunted, tugging at Vincent's nightshirt.
Nervous red eyes met blue. 'Trust me,' he told him through that gaze. Shakily, Vincent complied, beginning to remove the garment but letting Cid take over halfway through. Reverently, he pulled the shirt off of his love, holding him tightly for a moment when he shivered.
"Yer so fuckin' beautiful, Vin. My god, so beautiful..."
Chaos snickered in the lonely man's mind. Listen to this idiot lie. He just wants to get you-
Chaos was silenced abruptly as Cid continued his assault full-force. His tongue glided over one dark, puckered nipple, causing Vincent to yelp in surprise and pleasure. He had never felt such sensations before, never been so needful. It frightened him, yet he couldn't help but trust Cid not to hurt him. He was Vincent's only friend, after all.
Cid knew what he wanted to do to the pale, dark man. 'Just get lower, Highwind. If ya can get this far, just go a little lower...just go slow...'
He watched and listened for Vincent's reactions throughout his delicate ministrations, his mind occupied by his ultimate goal for the night. Already, he had reduced the man to putty. Already, he was ignoring his own raging desire.
"Vin," he murmured, playing his tongue down the man's abdomen.
The victim of his assault cried out softly, his body screaming at him. 'I want this,' he realized. 'Even if it's just once, I want this so much...'
Chaos didn't speak to Vincent again that night, doubtlessly too shocked for words. As for Vincent himself, he was struggling to regain use of his lungs, dimly aware that his throat burned from the abuse he had put it through. He glanced over at the usually crass pilot, catching the man already staring at him. His baby-blue eyes swirled with emotions that both moved and frightened Vincent.
"Vin...I really hope ya don't go back ta bein' all reclusive with me after that. I mean, fuck. I want ya to be able ta trust me. An' I think that lettin' me suck you off takes some trust. Am I right?"
The man's blunt words brought heat to Vincent's cheeks, but he nodded.
"I believe you are right, Cid. It does...take trust. I..." He sighed, not accustomed to explaining his emotions. "I feel safe with you, as if nothing could hurt me. The only thing that spoils it is the fact that I know I can still be hurt. But I am beginning to realize that you won't be the one to hurt me, Cid."
He smiled weakly, his body still recovering from the night's events.
You feel so good now, Valentine, but look how selfish you are. What have you done for him? Nothing. Nothing at all. You take and take, but never give. That's why you failed Lucrecia, and why you'll fail him, too.
Vincent furrowed his brows, lowering his head.
"Cid...I didn't...didn't do anything for you..."
The pilot blinked, realizing what his companion was referring to. He laughed nervously, scratching his head.
"Aw, don'tcha worry 'bout that, Vin. I'm just glad that ya let me get close to you."
Pained ruby eyes met his. "Are you sure, Cid?"
"Fuck yeah. This ain't about sex, Vin. It's about love, 'cause I love you. Just havin' you here with me, in my arms, is enough to let me die a happy man."
As happened only with Cid, Vincent was yet again out of words.
It seemed easy enough for him to express how he felt about the raven-haired beauty, but Cid Highwind was not an 'emotional' type person (or so he claimed). He hated having to throw his heart out in the open again and again, risking having it destroyed by the one he loved. And it had hurt him, very much, to be repeatedly rejected by Vincent. But what could he do? Give up? To give up on Vincent Valentine would be to allow himself to die.
"He's my life," the pilot muttered to himself. His heart was surprisingly light that day, however. Vincent had slept in his bed the night before, wrapping his thin, pale arms around Cid. The memory made the gruff man smile.
His musings were interrupted as he heard a cough next to him. He glanced down, greeted by groggy eyes.
"What're you doin' here, old man?"
He lit a cigarette, ignoring the obvious 'no smoking' sign.
"Thought I'd just let yer ass rot here? What happened to the tough ninja act, huh? Ready ta admit yer no better than the resta us?"
Yuffie snorted. "Hardly. What do want, anyway? Don't tell me you're here for advice on yer love life."
"Dun need it," he mumbled, turning his head away and puffing on the Marlboro.
The dark-haired girl sat up, an odd gleam in her eyes.
"Really now? Ohh, do tell! I knew you'd get Vinny in bed sooner or later! Hah!"
He glared at her. "I didn't 'get him in bed', brat. Not that it's yer business, anyway. He moved in with me the other day."
"Aww, isn't that just so sweet. Sugary sweet." Yuffie batted her eyelashes.
"Sooo...didja bring me anything. Maybe...a get well materia?"
Cid laughed despite himself. "Maybe you shoulda stayed unconscious longer, huh."
"Hey!"
Vincent paced the living room in Rocket Town, anxious for Cid's return. 'How do I act? After what happened last night...' He sighed, lowering his head and warded off a headache.
Why not just become his little slut? You were just begging for it, after all.
"Stop it," the dark man growled, frustrated with his inner demons.
Or what?
"...I'll kill you."
Idiot. We're part of you - inseparable.
"I know."